Chapter Text
Caroline waited a good five minutes after Alaric left to broach the subject.
"Josie why didn't you tell us about you and Penelope breaking up?"
Suddenly Josie found the pattern in the marble countertop extremely interesting. She didn't know what to say. On one hand she wanted to have a proper breakdown and cry about the actual reason they broke up and how she truly felt about it. On the other she didn't want Lizzie to blame herself for their break up. She also didn't have the words to verbalize her heartbreak, she still hadn't sat down to process it yet.
She decided to lie and suppress her feelings. Because it seemed infinitely better than being barraged with questions. Questions that would surely lead her to starting her senior year looking like she'd had an allergic reaction of some sorts.
"It wasn't a big deal." She said shrugging her shoulders. She didn't meet Caroline's eyes in fear that she'd be able to tell that she was lying.
"Of course it was, is. You and Penelope have been attached to eachother since the sixth grade."
Josie wanted to scream that she knew that better than anyone. She wanted to scream that she broke Penelope's heart, because she felt Penelope deserved better. Someone that made her feel like a priority. She wanted to scream for the past month and a half it was the loneliest she'd ever felt, because Penelope was no longer there to make her express her feelings.
But she didn't. She couldn't. She ended it and shattered both of their hearts, in hopes that she'd save Penelope from more pain in the long run. She made her choice and now she'd have to bear the pain.
"It really wasn't mom. We're high school students these things happen. Plus we mutually agreed to be friends after some of the awkwardness wears off." On some level it scared Josie how smoothly the lie rolled off the tongue. But she was used to hiding things from her family by now, so it wasn't surprising.
Caroline studied her daughter for a beat. Trying to uncover if there was anything untrue to the statement. She felt it was odd with how calm Josie was. Break ups were intense at that age from what she remembered, all tears and ice cream. And they were in love with a maturity far beyond their years, shouldn't there have been a bigger blow up?
But Josie was always reserved opposed to Lizzie's outwardly form of expression. So maybe she'd been expecting a Lizzie level meltdown, when it just wasn't Josie's style to handle things.
Her reasoning was probably one of the reasons Josie was so good at suppressing. It wasn't that she wasn't outwardly expressive, she just wasn't as loud as Lizzie. So she'd always be overlooked because her emotions weren't deemed loud enough to warrant attention. She was ignored because she'd never been deemed nuclear. Her parents deemed her the good child, the mature one beyond her years and they just stopped checking. So she stopped trying to get their attention.
"Ok. I'm glad you guys will remain friends. Plus there's so much more out there, maybe it's for the best." Was the response Caroline settled on. Trying to be as encouraging as possible.
Josie tried her best not to grimace when she said there was more out there. She succeeded sort of.
"It definitely was for the best." She grumbled to herself as her mom switched gears to telling them about her plans for the day. She didn't notice Lizzie observing her silently.
---
Standing in the school parking lot, Hope had never felt more disgusted. She watched on in fascinated revoltion as Penelope and Davina were practically eating each other's faces. In public. On school property. And Penelope 'I treat my girl with respect and my relationship is not something for hormonal roid heads to gawk at' Park was being a very willing participant. It was unnerving.
"Do you guys not need to breathe?" She asked sarcastically.
The only reply she received was the sounds of lips smacking. Which made her like this Davina a little less, not that she had much of an interaction with her since the awkward meet and greet earlier that morning. So she was aware she was being judgmental and highly biased, but Josie would never put her through such a thing. Which automatically made Davina, Penelope's worst girlfriend.
She was soon saved by a truck pulling up next to her jeep followed by a motorcycle being parked right next to it. She recognized the truck as Rafael's instantly, they had all spent many nights in the bed of that truck.
M.G jumped out the passenger side first, followed by Kaleb from the backseat. Hope took in the changed that happened over the summer. Kaleb's dreads were longer, but as neat as ever. M.G's curls were vibrant and bouncy, reminded Hope of that animated movie that Rihanna voiced he insisted they watch. She couldn't remember much of the movie, only that she was obsessed with the curls animation and Landon sniffled the whole second act. But not much has changed with the dynamic duo.
"Do my eyes deceive me? Has the prodigal daughter return to bless us once more?" Kaleb asked dramatically in a weird accent, Hope couldn't place.
"I gotta be honest I missed your dramatic flair over the summer." She greeted warmly.
"She said she missed me first M. The ladies truly do love me best." Kaleb teased ruffling the meticulously combed curls.
"Would you stop ruining perfection." M.G whined as both Kaleb and Hope laughed watching him pout and try to fix it.
Hope turned to see why Rafael hadn't joined on them, she prayed things were no longer awkward between them. Or that God forbid he still had some lingering feelings with her. But she didn't find him awkwardly standing there as she expected. He had his back turned to them and was arguing with the driver of the motorcycle. Rafael's tall and broad frame blocked the other person from her view.
She could tell the argument was intense by the way his back was tensed, the clenched fist. She wondered what was all that about. She decided to wait it out and see what it was all about.
Turning her attention back to Kaleb and M.G and asking how their summer went. Kaleb told her about the music he was producing, his internship in Atlanta for a couple of weeks. He promised he'd show her and tell her more in depth later. M.G mentioned traveling to different conferences and speaking engagements with his family, for his dad's campaign. Before she could start her own summarized version of her summer Rafael came up to join them.
"Hey Hope good to see you." He engulfed her in his patent bear hug. She was surprised, she found herself returning it and leaning into the warmth of his embrace.
Before everything got so messy they were close. She'd missed that special intimacy they had. So she returned it whole heartedly. As they pulled away she mentally prepared herself for that first eye contact. Praying that he didn't still look at her like she was the only thing his happiness was tethered to.
Breath held in anticipation, light blue met dark brown and nothing. There was nothing there, between them. She couldn't find a hint of that look he used to have when he looked at her. She let out the breath she was holding in relief.
"It's good to see you to Raf." She said sincerely. It was good seeing the closest thing she had to a brother she'd ever known and not his best impression of a love sick Jacob Black.
"How was your summer?" She followed up, wanting to know how he'd been.
"It's been good, I guess you-"
"You guess?! My boy is being modest he's been having a great summer." Kaleb interrupted, wiggling his eyebrows. M.G nodded along to the hype.
Hope watched as Rafael ducked his head smiling big. She doesn't know if it's the trick of the sunlight, but she could've sworn she saw him blush slightly. He seemed happy and it warmed her heart.
"Yea, it's been great." He agreed. "There's someone you have to meet - make that two." He tacked on the latter as he was interrupted by a throat clearing.
Hope moved her attention to a girl about her height she hadn't noticed standing next to Rafael. She was dressed in ripped skinny jeans, flannel around her waist and leather jacket on her shoulders. Chaotic energy her ensemble exuded aside, her face was definitely the most striking thing about her. Framed by pink tinted tips, with an intense set of eyes and glossed lips. Hope couldn't help but admire how beautiful the girl was. She mentally gave Rafael an atta boy pat.
"Hope this is Toni my new foster sister." Rafael introduced the other girl- Toni, which was the equivalent of one of those record scratch through Hope's mind.
"Hey, I'm Hope." She greeted.
"Toni." The girl replied offering her a small, but warm smile.
Hope was intrigued by her. Her being in foster care, explained the calculating intensity she regarded her surroundings with. It's something a lot of foster kids seemed to do. It also added another layer of mystery to the new girl. Hope wondered what her story was.
"So how are you liking Mystic Falls so far?" Hope asked trying to engage her in competition.
"Can't really complain." Toni gave a noncommittal shrug.
"Did someone say avengers assemble?" Jed interrupted, and proceeded to insert himself at the center of the group. Causing a few groans of annoyance.
"You have never been apart of the squad, Jed." M.G said rolling his eyes.
"Yes but y'all are short a brooding Hawkeye so I'm volunteering." He explained.
While the boys melted into playful arguing on whether Jed could join or not, Hope became consciously aware of Landon not being there. It was a routine, they always used to meet up as a group on the first day. Last year the first time as a couple and now he wasn't present at all.
Wasn't she supposed to be more hurt? More aware of his absence at the very least? Like she definitely missed her friend, but she felt unmoved by the absence of what she thought was her first love. Was Lizzie right in what she had said?
The bell rang signaling that it was time for them to head to the auditorium. Hope mentally prepared herself for the hour of boredom that was about to follow. She watched as Penelope finally detached herself from Davina's lips. She looked around as if she was in search of someone. Hope knew instantly she was trying to see if she'd caught the attention of one particular Saltzman. Which thankfully neither caught a glimpse of Josie.
"You're playing with fire." She told Penelope as she came to grab her and Davina's bags.
"Don't know what you're talking about." Was all she said refusing to make eye contact.
Hope shook her head. Walking slightly behind the rest of the group as they made their way to the school's entrance. She stared at the colorful welcome to the new year banner hanging under the Salvatore name. It was far to colorful for the amount of dread she felt entering the doors.
"It's going to be one hell of a year."
---
This was definitely not how Josie had planned on spending her morning. She wanted to curl up in the library in her little spot and read a good book. Yet here she was listening to Lizzie and Cheryl having a dramatic meltdown.
She had spaced out once Cheryl's voice got pitchy and she started using French words to express her feelings over the 'énorme injustice' their dad did. Like couldn't she just use the word huge?
After they got done complaining and catching up over their summer, with Lizzie lying about them going to Europe for the summer. They inevitably came to the agreement that Lizzie would remain the unofficial cheer co-captain, until she could sway their dad into lifting his 'punishment'. They proceeded to breakdown various aspects related to cheerleading and that was when Josie checked out completely, until the bell rang signaling the start of the assembly.
They made their way to the auditorium. Josie watched on as fresh faced freshmen looked around in excitement, she saw some familiar faces laughing and happy. She observed the crowd entering the auditorium until her eyes fell on Penelope head thrown back in laughter. Eyes shining. Josie felt her heart stutter slightly.
It was the first time seeing Penelope since the break up and Josie was happy to see her laughing. Far better than the pleading tear stained expression she had the last time she saw her. It just hurt that she wasn't a part of her happiness anymore. Her eyes scanned the rest of th shorter brunette that she could see.
Her complexion as flawless as ever. Jawline seemed a little more defined and her hair definitely an inch longer, but still as thick and vibrant as always. Josie felt her fingers itch wishing she could still let her fingers wander aimlessly through it. Penelope turned her smile to another girl beside her. Josie couldn't make out a who it was from where she stood, she still felt unnaturally jealous that she wasn't the one on the receiving end of her smile.
Her attention diverted to the girl beside Penelope. She couldn't make out much outside her chestnut colored hair, because her face was turned to the opposite direction of Josie's. Probably smiling brightly at Penelope, Josie deduced bitterly.
Something caught Josie's eyes and snatched the breath out of her chest. She felt like she couldn't get any air back in. Her chest was tight, she felt the sting of hot tears forming. She needed to get out the hallway, away from what she was seeing.
She told Lizzie she was going to the bathroom. And booked it out of that hallway way so fast, she didn't hear Lizzie calling after her.
---
Sometime during the 6th grade.
Josie was seated next to Penelope on the bus on their way back to school, after an exciting field trip. Josie was hyper aware of how close her crush was seated next to her. Penelope's hand laying mere inches away from hers. She wanted to reach out and hold it so bad. It was on her mind since last week, when Lizzie asked her how they held hands.
"Do you and Penelope do waffles or pancakes?" Lizzie asked her while she was reading one of her teen magazines.
"Do we what?" Josie asked confused.
"When you hold hands do you pancake or waffle?"
"-uh we haven't -"
"It's normal for a couple not to find their ideal hand holding style according to the article..-" Lizzie explained causing Josie more confusion and a deeper blush to creep across her face.
"What do you mean couple, we haven't even held hands yet."
Lizzie sat up immediately looking at her sister shocked. "I assumed you guys already did."
"I would've told you if we did." Josie said in a small voice.
"OMG. This is so exciting." Lizzie squealed as she moved to sit with Josie on her bed. "Do you think Penelope would be a pancake-r or waffle-r ?"
"I really don't know what any of that means." Lizzie rolled her eyes dramatically with an equally dramatic sigh. Which earned her a glare from Josie. Lizzie ignored it, and proceeded to tell her and show her the different hand holding methods.
So for the past week Josie had been, slightly obsessively thinking about what was Penelope's preferred way to hold hands. And she was definitely obsessing over how it would feel to hold Penelope's hand. However that's as far as it went, she couldn't actually bring herself to hold it. So she'd spend a weird amount of time just staring at them. Penelope had definitely noticed.
"Is something wrong with my hand JoJo?" Penelope asked, pulling Josie from her trance.
Josie instantly felt the blush creep across her cheeks. She'd been caught and now Penelope probably thought she was some freak. She needed to stop that from happening, so she blurted the first thing that came to mind.
"Are you a pancake-r or waffle-r?" Judging by the confused look on Penelope's face she'd probably made it worse for herself.
"Like for breakfast..?"
"No like how do you like holding hands..?" At this point Josie's tips of her ears were hot and she wanted to melt into the seat.
"I don't know what that means, show me?" Penelope asked.
Josie's palms instantly started sweating and she became so nervous she felt her stomach churning. She reached out after a beat hand shaking slightly hoping Penelope wouldn't notice. Josie held Penelope's hand, who shifted to accommodate hers. They held hands palms flat against eachother.
"This is the uh-pancake way. And this is the waffle..way."
Josie shifted her hand to lay horizontally over Penelope's and interlace their fingers together. In that moment Josie felt something she couldn't quite explain, but it felt like putting the last piece of a 3000 piece puzzle in it's place. Just a 100 times more intense.
"So..did you just ask me so you could hold my hand?" Penelope teased lightly. Which made Josie pull her hand away instantly.
"No..no I just wanted to know how you liked your hand to be held.."
"So you'd know how to hold my hand?"
"I..guess." Josie mumbled finding a loose thread to focus and not meeting Penelope eyes.
Penelope smiled brightly at Josie's shy behavior. She reached out for Josie's hand and interlaced their fingers.
"I'm happy to report I'm a waffle kind of girl but only for you. It makes me feel closer to you." Penelope whispered to Josie, a little shyer than her usual bravado. She caressed the back of Josie's hand soothingly with her thumb.
Josie smiled brightly, still red as ever, and gave Penelope's hand a comforting squeeze. They sat in a comfortable, both still shy, silence the rest of the way back to school not breaking their hold on each other's hands.
Lizzie had offered her a thumbs up when they got off the bus still holding hands, waffling, she attacked Josie for information as soon as they were home.
That was their first innocent step forward out of the friendzone. And it became a staple of their relationship going forward. If you saw the pair together 9.5/10 you'd find them with their fingers interlaced. Even when they were arguing. It was their thing.
---
At least it used to be their thing. Josie couldn't get the image of Penelope's fingers interlaced with someone else's out of her mind. It was like it was seered into her brain and was just being replayed on a continuous loop. It just drove the point home that Penelope was no longer hers. And it was all her fault.
For the first time Josie let her tears spill for the girl she pushed away.