Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

❦

Don't be afraid to dive
Be afraid that you didn't try
These moments remind us why
We're here, we're so alive

“Wasted Nights,” ONE OK ROCK

SWAGBR00z [ 4 members, 2 online ]

ddaengmin (11:43 AM):
anyone free 4 lunch?
i’ll b at the engineering cafeteria

hwhj2000 (11:50 AM):
i have a grp meeting in ten
sry seungminnie
i think lix is free but
he had a mtg w his adviser half an hr ago
idk if that’s done with?
dont u usually have lunch w ji on wednesdays?

ddaengmin (11:51 AM):
yea but he also has mtg w his adviser
and lunch time’s his only free time

hwhj2000 (11:55 AM):
sry minnie :(
but let’s all try for dinner this friday

ddaengmin (11:56 AM):
i have a group mtg then but
late dinner?

hwhj2000 (11:59 AM):
let’s plan when the other 2 r here
gotta go 4 now
my groupm8s r here
ttyl!

When their last year (barring unforeseen circumstances, fingers crossed), kicks off, it gets quite hectic faster than Seungmin had anticipated. If he thought he and his friends had little to no time to spend together, it gets even worse. Even he and Jisung don’t see as much of each other these days, especially outside of class. The other boy had taken in two new tutoring clients - which Seungmin was skeptical about, especially since their final year meant a new truckload of responsibilities which included working on their senior thesis, and eventually, a summer internship. 

“I can do this,” Jisung had insisted. “I’m the king of multi-tasking!” 

It was annoyingly true - Jisung was the type to thrive when he had his plate full, but at the same time, Seungmin didn’t like the idea that he was spreading himself too thin. They almost had an argument about it, too, which had ended in the two of them seriously discussing not pairing up for their undergraduate thesis. “We have different study habits,” Jisung points out, and Seungmin, flashing back to that time when he had unthinkingly blamed his less-than-stellar midterm grades on him, had to agree. Eventually, Jisung had ended up partnered with Yeji, with whom they regularly had study groups with throughout their years in university, while Seungmin chose to work on his own. Admittedly, it was a little weird - his chat window with Jisung was always blowing up, so it isn’t as if his friend was really giving him room to actually miss him, but at the same time, he was so used to working on everything with Jisung that it took some time to get used to this new normal between them.

Hyunjin, too, keeps in constant contact with through instant messaging, but since he has as many responsibilities and engagements with Jisung, and they have zero classes together, he’s also the one Seungmin sees the least in person.

He and Felix still had English Conversation Club together, but it’s a group that barely met anyway, and even when it did, neither of them really showed up regularly. Still, he ends up being the that Seungmin sees a lot of, because, much like most of the previous year, the two of them have continued to make a habit out of hanging out at Coffee One after school. Four out of five days of the week, one can usually find the two of them at a table at the far corner of the store, their respective laptops, books and other revision materials spread out across them, both of them with their heads down as they focused on their school work.

Jisung had commented on it again, once, “You really have been getting closer with Felix.” Seungmin is pretty sure that the repetition of this observation is Jisung trying to imply something, but just like before, he brushes it off. 

Whatever feelings had surfaced during last year’s holidays, have been pushed back down once more. He doesn’t have time for them, and four out of five days a week, Felix was still making googly eyes at Chan, which did nothing but help enable Seungmin’s conscious attempt at ignoring things like the fluttering in his chest whenever Felix’s arm brushes against his own when they share a slice of cake, and the easy tugging at the corners of his lips whenever Felix’s face would light up every time he finishes his workbook problem sets.

“Hey, hyung, you eating alone today?” 

Seungmin is pulled out of his thoughts by a familiar tone, and by the time he looks up, Jeongin is already pulling out the chair across his, and setting his tray of food down on the table.

“Don’t you have Construction Engineering right now?” Seungmin asks in between taking a bite of his meal. Jeongin gives him a weird look, probably confused as to why and how Seungmin knows his schedule as well as he does, but Seungmin just shrugs in response. “My mind retains this type of information easily, okay?” He explains unnecessarily.

Jeongin laughs, possibly at Seungmin’s needlessly defensive remark. “The professor didn’t turn up, and I was starving,” he finally explains. “Where are the other hyungs— oh! Your boyfriend’s here.”

Mouth full with food, all Seungmin can do is react silently at Jeongin’s words, eyes widening in confusion; and then he follows Jeongin’s gaze until they land on Felix, and he almost chokes on his food. “What—” He immediately reaches for his glass, gulping down water in an attempt to help push the food down, except he just ends up sputtering some more, much to Jeongin’s very obvious enjoyment.

“I only said that to get a reaction out of you,” Jeongin tells him, laughing as he waves Felix over. “And it was kind of worth it.”

“Shut—” Seungmin hisses, still coughing a bit as he tries to clear his throat; he keeps glaring at Jeongin, who keeps a disaffected smile on his face. 

“Hey guys,” Felix greets them, smiling and immediately taking the free seat next to Seungmin once he reaches them. “Are you okay?” He asks, hand already reaching over to gently rub Seungmin’s back.

“Yeah,” Seungmin mumbles, tipping his water bottle up against his lips once again, careful as he takes in another gulp of water. He’s glad that his coughing mishap is probably enough explanation for the red that’s likely coloring his cheeks. “Food just went down funny. Why are you here—? I thought Hyunjin said you had a meeting with your adviser?”

“Yeah, but I finished, and from the conversation in the group I thought you were eating alone so I hurried here,” Felix explains, smiling even as his eyes curiously land on Jeongin.

“Cancelled class,” Jeongin answers simply, waving his hand. “Don’t mind me.”

Felix’s laughter sounds tentative, as if confused by Jeongin’s blunt reaction, but whatever hesitation there is, vanishes so quickly that Seungmin assumes he must have imagined it. “Ah, well, glad Seungmin didn’t have to eat alone after all,” he comments, turning to face Seungmin with his usual earnest smile. “Oh, and— my 4 o’clock class is cancelled so you don’t have to wait until 5 for me this afternoon,” he says, his smile growing like he’s so happy to be sharing this news. Seungmin’s Mondays and Wednesdays ended at four, but since Felix had a laboratory class until half past five, he always waited for him so they could drive together - usually, with Jeongin - to Coffee One.

“Oh, okay— meet me at the Engineering parking lot at four, then?” His voice still a bit hoarse from his little choking mishap earlier.

“Okay,” Felix says, patting Seungmin’s back one last time, before standing again. “Thanks! I’m gonna go get myself something to eat—” He glances down at Seungmin and points at his now empty water bottle. “You want more water, Seungminnie?”

“Um—” Seungmin shoves a spoonful of rice into his mouth, before nodding wordlessly in response.

“Hyung,” Jeongin starts, as soon as Felix is safely out of earshot. “Are you okay there?” It’s a question that’s supposed to show concern, but the tone that Jeongin uses is teasing, and almost smug.

“Yes??” Seungmin glowers, placing his utensils down and making sure to swallow properly before continuing. “Stop being a brat or I won’t give you a ride to Coffee One this afternoon.”

Jeongin laughs, even louder this time. “I don’t have a shift this afternoon, hyung— I did a double last weekend because Jiheon asked to switch this week. So—” He grins, and wags his eyebrows at Seungmin. “You can have Felix-hyung all to yourself this afternoon.”

Seungmin winces, and then he rolls his eyes. “What are you even trying to imply?”

“I mean—” Jeongin grins and shrugs. “If you don’t want to talk about what I’m trying to imply, then we don’t have to.”

“Whatever,” Seungmin grumbles, looking down at his food, just mixing the rice because he definitely doesn’t want to.

Whatever, he thinks, because it’s not like he actually will have Felix to himself. Chan is always at the cafe, after all. Whatever, he thinks, because it’s not as if he should care.

“No Jeongin?” Felix asks when he slides into the passenger seat, and Seungmin almost immediately starts the engine.

“He said he doesn’t have work today,” Seungmin explains, shrugging as he focuses on pulling out of his parking space.

“Oh—” Felix nods, and for a brief moment, from the corner of his vision, Seungmin thinks he notices the corners of Felix’s lips turn up higher. Which doesn’t make sense, so he shakes it off, and just focuses on the road as he drives.

“Hey, how was your meeting with your adviser earlier, by the way?” He asks as they exit the university gates. Seungmin had meant to ask about this earlier, because Hyunjin wasn’t in the meeting with Felix, and as far as he knows, unlike him and Jisung, the two of them have decided to work on their thesis together. Jeongin had distracted him from bringing it up earlier during lunch, though, and he only just remembered his curiosity now.

“Ah, that…” Felix’s expression falls, and he trails off. A quick sideways glance at him tells Seungmin that he’s wearing that expression he tends to have when he’s trying to figure out how to say what he wants to say - Felix hasn’t really worn that expression with him for a long while, because the Australian has long ago found that Seungmin was completely fine with him just switching to English whenever he needed or wanted to. Clearly, it isn’t a language issue that Felix is facing now.

“Is everything okay?” Seungmin’s tone softens, and when he has to stop for a red light, he makes a point of turning to look at the other male, his expression filled with concern. Felix grins at him, and reaches over to squeeze Seungmin’s arm, which feels wrong because even though he doesn’t know what it is that’s bothering his friend just yet, Seungmin wants to be there for Felix, instead of the latter needing to comfort him because of his concern.

“Everything’s fine,” Felix tells him, sitting up properly and smiling at Seungmin. “For now, anyway,” he appends with a sigh. “Our adviser also teaches our Financial Engineering class, which I’m kinda bombing at the moment— so Professor Shin wants me to get my midterm grades above average, or she won’t write me a referral for a summer internship.”

“What—?!” Seungmin frowns, almost missing the fact that the light has turned green much to the chagrin of the driver of the car behind them, who proceeds to honk at him loudly. “That’s not fair!”

Felix hums. “I guess she just wants the best for me,” he reasons, clearly still trying to put a positive spin on things. “If I work harder, I get my grades up, and she helps me get an internship— I win all around.”

Seungmin grimaces and shakes his head. “If it was me in your shoes, I’d be livid right now!” He exclaims; he isn’t even in Felix’s shoes and he’s already annoyed.

“Yeah, but you’d never be in this predicament, Seungminnie,” Felix points out. “Because you’re smart, and you’re good at everything.”

He sighs, because all he wants to do now is help alleviate Felix’s insecurities. “I’m not really,” he argues gently. “Good at everything, I mean. But— I’d be good at helping you anyway. So don’t worry, I’ll help you ace midterms!” He isn’t exactly an expert at financial engineering, and he’s never taken the class either, but he had taken a numerical analysis core subject the previous term which had briefly touched on financial engineering, at least.

“Seungmin—” Felix laughs. “You don’t have to. You already help me a lot, as it is. And you have more than enough on your own plate!”

“Well,” Seungmin waves a hand dismissively, “I wasn’t even actively trying to help you before, so—!” He laughs, and quickly flashes a supportive grin at his friend. “Imagine how much more I’d be able to help if I actually actively try to.”

“I— well,” Felix laughs even more; the tension present on his features just a couple of minutes earlier is completely gone, which makes Seungmin feel relief. “I can’t argue with your logic,” Felix adds, nodding. “Thank you, Seungminnie.”

“No problem,” he answers, and because for a very brief moment, he’s feeling quite bold, he adds, without much thought, “Anything for you, Lix.”

As it turns out, there is way more to financial engineering than whatever it is that was touched upon briefly in Seungmin’s old numerical analysis course. Still, that doesn’t faze him, and even though Felix repeatedly tells him that it’s more than enough that Seungmin regularly lets him study with him (“I told you, when we’re together, I soak up your genius vibes, and it makes me feel smarter, and that manifests in my work!” Felix had even declared at one point), he refused to have it. Seungmin was determined to actively help Felix raise his grades up, which is how he ends up reviewing one of Felix’s research papers for his last Humanities elective, while his friend pores through a review packet that Seungmin had also helped collate.

He’s quietly writing notes in the margins of Felix’s paper, when he suddenly feels his friend rest his chin on his arm. The first thing Seungmin does is try to chase away that usual (by now) fluttering in his chest, before grunting in acknowledgment.

“What are you doing?” He asks softly, without turning his head because he’s afraid that if he does, all his blood is just going to rush to his face because of their proximity.

“I’m—” Felix has to pause as he opens his mouth to yawn before continuing, “—sleepy. I’ve read the reviewer front to back at least a dozen times now, if I read it again my head will explode.” He’s mumbling lazily, sounding as sleepy as he has just declared; Seungmin wants to berate him - he has an oral quiz the day after, and he wants Felix to do well, but he just doesn’t have it in him to scold his friend. Especially not when he’s suddenly taken to lazily nuzzling against Seungmin’s  arm.

“Lix—” Seungmin starts, quickly glancing at the time display on his phone screen. It says it’s a few minutes past 9; with midterms fast approaching, the two of them have been spending late nights at the cafe, typically fueled with caffeine and sugary sweets. “You want to go home?”

“Aren’t we waiting for Jeongin to finish his shift?” Felix asks, and Seungmin’s gaze travels towards the direction of the counter where Jeongin was in the middle of taking an order from a pair of girls. He still had an hour left on his shift, so Seungmin simply shrugs.

“I guess we can,” he murmurs. “I’m almost done with your paper, too.”

“You know you don’t have to triple check it,” Felix says, sighing and moving away from Seungmin’s arm, only to rest his cheek against his hand instead.

“I know—” Seungmin agrees. “But I wanted to.”

Felix sighs. “Why are you working so hard on helping me study?” He laughs, and straightens up finally. “By the way, that study mix you made? Really did help me last night,” he says, grinning appreciatively as he refers to the playlist Seungmin had curated for him, and which he had specifically filled with songs that typically help him focus when he's studying. “Thanks.”

“Because you’re my friend, and I want you to realise that you’re actually really smart,” Seungmin says matter-of-factly. “It’s just that you’re easily distracted,” he adds with a chuckle, finally putting his pen down and handing Felix’s paper back to him. “Also, sometimes you have a little trouble putting your thoughts together cohesively, but that doesn’t take away from— you know. Your actual smarts. So never think otherwise.”

He doesn’t know where all that had come from, or why he’d chosen that moment to unload the speech on Felix. His friend seems taken aback as well, at least for a grand total of five seconds - after which his surprise naturally transforms into a pleased expression. 

“Thanks Minnie,” Felix croaks, his voice low and appreciative, and once again, the sweet way he says it makes Seungmin’s stomach turn in a strange, but not entirely unpleasant way.

“Hey you guys—” Before Seungmin can think of anything more to say, their little conversation is interrupted as Chan approaches their table. The way Felix sits up straight, and smiles wider at his arrival isn’t lost on Seungmin either.

“Hey, hyung!” Felix chirps, bright, and less sleepy sounding than he had just a minute ago.

“Hi, hyung,” Seungmin echoes, smiling as well, because truth be told he likes Chan. The older male is nice, friendly and always gives them discounts on their drinks. Jeongin also vouches for him being a good boss, and all things considered, Seungmin doesn’t really have any reason to not like him.

“We’re introducing a new product next week,” Chan exclaims, as he sets down a plate with two brown buns, both smelling delicious and freshly baked, on the table in front of the two of them. “Coffee buns,” he explains, “and my two favorite customers get to taste test.”

“Oooh!” Felix immediately makes a grab at one of the buns, sniffing at it before taking a big bite. “Hyung it’s—” He nods enthusiastically, flashing a thumb up at Chan, who turns to observe Seungmin next.

“Thanks, hyung,” Seungmin says, reaching for the remaining piece of bread. “They smell really good,” he comments, before taking a tentative bite.

Chan nods, seemingly satisfied that both of them have tried the so-called new product. “Well enjoy eating, and then later, you can give me some proper feedback,” he tells them with a smile, before turning and heading back to behind the counter, soon enough disappearing into the kitchen afterwards.

Seungmin continues to quietly eat the bread, unsure what to do now that he’s done checking Felix’s paper, so he just watches as his friend skims through the notes he’s written on the margins. 

“This is actually pretty good,” he mumbles, referring to the coffee bun, talking just so he can break the sudden silence.

“It is, isn’t it?” Felix agrees heartily, taking yet another bite and flashing a closed-mouth smile as he chews on his food. “Hyung was over a couple of weeks ago, and he was talking to noona about really wanting to expand this place’s menu.”

“He was… over?” It shouldn’t be a surprise, since they did live right across each other, yet hearing Felix say it feels weird anyway.

“Yeah, he was borrowing sugar but—” Felix laughs, as if amused by whatever memory it is that he’s just conjured. “My sister made him stay for breakfast. It was a weekend—”

Seungmin nods slowly; Felix looks like he has more trivialities to share, but Seungmin, overtaken with overwhelming curiosity, suddenly asks, “Are you ever going to tell Chan-hyung that you like him?”

Felix, halfway through biting into his coffee bread, is obviously taken aback by the question, his eyes growing wide in shock. “What—?” And then he takes a beat, before his face relaxes, and laughter trickles out of his throat. “Oh, right! That happened— I did like him, didn’t I?”

It’s Seungmin’s turn to be baffled at Felix’s reaction. “Yes—? You don’t anymore?” To be fair, Felix hasn’t really mentioned anything about his crush on Chan in months, but Seungmin just assumed that was because he did say that he wanted to focus on other things - but that was an entire year ago, and as far as Seungmin is concerned, Felix hasn’t really looked at Chan any differently.

“Not really,” Felix shakes his head; he’s chuckling like the crush Seungmin is referring to is now clearly a ridiculous and far-off memory, and it brings an embarrassed flush to Seungmin’s cheeks. “It’s so long ago, I guess I kind of… forgot. Besides, I think he’s interested in my sister.”

“Oh.” Seungmin kind of hates himself for the mild relief that he feels from the revelation. “I’m sorry,” he adds, gently pressing against his friend’s side as he offers a small smile. It occurs to him that this wouldn’t be the first time that someone Felix is interested in, had ended up liking someone that’s close to him, and it makes Seungmin feel even more awful about his earlier relief.

“Don’t be!” Felix grins as he slides an arm around Seungmin. “It was a really brief crush— I think it tells you a lot that I’ve forgotten about it. Lots of things happened over the last year, after all.”

Seungmin sighs and turns to look at Felix, forcing himself to smile and accept the reassurance that Felix is giving him. “I guess it’s just as well, huh? This year’s going to be even busier than last year,” he points out.

“Exactly,” Felix nods. “I wasn’t in the right state to be dating much last year, and that hasn’t changed this year.”

“Right,” Seungmin nods, consciously making sure that his smile doesn’t falter even though Felix’s declaration has his heart sinking into his stomach.

— ❦ —

Felix, unsurprisingly (to Seungmin, at least) aces his midterms, and earns a presumably glowing referral letter from his adviser that helps him get his summer internship of choice - which just happens to be at a manufacturing plant located in Daejeon. He and Hyunjin had secured jobs at the same company, one which had also graciously arranged their living arrangements at a dormitory in the area, allowing them easy daily commute.

Seungmin, on the other hand, chose an internship at a company based in Seoul. It was a big, renowned construction firm, where Jisung’s boyfriend, Minho, worked at, which meant Jisung had vied for the same internship - lucky for them, they’d manage to secure two out of five spots offered. (“Just when I thought I’d gotten rid of you,” Seungmin had joked at Jisung, even though he was actually secretly glad that they were doing this together.)

The respective locations, and their busy schedules, unfortunately meant that Seungmin and Jisung were going to see even less of Hyunjin and Felix. On top of that, as much as Minho has grown on him, Seungmin wasn’t really looking forward to being a third-wheel to Minho and Jisung. (“Don’t worry,” Jisung had assured him, even though he hadn’t even voiced this concern out loud. “Minho-hyung likes you, he thinks you’re funny,” he clarified, and Seungmin wasn’t sure if Jisung was just clowning him, because he isn’t exactly known for his humor.)

Except, as it turns out, Seungmin’s concerns were baseless anyway.

“I really thought I’d at least see more of him if I worked here,” Jisung grumbles over lunch, not for the first time since the two of them started working at the firm two weeks ago.

“He isn’t joining us today?” Seungmin asks; to be fair Minho tries to have lunch with them as much as he can, but interns usually took their break at a different hour.

“Nope, his team is having a meeting about their new project, and I think he said he’s going to be spending most of next week on site at the construction area,” Jisung says with a sigh. “Sorry,” he says after pushing his food down with a gulp of cola. “I’m being ridiculous.”

“Good that you know,” Seungmin deadpans, even though he actually doesn’t truly mind Jisung’s whining - in fact, for once, he thinks he kind of gets it. Jisung has been working a lot harder this year than Seungmin has ever seen him, and he knows that means he and Minho have even less time for each other. His passive response has Jisung pouting though, which makes Seungmin feel bad. He nudges Jisung’s foot with his under the table, and flashes a small smile when his friend looks up at him. “I didn’t mean that,” he mumbles. “You aren’t being ridiculous. You miss your boyfriend, it’s understandable.”

“You’re being extra nice, it’s kinda scary,” Jisung says after a moment of pause; he chuckles and shakes his head. “I know I’m still being a little silly though, especially since I’m sure you’re missing Felix too—” Seungmin wrinkles his nose, especially as Jisung grins, making a very obviously deliberate pause, before adding, “—and Hyunjin, of course.”

Seungmin narrows his eyes at Jisung, who keeps wearing his shit-eating smile anyway, and he almost regrets being nice just a minute ago. “Yeah, well, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Jisung nods. “Sure, of course, I do too.”

There’s something teasing about his tone that almost makes Seungmin snap, but he manages to control his temper with a deep breath, and he manages to let it go by just rolling his eyes at his friend.

“I guess at least their meat buns here are really good,” Jisung says finally, after several minutes of silence pass, sighing as he bites into his second pork bun.

“I like their tonkatsu too,” Seungmin offers in a quiet voice, pushing around the rice in his bowl as he forces himself to focus on the positive like Jisung is clearly doing. He’s actually truly enjoying the hands-on job experience this summer is giving him, and he’d rather revel in that completely rather than pay any mind to the occasional sting he feels whenever he checks his phone, only to find that his group chat with his best friends is half-dead.

Besides, it would do nobody any good if both he and Jisung are regularly complaining about missing people, and Jisung, at least, is missing his actual boyfriend.

“Hello—?” Seungmin mumbles into the speaker of his phone after he answers it, too tired to even bother checking the name on the screen before he does.

It’s a three weeks into the summer, a Friday, and Seungmin had come home late after having a round of drinks with his fellow interns. He’d caught a glimpse of the time when he’d arrived home, and it had been a few shy minutes away from midnight. He assumes it’s around half past now, because he’s done washing up and he really just wants to go to sleep. In fact, his head had just hit the pillow when he’d heard the loud, incessant buzzing of his phone on his night stand.

“Jisung—?” He asks as soon as he picks up, not bothering check the display and simply assuming that’s who it is, because who else would it be at this hour? His friend probably forgot to tell him something - most likely something trivial, at that.

“No, it’s me.” The voice from the other end is deep and gravelly, yet somewhat soft, like he’s as tired as Seungmin himself is feeling. “Were you expecting Jisungie to call?”

The familiar tone has Seungmin sitting right back up, suddenly feeling quite awake. “Lix, hey—!” He wonders if Felix can tell how widely he’s smiling, from how he sounds. He hopes not.

“Did I wake you up?”

“No—” Seungmin shakes his head vehemently, before quietly laughing because it’s not as if Felix can see him. “No. I just got home, actually.”

“Oh, yeah!” Felix sounds way too enthusiastic at this hour, but Seungmin doesn’t mind. “I was messaging Jisung this afternoon, and he told me about your plans. Did you have fun?”

“I guess, yeah, a bit— I even got a bit knackered,” Seungmin offers with a soft chuckle, his head making a soft thud as it hits the pillow again after Seungmin lays back down. “Didn’t drive today.”

“Really—?” Felix laughs, and even though he doesn’t want to admit it even to himself, Seungmin thinks he’s really missed that sound. “I can’t imagine you being drunk at all, Min— We’ve been friends four years, and I’ve never seen you drunk.”

“I—” Seungmin huffs. “I didn’t say I got drunk! I just got a bit tipsy, is all.” He thinks Felix has at least seen him slightly buzzed, but then he laughs again, because maybe not - if Seungmin is at his tipsy point, then Felix is usually already past drunk. “Wait—” He rolls onto his back, and stares up at his ceiling when he realises something. “Why’d you call? Did something happen? Is anything wrong—?”

There’s a couple of seconds of nothing but silence, and Seungmin feels rising panic in his chest. But then, Felix lets out an embarrassed sounding whinge, and it’s oddly relaxing.

“No, nothing’s wrong,” Felix says. “I just—” He pauses, but Seungmin is used to this with him, and he easily manages to be patient long enough to wait for him to gather his thoughts. “I don’t know,” Felix adds, chuckling softly. “We just haven’t talked in a while.”

Seungmin feels his cheeks warming up; they have had a few short exchanges through messenger, but Hyunjin and Felix are barely allowed access to their phones during the day. “That’s true,” Seungmin murmurs. “How are things there—? How’s Hyunjin?”

“Asleep,” Felix answers, before laughing. “Speaking of getting drunk— Hyunjin got really piss drunk the other night, it was kind of really funny.”

“Are you trying to tell me, you were sober enough to recall Hyunjin’s drunk antics?” Seungmin teases.

“Oy!” Felix laughs even more, and Seungmin finds himself sitting up again, hugging a pillow close to his chest as he comfortably leans back against the headboard. “But— yeah. Surprisingly, I was. The seniors at work kept offering him shots, and you know he has a hard time refusing people.” Seungmin hums to acknowledge that he’s still listening, and Felix goes on, getting more animated sounding as he continues his story. “So yeah, he was kind of far gone before the night was even over— and by ten in the evening, he kept talking to everyone… in English!”

“Wait, what—?!” Seungmin snorts, the story having taken a turn that he hadn’t been expecting.

“Yeah,” and Felix’s excitement is even more apparent now because he’s taken to talking in English. “He kept talking to the seniors in English, and half of them were amused, and half were confused about what he was saying, Seungminnie! I didn’t even realise his English was that good and I’ve known him four years—” Felix chortles; he’s rambling non-stop now, as he tends to when it’s just the two of them talking. “I guess he just gets a bit self-conscious speaking in English when he’s sober. I can kind of understand that, yeah? I used to be the same when speaking in Korean. Still feel like that sometimes— you know what he said to me? ‘Seungmin’s not the only one you can talk to, you know!’ like you’re the only one I talk to—?”

“I’m confused,” Seungmin mumbles, but he can’t help his own soft teetering. He also can’t help but wonder what Hyunjin actually means by his words, even though Felix doesn’t seem to be bothered at all.

“Yeah, me too,” Felix acquiesces. “But I assume it was the alcohol talking— his hangover the day after was pretty bad, but— he’s lucky. All the seniors at work really do love him, because they barely assigned him to work on anything the entire day. Me and my mild hangover was stuck working on a flow chart presentation for my team leader.”

“That sounds accurately Hyunjinnie,” Seungmin hums. “People adore him wherever he goes.” He wonders, though, if Felix realises that he actually has the same effect on most people.

“Yeah…” Felix trails off into more laughter. “Oh! But— he's lucky, Changbin-hyung is visiting this weekend. Guess I’m gonna be stuck being the third wheel.”

“Yeah—? Welcome to the club,” Seungmin deadpans. “Imagine my life with Jisung and Minho-hyung. Everyday.”

“That’s— true,” Felix admits with a chortle. “Sorry for your life, Seungmin.”

“...I was kidding,” Seungmin huffs. “We hardly ever see Minho-hyung, to be honest.”

“I know,” Felix chirps, and the admittance has Seungmin whinging through the line. “Jisung and I regularly message, remember?”

“I—” Seungmin snorts. “Right— either way, good luck, you’re actually going to have to live that life this weekend.”

“I wish you were coming instead,” Felix says, and then there’s a pause which makes Seungmin’s heart skip a beat, before, “You and Jisung, I mean.”

Seungmin exhales quietly, and he takes a few seconds, sinking back down in his bed before responding, “Yeah. Maybe we can, before the summer’s over? It’s not a very long train ride.”

“Aren’t you and Jisung super busy?”

“We can make time on a weekend for you guys,” Seungmin assures him. “Maybe the next one?”

“Oh! No need—! Hyunjin and I are going home next weekend— so maybe the one after?”

Seungmin smiles, thinking it would actually be nice to get away from Seoul, even for just a day or two, especially if it meant seeing Felix and Hyunjin. He makes a mental note to bring it up with Jisung as soon as possible.

“Sounds good,” He agrees out loud. “And next week, you and Hyunjin are having lunch with us, yeah?”

“Yes, okay, definitely!”

They trail off into silence that Seungmin thinks can be described as companionable - which is strange, because he never thought that was possible over the phone line. He thinks that maybe, if they don’t have anything to talk about anymore, they should probably hang up - it’s late, and both of them are clearly tired and in need of some rest. Except he really doesn’t want the call to end just yet.

“Seungmin?” After almost a minute of nothing but phone static and light humming, Felix pipes up again.

“Yeah?”

“Did you know that Hyunjin snores?” He asks, surprising Seungmin into instant laughter.

“What!”

“Yeah—” Felix snickers, sounding pleased at Seungmin’s reaction. “He’s starting right now, you wanna hear? He talks in his sleep, too, sometimes. We’ve all spent the night together before, but? We’ve never heard him do this before!”

Seungmin hears soft rustling, and indeterminate movement from the other end, before the sound of faint snoring fills his ears.

“Felix—!!” He hisses, wheezing as he tries to hold back his laughter. He was so exhausted and ready to sleep not even half an hour earlier, and now he’s so awake and alert.

The sound of snoring fades away soon enough, replaced by more of Felix’s low chuckles. “Sorry, I just needed for you to hear proof!”

“Tch—” Seungmin snorts. “I guess it’s because he’s super tired. Isn’t it supposed to be like that…? You snore when you’re really stressed or tired.”

“I guess so,” Felix muses. “Poor Hyunjin, though. I guess he has been pretty tired…”

“We all have, I assume,” Seungmin murmurs. “Are you getting enough rest, Lix? Aren’t you tired right now?”

“Oh, yeah, don’t worry— and even if I’m tired, I’d rather be talking to you anyway,” Felix shares openly - so naturally, and matter-of-fact, completely oblivious about that way his words make Seungmin feel like he has butterflies in his stomach.

“Okay, then, just keep talking,” Seungmin tells him. “Tell me about your day— your week? Tell me anything.”

And so Felix does - he talks about his day, about the little tasks he’s been assigned to at work, and he goes on to talk about how his week has been, about his entire summer so far. He describes the other interns he and Hyunjin are dorming with, and the other members of his team. He makes Seungmin feel like he knows everyone new that he’s met in Daejeon so far, and Seungmin just listens. Occasionally he’d laugh, because Felix’s laughter is as contagious as it always has been, and occasionally he’d add to the conversation with an anecdote or two of his own. The night grows deeper, until somewhere along he ends up dozing off to the sound of Felix’s sleep voice.

ddaengmin (10:03 AM):
good morning!
sry i fell asleep on u last night ㅠㅠ

lix_the_cat (10:21 AM):
hey!
g’morning!
i think i fell asleep without realising u did
so i guess i sort of fell asleep on u too 😅

ddaengmin (10:22 AM):
...well that’s just silly ㅋ
the last thing i rmb is u telling me abt chaerin?
chaeyoung?
what’s the name again? ur teamm8 who’s been to aus

lix_the_cat (10:25 AM):
chaerin
...i don’t even rmb talking abt her
guess we just rly did fall asleep on each other

ddaengmin (10:27 AM):
i feel like u’re saying i’m boring now —_—  

lix_the_cat (10:36 AM):
i’m not!!!!!
ah, hyunjin says hi
also changbin-hyung is here now
they want to go out and eat
i’ll call u again soon seungminnie!

“Hey, Seungmin.”

When a hand claps on Seungmin’s shoulder one morning, while he’s queuing for coffee at the Starbucks a block and a half away from the company building, he almost jumps out of his shoes.

“Minho-hyung—” He squeaks in recognition, once he turns and finds that it’s just the older male.

“You haven’t even had caffeine yet, and you’re already this jumpy,” Minho observes with a sardonic chuckle.

“You just surprised me, is all,” Seungmin mumbles, cheeks warming up in embarrassment even as they go forward together when the line moves.

They don’t say much to each other until they’re right in front of the counter, and after Seungmin orders his usual (“Tall macchiato, hot, please,” he tells the female barista who smiles at him knowingly - it’s no surprise that she’s familiar with Seungmin, considering morning coffee at this branch has been Seungmin’s daily routine for the past two months) and Minho quickly slides both his loyalty card and credit card over.

“One tall Americano,” Minho tells the barista, before nodding at Seungmin. “It’s on me.”

“Hyung, no need—” Seungmin tries to argue, but it’s useless because the cashier is already processing the payment. “Thanks,” he says, sighing and offering Minho a grateful smile in the end.

“No problem,” Minho assures him, and they move to the side so they can wait for their drinks to be prepared. “You always go to work this early?”

A quick glance at the time would show that both of them have a good half hour left before their work shifts start, and admittedly, Seungmin is always around this early most days. “I always get coffee here, hyung, and I’d rather be safe, than late and without coffee for the morning. Why are you early?”

“Oh, I have an early morning presentation so—” Minho shrugs; and then he fixes a curious stare at Seungmin which makes the latter feel somewhat anxious. Seungmin isn’t sure how to act, and he’s feeling quite awkward. He and Minho are friendly enough, especially when at least Jisung is around. But it’s just the two of them now, and he isn’t really sure how to facilitate conversation with Minho.

“Good luck with that, hyung,” is what he ends up saying cautiously in the end.

“Thanks,” Minho nods, blinking several times, before, “Actually, Seungmin, I’m curious about something—”

“Coffee for Lee Minho!” A voice calls out, cutting whatever it is that Minho was about to ask Seungmin. He holds a finger up, and both of them go to claim their drinks.

“Thank you again, hyung,” Seungmin repeats as they both walk towards the exit. “Next time, I’ll pay.”

“Okay,” Minho agrees easily; when he laughs his eyes sparkle and the corners of his lips turn up prettily, and Seungmin partially understands why his friend is so into him. “I won’t say no to free coffee,” Minho adds cheekily. “But as I was saying earlier, there’s something I’m curious about.”

“Right—?” Seungmin nods, and then he gestures for Minho to continue.

“So what’s going on with you and that Felix guy—?” Minho’s inquiry is made in a very straightforward and unceremonious manner - almost like he’s just asking for the time, or anything else as mundane. It catches Seungmin completely off-guard and he almost spits his drink out for it.

“What—?!”

Minho snickers at his reaction, and Seungmin goes from understanding Minho’s general appeal to giving him a scowl.

“You should see your face,” Minho comments, still snickering with obvious amusement. They’ve stepped out onto the sidewalk now, and Seungmin is tempted to pick up his pace and just walk on ahead but he knows that would be silly and extremely childish.

“I don’t even understand your question,” he says instead.

“Oh? Jisung talks, you know,” Minho comments, eyebrows wagging, and it gives Seungmin a strange sense of deja vu.

“Yeah? And what does he talk about?”

“Strangely enough? He talks a lot about how you and Felix seem to have something going on—” Minho breaks out into a huge grin, while Seungmin’s cheeks proceed to visibly color.

“Your boyfriend needs to mind his own business,” Seungmin grumbles, turning his coffee cup in his hands just so he can focus on something - anything - that isn’t Minho looking annoyingly entertained.

“He probably does,” Minho agrees, “but I’m not hearing you deny anything either.”

Seungmin groans, because Minho is right. “There’s nothing going on,” he snipes; he’s trying to put on a strong and disaffected front, but the way Minho steadily looks like he’s privy to something that Seungmin isn’t easily gets to him. “...what exactly does Jisung tell you?”

Minho laughs, and Seungmin hates that it makes him feel like he walked right into a trap. “Just that he thinks something’s going on,” he says.

“Sounds like Jisung,” Seungmin rolls his eyes. “He always thinks he knows more than he does.”

That draws laughter out of Minho, which actually makes Seungmin blush harder.

“You’re a little too riled up, and you’ve barely had your coffee,” Minho comments, as he nods at the cup Seungmin is holding, and once again, he’s right. “You like him, don’t you? Felix? You like him a lot.”

“I—” Seungmin is about to deny this; he doesn’t know how Minho could even arrive to this conclusion, Jisung’s gossip mongering aside. But before the denial even comes out of his mouth, he feels himself deflating - he’s tired, and Minho’s words are no lie. “Maybe I do,” he mumbles. “I think I do,” he adds, and as the admittance slides off his tongue, he feels panic rising up his chest. “Shit— please don’t say anything, hyung.”

Minho laughs. “Don’t worry, I won’t,” he assures Seungmin with a squeeze on his arm. “Not even to Jisung— it’s kinda funny when he whines about the two of you. For the record, though, I think Felix is probably into you, too.”

Seungmin’s brow furrows at the elder’s words. “Wait, what exactly does Jisung tell you?” He asks again; he should probably shut up - he’s done right by himself, never talking about this, or even acknowledging his feelings out loud, but the way Minho is talking is annoyingly giving him a bit of hope that maybe, just maybe, Jisung knows something because Felix shared something with him.

“He just talks a lot about how the two of you would make a nice couple,” Minho shares. “But that he’s afraid if he tells you straight up, you’ll snap at him—” He laughs some more, and Seungmin winces at the truth to his words.

He sighs and stops walking; they’ve reached the crosswalk and the pedestrian light is still at red. “Hyung—” He glances at Minho, who actually flashes a small, but strangely encouraging smile at him. He knows it’s weird, of all people, he’s chosen to come clean about his crush - about his feelings for Felix - to Minho, but the initial panic has been replaced with relief and resignation. It’s nice because the burden of constant denial has been lifted off his shoulders, but it isn’t as if anything has really changed. “I don’t think he feels the same, actually,” he shares softly. “We’ve been friends for four years, and I’ve seen the type of guys that Felix likes. It isn’t me, hyung.”

Minho shrugs. “He’s your friend, and you know him better than I do,” he admits, “but— Jisung’s pretty close with the both of you, and he’s pretty convinced that there’s something there. Jisung can be a dumbass at times, but he’s also very in tune with how people around him feel.” He pauses, and laughs, nudging Seungmin as the red light turns to green, and they both step onto the road to cross to their building. “I’d always put my money on Jisung, honestly.”

Seungmin huffs. “You’re biased, hyung.”

“I might be, but there’s a reason for that,” Minho points out with more laughter. “If I were you, I’d stop keeping my feelings to myself, and start actually doing something about them.”

Minho’s pep talk, unfortunately,  only lasts as long as the rest of the summer. And then the second term starts, and Seungmin has to once again see Felix regularly.

Minho tells him - and now that Minho is the only one who knows, Seungmin has taken to messaging him a lot - that he should loosen up, maybe flirt a little. According to the older male, he should, at the very least, subtly let Felix know that he’s important. (“Because you did a very good job showing Jisung at the beginning, didn’t you?” Seungmin had been proud of himself for getting that teasing remark in, but it was useless because Minho had been unfazed.)

He tries, he really does, but if he thought he was hyper aware of everything Felix said and did before, it gets even worse. Now that he’s actually owned up to his feelings for his friend - now that he’s actually told someone about them, and constant denial is off the table, he gets really anxious around Felix. It doesn’t help that he generally has no idea how to flirt to begin with, so in the end he decides that he’s better of not trying. (“Where is the logic in that?” Minho asked him, and this time, it was Seungmin’s turn to ignore his words, and act unaffected - not that it worked very well in his favor.)

Whenever he’s around Felix, he keeps flashing back to Minho hypothesizing that his friend just might have feelings for him as well, and he ends up over analyzing every single thing his friend does. It slowly starts driving him up a wall, so he consciously works on detaching instead. He doesn’t think it affects him as much when they’re joined by at least one of their friends - so he makes sure they are. Their lunch breaks coincide only twice every week, and lucky for him, Jisung and Hyunjin and Jeongin, even, take their breaks at the same time.

The problem is what used to be their daily afternoons at Coffee One; the entire first week after school returns, he brushes off Felix’s messages asking him for a ride to the coffee shop, making excuses about how he has to study at the library instead. The week after, he only shows up because he manages to drag Jisung along with him. (“Fine,” Jisung had said when he’d grudgingly agreed. “You’re buying me a drink,” he’d demanded, and Seungmin had rolled his eyes, pointed out that Jisung didn’t have anything better to do because his tutoring gigs had been moved to mostly weekends, but eventually he’d agreed to buy him a frothy ice blended drink, and a slice of cake anyway.)

It isn’t so bad - he doesn’t think he’s making it too obvious that he’s avoiding Felix, because technically, he isn’t really. They still spend a lot of time together, and they continue to exchange messages frequently whenever they aren’t physically together. If Seungmin is quieter, if his responses are more clipped, he makes sure to have it seem like it’s because he’s preoccupied with his studies - they’re all in their graduating term, all of them neck deep in school work and various responsibilities, ranging from papers to plates to problem sets, so it isn’t as if his excuse is a complete lie either.

It’s not until one evening, when Hyunjin is with them - and he’s been with them a lot, because he and Felix have been working on their thesis, for which Seungmin is grateful for - that Seungmin is faced with the realisation that Felix isn’t completely blind or unaffected by the sudden shift in Seungmin’s behavior towards him.

“Felix is concerned he’s done something wrong,” Hyunjin tells him suddenly. Felix has just excused himself to the bathroom, and even though Seungmin is busy arranging the bibliography section of his thesis, the uncharacteristically somber tone that Hyunjin uses has him looking up in surprise.

“What do you mean?”

Hyunjin shrugs. “He says he feels like you’ve been avoiding him,” he says, his gaze squarely meeting Seungmin’s. “Have you been avoiding him?”

Seungmin forces out laughter. “What—? That’s ridiculous. If I am, then I won’t be here with you both right now?”

“I— you’re right,” Hyunjin agrees with a chuckle; he sighs, and Seungmin is thankful that Hyunjin is the type who is easily convinced. “He’s concerned anyway. Seungmin, I think he—”

“He—?” Seungmin frowns when Hyunjin cuts himself off. “You think he—?”

“Nothing.” Hyunjin smiles, before letting out a soft groan. “I think we all are just pretty stressed. I can’t wait to graduate— but all the hoops we have to jump through to get there…” He sighs and leans down, pressing his cheeks against the stack of books laid out in front of him.

“We’re almost there, don’t worry,” Seungmin assures him, hand reaches out to gently pat his friend on the head. “The holidays are coming up next week,” he adds with a smile, but then just the mention of Chuseok immediately takes him back to the previous year.

Shit, he thinks. Because the holidays would mean it’s been a full year since he’s first felt the quiet murmurs of his burgeoning crush on Felix; he’d been so hell bent on pushing it back, forcing himself not to confront it, and now it makes sense that his feelings have grown into something colossal and hard to ignore without him fully realising it.

“True,” Hyunjin grins, nuzzling against Seungmin’s hand before sitting up straight. “And then it’s Jisung’s and Felix’s birthdays— yours, too!”

“Yeah,” Seungmin nods slowly. By now it’s a given that the three of them September celebrants are going to have a joint celebration, the same way they’ve done during the last several years. “So we at least have a bit of a break from everything going on,” he adds with a wry smile. Typically, they tend to go out and party, his friends drinking the night away, with Seungmin as the usual designated driver. He’s thinking, all things considered, maybe this year, he’ll try to let himself go a bit - he deserves a night of not thinking too much, after all.

“Did someone say birthdays?” Felix asks, his hand landing on the back of Seungmin’s neck, causing the latter to flinch on surprise. The bathroom is located behind him, so he hadn’t even noticed when Felix had come out.

“Sorry,” Felix mumbles sheepishly, quickly retracting his hand and making his way around the table so he can take his seat across Hyunjin and Seungmin. Now that Hyunjin has let him know that Felix has been feeling conscious about how he’s been acting around him recently, he feels bad. He flashes a small smile at Felix, who returns it with a relieved grin. “So yeah, birthdays— we’re celebrating the weekend after the holidays this year, right?” He confirms, and both Hyunjin and Seungmin nod. “Can’t wait!!”

Their triple birthday celebration come and go, and for the first time in his life Seungmin gets absolutely sloshed. He barely recalls anything about the night, but that doesn’t matter so much because Jisung refuses to let him forget how he’d ended the night vomiting in the gutter right outside the club, and then puking some more in the gutter right outside Jisung’s apartment building. He also wakes up the next day on the floor of Jisung’s small studio apartment, joints aching, and nursing an impossible hangover that makes him feel like he’s about to die. When Jisung gives him raisin tea to help the headache out, he recalls gaining newfound respect for his friend, and thinking that he doesn’t understand how Jisung had basically spent the first two years of his university life functioning if he felt similarly every single day.

That aside, he does remember bits and pieces that are more positive. He knows he had fun, because it’s a feeling that stayed with him. He and his friends had chosen to party at a newly opened bar in Itaewon, where Minho apparently knows the barista (“Chris-hyung is great,” Jisung affirms. “He’ll give us discounts on shots, which means we can party harder!”), and Seungmin recalls reaching a point where he’d been buzzed enough that he was actually enjoying the sharp sting of the alcohol passing down his throat. He remembers Hyunjin dragging all of them to the dance floor, and he recalls practically tripping over his own two feet as he tries to keep up with his friends. He doesn’t remember nagging at Jisung to finish his half for one of their joint papers in one of their classes, but Jisung swears it happened, and because Hyunjin vouches for him, while Felix laughs at the apparent memory, Seungmin gives in and cops to it.

Either way, whether or not he remembers it in full, it’s more than apparent that it was a night worthy of the books and so Seungmin assumes that that’s it - that’s his birthday fun for the year.

The actual September 22nd falls on a Thursday, and even though he goes directly home after his classes so he can have a nice dinner with his family, all his friends give him hearty greetings in person, Felix included. Which is why, when at around nine in the evening, he receives a message from said boy telling him that he’s right outside Seungmin’s apartment building, he’s utterly confused.

“Why are you here?” He asks, after he meets his friend at the entrance of the building. “How did you get here?” The number of times Seungmin has had his friends over can be easily counted on one hand - it isn’t that he doesn’t like having them over, but is really more of a logistics issue. Out of the four of them, he’s the one who lives furthest from the university, is all.

“I do know how to take the train, Seungminnie,” Felix comments with a chuckle; he’s being playful because over the last couple of years, more often than not, due to afternoons and evenings spent together at Coffee One, Seungmin drives him home. “And the bus.”

“Okay, but—” He chuckles and shakes his head, because Felix is simply being cheeky. “That doesn’t answer the why part of the question though.”

“I wanted to give you your birthday gift,” Felix says matter-of-factly, smiling affably as he holds out a paper gift bag.

“And it couldn’t wait until tomorrow?” Seungmin shoots him a curious look, even as he cautiously accepts the present. He peers inside the gift bag and is surprised to find a book inside. His entire face lights up when he takes it out and he gets a better look at the cover, and his jaw drops in joy. “Oh!” Maybe he’s being a little exaggerated in his reaction, but it fills him with warmth, because the book is the newest offering from his favorite essayist. He recalls mentioning in passing, a couple of weeks ago, that it was going to hit the shelves soon, and he can’t believe that Felix remembered something so trivial. “Thank you—!”

“I wanted to give it to you on the day itself!” Felix says, beaming proudly because Seungmin is obviously pleased with the present.

“And you didn’t give it to me earlier—?” He probes curiously; it’s not as if they hadn’t seen each other earlier that day - all four of them even had lunch off campus.

“I— I just wanted to see you before the day is over,” Felix admits, his tone suddenly a bit more subdued - almost shy, even. “I kind of wanted to celebrate a little— With you, I mean. At school, it’s like you’re always in a hurry when you’re around me, and it’s hard to get you to myself…”

Seungmin blinks at him, silently repeating Felix’s words in his head, before letting them settle. Slowly, steadily, the usually faint (and now familiar) fluttering in his chest grows into something more thunderous and he finds himself mentally screaming - does Felix even understand the kind of effect his words have on him?

I think Felix is into you, too. Minho’s words echo in his head once more, and Seungmin wonders if it’s safe to make assumptions regarding that based on the way Felix is acting right now.

“I’m sorry,” he says, placing the book back in the gift bag before hugging the present to his chest. “I’m just—” Seungmin pauses because he’s what? Is he supposed to admit that he’s been actively avoiding spending too much personal time with Felix because it always makes him feel like he should act on his feelings, except he’s sorta, kinda, maybe, totally  allergic to flirting? Saying any of that loud will just make him sound insane, so he settles with, “—busy. There’s so much going on, and you know I’m working on my thesis alone…” He’s actually doing pretty well by himself, even though it does mean he has to do double the work compared to most of his peers, but he doesn’t say that because it still adds to his excuse. “—so it's really more about… me, and not because you did anything wrong.”

“I see—” Felix beams, looking quite relieved at the reassurance even though he hadn’t explicitly mentioned anything about feeling like he’s upset Seungmin. “You’re Kim Seungmin, though— your birthday deserves to be a break from all the stress.”

“I— well,” Seungmin laughs, but nods in agreement. “Thank you.”

They stand there, cautiously regarding each other on the steps of the apartment building; Felix rubs the back of his neck, and Seungmin shifts his weight from one foot to the other.

“Hey Seungmin,” Felix starts, his tone softer, and quite nervous. “Can I ask you something?”

Seungmin’s heart makes a loud thumb against his rib cage, and Seungmin looks up to meet Felix’s gaze, all kinds of possibilities running through his head as to what it is Felix is about to ask. “Yeah?”

“Well—” Felix chuckles nervously. “Maybe it’s none of my business, actually, but— I guess since we haven’t really been able to talk a lot recently, I figured maybe I just wasn’t updated with what was going on in your life—”

“Felix,” Seungmin smiles gently. “Just ask away,” he prods. “What do you want to know?”

“Okay, I’ll just ask then!” Felix grins, but it’s more on the uneasy side, and not his usual sunshine smile. “Do you… like Jeongin? I mean— is there something going on between the two of you?”

“Huh—?” Seungmin stares at Felix blankly, perplexed as to where Felix even got this idea from. “What—?” He repeats, except now it’s slowly dawning on him that he has been spending more time than usual with Jeongin. The younger male is taking Structural Mechanics that term, which Seungmin had aced the year before, under the same professor, so he’s been helping Jeongin out a lot. It was just another way for him to occupy time so he can avoid acting on his dangerously distracting feelings for Felix and it never occurred to him that Felix, of all people, could actually read into it differently. “No— Jeongin’s just a junior at school,” he explains softly. “I don’t like him like that— like any special way or anything.”

“I see. That’s… good, I guess?” Felix smiles, and laughs quietly, and the expression of relief that passes by his features gives Seungmin more reason to hope, and he almost wants to clarify, You, I like you, but just the thought of the words has him blushing deeply so he holds back the words.

“Do you want to come upstairs?” He finds himself asking instead, under his breath and almost inaudible.

“What was that?” Felix asks, and Seungmin has to pause and take a deep breath, before he repeats,

“Do you want to come upstairs?”

“Is that okay—?” Felix answers, looking more surprised at the invitation than Seungmin thinks he should be. “I really just wanted to drop your gift off.”

“Of course it’s okay!” Seungmin declares, his heart beating rapidly as he reaches over to boldly grab Felix’s hand. It feels incredibly small in his own hand, but also incredibly right as their fingers thread together. “We have cake,” he adds, doing his best to ignore the very loud thumping of his heart when he tugs at Felix, so the latter can follow. “You said you wanted to celebrate with me, and what better way to do that than cake!”

— ❦ —

SWAGBR00z [ 4 members, 4 online ]

meotj1 (04:54 PM):
did it!
finally done w my defense!
aced it!
GRADUATION HERE I COME!!

lix_the_cat (04:55 PM):
congrats jisungie!
where’s seungmin?
how’d he do?

hwhj2000 (04:55 PM):
hey congrats!

ddaengmin (04:57 PM):
i’m here, i think i did well too

meotj1 (04:58 PM):
don’t listen to him being fake humble
u know all our professors love him!!
so ofc he did even better than me 😤

hwhj2000 (05:00 PM):
congrats seungminnie!

ddaengmin (05:01 PM):
thx u guys
good luck on urs!
it’s tomorrow right?

hwhj2000 (05:02 PM):
yeah...

lix_the_cat (05:02 PM):
im nervous 😅

ddaengmin (05:03 PM):
don’t worry lix
u and hyunjin will do gr8
trust me!

“Hey guys, I’m going on ahead—” Yeji waves at both Seungmin and Jisung. “My ride’s here,” she explains.

Jisung grins and flashes two thumbs up at his thesis partner, while Seungmin returns the smile and the wave goodbye. They both watch as she walks away, and once she’s out of sight, Jisung turns to Seungmin.

“Hello, my very own personal ride,” he greets cheekily, to which Seungmin just rolls his eyes. “We should celebrate,” he adds, hand patting his stomach. “Let’s get something sweet and delicious before you drive me home.”

Seungmin supposes there's no point in arguing because at the end of the day they both know he'll cave in and drive Jisung home anyway. Besides, he's tired and he's just used up his last remaining brain cells presenting his thesis to a panel of highly esteemed professors and licensed architectural engineers, and he simply doesn't have enough left to waste on fruitlessly quipping at Jisung. Not to mention celebrating actually sounds pretty nice; the reception he'd gotten from the panel was quite encouraging and had put him in a very good mood, and he thinks this means cake would be well-deserved.

“Let’s stop by Coffee One, then,” he offers gaily, to which Jisung answers with an enthusiastic nod.

“So,” Jisung grins, tucking his phone into his bag and elbowing Seungmin on the side when they exit the Engineering building and start heading to the parking lot. “We did it! We really did it!”

“I mean— the professors haven't really submitted our grades yet.. and we still have clearance stuff to take care of…”

Jisung groans and smacks him playfully on the back. “Stop spoiling the moment!”

Seungmin snorts, and he allows himself to let out a big, happy grin because Jisung is right - they did it, they've survived four years of university, and they're through the worst of it. Come February, they'll graduate and set off into the real world. The thought is actually quite nerve-wracking, so for now that's even more reason to celebrate and revel in their current, rightfully gained win.

“Okay,” he agrees, laughing and sounding giddier than he's felt for a while. “Cake now, then cake again tomorrow after Hyunjin and Felix are done with their presentation.”

Jisung smirks. “Right, Hyunjin And Felix,” he echoes, snickering in a way that slightly worries Seungmin. “So, since we're graduating soon,” he gives Seungmin a pointed look, “maybe now you'd finally want to tell me what’s going on between you and Felix?”

They've reached Seungmin's car in the parking lot, which gives him an excuse to take his time in answering Jisung’s inquiry. He pretends to fumble with his keys - never mind that his car has automatic locks - and he takes his sweet time in pulling the driver's door open, and even more time getting in and settling in the driver’s seat.

“Don’t think I’m going to be easily distracted this time,” Jisung tells him, yanking at the seatbelt after he gets into the front seat, and then forcing the buckle to lock. (Seungmin finds it a little annoying, four years and Jisung still hasn’t mastered the art of the seat belt buckle jiggle.) “So,” he says, staring at Seungmin after the latter finally starts the engine. “You and Felix. It’s time to talk!”

Seungmin sighs, but even though he wishes he can say that his bright and positive mood has been dampened… it hasn’t really. He feels nervous, and still quite unsure, but he finds that he isn’t annoyed at Jisung’s prodding, so perhaps that means it’s time to tell more people about it.

“Wait,” he wrinkles his nose, realising something. “Did Minho-hyung tell you anything?” It should probably feel more unusual, that the only person he’s managed to freely talk about this is the boyfriend of one of his best friends, instead of actually one of his best friends - but it doesn’t. Even though Minho can be a little glib (and oftentimes obnoxiously teasing), he’s always straightforward and never minces his words, which Seungmin appreciates - at least he knows Minho will never give him plain lip service whenever he gets too lost in his own thoughts. Plus he’s always assumed that Minho knows how to keep a secret, except now he’s not so sure - Jisung is his boyfriend after all, and Seungmin is someone that he’s only really gotten close with recently.

“Minho-hyung?!” Jisung’s reaction thankfully tells Seungmin that he was right to trust the older male, but it also makes him laugh because the surprise and utter confusion on Jisung’s face looks ridiculous. “What does Minho-hyung know that I don’t?! And why does he know something that I don’t?!”

“I guess he didn’t tell you anything then,” Seungmin comments, unable to to keep the temptation to be cheeky at bay.

“Seungmin!” Jisung huffs, which makes Seungmin laugh even more.

“Well, your question is confusing,” Seungmin points out. “What was the question again—?”

Jisung groans this time, and maybe Seungmin is enjoying his frustration a little too much. “You’re annoying,” Jisung grumbles. “Just tell me what’s going on between you and Felix!”

To be fair, it does feel like something unsaid has blossomed between the two of them. It was as if something had sparked on his birthday, because after that, despite all the stress, and both of their packed schedules, Seungmin and Felix had become even more inseparable. Where Seungmin kept piling on to his responsibility plate before just so he can have excuses to avoid Felix, suddenly he was deliberately making room in his schedule just to accommodate Felix’s free time.

One time, they’d been messaging each other in the middle of the night while both of them were working on their respective theses and Seungmin had uncharacteristically complained about needing a break, to which Felix had responded with a simple, ‘let’s take one, then.’ The look of gleeful surprise on Felix’s face when Seungmin had actually shown up at his apartment at almost eleven in the evening was completely worth the minor setback in Seungmin’s timetable. Felix repeatedly kept asking if Seungmin was fine, if Seungmin was really okay with being pulled away from his work pile; “I was kidding around about taking a break,” Felix had pressed apologetically, and Seungmin had to point out that no one had a gun to his head when he’d decided to slip away in the middle of the night - he had done it just because he wanted to. (And because a part of him had really wanted to see Felix, but he was too embarrassed, as usual, to admit that out loud.)

They’d ended up sharing a tub of ice cream while parked near the Han River, talking about anything and everything that had nothing to do with school or the mountain load of requirements and responsibilities that they needed to finish and accomplish in order to graduate. The entire evening had felt like a scene straight out of a drama and now, just thinking about it makes Seungmin blush, and he has to cool himself down by mentally reminding himself that nothing else had really happened that night. Even though it feels like there’s something unsaid between them now, that’s all it is - something unsaid, and for all he knows it could all just be in his head.

“There’s nothing going on,” he answers finally with a sigh, eyes focused ahead as he drives down the road.

Jisung pouts, and then he sighs as well. “I mean— I’d accept if you don’t want to talk about it, still, but if Minho-hyung knows…” He sounds genuinely hurt, and it makes Seungmin feel bad because that’s really not it.

“Jisung…” He quickly glances at his friend. “I don’t know what’s going on, honestly. I—” He winces, and swallows quietly, his knuckles turning white as he tightens his grip on the wheel. “I do like him though,” he whispers. “I like Felix a lot.” This is the second time he’s said it aloud, and he finds that the gravity of the words haven’t lessened at all - in fact, it feels even truer now that Jisung officially knows.

“Ha!” Jisung claps his hands together and lets out a loud whoop. “Ha!!!! I knew it— I called it! I totally knew it!”

This, Seungmin remembers now, is why he’d been so cautious about letting Jisung know. “Shut up,” he mumbles, his face feeling incredibly warm.

“What— I’m just excited,” Jisung says, laughing loudly and practically bouncing on his seat. “I mean— I’m happy for the two of you, yeah? I feel like you’ve been dancing around each other for forever.”

“Huh? I don’t know what you’re talking about—”

Jisung tuts. “You do realise Felix likes you a lot too, right?”

“I—” Seungmin shrugs; he has been struggling a little with some of the things that Felix says to him. Actually, he’s been struggling a lot in trying to decipher the meaning behind most of the way Felix has been acting around him recently. “I want to hope so?” He admits. “But I really don’t know— you know Felix, he’s sweet and nice to everyone.”

“Seungmin, are you blind?!” Jisung groans. “The way he looks at you— heck, the way he’s been sticking to you these last two years— he’s with Hyunjin all the time, and he doesn’t look at Hyunjin the way he looks at you.”

“...and how does he look at me?” Seungmin asks, his voice cracking because he truly doesn’t know how to feel about Jisung’s declarations.

“Like you hold the answer to everything,” Jisung answers, plain and matter-of-fact, and Seungmin is pretty sure that his face has just turned a deeper shade of red because of that.

“I don’t know if I believe that,” he grumbles, and really it’s more that he doesn’t know if he can believe it because he’s scared to.

“Seungmin, please! Just listen to me— I know what I’m talking about!”

“Right, like it didn’t take you two whole years to realise that Minho-hyung was— is completely whipped for you!” Seungmin shoots back; teasing Jisung is his attempt at calming himself down, and it’s working a little.

“Wait— what?” Jisung looks taken aback, which makes Seungmin smile smugly. “Did Minho-hyung say that?!” Seungmin hums and shrugs, and Jisung scowls at him. “Whatever, at least we’re together now— can you say the same about you and Lix?”

It’s Seungmin’s turn to scowl, but after a couple of seconds he just slumps back in his seat. “Well,” he starts, just as he slows down to stop at a red light. “Felix asked me if I was free on Christmas.”

“See!” Jisung grins, once more buzzing with palpable excitement. “That screams ‘be my boyfriend’ to me.”

“Jisung, he’s from Australia. They actually do the whole Christmas as a family holiday there… right?”

“Whatever, he lives here now,” Jisung argues.

“Whatever,” Seungmin repeats mockingly. “He also said it’s because he wants— needs my help because Christmas falls on a Sunday this year, and he wants to prepare a nice breakfast for his sister. That’s all!”

“Okay, but he didn’t ask me or Hyunjin for our help, did he?”

Seungmin purses his lips, unable to answer because Jisung does have a point - except Jisung logic never really feels like reason enough for him to let go of his personal fears.

“Merry Christmas!” Seungmin greets, his smile is bright when the door to Felix’s apartment open, and he’s met with his friend standing there, looking just a little frazzled.

“Seungmin—!” He looks quite happy and relieved that it’s Seungmin’s at the door, and before the latter can ask him what’s wrong - before he can even say anything else, even - Felix is pouncing on him and giving him a big hug. “So glad it was you—”

“Wait, what—” He freezes momentarily; he’s used to Felix being generous with the skinship, but the warm feeling it gives him these days - he’s still waiting to get used to that even after a year. “Is anyone else coming?”

“No— no, no!” His smile has turned somewhat sheepish by the time Felix pulls away. “I’m just relieved. Sorry for making you come over this early.”

Seungmin shrugs; it’s not even eight in the morning so it is quite early, but he doesn’t really mind. “I’m used to waking up early, you know this,” he points out, genuine in his assurances. “Where’s your sister?” He asks, after he enters the threshold, and he puts his shoes away.

“Not home yet.”

“Huh?” Seungmin is confused, not only at the absence of Felix’s sister, but also at how he should feel about said absence. Is he allowed to hope that this means something more? Just like Jisung had implied, Christmas is notoriously a holiday for couples.

“She went to a party last night with some friends, and then slept over at one of their’s—” Felix shrugs, hand tugging at Seungmin’s wrist to lead him to the kitchen area, where it’s obvious that Felix has already tried to start working on breakfast.

“So—” Seungmin can’t help the laughter that escapes his throat as he looks around; with a chuckle and a shake of his head, he slips off his back pack, puts it away and proceeds to roll up his sleeves. It’s now obvious that Felix had meant it when he’d invited Seungmin and told him that it was because he needed his help in preparing something special for his sister. He was silly for briefly hoping for something more, but he tells himself that doesn’t really matter - he’s still spending Christmas Day with Felix, and that’s enough to keep his positive mood. “How do you want me to help? Wait— what are you even preparing?”

“I got Christmas ham— but we just need to heat that in the oven. What I really want to do is make really nice and fluffy Christmas pancakes for my sister,” Felix explains, and Seungmin thinks it’s kinda cute that he seems to be nervous about this.

“Christmas pancakes?” He’s confused though - he doesn’t think that’s festive food, in particular. “Is that what you have back home—?”

“Oh— No,” Felix answers, laughing. “Back home we always have a  feast— like, the works! Mum loves to cook for the holidays,” he adds, grinning at the obviously fond memory. “You remember, right? My first two years here, we went home for winter break, but last year, we stayed because noona was just starting at her new work and she couldn’t take a holiday— so it was just me and her, and she kind of just made… pancakes. And bacon. And eggs—”  

Seungmin chortles, because now he kind of has a better image of what kind of Christmas vibe Felix is going for. “So like… your regular weekend breakfast feast?”

Felix laughs, and awkwardly rubs the back of his neck as if embarrassed - even though Seungmin doesn’t think he has any reason to be. “Yeah… basically—” He admits with a nod. “It’s lame, isn’t it? It doesn’t really sound like anything special but…” Felix takes a deep breath, and looks up to meet Seungmin’s gaze. “I guess— well, last year she prepared everything… actually, every weekend she always prepares so much— in general, over the last four years, she’s taken such good care for me, you know? And even though it isn’t much, I wanted to do something for her. So this year I told her I wanted her to sit back, while I try to do something nice for her instead— this is my Christmas gift to her.”

He’s being so earnest, and even though the act of sweetness isn’t directed at him, Seungmin can’t help but admit to himself that this quality of Felix’s is just one amongst the countless number of reasons why he has fallen for his friend.

Fallen for his friend.

The words, even if just in his head, makes him feel nervous. The more he thinks about it - the more he admits his own feelings to himself - the more it gets harder to turn back, and that’s scary. Both Minho and Jisung have told him that he has nothing to be scared about, but even though a small part of him does feel affection from Felix that often makes him think Minho and Jisung are right, the uncertainty makes him recoil each time.

“That’s sweet,” he murmurs with a smile, that he hopes can offer his friend some encouragement. “But— you needed me here because... ? You know I’m not exactly a great cook.” Seungmin knows how to make rice, and fry eggs but he isn't really someone who spends a lot of time in the kitchen. He supposes that he can at least can follow instructions well, so he imagines he won't do so bad with a recipe on hand but it's not like Felix can't do that on his own.

“Well—” Felix ducks his head, smiling and looking embarrassed yet again. “It’s Christmas and I wanted to spend it with you, I hope that’s okay.”

It’s more than just okay, is Seungmin’s first thought. Felix’s words hits him right in the chest yet again, and he has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from forming a silly smile. “Huh, well, have you at least looked up instructions on how to make pancakes from scratch?” He asks instead, avoiding Felix’s eyes by taking in the sight of the kitchen around him, making mental notes of everything that’s already set out for them to use.

“Oh yeah!” Felix excitedly lights up, and practically bounces over to the refrigerator where he points at the piece of paper tacked on it. “I even printed it out!” He takes it down and hands it over to Seungmin, who glances it over. “Looks simple enough, right?”

It turns out that it isn’t really as simple as it looks on paper. Mixing the dry ingredients - flour, baking powder, baking soda, etc. - is easy enough, but everything that comes after keeps making Seungmin second guess. At one point, instead of simply flipping a pancake over on the skillet, Seungmin attempts to scramble it, and Felix practically panics (“You’re supposed to just leave it be! I think—” he berated Seungmin, half laughing, half nervous, to which Seungmin had blankly argued, “Oh, but this is how you make eggs fluffy—”). Felix also keeps putting too much butter on the pan, because it’s supposed to be tastier that way, but Seungmin reckons that probably isn’t the best for anyone’s health.

“Oh no, I think it’s burnt—!” Felix frowns, after they finish the second batch of pancakes. “Not very festive—”

“Um, it just looks a bit crispy to me,” Seungmin tries to comfort him. “You can just decorate it more festively?”

Felix sighs, but he nods anyway. “If you want, you can make the eggs,” he tells Seungmin with a small smile. “Make them as fluffy as you want,” he adds, sounding just a bit teasing.

“So when’s your sister getting home?” Seungmin asks, ignoring Felix’s playfulness as he takes the reigns - he might have not been much of a help with the pancakes, but he’s perfected the art of scrambling eggs, at least. (He wishes he could make poached eggs, like Felix’s sister had once fed him, but he doesn’t want to help ruin Felix’s Christmas breakfast feast more than he already has.)

“Um,” Felix takes his phone out of his apron pocket (and he’s wearing that apron really cutely, Seungmin thinks), and checks his messages. “She says she just woke up but that she’s on her way home— but that gives us enough time to clean up, at least.”

And that’s exactly what Felix does as Seungmin prepares the eggs, followed by the bacon; they work silently, but in harmony, Felix washing kitchen tools they’d used, before he goes on to set the table.

It feels oddly domestic, which makes Seungmin blush.

“Hey Felix…” he begins, after he’s done cooking, and he’s just helping Felix decorate a plate for his sister. “What are your plans after graduation?”

“Huh?

This isn’t what Seungmin had been planning to ask, but he supposes it’s better than a random offhand comment about how the domesticity makes it feel like they’re a couple.

“I— I was just curious,” Seungmin clarifies; he realises he really has no idea what Felix intends to do after university, and as a thought passes her mind, his breath hitches. “Are you planning on moving back to Australia?”

“Eh? What—?!” Felix gives him an incredulous look, before he lets out a cackle. “No— I mean, I might go back for a month or so, but I want to, uh—” He smiles and meets Seungmin’s gaze. “I want to find a job here. Seoul has my sister— and Jisung, and Hyunjin, and… you. I want to stay.”

“Ah—” Relief washes over Seungmin, but he’s quick to avert his own gaze, instead focusing on the plate that he’s garnishing with strawberry slices. “That’s good then,” he mumbles.

Silence takes over again, but this time it feels more tense than it had earlier. Several seconds that feel like a lot more pass, and then Felix speaks up again,

“Seungmin—?”

Seungmin hums when he looks up, only to find Felix’s eyes shining with a certain kind of curiosity when his own meets them. The latter’s mouth curls into a small smile, and Seungmin feels like he should say something - maybe ask what it is that Felix wants to say to him, but before anything can come out of his mouth, Felix is leaning in.

The next thing he knows, their lips are brushing against each other’s. Felix recoils when Seungmin lets out a soft, surprised squeak, and they stare at each other just for a couple of seconds, before Seungmin is moving to initiate another kiss, chaste and slow, but wholeheartedly earnest. He can feel Felix smiling against his lips even as the kiss steadily deepens; he tastes like the strawberries he had been snacking on just minutes earlier, and Seungmin can’t help but think he wants more.

But then they both hear the sound of shuffling at the door, and the clicking of the locks, and they both pull apart at the same time.

“What was that for—?” Seungmin whispers; he’s out of breath and his heart is beating rapidly.

“I’m home!” Felix’s sister announces at the door, while in front of him, Felix simply smiles and gives him a quick peck, right on the lips.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” he whispers back with a smile, right before he gets up and practically skips out of the kitchen so he can welcome his sister.

— ❦ —

“Guys, I want to take a picture in front of that big statue in front of the main building—!” Jisung demands excitedly, grinning as he rearranges the graduation cap that sat atop his head.

It’s been four years, almost exactly to the day, since Seungmin first met Jisung, and Hyunjin, and Felix, and here they are, finally done with so-called higher education. Seungmin is filled to the brim with happiness, the feeling spilling all over and mixing with similar pride and delight that’s coming off his friends.

“Just one last shot in front of the Engineering building,” Hyunjin pleads, quickly handing his phone to his boyfriend, Changbin, so he can take more pictures of all of them - never mind that Changbin has already been snapping non-stop photos of Hyunjin (and presumably the rest of them) during the entire commencement ceremony.

“Do one where you toss your caps,” Minho (because of course he’s there as well, with a bouquet of flowers for Jisung and all) instructs, grinning as he absentmindedly plays with the tassel of Jisung’s graduation cap.

They end up taking more than a few more shots in front of the steps of the Engineering Hall - it’s strange, now that they’re done with college, Seungmin can’t help but look at the building with nostalgia glasses. He’s taken to referring to it as the building that was once his second home, at least in his head - he knows if he says it out loud his friends are just going to laugh at him and there’s no way he’s giving Jisung that satisfaction.

“Ok now can we go to the main building?” Jisung presses again fifteen minutes later. He’s just as loud and abrasive as he was the first day they met, and throughout the years of their friendship, it has often dawned on Seungmin that Jisung wouldn’t have been his first choice for a friend - but now he’s ready to admit that maybe that is exactly why it’s a good thing he became friends Jisung. The way they're opposites has allowed Seungmin to grow as a person in a lot of ways. “They say if you take a picture with the old man statue on your commencement day,” Jisung continues loudly, “—then he sends you off with luck on your future endeavours— which means I need a picture if I want to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company one day!”

“Maybe calm down and shut up a little,” Minho tells him, but Seungmin easily hears the underlying fondness in his tone. He’s almost forgotten that he also met Minho on that first fateful day of orientation, and that he’d formed the worst first impression of him. Funny, considering how highly he thinks of the man’s opinion now.

“Let’s go then!” Hyunjin chirps, and his smile is as bright, open and welcoming as Seungmin remembers it to be, and he can’t help but take a moment to appreciate that it’s that same smile that’s held their group together for the last several years. “I want some of that luck too,” he adds, humoring Jisung. “Won’t hurt, right?”

“You guys go on ahead,” Felix tells them, hand casually slipping into Seungmin's, catching the latter off guard in the process.

Seungmin gives him a questioning glance, which Felix simply returns with a calm smile. Jisung gives them both a weird look, but before he can say anything Hyunjin is letting out a high pitched giggle as he starts ushering the rest of the group away.

“See you guys in a few, then!” He announces; Seungmin thinks he winks at both of them but he can't be sure - maybe Hyunjin just has an eye tick.

And then, just like that, it's just the two of them - him, and Felix. There are other Engineering graduates milling about, obviously, but Seungmin doesn't really care about the rest of his peers in that moment, especially not when Felix turns to him, and he’s wearing the cutest, shyest smile that Seungmin has ever seen on him.

Sweet Lee Felix, he thinks as an assorted set feelings mix and churn at the pit of his stomach. He recalls not thinking much about him when they had first met - pretty, was maybe a first impression, but nothing past that. He remembers even passing quick judgment after Felix had almost hooked up with Jisung within twenty-four hours of meeting, and even now that memory makes him wince, but— right now he thinks that Felix’s flaws are just as much an important part of him as everything else.

He’s easily swayed, and easily influenced. He’s easily attracted to people - but that’s because he used to very easily opening his heart up to just about anyone. This is why he’s also easily hurt, but that’s what Seungmin thinks that Felix is one of the strongest people he’s ever met. He’s like a rock - a bright, shining rock, which, come to think of it, means he’s comparable to the sun, because isn’t that technically what the sun is?

“What is it?” He asks, his hand slipping out of Felix’s grasp, but only so he can adjust and thread their fingers together instead. Seungmin still has no idea what they are, but he thinks he’s ready to stop being afraid now. He wants to move forward with Felix, and he’s finally ready to say something about it.

“Hyunjin…” Felix trails off, chuckling softly. He’s being adorably timid, and it makes Seungmin squeeze his hand in comfort. “Well,” he continues finally after taking a deep breath, “Hyunjin told me I should make things clear, because you’re the type who needs to have things clear and— I realised he’s right?”

“What do you mean…?” Seungmin takes a step closer, head tilted so he can get a better look at Felix’s expression. His heart is racing now, but he simply nods, encouraging Felix to continue.

“I— I like you, Seungmin,” Felix whispers, his tone gravelly but sincere. “Actually, I think—” He laughs and looks away, and from the close distance, Seungmin notices how deeply red his cheeks are. “I think I’m in love with you.”

Seungmin’s eyes widen in shock - a part of him had expected the confession, really, but he hadn’t expected Felix to put it that way.

“I’m sorry—” Felix’s voice cracks, and Seungmin actually finds it charming. “Maybe that’s too much—?” He ducks his head and tries to pull his hand away, but Seungmin tightens his grip and refuses to let go. That seems to embolden Felix, he lifts his chin and meets his gaze once more. “I’m in love with you,” he repeats, and this time there’s a small, bashful smile that’s tugging at his lips. “You’ve been by my side all these years, and I don’t know when it happened, really— but I like myself a lot when I’m with you. You make me laugh, even without cracking a joke— and you make me feel smart— and you make me feel like I—” His breath hitches, and he lets out another soft bellow. “You make me happy, is what I’m trying to say.”

Seungmin stares at him, quiet at first because he isn’t sure how to respond. He hadn’t even considered love in the equation, and hearing Felix say it has his heart pounding louder, faster. And yet, it’s not in a bad way at all. It feels good, even, and soon a wide grin is curving on his lips.

It doesn’t feel scary - he just feels ready, which is why the next words out of his mouth are,

“I love you too, Felix.”

How naturally the words slide off his tongue are even more of a surprise to him. Warmth blooms in his chest -  a kind of tingly warmth that prompts him to repeat, albeit softer, “I love you too.”

When he dares to meet Felix’s eyes, he finds that they’re sparkling with joy, and Seungmin thinks this is why he loves him. And then Felix’s arms are circling around him tightly, and Seungmin is being pulled close against the smaller male.

“So, to be clear—” Seungmin can’t help but laugh as he inadvertently inhales Felix’s scent; he pulls away, grinning when he continues, “Because as you said— I like having things clear and proper—”

“Seungmin,” Felix interrupts him, his boisterous laughter mixing with Seungmin’s more tentative one. “So we’re a hundred percent clear, answer this, then— are you willing to be stuck with me as your boyfriend?”

Seungmin feels blood rushing to his face; he’s pretty sure people are casting curious glances at the two of them which means it would serve both of them well to be more discreet - but the overly cautious part of him is momentarily paralyzed and completely taken over by the part of him that’s bursting with happiness.

“Of course,” he whispers, leaning forward until their foreheads are touching. If someone had told Seungmin four years ago, that he’d be standing in front of the Engineering building at graduation, declaring his love for the seemingly ditzy Australian he’d just met, he wouldn’t have just laughed at that person’s face. He probably would have scoffed, maybe even have gotten angry. But here he is now, feeling nothing but joy and affection. “Of course,” he repeats, because it’s taken them four years to get to where they are, but it doesn’t matter. Falling in love isn't always a steep dive; sometimes falling in love happens slowly, gradually, comfortably, and you don't really realise until you're right there at the bottom.

And if you're lucky enough, you find that you didn't fall alone.

END.