Chapter Text
"I hate you so much." Namjoon grumbles as he types away fiercely on his laptop.
When Taehyung found out that Yoongi and Seokjin were roommates, he knew that he would be coming face to face with his brother a lot more now. The thought of it was enough to make Taehyung's skin crawl, as the younger of the two has come to resent his older brother for many reasons.
But right now, things aren't too bad.
Taehyung gets to see Namjoon suffer.
"Why?" Taehyung asks on the verge of maniacal laughter. Namjoon stares him down angrily.
"I spent all of yesterday talking Seokjin off a cliff. He was talking about letting you go Tae!" Namjoon almost yells.
Taehyung rolls his eyes. "That has nothing to do with you though." He says, scrolling through all of the pictures of Yoongi in his camera roll. Taehyung has mastered his poker face so, no one knows exactly what he's doing on his phone for so long.
However a picture of Yoongi with whip cream on his nose almost makes Taehyung lose his shit.
"Yes it does have to do with me when I have to show him pictures of cute alpacas to make him feel better about himself." Namjoon grits angrily.
Taehyung damn near screams.
He can't contain his laughter, falling to the floor and cackling like an idiot. He's so loud that Yoongi comes from the bathroom, toothbrush in his mouth and a bewildered expression on his face.
"What so funny?" He asks but it comes out more muffled that its supposed to, due to the obstruction of the toothbrush. Taehyung knows he's a sight to see, face red and sides hurting from his hair-raising laughter.
"Jin-hyung h-he... he's sad he looks like an a-alpaca... h-he... he had hyung sh-show him alpaca p-pictures..." Taehyung tries to explain as he wheezes. He knows it still doesn't make sense so, he'll just have to explain later. Yoongi looks dumbfounded and Namjoon is staring at him like he wants to commit murder.
"Oh... hehe." Yoongi giggles a bit before going back into the bathroom. Namjoon is still scowling.
"I will end you." He says to Taehyung who, is still trying to learn how to breathe again.
Yoongi has a habit of getting caught.
A lot.
He isn't that good at being inconspicuous. It is no secret that Taehyung's tattoos are one of his favorite things about the man. Whenever they spend Taehyungs breaks across the table from one another, Tae on his phone and Yoongi on his laptop writing a piece, the clicking of Yoongi's keyboard often stops, his gaze slowly lifting and meeting Taehyung's biceps and neck.
His cat-like eyes scan over every inch of ink that he can see, every word written in a new font, every animal, strip of ink, from the name Vante inked letter by letter on each of his knuckles, to the flock of birds upon his neck.
Yoongi loves Taehyung's tattoos.
And he knows he isn’t too subtle about it either.
"Do you have a favorite?" Taehyung asks. Yoongi flinches from being caught in a daze, eyes feebly locked on Taehyung's tattoos. His glasses almost fall from his button nose and Taehyung tries to hide his snort. He fails and Yoongi can't help but to feel a little embarrassed, even though they are dating now and Yoongi can stare at him for elongated periods of time without feeling too much like a creep.
Yoongi smiles, his cheeks turning a shade of rose. He starts typing again, or rather, trying to type. His pale fingers are trembling a bit and he keeps misspelling all the wrong words. Taehyung just has this effect on him that makes his skin tingle and his heart inexplicably warm.
"Uhm, I don't know, I haven't seen all of them." Yoongi says quietly, his voice betraying him as it already sounds breathless and heavy in his throat.
"Do you want to?"
And that's how they end up back at Yoongi's dorm, Taehyung smothering him in kisses and the smaller of the two writhing beneath him.
Taehyung tickles at Yoongi's sides, kissing his lips and swallowing his giggles against warm fuzzy skin. Yoongi cards his fingers through Taehyung's hair, his hands pressed flat against Taehyung's sculpted cheeks and drinking him in as he deepens the kiss. They pull apart in time for Taehyung to lift his shirt above his head, pulling it off and tossing it to the side. He doesn't lean in to kiss him again though, he simply sits back on the heels of his feet, running a hand through his brown locks with dark eyes.
"You wanted to see them all so, go ahead. See them."
Yoongi doesn't have to be told twice.
His hands have a mind of their own as they start from Taehyung's cheeks. There is no ink on his face, able to obstruct his beauty, but then as his hands travel down to Taehyung's neck, his eyes fall on the birds, flying upwards and nearly meeting the line of his jaw.
Yoongi kisses each bird, one by one.
Next are Taehyung's sleeves, the cliché skulls that Taehyung is somehow able to pull off so well. Every rose with every sharp thorn, artfully crafted and engraved in Taehyung's tan skin. Snakes slither in and around every curve of Taehyung's tan muscles. There is a man holding a mask to his face on one arm, and on the other intricate and sharp swirls and designs, ones that looked like curved blades, ones that imitate Death's scythe. The designs make a chain cross his chest, swirling in and out of one another in the most beautiful of ways. Yoongi kisses each link of the chain, planting kisses further down and stopping at Taehyung's tummy, kissing the little bit of pudge there that the other boy is self conscious about, even if he doesn't show it.
Taehyung has his father and mother's birth dates on one of his wrists, as well as his little brother and sister's birth dates on the other. Namjoon's birthday is right below theirs. This is a side of Taehyung that Yoongi absolutely loves. The side of him that he tries to hide from the world because he is scared that it makes him look weak or lesser than.
Yoongi just wants to devour him.
Taehyung flashes him a sweet, boxy grin that just makes Yoongi's heart melt. The blonde haired boy shows off his own gummy smile, throwing his arms around Taehyung's neck and hugging him tightly. Taehyung doesn't even hesitate before wrapping his arms around him, pulling him in flush against his bare chest and kissing the crown of his freshly blonde curls. Yoongi has always reminded him of some kind of angel, with his easily flushed skin, pale and pink and supple to the touch. His skin reminds Taehyung of winter, pale and icy, cold at first, but when touched, gives life to a rosy heat that has Taehyung's heart beating so fast it's hard to breathe.
Yoongi buries his face into the crook of Taehyung's neck, his hair tickling Tae's jaw, as well as his nose against the inked birds on his neck.
Yoongi pecks them.
"I like the birds." He mumbles, his pouty lips brushing the skin of Taehyung's neck. Taehyung looks down a bit without disturbing Yoongi's position, practically curled in his lap.
"Hmm?" He hums, knowing damn well what Yoongi said but just wanting to hear it again.
"The birds. I like them. They're my favorite." Taehyung hums once more before kissing Yoongi's temple.
"You do?" He asks.
Yoongi nods.
"Yes, I do."
"You have your parent's birthdays on your wrist." Yoongi comments. Taehyung nods, tracing various circles and patterns in Yoongi's stomach with his index finger.
"Yeah." Taehyung breathes. Yoongi nods.
"You must love them a lot."
Taehyung tsk's. Yoongi frowns. "You do, I know you do."
Taehyung shrugs as he pulls Yoongi closer. "I do. Of course I do but... things change. Shit happens and... things are never the same again."
Yoongi places his hand on Taehyung's chest. "What do you mean, things change." Taehyung's grip on Yoongi tightens.
"When my dad died, my mom made decisions that she thought would help us. What's crazy is that she didn't even think about how we would feel, she just knew we needed the money. Now she's stuck in a fucking marriage that doesn't do her any good, the only thing she gets out of it is the money."
Yoongi looks up at him, his brows furrowed in surprise.
"Tae... I didn't know. I'm sorry." Taehyung shakes his head, rubbing a hand up and down Yoongi's side.
"How could you have. It's not like I ever said anything."
"That... explains a lot. I mean I love Joon and, he's been helping me with my music but whenever we write it just... his work is so, different." Yoongi mumbles.
Taehyung hums. "Yeah. His mom died after he was born. No matter what anyone says... no one can change his mind. I mean, fuck, it's not like he meant to do something like that it's just... It's not his fault."
"No, it's not."
"And his dad, after he met my mom just... they didn't even think about it. It was literally a 'hey I'm sad, you're sad, let's get married.'" Yoongi chuckles bitterly before grabbing Taehyung's hand, playing with his fingers and examining them in the light.
"I'm really sorry Tae."
"You don't have to be sorry for me."
"But I am. I mean, it's not like, a pitying thing I just... you don't deserve that."
Taehyung snorts before his expression turns to one of horrid sadness.
"Sometimes he looks at me like I disgust him." Yoongi looks up, the words dying in his throat as soon as they come to his head.
"Tae..."
"And what's worse is that my mom doesn't even care because as soon as she says something he... he just gets so angry and he..."
Yoongi sits up. "He what Tae?" Taehyung begins to turn to his side.
"Are you hungry? I'm hungry let's get―"
"Taehyung." Yoongi cuts across his sentence with a firm glare. Taehyung doesn't want to have this discussion. He doesn't want their own lives to be based off of the relationship that him and his mother have.
He can't let his own inner demons ruin another good thing for him.
"Tae I don't care what you say, you don't deserve that. You don't deserve to be treated that way and neither does your mom if he hits―"
"Don't hyung. Don't say it."
And Yoongi immediately shuts his mouth. He doesn't want to cross a line that shouldn't have been drawn in the first place, however he's seen this movie before, and he knows how it ends.
Because the second one of them says it out loud, it becomes real.
Taehyung starts to believe that Yoongi is the only good thing in his life, one of the only people on the planet that makes him believe that life is worth living.
Underneath the screams of his little brother and sister, his mother's painful cries, his step father's incessant screaming, seeing the world through Yoongi's eyes help him to find a new purpose in life.
Something he had been missing for some time now.
He shouldn't be driving drunk but, he is, and he knows the path to wherever Yoongi is as if it was tattooed on the back of his eyelids. The screaming match between he and his step-dad has his throat burning, like he's swallowed a cauldron of molten lava. He's angry, beyond angry, and the boiling hot tears on his face only adds to his blurry vision, making the road far too unclear.
Thankfully, Yoongi's dorm is just up the road. Taehyung doesn't even bother with parking properly before he runs up the steps, ignoring the confused stares and worried looks from passersby. He bangs on the door, not having the patience to be conscious of his volume right now.
The door swings open, revealing a very tired and angry looking Seokjin. He places a hand on his hip, ready to snap before he realizes who was knocking.
"Taehyung? Taehyung it's three in the morning. What the hell―"
"Taehyung is here?" Yoongi says from beyond the doorframe. He peeks his head out, curious eyes now widening in absolute distress. "Tae? Taehyung why are you crying?" Yoongi pesters. Taehyung opens his mouth to speak, tears dribbling down his chin. His voice box feels broken as he tries to form the words that are breaking his heart. Yoongi grabs his wrist before pulling him inside and dragging him to his room. He shuts the door, placing his hands atop of Taehyung's arms, allowing his palms to trail up to the boy's face, wiping his tears with the pads of his thumbs.
"Tae, answer me, please."
"H-Hyung―"
"Did... was it him? Was it your step-dad?" Taehyung doesn't answer. He just looks down at the floor, bottom lip wobbling. Yoongi pulls him to the bed.
"Tae talk to me."
"He... he tried to... I didn't let him hyung, I couldn't I just―"
"Hey, hey." Yoongi pulls Taehyung's face into his chest, combing his hands through his hair and kissing his forehead. The boy crying in his arms reeks of alcohol and sweat. Yoongi would be disgusted about something like this but, he's not.
"Taehyung..."
"I'm gonna kill him hyung. I want him dead so bad hyung."
Yoongi's body freezes up around Taehyung's.
"Tae... Taehyung don't say that."
"It's true, and if I could I would do it in a heartbeat, sober or not." Yoongi tightens his grip, barely holding on to the least bit of sanity that still remains.
"Taehyung..." Taehyung begins to shiver inside of his leather jacket. Yoongi is at his wits end, not knowing what else to say, not knowing what else to do.
"Tae, let me play you something." Yoongi offers, trying not to weep at how Taehyung can't stand to let him go. Yoongi manages to wrench himself free, only to press play before running back to give comfort with his touch.
The song begins, drowning out all of the sounds in this God-forsaken universe. The trickle of the piano keys is booming, gripping at Taehyung's heart and making his stomach squirm. Something about this is so close, so familiar.
Taehyung releases himself from Yoongi's grasp, leaning into the music as if he can actually feel the waves of sound.
Then Yoongi starts to rap.
Agust D starts to rap.
And suddenly, things make all of the sense world, and then no sense at all.
The song ends and Taehyung feels like he's suffocating. His throat feels too dry, his saliva turned to sandpaper that makes tries to steady his breathing.
"You... You're Agust D..." Yoongi stands.
"Tae―"
"You're fucking Agust D."
"Tae, I was going to tell you but... I just didn't want―"
"You lied to me." Nothing feels real right now. Taehyung doesn't feel real right now. His stomach feels sick, everything within him unbalanced and running amok. His insides feel sour, his blood boiling to the brim.
Yoongi frantically shakes his head. "Taehyung I never meant to hurt you. I just... I wanted you to like me for me. I never meant to lie―"
"But you did, you fucking did." Taehyung snatches himself away from Yoongi's touch, as if the other's touched has burned him severely. Yoongi reaches out.
"Taehyung wait ―"
"This all started because of a lie hyung. Everything we have is based on a fucking lie!"
Yoongi's eyes begin to well up with tear. "Taehyung that's not true. Hyung would never lie to you."
"But you did, hyung did and I came here because you're the one fucking person I could trust and..."
Taehyung has no tears left to cry anymore. Everything within him as died. The flame that served as his heart had burned out, the match now drowning in his sorrows.
All at the hands of Agust D.
"I have to go." Taehyung rushes out before stomping out. Yoongi runs after him.
"Tae stop it. Don't go, don't leave me."
"Yoongi." Taehyung shouts so loud that Yoongi feels his bones rattle. "I can't deal with this, and I especially can't deal with another liar."
Taehyung storms out, leaving a broken, anguished Yoongi.
Taehyung is fucking miserable.
Yoongi hasn't been into the shop in weeks and Taehyung can't even eat without feeling sick to his stomach.
Jimin knows that something is up with his best friend, hell, Jeongguk's oblivious ass even knows, however both of them have tried to get the barista to crack and yet, they have failed each and every time.
Namjoon has called, and called, and called. Taehyung knows exactly what his older brother is calling for, however he doesn't think that this is the time nor the place to talk about his relationship. All Namjoon does is criticize and judge, thinking that he knows best when in reality, big brother advice is not the same as good advice.
Seokjin has been kind, too kind, letting him go way before his shift ends and not threatening to deduct from his paycheck. Tae can't help but to be skeptical, but he knows that it comes from a good place, even if Seokjin looks like an alpaca.
But it's that fateful Friday before Yoongi's concert that the rapper, Agust D to be even more specific, comes into the shop.
His eyes are red, purple bags hang low beneath them, skin paler than usual. Namjoon did happen to mention that him, Yoongi and Hoseok have been pulling all nighters to make this concert come to fruition, and it took every ounce of Taehyung's willpower to not reach out to his boyfriend so that they could mend things.
Yoongi walks up to the counter, his steps heavy and sloth-like. He looks up at Taehyung, his lips slightly chapped and his eyes devoid of color. Yoongi wets his lips before speaking. Taehyung swears his heart stops.
"Hi Tae." Taehyung swallows.
"Hey." He grabs Yoongi's glass. "The usual?"
"Tae I don't want coffee I want to talk." He says. Taehyung huffs.
"Well too bad, because I've already made it." He says before sliding the cup over. Yoongi looks down at the bitter liquid with disdain, a twinge of pain seizing his heart.
"There's nothing in here." Taehyung's brows furrow as he looks down at the cup.
"... Yes there is. It's what you order every morning." And he would know, because every day since their fight Taehyung has made Yoongi's coffee from memory with the hopes that he would show up.
Yoongi swallows down his cries. "No Tae. There's nothing in here." He repeats again, stressing every word as if it were his last. Taehyung looks down at the cup, now realizing what Yoongi must have meant.
The latte art.
"It must have faded away." Which they both know is a damn lie.
Yoongi bites his lip. "Taehyung don't do this. Look I'm sorry for lying to you but I don't believe that that's the reason for all of this." He says, a dangerous glint in his eye that tells Taehyung that he is certain of his claim.
And he's kind of right. Yes, he would have rather Yoongi be truthful with him from the beginning, however that's not the real reason why Taehyung is upset.
The barista sighs, looking to the other people in line who are now getting impatient with waiting. He feels a tap on his shoulder.
He turns to see Jimin smiling cautiously at him. "I can handle the rest of the orders. You two need to talk." He says with finality, as if there is no room for argument.
Taehyung sighs with a less than joyful nod. He opens the counter door for Yoongi to follow him out the back, promptly taking a cigarette out of his pocket before lighting it and putting it to his lips. The cancer stick tastes dull now, after having one too many after not seeing Yoongi for so long. Their argument really took a toll on his mental state, and something about it tells him that this isn't really healthy.
"You smoke." It isn't a question, and Taehyung doesn't really know how to respond so he just shrugs as he exhales the toxins from his nose.
"Yeah."
"You shouldn't."
"Is that why you came here? To berate my bad habits?"
"Tae." Yoongi says briskly as if he were scolding a young child. Taehyung sighs but its then that Yoongi does the unthinkable.
He holds out his hand. "Let me smoke one." He says. Taehyung immediately frowns before shaking his head.
Just the thought of Yoongi's pretty, dainty lips around the tip of a cigarette is enough to make him queasy all over again.
So yeah, maybe he still has a huge thing for Yoongi because obviously, feelings that run that deep don't just disappear into thin air.
However, Taehyung has a lot to deal with right now, and he doesn't think that their relationship can bear the brunt of such a heavy blow.
"No, absolutely not."
"Why not?" Yoongi asks with pouted lips and furrowed brows and wow does Taehyung want to kiss him.
"These things cause lung cancer." He almost snorts as he quotes Jimin, but it's true, and Yoongi shouldn't be tainted like that. He's too good for this shit.
He's too good for Taehyung.
"But you obviously don't care, so why should I?'"
He's got him there.
"Fuck, fine." Tae stubs out the cigarette with his boot before crossing his arms, meeting Yoongi's gaze with a steely one of his own.
"Why did you come here hyung."
Yoongi takes in a shrill breath. "I just want to know what happened the other night. I want to know why you were drunk and... I want to know what's going on so we can fix this." Taehyung laughs bitterly.
"You actually want to fix this? Hyung please. There is nothing to fix."
Taehyung looks up at the clouds, Yoongi desperately trying to find his eyes once more so that the other boy can truly see how he feels, you know, the eyes being the window to the soul and all that.
"Taehyung of course I want to fix this, why else can't I stop thinking about you? Why else would I come here even after all of this?" Yoongi asks, demanding some kind of explanation that he knows Taehyung can't give.
The barista bites the inside of his cheek. "I'm fine hyung."
"Stop lying to me. You get angry at me for lying and then you turn around and do the same thing." Yoongi argues, his cheeks red with rage.
Taehyung scoffs. "Do not pin this on me. You are the one that lied."
"And I apologized because I don't want things to end like this. If you want to break up then say so. If you want to forget about this whole thing then fine. I'll find another shop to go to I don't care but I want the truth." Yoongi bites, his feline-like eyes now covered in a film of wetness. It makes Taehyung's poor heart break at the sight of the unfallen tears, but he has nothing else to say.
He has no fight left.
"It's funny how you want the truth when you couldn't even give it to me." He says gruffly, shaking his head in a somewhat façade of disappointment. Yoongi looks at him pointedly before clenching his jaw, the tears threatening to spill over.
"Fine then Tae. If that's what you want, then fine. I'm done fighting." He says, voice quivering with defeat.
Yoongi walks back to the door, everything surrounding Taehyung his being screaming at him for this to stop, urging him to fix this.
His clothes are too tight, the air is too warm, and the alley he stands in is more condensed, more tight.
Taehyung can't let it end like this.
He can't make the same mistakes again.
"Wait." He calls out, hoping that Yoongi is still somewhat in reach.
He is, turning around with dull, dead eyes before taking in a deep breath, waiting for Taehyung to speak again.
He does.
"I've never had something this good, okay? I was too young to really remember my dad, but what I do remember is that... he loved my mom, very much. I've fucked up a lot of things, and for so long, being treated the way that I've always been treated... I never thought I could deserve someone so good. Hyung... I never thought I could deserve someone like you. So... no... I didn't just run away because you lied... I ran away because... fuck hyung, I'm so fucking scared. I'm-I'm scared that at the end of the day... I'm gonna fuck up so bad that you'll end up leaving me... just like everyone else does. And so... I thought I could beat you to it so that it would hurt me less but in reality... it only made me feel worse, knowing that I messed up a good thing on purpose, all because I was too fucking scared to just... I don't know, let it happen naturally..."
Taehyung doesn't realize he's crying until his face feels all wet and warm, his hands trembling helplessly by his sides. He's never told anyone this. The mere thought of admitting to himself that everyone leaves him because of him is, well, terrifying.
But right now, it doesn't seem so scary.
Taehyung closes his eyes, his lashes threading together, knitted with his tears. It isn't until he feels a warm, supple hand against his cheek that he opens them, Yoongi guiding his face up so that their eyes can meet.
Yoongi is crying too.
"Taehyung... Tae... I am so sorry that the people you love have left you. I am sorry that things have just been so shitty and so fucked up that you didn't even know who to turn to.. but let me tell you, I am not one of those people. I will never let you go... no matter the reason... okay? Tae you, you have to trust me... I know that I lied and I promise you, I'll never lie to you but, you have to be truthful with me too... because for this to work, I don't need you to be perfect. I don't even need you to be happy all the time I just... I just want you to be you, and nothing else, okay?" Yoongi cries, holding Taehyung's cheeks in the palms of his hands.
Taehyung sniffles, leaning into Yoongi's touch before he wraps his arms around the smaller's waist, hugging him tight and burying his nose into the neck of Yoongi's sweater. The rapper smiles, kissing Taehyung's cheek and wrapping his arms around Tae's neck.
"Don't leave me hyung... I can't handle another person that I love leaving me..."
"I'm not going anywhere."
The air is muggy, stale even. The lights are low and drunken, sweaty bodies are bumping to the music pounding in the speakers above.
Yoongi was never one for underground joints but, he can settle for anywhere with a certain Kim Taehyung.
It's almost time for Cypher to go on and Taehyung?
Taehyung is thrilled.
"You ready to blow them away kitten?" Taehyung asks, his arms tight around Yoongi's waist as they dance to the last act before the grand finale. Yoongi purses his lips, a finger to his chin as he looks up to the sky in thought. He has on a bandana, one of Taehyung's to be exact, and he looks as beautiful as ever, in a leather jacket with matching pants to boot.
"Hmm... I don't know. I didn't have my coffee this morning so, I think I'm ready to pass out." Taehyung rolls his eyes as Yoongi begins to giggle.
Yeah, Taehyung will never get used to that giggle.
"Alright love birds, it's time to get set up hyung. We're on deck." Hoseok says in a hurry before him and Namjoon head to the backstage area. Namjoon gives Taehyung a quick hug, a feeling that the barista is not accustomed to but... not too opposed to either.
Jeongguk and Jimin are squealing with joy, Seokjin stares on like the proud parent he is, and Taehyung?
Taehyung can't take his eyes off of Yoongi.
"Break a leg kitten." Yoongi raises a brow.
"Did you just tell me to break my leg? Is that a threat?"
"That's what I said!"
"Kookie shut up!"
Taehyung and Yoongi ignore their dumb ass friends, the barista pressing one last kiss to his boyfriend's lips. "I love you." He says without thinking, fear striking his heart before suddenly, a fierce, bruising kiss is pressed to his lips.
"I love you more." Yoongi says before bolting onto the stage.
And... maybe it's the way Yoongi lights up the entire room when he raps or, maybe its the fearsome, dignified attention that he draws from the crowd with no remorse.
Maybe it's his unmistakable love for coffee.
But maybe, just maybe, Kim Taehyung is kinda, sorta in love.
And for the first time in a long time.
Someone loves him back just as much and maybe even more.
And the I LOVE YOU in Yoongi's cup the next morning is his favorite yet.