Chapter Text
Being back home felt a little weird. Levi had spent so much time around people it felt a oddly quiet in his apartment. He’d dropped Hange off the day before and spent the evening doing laundry and catching up on any emails he’d missed while being away.
The worst part was how it had felt strange sleeping alone again. He’d gotten so used to sharing a bed with Hange it didn’t feel right to be lying there alone. He had tossed and turned all night, barely able to settle.
He took a sip of his tea and tried to bring his focus back to the news article he’d been reading, but as his mind began to wonder again he turned off his tablet and gave up.
He needed to get out of the house.
Levi spent the morning grocery shopping and attempting to take his mind off everything that happened over Christmas. It didn’t really work. Even when he was in line at the checkout he saw things that reminded him of Hange. It was like he couldn’t get her out of his brain.
The walk back home did nothing to help. The snow falling lightly over him had him reminding him of their last night together. How right it had all felt.
It was like that for the next few days. Levi trying his best to keep his mind occupied with anything other than thoughts about Hange. He even went into work, telling himself he need to catch up on the work he’d missed while away, but really he was just trying to distract himself. He forced himself to stop thinking about it. About her.
‘Hey! Merry Christmas!’
‘Christmas was four days ago.’ Levi grumbled as he stepped into the warmth of Erwin and Mike’s house. Mike rolled his eyes at him as he closed the door and followed Levi into the sitting room. The second he stepped into the room he was attacked by something small and furry.
‘What the fuck?!’ Levi said scrambling back.
‘Ah shit, get back here you little horror.’ Erwin cried scrambling over and grabbing said small fluffy thing. The fluff let out a happy yap.
‘You got a puppy.’
‘Yep, Mike got us him for Christmas.’ Erwin said fondly as he petted the puppy.
‘Would’ve thought you’d be more accustomed to animals after spending a week on a farm.’ Mike chimed in.
‘I didn’t have anything to do with the animals while I was there.’ Levi said sinking down into his usual armchair. Erwin let the puppy go and it immediately ran over to Levi, tripping over its own gangly legs as it went.
‘That’s not what we heard.’ Erwin said with a grin. ‘Something about a pig?’
Levi glared at them as they both crumpled laughing.
‘I’m gonna fucking kill her.’ He said slumping back into the chair, arms crossed tightly across his chest.
‘I thought Mike was gonna pass out after he read the text he was laughing that hard.’ Erwin said only making Levi scowl harder.
‘Yeah yeah, laugh it up.’
‘Oh don’t worry we will.’ Mike assured.
Levi should’ve known they would find out, and of course they’d never let him live it down.
‘Just wish I could’ve been there to see such a magical moment.’ Mike added and Levi threw a cushion at him.
Levi was happy at least to have the distraction of being at Erwin and Mike’s. Through dinner they told him all about their Christmas and what mischief the new puppy had been getting into and he’d told them about his time with Hange’s family. He did his best to avoid talking about the ‘relationship’ he and Hange had pretended to have. Brushing off any mentions of it. But it seemed like the more he talked about his time at the farm the worse he felt. The happiness he’d felt upon spending time with his closest friends ebbing away as the night went on, until he was eventually back to feeling that strange hollowness that hand filled him since he’d came home.
He didn’t know how long he’d been quietly staring off into space before Erwin spoke.
‘You alright Levi?’ He asked. The puppy was dozing in his lap, Mike sprawled on the sofa beside him.
‘Huh, yeah why wouldn’t I be?’ Levi asked.
‘You’ve just been a little, I dunno off since dinner.’
‘Have I?’
‘Yeah, it’s like you’d rather be anywhere else.’ Erwin said.
Levi felt a wave of guilt rush through him, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to be there. In fact he’d been having a nice evening, he just couldn’t help the feeling that there was something missing. Usually quiet nights like this, where they’d have dinner and relax with a bottle of wine and a movie were ideal, exactly what Levi enjoyed doing. Tonight it just seemed wrong somehow, like it was too quiet.
‘I know what it is, he’s missing Hange.’ Mike chimed a smirk forming on his face.
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ Levi retorted.
‘Oh I dunno he could be right, you’ve just spent a week with her, maybe you’re missing having her around?’ Erwin suggested.
‘Far from it, I’m enjoying the peace without that lunatic. Why the fuck would I miss Hange fucking Zoe?’
‘Why you getting so defensive?’ Mike shot back with a shrug.
Levi drained the rest of his wine. They were being stupid, of course he wasn’t missing Hange. That was ridiculous.
‘Look, all I’m saying is, when you go from spending all your time with someone it’s normal to miss them once you’re not doing that anymore. And from what you’ve told us you barely spent any time apart for a week.’ Erwin added.
‘You make it sound like we were joint at the hip.’
‘More like the mouth form what Nanaba tells me.’ Mike said.
‘What?!’ Levi stammered.
‘Yeah forgot to mention that bit hmm? Funny really, I’d have thought that was gonna be a major plot point in the story, the whole having to kiss our beloved Hange under the mistletoe but nope, skipped right over it.’
Levi suddenly felt very warm as he glared over at Mike, the smug bastard. He’d known all along and said nothing. He knew his face must’ve been bright red but he couldn’t say nothing.
‘It wasn’t a big deal.’ Levi said, his voice coming out a little quieter than he’d wanted.
‘Then why didn’t you tell us?’ Mike asked sitting up from where he’d been lying against Erwin. Levi looked at them both, Erwin just shrugged as if to say ‘he has a point’ and Levi was done.
‘Because it wasn’t a big deal and I knew you assholes would turn it into one. Just like you’re doing now.’ Levi said standing up and placing his now empty wine glass on the coffee table.
‘Ah come on Levi, you know we’re just messing with you.’ Mike said but Levi ignored him as he went to pull on his shoes.
‘Don’t leave, Mike was just teasing.’ Erwin said following him into the hallway, the puppy still tucked into his arms.
Whatever, I’m tired, I’m going home.’ Levi said pulling on his coat.
‘Okay if that’s what you want, but you know I can’t help but think you’re just running away from the conversation.’
‘No I’m not.’
‘Aren’t you?’ Erwin said looking at him with raised eyebrows.
Levi hated him, hated them both as Mike came up beside his boyfriend, the pair of them looking at him like they knew something he didn’t. Well to hell with them both, he wasn’t staying there just so they could tease him about the stupid arrangement he’d had with Hange.
‘Thanks for dinner.’ Levi said opening the front door.
‘Really? You’re leaving?’
‘Yes. I’ll see you next week.’
*******
Hange pressed her head against her desk. It had been five days since she’d come back home and she was miserable. Ever since they’d left the farm she’d been feeling hollow.
It was like a cloud of misery had settled over her the moment they climbed into the car. Driving away from whatever it had been between her and Levi. She wasn’t even sure what it was. What was between them. If it had been real.
With a heavy sigh she sat up and pulled off her glasses, rubbing at her eyes.
It hadn’t been real, any of it. She had to stop fooling herself. They had just been pretending. That had been the whole point. It had all been fake, a show for her family.
But that wasn’t entirely true, at least not for her. It had been niggling at the back of her mind for the last couple of days of their visit, and the more she’d thought about it on that last night. The more she thought about it the entire drive home she knew. It had been somewhat real to her. There were feelings there, she didn’t understand them, but they were there.
When Levi had dropped her off at her place there had been a lingering awkwardness. Like he’d wanted to say something, but she hadn’t been able to face him saying it. Saying that it was over, that their little charade was finished. She’d just said goodbye and went inside.
Then that hollowness and filled her.
Hange had tried to keep herself busy. Throwing herself back into work. The university had been quiet, not many people in during the holidays so it had been ideal really. Working long hours in the lab pouring over her experiments, or going over the notes for her thesis until the early hours. Anything to keep her mind off it all, off him.
A knock on her door jarred her out of her revery.
‘Yeah?’
The door creaked open and Hange found herself smiling.
‘The janitor said you were in here.’
‘Moblit, it’s good to see you. Good Christmas?’ She asked as Moblit came into her office.
‘Yeah was nice, quiet. You?’
‘Good. Definitely not quiet, but good.’ Hange told him. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Ah just wanted to grab some files.’ He explained.
‘You’re not working over the holidays surely?’
‘Says you.’
Hange just grinned at him. They both knew she tended to spend more time at work than anything else.
‘It’s just some lesson plans. I wanted to go over them before the term starts again.’ He added.
‘Oh I forgot you were teaching next semester.’
‘Part of me is already regretting agreeing to it.’
‘Don’t be silly, it’ll be great.’ Hange assured him, knowing full well he’d do a fantastic job teaching. Hell he’d put up with her all these years, and after that he could do anything.
They chatted a little while longer before Moblit said his goodbyes, reminding her to head home herself sometime soon. He was right of course, it was getting late and she couldn’t avoid going home much longer.
When she got back to her apartment a bag of takeout in one hand she found a note pushed under her door. She recognised Nanaba’s untidy scrawl immediately.
I’m assuming you’re at the lab.
It’s the holidays, you’re not meant to be working weirdo.
Anyway, I’m back and you’re coming to my NYE party
Bring tequila
Nanaba X
Hange smiled at the note and after she’d settled onto the couch with her food she shot a quick text message to Nanaba assuring her she’d be at the party. Maybe it was what she needed. To see her friends, get drunk and forget all about Levi Ackerman.
*******
‘Are you sure you don’t want to come? Everyone’s gonna be there.’
‘I’m sure.’
‘Okay, well if you change your mind you know where we are.’ Erwin said before hanging up. Levi dropped his phone onto the sofa beside him. He knew there was no chance he was gonna change his mind. The last place he wanted to be was a party.
While he appreciated the invite to Nanaba’s New Year’s Eve party he had zero interest in attending. Parties weren’t his thing at the best of times, but he knew Hange would be there and he wasn’t ready for that awkward meeting just yet.
They hadn’t spoken since he’d dropped her off at her apartment. Maybe he should’ve text her or something? He didn’t know. Truthfully things had been a little weird when they’d said goodbye. He’d been thinking about it a lot, along with everything else. It had just been another thing to add to the mess that seemed to have been manifesting in his mind since Christmas. He’d wanted to say something as Hange had grabbed her bags from the trunk, but words had failed him.
What was supposed to say at that point? Thanks for the great fake relationship, see you later? No matter what he thought of it all sounded so stupid.
Maybe at the back of his mind there was something telling him that he hadn’t wanted to say goodbye at all, that he’d wanted her to go home with him so they could curl up on the sofa again and watch movies like they had at the farm.
He hated the idea that there had been some shift in their relationship. That things would be weird and awkward between them now. It was what had stopped him from text her, or going to the stupid party, what if those fears were true? What if things were different now and their friendship wouldn’t be the same? What if Hange felt too weird about the whole fake relationship thing now to look at Levi the same way? What if they couldn’t be friends anymore.
Levi closed his eyes rest his head back against the sofa.
His head was a mess, he didn’t know what to think, why he was thinking it but he truth was he was starting to think Mike had been right. His words had been circling around in his brain;
‘I know what it is, he’s missing Hange.’
It was around 11pm when Levi’s restlessness caused him to snap. He’d tried watching a movie and when he couldn’t concentrate on that he’d tried reading a book but his mind just would not settle. He’d just been sat fidgeting and barely taking in the words on the page Flinging his book to one side he got up with the intention of making some tea.
As he waited for the kettle to boil he stared out the kitchen window. The city was lit up, thousands of bright lights giving it an artificial glow. Not like the night’s at the farm, where an endless darkness had surrounded them, only the glow from the moon and stars casting any light. His chest seemed to tighten at the thought.
The kettle clicked off but the hot water never made it into the cup. The cup that Hange had bought him. He was just staring at it, he reached out running his thumb along the patterned edge.
Before he could stop himself Levi was heading for the door. Quickly pulling on his boots and coat and heading out locking the door behind him.
He wasn’t sure what he was going to do or say when he got there but he couldn’t just sit in his apartment ignoring it anymore.
The roads were thankfully quiet, most people undoubtedly already wherever they needed to be. The fifteen minute drive to Nanaba’s place was over much faster than Levi would have liked. He felt sick with nerves as he parked up, he could hear the muffled sound of music coming from inside the house. What the fuck would he even say?
This was such a bad idea.
The house was packed and Levi had to squeeze his way through the crowd as he attempted to find his friends. He found a very drunk Erwin in the sitting room, a bottle of champagne clutched in one hand as he showed photos of the new puppy to a blond woman he didn’t recognise.
‘Where’s Hange?’ Levi asked him.
‘Levi! You came!’ Erwin yelled a broad smile on his face as he pulled Levi into a bone crushing hug.
‘Get the fuck off me you freak.’ Levi grumbled as he tried to pull himself free. Erwin was a lot bigger and stronger than him though and wasn’t giving up easy.
‘Let go of him babe.’
Levi was relieved to hear Mike’s voice from behind him, and then Erwin’s arms were being pulled off him and Levi could breathe again.
‘Thanks.’
‘No problem, he always gets a little over enthusiastic when he’s drunk.’ Mike said fondly patting Erwin on the cheek, the latter beaming at his boyfriend. ‘What are you doing here anyway?’
‘I um…’ Levi began but the words seemed to fizzle away.
What was he doing here?
‘If you’re looking for Hange she’s not here.’ Mike said seeming to know without Levi having to say it.
‘Oh, right.’
Now what? He had came here to see her, to speak to her, to tell her… what exactly he wasn’t sure. But if she wasn’t here?
‘Yeah she was supposed to be but changed her mind at the last minute. Nanaba didn’t say why.’ Mike told him. ‘I need to get him some water or he won’t make it to midnight.’
Levi just nodded as Mike steered Erwin towards the kitchen.
It took him all of two minutes to decide to leave. There was no point in being there if Hange wasn’t. He quickly slipped back out of the party, not even bothering to say goodbye. Back inside his car Levi pressed his forehead to the steering wheel. What was he doing?
He wasn’t sure he knew anymore but there was a constant nagging in his mind telling him that he need to see Hange. Sitting up right he pulled on his seat belt and turn the ignition. Hange didn’t live far from Nanaba, he would just go to her.
He was one street away from Hange’s apartment block when he turned around. Pulling the car into a quick u-turn and heading back in the direction he’d came. But not to go back to NAnaba’s, no he was an idiot, there was no way Hange would be at home. If she had bailed on her best friend’s party it wouldn’t be to stay at home. No, if Hange Zoe was gonna be anywhere tonight it would be in her damn lab.
Levi pressed down on the accelerator and as the speed increased, so did the rate of his heart.
The university was deathly quiet, his footsteps echoing loudly as Levi walked through the long dark corridors. The only light coming from the streetlights shining in through the windows. Of course no one else would be here at this time of the night, especially not on New Years Eve but just as he’d expected a soft glow was visible through the crack of the door to the science lab. Levi pushed the door open quietly. Only one light was on near the back wall, illuminating a small bench with various instruments littered over it but Hange herself was no where to be seen.
Levi scanned the lab and for a moment his stomach dropped thinking he had gotten it wrong when he spotted her.
Sat up on the windowsill, her back leaning against the the frame as she looked out over the university garden Levi knew was situated below. Levi pushed the door closed, the slight click alerting Hange to his presence. Her head snapping around to see what had caused the noise. Her posture immediately relaxing when she saw who it was.
‘Levi? What are you doing here?
‘Looking for you idiot.’ Levi said walking over to her. Hange turned so she was facing him, still sat in the window.
‘But why?’
‘Honestly? I’m not really sure.’
‘Okaaay…’
‘Look, all I know is things have been weird since I got back and I can’t stop thinking about everything and my head’s a fucking mess and it’s all your fault.’ Levi said, his words coming out quickly and a little garbled.
‘My fault?’ Hange asked crossing her arms over her chest.
‘Yes your fault. If you hadn’t asked me to do that stupid charade I wouldn’t be feeling all of this, and I would be thinking about, about…’
‘Feeling what exactly?’ Hange asked quietly.
‘I don’t know! That’s the point. You’ve got my head all messed up and I don’t know what I’m doing.’
‘So it’s my fault but you don’t know what it is.’
‘Yes.’
‘Well that makes perfect sense.’ Hange said with an eye roll.
God she was annoying. How the hell was he supposed to tell her when he didn’t even know what the hell was going on with him himself? He just, he wanted to see her but he couldn’t tell her that.
‘Why aren’t you at Nanaba’s party?’ He asked instead.
‘Didn’t feel like it.’
‘But you love New Year’s Eve.’
She had dragged him to enough parties in the past for him to know that. Always the life and soul of the party, screaming along with everyone as the countdown to midnight happened.
‘Why are you here Levi?’ Hange asked again.
Levi looked at her, Hange’s hair was loose around her shoulders again, she was wearing the green sweater her grandmother had knit her. She looked soft and warm, and beautiful.
‘I missed you.’ Levi whispered.
He hated how pathetic he sounded, but it was the truth. It had been the truth all along. He’d missed her from the moment she’d left him. He’d missed her as he sat alone in his apartment. He’d missed her as he’d walked to the grocery store. He’d missed her as he sat with his friends. He’d missed her as he lay in bed at night. He’d missed her and it made his heart hurt.
He realised that now, that all those feelings were because of that. He’d felt miserable without her by his side, he’d become so accustomed to her presence, the feeling of her beside him. The feeling he’d had when she’d been there. Without her, he’d just felt empty.
It had been like she was the thing he’d needed even when he hadn’t realised it. Then when she was no longer there it had been miserable, he’d bee miserable.
‘I missed you, and I dunno, I wanted to see you.’ He said, hoping his voice sounded less pathetic this time.
‘I missed you too.’ She replied slipping off the window sill to stand before him.
‘I don’t know what I’m doing.’ Levi admitted.
‘What’s new.’ Hange said with a laugh and the sound of it seemed to fill Levi with a warmth he’d been without for days. He stepped forward, his hand reaching out for hers. As their fingers laced together his throat suddenly felt very dry.
‘Levi…’ Hange breathed and then he was kissing her.
Hange’s arms wrapped around his neck as he pressed into her, his hands coming to rest on her hips. Her lips felt perfect against his, warm and soft and exactly how he’d remembered.
Loud bangs from outside startled them apart. Hange looked over her shoulder out of the window, fireworks littered the sky.
‘Must be midnight.’ Levi said.
‘Yeah, must be.’
‘Happy New Year Hange.’ Levi said as she turned back to face him. He couldn’t help the smile that spread on his face as she smiled back at him.
‘Happy New Year Levi.’
They ended up back at Levi’s apartment, curled up in bed. Neither of them had really said much, but they didn’t seem to need to. It just felt right. To be there together.
Levi knew they would have to talk in the morning, but right in that moment with Hange in his arms, sleep creeping over them it didn’t matter. He felt warm and happy.
Where they went from this he wasn’t sure, but he knew they had to try at least, for real this time.
***************
***************
EPILOGUE
‘What about this?’
‘God no it’s hideous.’
‘That’s why it’s perfect.’ Hange said with a wry grin. ‘What are they gonna do? Turn down a wedding gift? I think not.’
‘You do realise if we ever get married they’ll get their own back.’ Levi said adding the ugly tea set to their shopping basket.
‘We’ve only been dating for five months and you’re already proposing marriage, why Levi you old romantic.’ Hange said as they continued their way through the store.
‘Fuck you.’
‘Hmm, maybe later I’m busy buying wedding gifts right now.’
Levi pushed her into a bin full of cushions and walked away as she screeched, a grin on his face. She caught up with him a few seconds later slipping her hand into his.
‘You’re an asshole you know that right.’ She said but there was no malice behind her words.
‘Yeah but you love me anyway.’
‘Maybe so.’
Levi just laughed, that warm feeling spreading through him once again when Hange squeezed his hand lightly as they continued to wander through the store.