Chapter Text
“There they are,” Lup says, with considerable satisfaction. “With a squad of Tom Bodetts, apparently.”
“Oh shit, again?”
“Yeah, wild, right? You wouldn’t think that would happen twice.”
“Lup!” Barry kicks out of the van as the Bodetts spill out. The real Tom Bodett, leading them, hefts an old-fashioned gun and lights the place up, carefully firing above the heads of the yelling scientists and government thugs.
But Kravitz is faster. He dives towards the twins in a swirl of blackness and feathers, narrowly stopping in time to avoid crashing into Garyl. “Taako!”
“Hi babe!” Taako says. He dissolves Garyl with an appreciative pat and jumps into Kravitz’s arms.
Kravitz is surprisingly warm as he clutches Taako against his chest, although the flesh that folds over his form again probably helps. “Are you alright?”
Taako answers that with a kiss, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. Around them, the workers of Area 51 are rallying, calling out orders and assembling themselves in some sort of order. Lup and Barry are already working on adding to the buffs on the Bodetts while the real Tom Bodett (or “Tom Bodett Prime”, as Lup immediately takes to calling him) lays down suppressing fire.
“Don’t scare me like that, love,” Kravitz murmurs, pressing his forehead against Taako’s.
“Wasn’t trying to, bones,” Taako says, but softly. “You look good in that t-shirt that I’m definitely going to steal.”
“Who is the man on yours?”
“Don’t know, super don’t care.”
“Watch out,” Kravitz says, tugging Taako down just as a tranquilizer dart flies through the space where his head just was.
“Thanks babe.”
And then the government thugs are on them all, the room full of chaos and Tom Bodetts yelling. The real Tom Bodett hollers “To me, to me!” and collects his brethren in one corner of the room, not far from the busted wall, while Lup and Barry proceed to destroy the rest of the “experiments”.
“Really, this is unethical on so many levels,” Barry says critically, blowing up a set of samples.
“They absolutely did not get consent for cells to be used like this,” Lup agrees, setting the remains on fire.
“I just wanted to kiss an alien!” a junior lab tech wails, running past them into the maze of halls.
“That’s my job,” Kravitz says, tripping him.
“On your six, bones,” Taako says, shooting a Fire Bolt into a cluster of SWAT team members.
“Thanks, babe,” Kravitz says, spinning and knocking away the scientist creeping up behind him with a syringe.
They’re separated after that by the flow of the fight, although Taako still wrecks a ring of security guards approaching Kravitz, a flash of sapphire materializing out of nowhere, while Kravitz lands a chunk of pink tourmaline onto a group of randomly brave scientists cornering Taako.
Kravitz, feeling his newly beating heart swell as he watches Taako shoot finger guns and laugh lazily as his foes flinch, makes the decision. He leaps into the air, swooping over the fight, and lands next to Taako.
“Hey again, Krav,” his boyfriend says.
“Hi, Taako. I, um, have a question for you.”
“Yeah? Shoot.” Taako punctuates that statement by firing off a casual Magic Missile into a security guard sneaking up on Lup.
“Well, it might not be the most opportune time, but,” Kravitz takes one knee, looking up at his boyfriend.
“Holy shit, Kravitz!”
“We’re in the middle of a firefight!” the real Tom Bodett yells.
“Ignore Tom Bodett Prime, hell yeah!” Lup screams, surrounding them with a ring of fire so they can have their moment.
“I had this whole speech,” Kravitz admits, looking up into the warm, shocked brown of Taako’s eyes, feeling his own begin to water. “But, uh, that’s kinda all out the window, I guess. It’s you, Taako. It’s always gonna be you. Will you marry me?”
“Kravitz, I…” Taako takes his hands away from his mouth, his glamour dropping. He grabs Kravitz and hauls him up, planting a huge kiss on his lips. The kiss goes on, both of them swaying back and forth, until even Lup hollers for them to get on with it already.
“Fuck off, Lulu, you and Barold took forty-seven years !” Taako yells back, finally breaking the kiss. “Oh, bones...”
“So,” Kravitz jokes weakly. “Is that a yes?”
“Is that a-- OF COURSE IT’S A YES ! Yes, of course I’ll marry you!”
He throws his arms around Kravitz as Kravitz picks up his boyfriend -- no, his fiancé -- in his arms, spinning him around. Both of them are laughing. This temporarily ends the fight as foe and Boett alike stop to clap for them, many calling congratulations.
“I don’t have the ring with me,” Kravitz starts. “But--”
“We’ll worry about that when we get home,” Taako says, beaming. “Plane of Thought’s not so bad, huh babe?”
“I’d say so,” Kravitz says, kissing the back of Taako’s hand.
“Sap.”
“ Your sap.”
“Forever, now.”
“Alright,” Barry says. He’s wiping tears away from his eyes, the soft-hearted man, and he waves one of his old bone wands, probably from cycle 53. They did fancy carvings on those ones. “Bodetts, let’s go!”
“To the van!” the real Tom Bodett yells, and the Bodetts scatter, weaving through the surprised guards and few remaining scientists. They pile in as Barry pushes the damaged van back with a wave of his wand, and the three Birds plus Kravitz make a run for it, Lup covering them with a Wall of Fire.
They all make it in and the imitation Tom Bodett who’s driving peels away, burning rubber as they fly through the previously broken front gate. He steps on it as the Area 51 grunts scramble to their vehicles, only to find the garage doors melted shut by a nat 20 Delayed Fireblast cast by both the twins.
They laugh and cheer all the way back to Vegas.
---
“What. The fuck?” Joaquin demands, taking them all in.
Marcus just stands next to him in shock, mouth wide.
All of them have their cheap meme t-shirts, now peppered with burn holes, rips, and smoke marks, still pulled over their Vegas finery. Barry has re-draped the “Just Married” rope of cup lids back over his and Lup’s shoulders, while Taako and Kravitz are even closer together than usual, hands entwined. They deposited the real Tom Bodett and all his imitators back at the convention, with many thanks and also significant amounts of gold, and waited outside the theater for Joaquin and Marcus.
All of them are grinning.
“Got kinda kidnapped a little bit, Joaquin,” Taako says with a shrug.
“ By who ?”
“Area 51 guys?” Barry says, raising his eyebrows as Joaquin’s eyes grow huge and Marcus bursts into mildly hysterical laughter.
“And you--”
“Fought our way out with the help of the Tom Bodetts.”
“Plus Tom Bodett Prime,” Lup adds.
“And now we came to pick you up to take you back home!”
“So, wait,” Joaquin says, tapping his fingers together, ignoring Marcus leaning on him and giggling helplessly. “You, three of the seven saviors of the multiverse, plus Taako’s boyfriend--”
“ Fiancé,” Taako corrects.
“What? When did-- no, nevermind.”
“Congratulations,” Marcus offers before he loses out to giggles again.
“Thank you.”
“Three of the saviors of the multiverse plus Taako’s fiancé got kidnapped by the alien government dudes and you… fought your way out?”
“Yeah? It wasn’t like it was hard, homie.”
“No,” Joaquin says, blinking too quickly. “Of course not.”
“Don’t worry,” Barry says reassuringly as he preps the transport spell. “They don’t know you two were involved.”
“You sure about that? Is this why my phone was popping off in the middle of the last act?”
“Yeah, probably,” Taako drawls. “Oh, and Joaquin?”
“Yeah?”
“Let’s do this again sometime. Cha’boy had a real good time at Vegas.”
“I dunno, Taako,” Joaquin sighs, a smile creeping across his face as Marcus takes his hand. “I’m not sure if Vegas can handle you again.”