Chapter Text
“Tang Yi.”
When Shao Fei enters the room, its nearly pitch black. The curtains had been drawn shut, not even a sliver of moonlight piercing through the thick curtains. Shao Fei had to admit that he had returned home at a late hour, but usually Tang Yi would have at least his desk lamp on, as he tirelessly sorted through the last of the documents need for the legitimizing of Xing Tian Meng’s business. Keyword being usually.
It was a drawback of being a cop. When Chen Wen Hao’s suicide had been reported, the frantic buzzing of his cellphone had roused Shao Fei from his slumber. The current staff shortage, especially after Captain Shi and Ah Zhi’s departure rendered Shao Fei’s presence absolutely critical,even though it was his off day, having been unoffically named acting captain as the most senior member of their little team.
It was with an unwilling heart that he had left the cocoon of warmth he had made in Tang Yi’s- no, their bed, and upon hearing the details of the case, he had resented it even moreso. Initially Shao Fei had been wanting to quickly assign the roles for his members and leave as soon as possible, but one thing led to another with various complications arising, leaving Shao Fei coming home just as the clock struck midnight.
It had been a long day.
“Tang Yi? I know you’re here.”
Reluctant to turn on the lights, lest he break the serene environment, Shao Fei had turned instead to open the curtains, letting the full moon filter through the windows. And what he saw broke his heart.
There was a distinctly Tang Yi shaped lump under the covers, and Shao Fei hastened to get closer, before slowing down to a stop and just..stare. The room was unusually silent, save for the whirr of the AC, but there were uneven breathes originating from under the covers. Gingerly, Shao Fei lifted the covers.
Tang Yi looked like shit. His eyes were reddened and puffy, the bruises under only accentuating his bloodshot eyes. His hair was damp, matted against his forehead, dressed in the suit he had left in when he was going to visit Li Zhen Jie’s grave. Above all, he was shivering, lips pale because his clothes were sopping wet when he finally collapsed in the bed after his breakdown in the rain. The sight tugged something at Shao Fei’s heartstrings and it hurt, seeing his usually strong and confident Tang Yi looking like this. A broken man. Softly he raised his palm, settling it against the back of his boyfriend’s neck as he sat on the bed, combing throught the unruly strands. All this while, Tang Yi had merely stared at him, gaze dead like the black of his irises.
“Tang Yi, let’s get you into the shower okay?” He murmered.
With a soft “Mmph”, Tang Yi had gotten up with barely a fuss, letting himself be dragged into their bathroom. He had melted into Shao Fei’s side, quietly letting himself be undressed by the other man and merely watched as Shao Fei ran the bath, filling it with warm water. When Shao Fei helped him in, sighing contentedly as the warmth enveloped him, chasing away the permanent chill that seemed to have settled into his bones.
After settling Tang Yi, Shao Fei got to work, running water over Tang Yi’s head and then massaging his shampoo into his scalp, washing away the day’s grime and dust. It was a comfortable silence, broken only by the sloshing of water and Tang Yi’s appreciative sigh as Shao Fei worked the knots out of the back of his neck. He felt he could melt right now, sink into the comfortable warmth and just let himself be taken care of. It felt nice, domestic even, except for the underlying guilt Tang Yi felt, hard and unable to be soothed away by Shao Fei’s gentlest touch.
“I’m sorry.”
The officer merely hummed, a silent sign to continue as he continued his ministrations on Tang Yi’s back, pulling the tension from his body, bit by bit.
“I don’t know what to feel. I’ve spent almost four years chasing after Chen Wen Hao, thinking he was a murderer, hell bent on revenge and then suddenly I wasn’t,” there was a pause and Tang Yi closed his eyes as Shao Fei washed the shampoo out of his hair.
“I felt like I had been thrown into the end of deep pool, when Tang Ye died. Suddenly, I was alone again, in this world, tasked with Hong Ye’s safety and Xing Tian Meng’s future.” This time, Tang Yi looked up, meeting Shao Fei’s gaze evenly.
“I hated it. Being responsible for the lives of people I barely knew. Taking over a position of power that many had eyed and gaining so many enemies because of it. But I could never resent Tang Ye for that. He brought me up, celebrated my first birthday, had given me a place I could call home.”
The word “home” was spoken harshly, but Shao Fei could see Tang Yi’s eyes turning misty.
“I think that why I’ve always hated Tang Ye, just a little bit. Because he had given me a taste of home, and then he left.” It was spoken with such longing, a deep hurt underneath all of it and Shao Fei realizes that this is Tang Yi, bearing out his heart, laying out his deepest wounds.
“But there isn’t a point in resenting someone dead. Instead, I turned it all on Chen Wen Hao, because he was there, and it was so easy to blame him. And as the years pass by, the hate in me only grew, to a point where it was unfathomable for me to even think about forgiving him.”
Tang Yi let out a bitter laugh, the sound sharp and unnatural coming from him, jagged at the edges.
“And then this hate eventually trapped me, encompassed my very being and took over my will to live. Tang Ye was gone and suddenly I had nothing to live for, except to deliver my revenge.”
The laughter turned choked, and tears threaten to fall from Tang Yi’s eyes, his heart so full of emotion he had only felt once before. He had to force the next few words out, feeling them scrape against his throat, unwilling to be sounded out.
“I hadn’t manage to forgive him, even to the very last moment and now I can’t. Because he’s gone. Forever. I can’t even manage to apologize to my last living relative, my father, and isn’t that just so pathetic?”
Tang Yi’s next words were hoarse, so quiet Shao Fei had to strain his hearing to listen.
“I’ve just lost my only opportunity to reconcile with my parents,and yet I can’t even feel anything. I just feel so hollow.”
With that, the tears were coming out hard and fast, clouding his vision, heartbreak a vice grip constricting tight around his lungs and squeezing. Distantly, he could make out Shao Fei brushing away the wetness on his cheeks and then suddenly the warmth left him. Tang Yi panicked. Was Shao Fei going to leave him, just like everyone else?
“Wait-“ he could barely choke out.
When Shao Fei had turned around, just to grab a towel to dry Tang Yi off, the man in question had grabbed his wrist and squeezed so hard it hurt. Panicked he turned back around.
“What wrong Tang Yi?”
“Please don’t leave me.”
The words were mumbled and oh. The words definitely had punched Shao Fei in the chest hard enough to burn, and he quickly whispered assurances that, no, he wasn’t about to leave him, not now, not ever. He had promised to chase Tang Yi forever after all.
Eventually, Shao Fei managed to get Tang Yi dry and into clean pajamas. Surrounded by blankets he and Tang Yi laid in bed, letting the silence coat the room, choosing instead to just exist.
“It’s okay you know?” Shao Fei broke the silence.
“Chen Wen Hao is in a better place now, with Li Zhen Jie. I imagine both of them are looking after you, making sure you will live a long and happy life.” Shao Fei rolled over, backhugging Tang Yi, hoping the warmth of his body could convey what he felt.
“The best way to say sorry to Chen Wen Hao is to live a long, happy life. I’m sure it was what he would’ve wanted the most.”
And, almost as an afterthought, Shao Fei added:
“Li Zhen Jie would’ve been so proud of you.”
Pressing a kiss to Tang Yi’s back, Shao Fei had thought Tang Yi had fallen asleep, exhausted fron the day’s events to even listen to his ramblings. Instead Tang ayi surprised him by rolling over and curling himself into Shao Fei, like he was trying to get smaller.
Like he was trusting Shao Fei to protect him from a storm they both knew were coming.
“It’s raining, outside.” Tang Yi commented.
Night had fallen and the curtains had been drawn shut again. Although the windows were sealed as tightly as they could be, Shao Fei could still smell that phantom scent of grassy fields after a storm had passed, earthy and full.
He also heard the unsaid “Thank you.”