Chapter Text
“Okay, so… Let me get this straight,” John muttered as a ring of his friends, human, alien, and a guardian, stood around him, “You arrived here from Alternia because you thought it was a good idea to fly through some glowy ring you saw in the sky?”
“A spirograph, to be exact,” Kanaya pitched in.
“But we finished beta testing Sburb. We got our prize money already,” John said, “No offense but I was kind of hoping you guys would be… You know, off on your own, not trolling us anymore?”
“Oh, um… Now we’re humaning you,” Tavros replied, chuckling slightly at his terrible joke, “I mean, just look at us, we look just like humans! Pink flesh, no horns, um…” he trailed off.
“I think it’s safe to assume that the gate did this,” Aradia murmured, looking down at herself, “I guess it just adjusted us for whatever life was like on our destination, which was apparently here. Not to mention Alternia was pretty much done for.”
“Blame Aradia for this, she just wanted an adventure,” Sollux groaned, glaring at the ground through his red and blue glasses.
“Well, you’re here now, um… I guess you’re going to have to stay, I just don’t really know where,” Jade said, looking around as if some hotel was on the verge of sprouting from the ground, “Dividing you up to live with each of us would be kinda… I guess it would work”
“Okay, so… Divide yourselves into groups of three” John instructed as his Alternian friends shuffled among themselves.
Aradia walked over to Tavros and exchanged a few words with him as Gamzee slugged over. Their group of three was more or less set; Gamzee was evidently happy with Tavros and didn’t mind Aradia’s company. Dave soon joined them as well, chatting a bit with Aradia, but quickly cut off by Tavros’s eagerness to begin the century’s finest rap-off with Gamzee at his side.
Karkat clung to Terezi’s side, refusing to allow her to split away from him, even thought it was obvious in her reddened eyes that she wanted to hang around Dave. Sollux wandered over to the duo, talking with Karkat a bit, and then glancing over to see where Feferi was going. Karkat called John over to finalized some decisions, and that group was set as well.
Eridan was somewhat torn between choosing Feferi or Vriska, but Kanaya was still open to auspisticize between himself and Vriska. Kanaya also noticed this and brought it up between the two, and their group of three was settled. With a few petty arguments here and there.
That just left Feferi, Nepeta, and Equius, none of which had any special bond or dislike toward any of the other two, aside from the obviously moirailship between Nepeta and Equius. Or whatever their now-human peers would like to call it.
“Okay, you three,” John called out, pointing to Kanaya, Eridan, and Vriska, “can go with Rose.” A look of disgust crossed Vriska’s face, Eridan looked almost hopeful, and Kanaya smiled slightly.
“Fine by me,” Kanaya chimed, almost prancing over to where Rose stood. Eridan walked over at a more normal pace, and Vriska dragged herself along, most definitely reciting endless streams of curses in her head. Rose exchanged a quick word with her mother and walked two houses away, where the rest of the troupe followed suit.
“And you peeps,” Dave said to his trio, not trying particularly hard to be heard by everyone, “can chill with me.”
“And then those people can chill with Dave okay. Hmm…” John’s eyebrows furrowed in concentration.
“John, if you’d like, I’ll take Feferi, Nepeta, and Equius. I don’t think Bec will mind… I hope Bec doesn’t mind,” Jade offered.
“Oh okay, that just leaves Karkat, Terezi, and Sollux with me… Well that’s not as bad as I thought,” John said, calling over his new housemates. They walked in through the back door, and Terezi immediately plopped down on the couch, ignoring the scowling streaming out of Karkat’s mouth. Sollux just stood there and watched, trying his best to stifle a laugh.
“Daaad! I need to tell you something!” John called out, wandering through the house as if it would help.
“In here, son!” came a slightly muffled reply from the kitchen. John walked over and choked slightly.
“Dad please, we don’t need any more cake. And I need to discuss something with you. You know, a serious discussion.”
“Hang on son, I think I messed up something with the cake, can you hand me a toothpick?” His oven mittens were on.
Drastic measures needed to be taken.
This toothpick could determine the fate of this cake, and in a sense, the fate of Egbert Sr.
John groaned and fished a toothpick out of the drawer and handed it to his father, who quickly opened the oven and stuck the toothpick into the spongey texture of the cake. He carefully withdrew the toothpick and exhaled happily upon seeing no clumps attached to the sides.
“Good, it’s not a lost cause and my handiwork won’t be going to waste,” Dad said, pulling out the cake tin and setting it on the counter. He went back for a moment to turn off the heat, and finally faced his son after what seemed like a ridiculous amount of time. “Now, what was it that you wanted?”
“Dad, you know how we got the money for testing Sburb?” John began, trying to figure out how to pace this properly.
“Well sure son, there was about fifty thousand dollars, and I don’t really know what to do with it,” he replied, clearly confused.
“Yeah well, the friends I played with in Sburb, not Jade or Rose or Dave, but the twelve trolls, are here now. I don’t know why, don’t ask me,” John quickly fit in the last bit before his father could interrupt, “But they’re here now, and so I’ve decided that three of them can stay with us, and three for Jade, Rose, and Dave.”
“Well John, you know we have the room here, I mean this was a rather big house to begin with.”
“I know that, but I think we’ll need to go shopping for some things like clothes and maybe school supplies, because summer break is going to end soon.”
“Er… Alright son, but I’ll trust you with organizing most of this, I know you can handle it.” Egbert Sr. gave his son a little pat on the head and returned to his cake.
That wasn’t quite the response John was expecting, but it was some form of a yes, and that was all he was going for. John walked back to the family room and relayed the message, sort of.
“Okay guys, you’re going to be staying here and you can pick where to sleep. Not in my bed because I’m sleeping there, and you’re just going to be eating whatever we feel like ordering or making,” John began, “And the sixteen of us can go shopping some time tomorrow.”
“Shopping? What for?” Terezi inquired, leaning over the back of the couch.
“Clothes,” Karkat’s nose shriveled up at the word, “and maybe some school supplies. You might end up going to the same school as us, and you’d better do your best to blend in.”
“School? What's school?” Terezi asked, not sure whether to be excited or disappointed for the answer.
“Humans go to school to learn things about different subjects from teachers,” John replied, not really sure how else to explain it, “Maybe Rose’s mother can explain it better.”
“So you’re telling me you humans spend eight hours of your day sitting on your aths- ash- a… ath…” Sollux’s lisp was clearly getting the better of him here.
“Asses?” Terezi volunteered.
“Those. You just do nothing for eight hours of the day but sit in a room and listen to someone force information into your brain.”
“Well, no, not exactly, you can do other things too, like clubs and sports. Not to mention you can pick some of your classes. Only a few though,” John hesitated, “we can go over the rest some other time.” He looked up momentarily at the analog clock that hung on their monochrome wall.
4:26 in the late afternoon. Still approximately 6 more hours left of the day, which might be extended due to any shenanigans that could happen along the way.
“If you don’t have any more questions, you are now free to roam around the house as long as you don’t do something stupid,” John declared, retreating upstairs to his room.
“That’s going to be difficult for some of us,” Sollux muttered, glancing over at Karkat. He received a well-earned pillow to the face.