Chapter Text
For a few terrifying moments, Chris doesn’t say anything. Cheeks flushed with emotion, he is obviously shocked, as he should be. But that’s all that Josh can read in his expression. That, and a quiet understanding. Or at least, that’s what he hopes it is. Things could turn out well if he’s right. This hope is all he can hold onto amongst the overwhelming feelings of shame, repulsion, and fear. He’s never afraid for himself anymore- no, he can take care of himself- it’s Chris who needs protecting. Josh is reminded of this every time he has to stand between him and the vile creature biding its time at his shoulder. The only thing was, that creature was beginning to resemble him more and more… whether physically or mentally. The line separating their psyches had already begun to blur dangerously, and nothing scared him more. That is what this is all about- the paranoid behavior, sketchy glances, odd bathroom visits and panicked expressions- Josh has been hiding his other half from Chris.
…YOU HAVE HIM ALONE...
After what feels like an eternity, he speaks. “Is that… all?” He looks as if he might be about to smile, as if this were just a funny misunderstanding from the start.
“Well,” Josh, a little baffled at what the situation is and how to respond to it, clears his throat, “...yeah.” Confusion swirls in his mind like cream in coffee. Had he not been clear enough about the whole cannibalism thing? In another awkward act of uncertainty, he swallows and tries to communicate just how serious the situation is. In fact, he’s desperate to. If he can’t protect his best friend from himself any longer, then Chris would have to start doing it himself. “But that’s a pretty fucking big ‘all.’” This makes them both smile, even if it doesn’t last long. The sharper side of his mouth itches with something akin to uneasiness. All he can do is watch with baited breath for the soft azure in those eyes to harden into revulsion. Any moment he would see Josh for what he really was and everything would fall to pieces around them, like the tumbling columns of Rome.
This time, Chris chuckles. It’s thin with anxiety, but breathless with- relief? Somehow, it’s his hidden gift to breathe a little light into any situation. The casual shrug he offers with his words does wonders to calm Josh’s nerves. “I guess I just kinda thought you’d have a better secret than that.” It’s almost as if he’s told him good news instead of a terrible confession.
Again, the confusion rises to the surface of his mind and covers every thought like a blanket of darkness. He lets out a breath, but it sounds a little more like a mixture between a cough and a laugh. All the words he’d prepared for a response fell flat, forgotten in his utter bewilderment. There are two conflicting ideas trying to reconcile with one another in his head among the flurry of emotion. On one side, the steady truth that Chris was defenseless and needed some sense talked into him. But on the other, the much warmer prospect of letting himself fall into such an easygoing trap of love and acceptance.
...THE PERFECT CHANCE...
It’s too easy to choose selfishly.
He smiles tentatively, and their eyes meet for the most fleeting of moments- tree leaf green touching lofty sky-blue- before looking away again. It’s easier to keep his head clear if he’s looking away. “I guess I’m just saving the good ones for our high school reunion.” In his distraction it comes out as a bitter remark instead of a joke, and he can taste it dying out on his tongue.
It earns him a playful punch in the shoulder anyway. “Very funny.” There’s still worry in the lines of Chris’ face, but it’s paired with a sense of relief. The delicious pink of his cheeks has returned- “Look, I’m sorry for grilling you like that. You know how worried I can get.”
For a second, Josh is distracted hungrily by the curve of that jaw and throat, and not a single word registers. Something small has eroded in the back of his mind, but remains unnoticed. Quickly, Josh snaps himself back to reality. He absent mindedly cracks his knuckles to anchor himself. “...Yeah.”
They are close, but feel closer.
Just as before, they lay next to each other, but something has changed. After their conversation, everything has just felt so… off. And it’s only been a couple hours. Josh thinks that he has ruined everything- that happiness was just a vacation. How could he have been so stupid - so brash? Just like in the woods, his emotions had flooded in to blind him. The only opportunity for Josh to warn him that he was a monster, and he’d squandered it. If he wasn’t going to take the full plunge, he might as well have kept his mouth shut.
As he stews, he shivers in the cold that realization provides. There isn’t a sound to be heard in the darkness. His fingers are numb.
Chris’ hand brushes against his in the night, and he freezes. Josh’s breath quickens in a kind of panic, and he licks his lips. Control yourself. Don’t be a fucking idiot, he’ll pull away in a second. Josh stays impossibly still, waiting for just that.
Chris leaves his hand where it is.
He can’t see the expression on Chris’ face, but his touch is soft. “Josh… are you awake?” The vulnerable way with which he whispers sends goosebumps up his arms- he’s never heard him speak like that in his entire life. Part of him wonders just what kind of people that voice is reserved for.
Something feral stirs in the pit of his stomach.
DEVOUR IT…
Instantly, the thoughts come, but with them, uncertainty as well; where do you draw the line between love and hunger?
“Chris…” How badly he wishes to continue, but it’s impossible to know what to say. Silence is a better option- a more comfortable option.
Beside him, there is a light rustling. The bedside lamp clicks on, and suddenly his best friend is staring down at him with an unreadable expression. His fists are clenched in what seems to be a show of determination, completely unphased by the fact that he’s in pajama pants.
The scent of his bare skin is intoxicating.
..BREATHE THAT IN…..
Josh, surprised and a little wary, sits up a bit and avoids his gaze. What does he want?
Chris looks as if he’s steeling himself. There is a deep breath, and then he sets his shoulders.
Nothing could have prepared him for what was next. Nothing on earth or in heaven above.
“I want to fucking kiss you.”
Now Josh meets his eyes; now he stares those baby blues on without reservation. Yes, he heard him. Heightened hearing or not, he would have heard every syllable of that sentence with perfect clarity. Every nerve in his body immediately begins to yearn, to scream, to cry out with the desire- the need. To do what, exactly, is still to be determined. It’s been impossible to define or fight his emotions in their wave of cacophony, but in this moment, they are all pointing to the same conclusion; the line between love and hunger is a gray one.
With the steady bass of his pulse roaring in his ears, Josh moves with frightening speed. In one fluid movement he has moved intimately close, grabbing that blond hair by the fistful. His mouth is a mere inch from Chris’ ear- from the fluttering heartbeat pounding tantalizingly at his neck. The words come out as a carnal whisper, but they are close to a scream.
“...I WANT TO FUCKING TEAR YOU APART…”