Chapter Text
Family? Lance could feel the anger growing in his chest. He didn't want to snap at Hunk. Or any of them for that matter. He really thought that some things were meant to stay untold, plus, he didn't want to part on an angry note. Why couldn't they just accept it and move on?
“Lance, is there something you'd like to say? You know that if there is any problem we can help you with it, you don't have to leave the team. If you just need some time away, I can understand, we all kind of feel the same here, but you have to understand that it is not just about us as individuals : Voltron is the most powerful weapon in the universe and we all take part in it. We cannot put our selfish desires before the universe. I am sure you understand that.”
He could feel that Allura meant well, always talking in a soothing voice and he also knew that with the Altean found on the robeast, she had issues of her own. But in a way, her perfect sitting pose and compassionate face made him feel like a capricious little boy and he hated it. It wasn't just a caprice, he couldn't stay. He just couldn't.
“You still haven't given us any answer to the main problem,” cut Pidge, “what about Red and her only-worthy-people-unless-it's-Lance policy?”
Lance almost laughed. Bitterly.
“Allura can take the place, it's rightfully hers, Red will understand. And Blue is a really kind one, she just needs a nice person to give a chance to.”
“And what if it doesn't work?”
“You have plenty of time, Earth is not in immediate danger and if something happens there is still Atlas. I made up my mind and won't go back on my words. It's all I have to say.”
“Lance,” tried Shiro voice hesitant, “is it... Is it because of the clone thing? You know that it wasn't your fault, right?”
“It has nothing to do with that,” answered Lance without meeting his eyes.
In fact, it was just part of the problem. A big problem that existed for so long, that he kept for himself for so long he feared he would just let everything flood the place if he stayed on that seat any longer. He needed to move, to do something. She should maybe go run for a bit after that. And then take a shower. He could feel the tip of his fingers twitching. He needed to move.
“Would you mind just telling us why, then? I think we deserve to know.”
“It's none of anyone's business.”
“So what, you're just gonna flee the fight now that we are almost done?” The green Paladin was a perfect mix between boredom and annoyance. “At such an important moment? Without even telling us why?”
“Maybe I just can't stand you anymore.”
She lifted an eyebrow at him, a mocking smile at the bridge if her lips.
“Is that so?”
"Yeah, it is so!" Something was wrong. His hands where twitching even harder, now. He couldn't think straight. His heart beats where loud, so loud they began to vibrate in his head, deafening him. Something in his chest, like a weird feeling that wasn't really his started to grow. "I just can't stand you. You call us family" he say turning angrily his eyes to Hunk "but you were my best friend, always by my side, always got my back no matter what happened when we were still students, just like I always got yours. And then we fall on that crazy little space adventure and while we are stuck in the same place for months, years, it's like we don't know each other any more".
"Are you... jealous of Pidge?" There was so much surprise and incomprehension in his tone and face that Lance wondered how such a smart guy could be so clueless.
"That's not really a new one" laughed Pidge. "Jealousy is like a second nature to him, just ask Keith, he knows all about that better than any of us".
Keith.
Keith hadn't said a word since they had gathered here. He probably didn't care enough to.
"It has nothing to do with jealousy" Lance continued, eyes on Hunk. "It's not about you finding someone you have more in common with to hang out. It's about you taking any occasion to make fun of me like you knew nothing about me. It's about my supposedly best friend letting someone borderline harass me and strike where it hurts every freaking time."
"Harass?" Pidge almost choked on her word, surprised and shocked at the same time. "What are you talking about? Don't you think you're taking this a little bit out of proportion?" She turned to Hunk for support but he was avoiding her eyes, just like Lance's. "Anyway" she carried on. "Maybe, I say maybe, I sometime took things a little too far, so what? You're leaving for such a petty reason? Is that so wrong to have fun from time to time?"
"If from time to time means all the time for no reason what's so ever… then yeah."
"No reason? Are you even listening to yourself, Lance? Most of what gets out of your mouth is ridiculous bullshit. If it's not about girls or how you'd like to have a party you're just distorting everything remotely scientific we come up with and don't understand shit about anything. And that's just for the good days, the rest of the time, beside never coming up with any idea to help a situation, you're generally the one who makes things worse by your mere presence!"
"In a word, I'm useless."
"Yes!" she blurted out exasperated. "No! that's not... that's not what I was saying."
"What were you saying, then?"
It was so weird but Lance had never felt calmer since they discovered the Blue Lion. Everything was rushed, exciting, or exhausting all the time but they never took the time to just take a seat and talk. He had hoped to avoid that situation because there was a lot of things he wasn't ready to hear because yes, he was immature. Maybe not as much as Pidge, Hunk and basically everyone accused him to, but he still had a lot to learn and one of those things was how to accept honest criticism and grow from it, no matter how hard it was.
"I'm... It's..." She looked at the others for support but they all seemed too surprised to react properly. "It's just friendly teasing, nothing more. You're just too sensitive and take things out of proportion. And now you decide to leave because you can't take it? You know you could have said something back then, right? Because it's easier to flee and complain about everyone after the fact but it takes guts to just say what's wrong on the spot. You know what, you're right, you should just leave."
Pidge tried to stand but fell back on her seat, writs attached to the armrest. She looked at them with wide eyes, tried to test the resistance before lifting angry eyes at Allura and Coran. The latter had a remote in hand and a dim expression.
"We seem to have a serious problem in the team. No one leaves before everything is said."
"Coran," tried Shiro, not really conformable with the idea. "I don't think we..."
"You are all useless to Voltron in that state of mind. We should have done that earlier but we were so caught up in battles we didn't have time." Everyone had their eyes on his concerned expression. "It's completely normal after spending so much time in a limited space that dissensions rise. In all teams like in all families, it's never perfect. You have things to tell each other. Things you need to hear. All of you." He then turned sad eyes to Lance. "You will take the time to empty your hearts on the table and once it is done, you will all leave individually and think. If you decide anything after that... it'll be your choice to make."
He left his seat and went for the door.
"No one leaves or enters. I will come back to check if everyone is alive in an hour or two."
He closed the door behind him, leaving total silence in the room. Lance turned his attention to his own tethered wrist when he met Pidge's accusing look. Keith cleared his throat.
"Coran is right. We should have done that sooner. We can't be a united team if we hold grudges against each other. If anyone has anything to tell me, I'm all ears."
Lance sneered.
"Lance, be my guest. Something to say?"
"No thanks. I'd rather not."
"I'd rather you did. If I ever offended you in any way, I would like to know."
"You never offended me"
It wasn't actually true but Lance was sometimes smart enough to know when to shut up. Most of the things that were wrong between them was his own fault. Until Keith left, that is.
"If I recall correctly, when we first met and for a long time after that you kept competing with me, as if I had done something to you, I'd really like to know about that."
Lance felt his ears heating up.
"It was stupid and has nothing to do with our current situation."
"So you have nothing to tell me?"
"Nothing."
"Okay, then. Anyone else?"
A silence made his way in the room, everyone avoiding everyone else's eyes.
"I have a problem with you." Everyone turned to Allura, surprised. "You left the team when we most needed you and risked not only our lives but other people's too. I still blame you for that even if I'd like to let go."
"I didn’t leave right away. What I was doing was important, the Blade of Marmora needed me, at the time, they were short on effective. Plus nothing really important happened, Voltron was needed to help and do ridiculous shows and you guys could manage that without me."
"So helping people get supplies and get a new home after freeing them is not as important as fighting a bunch of Galra bots?"
"It's not what I'm saying."
"Voltron is about unity, you humiliated us by not showing up."
"Not showing up to what, some stage representation? You made fools of yourselves well enough without me. Someone had to be on the fighting end of this war while you were hanging out meeting people."
"We were recruiting and we needed you."
"Shiro was there."
"It's not the same!" she was heating up and everyone could feel it. Her cheeks were reddening under the anger and her marks were flickering. Lance realized that he never saw her truly angry but the conversation was slowly getting her to this point. "Shiro wasn't well and we had so much trouble getting used to a new placement when he... disappeared, we needed you and you left."
Lance definitely didn't like the way she was unleashing her nerves on him.
"We did well enough without me."
"It's not about if we could do well without you, it's about not leaving when you take an engagement with people!"
"She's right," Pidge stepped in. "Shiro couldn't fly Black and every time a Blade of Marmora guy showed up you were already packing and ready to go without looking back."
"You always came back late without warning and we could've had a lot of problems if at the last moment the Lions hadn't chose to rearrange everything to keep the team complete." Shrugged Hunk.
"You almost ruined everything!" finished Allura, frowning at their team leader.
"It wasn't a problem when Pidge left with a Lion for an indeterminate amount of time , alone , at a complete indeterminate place , to look for her family. Which had nothing to do with the Galra empire. Anything could have happened. What if we got attacked? Or what if something had happened to Green? No one cared to even wonder, huh? But when Keith leaves for some time contributing to the war effort and coming back with important information , suddenly everyone is mad at him. Is it just me or is there a double standard in this so called team."
Eyes were now back on Lance who was more focused on his nails scratching the armrest than the others.
"You can talk, you were mad at him too!" said Pidge, apparently not liking the idea to be once again the target of his blame.
"For personal reasons."
"Yeah, “he was ruining the party” ."
Lance turned piercing eyes to Hunk.
"No, it was more about the only person who still seemed to want me around taking his distance after I poured out personal concerns to him. More about losing someone else I thought I could call my friend but who didn’t feel the same, otherwise he would have told me that something was wrong." He saw in the corner of his eyes Keith turning the other side while Hunk frowned. "It was definitely more than me being petty about a party. My ex best friend would have known at least that much without me having to say it."
There was another silence. Everyone was avoiding everyone’s eyes again as if a simple look could unleash another wave of anger and untold issues. Lance felt that weird thing in his chest again, as if something in him was calmer with the idea that he said what he had to but was still fuming about things that still stayed untold.
"Ok, hum. Does anyone have to say something else to me?" Asked Keith. "Whatever it is, I still want to hear it."
"I do," said Shiro. Lance could feel the tension in Keith's body without having to touch him. "I'm proud of you. Of what you have done, what you have become. I'm proud to see that you are better now than when I left for Kerberos. I am glad to see that you are in a much better place and I am still here to witness it. Whatever you did, whatever happened before, you don't run from things anymore and I couldn't be more proud of you."
Keith bit his lower lip, a smile on his face. All of a sudden, he was like glowing from the inside and without knowing why Lance was tempted to smile too.
"He is right" Allura sighed, her shoulder less straight than they were a minute ago. "Not just about Keith but all of us. We all come from different places and it's normal to have tensions and things we don't agree on, it's what happens when we have to work together for a long time with high stakes upon us. But we always came through everything. Together. And I believe that we still can. These past weeks have been hard on everyone, we lost people, we found others, we fought for this planet like we did countless time and I understand that this time was different, more personal and that it caused a lot of us to part and feel more strongly about what was wrong. But we are the Paladins of Voltron. All six of us," she added, looking briefly at Shiro, "and no matter what, we are a family. You are my family." She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "But now... we should take a little time and think about what we want. I inherited Voltron from my father, it is my duty and I want to fight until the threat is completely gone. It is my choice. Now you have to make yours. All of you."
The straps tethering their wrists to the armrest opened up with a light clic. They turned to the door to see Coran leaning against the door, waiting.
"I am not going to leave the fight, people still need us" said Hunk with more confidence than ever touched his voice.
"I'm staying too, you wouldn't go very far without my brain" nodded Pidge with a soft smile.
"You can count on Atlas for support."
"I'm not going anywhere either."
They all turned to Lance. He lifted his eyes to meet each and everyone of them.
"I already told you. I don't want to be a part of this anymore."
Before they had time to say anything, he stood up and left the room. There was still a lot of things he was itching to say to the others but when he passed the door, it was like something compressing his chest was finally lifting and he could finally breathe again.