Chapter Text
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"I'm sorry. I've let you all down. I should not have let my personal issues get in the way of our meetings."
"It's okay, Enjolras." Jehan said, reassuringly.
"It's really not. Even if I couldn't be here, I should have arranged the meeting." He took a deep breath, and added hurriedly. "Which is why I would like to propose that I step down as leader."
"Absolutely not," Bahorel said. "Unless of course you want to. We're all happy with your leadership."
"If I could make a suggestion?" Feuilly asked, raising his hand. Enjolras nodded encouragingly. Feuilly rarely spoke up without prompting. "Perhaps you should choose a coleader? That way if you're not available..." He trailed off.
"That's a great idea! Thank you Feuilly. Is there anyone here who wants to colead?"
"I would," Dahlia said quietly from the back of the room. "I have a lot of free time since my son moved out." She smiled suddenly, "and I consider you all my children. I would love to fill my time with caring for my children again. That is, if you're all okay with it? I'll step out while you all come to a decision."
Enjolras took a quick look around. It seemed that everyone was thinking the same thing. "Dahlia, it would be an honor to have you as our leader."
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Grantaire cried. A lot. Quiet cries, with his hands pressed against his lips, trapping the sound. Quiet cries, like when Wyatt was too rough in bed, or when his friends used to call and he couldn’t answer.
Grantaire did not want Enjolras to know he cried anymore than he’d wanted Wyatt to know he cried. Grantaire has only one pride left in this world- his ability to push through, to persevere. He wasn’t going to throw away that one remaining pride by crying.
Grantaire stayed in bed. He sat up when Joly came into the room and ate mechanically. He walked-slowly, painfully, and with help- to the restroom. But he did not go further. He barely reacted when Bossuet gave him a sponge bath, or when anyone spoke to him.
When Enjolras would come in, tho, it was different. Grantaire would sit up and try. But it was awkward. It was awful. Grantaire didn’t really know how to do this anymore. How to talk to people.
“How was the show tonight?” He asked when Enjolras walked in, sitting up slowly.
“It was good. Everyone misses you.”
Grantaire shook his head. “I didn’t exactly make friends there.”
“No. I guess you didn’t.”
I’m sorry, his brain whispered, but he knew how much it hurt Enjolras when he apologized for things that Enjolras didn’t believe were his fault. “I’ll learn to do better,” he said instead.
“Will you come out tonight?” Enjolras asked after a pause.
Grantaire looked at the door to the bedroom. He opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. Then he shook his head.
Enjolras sighed and stood up, “call me if you need me. I’m right out there.”
Maybe tomorrow, Grantaire thought. I’ll try tomorrow