Chapter Text
2014
"Hey, so," alternate-Irina says, sliding up to her, "the kids told me you told them to contact Karasuma. What's the deal with both of you?"
"I told you i was working for the Japanese government," Irina says, "he's my coworker."
Irina enjoys the disappointed look on her younger self's face and goes off, humming. "I'll tell her when they get it on in a few years," alternate-Asano says to her, winking conspiratorially, "it'd be a fun kept secret."
God, he was such an asshole like his older counterpart. Speaking of, Gakushuu was currently being fussed over by the alternate versions of his father and older brother, namely Gakuhou and Ikeda. It really said something about the Asanos of this time, given that Gakushuu wouldn’t stop snapping at them and Ikeda looked terrified out of his life but still continued to cautiously offer candy.
“Did he really try to chop off Ikeda’s fingers with a cleaver?” She asks alternate-Asano.
“Hm? Oh yeah,” alternate-Asano says, “it was just a joke, through. Uhm, I think.”
Eventually the gang of nerds deem the dongadoo sufficiently tweaked with, and hands it over. “Remember to come visit,” alternate-Asano says cheerily.
Much less cheerily, their Gakushuu says “how the fuck are we supposed to do that?” And Itona sniggers beside him. Irina mentally reminds herself to keep an eye on their relationship status when they get back to their own time.
“We’ll flip the switch together,” Irina decides, “it’s symbolic.” And the boys don’t argue with her, it does make a funny sight with all three of their fingertips at the edge of the switch standing in the front lawn of the Asano residence.
“3, 2, 1,” Gakushuu counts, and they flick the switch.
2018
“Did it work?” Irina asks. She opens her eyes and sits up. They’re… in Itona’s electronic repair shop, the exact same place that started this mess. Or were they?
Next to her, Gakushuu buries his face in his hands and lets out a long groan. Itona rubs his head, and his eyes widen as he takes in the surroundings. He gets to his feet and throws the door open, squinting at the outside world before slamming it closed and getting back on the floor next to Gakushuu. “I think it did?” Itona says breathlessly.
Gakushuu squints at the ceiling against his fingers. “Are the lights super bright here or am I still recovering from being shot multiple times?”
The ceiling lights weren’t even on. “Recovery,” Irina tells him.
Gakushuu groans, again. He flips over on his stomach and pulls out his phone. Very, very slowly, it, the startup logo blinks to life.
“Yes!” Irina cheers. She pulls out her own too, as does Itona, and their phones blink to life. This was a pretty good sign, she thinks, given that their phones refused to work anytime else.
Gakushuu’s phone starts up first, and he quickly punches in a phone number and Irina and Itona lean over in anticipation as it rings. Then, “Asano residence, this is Gakuhou speaking.”
“Yes!” Gakushuu cheers. Irina whoops, and Itona grins.
There’s a pause on the line, and then, “...who is this?”
“It’s me, stupid,” Gakushuu says, “don’t you recognize my number?” He’s beaming.
“...who do you have with you? Why are you calling the landline?”
“God,” Gakushuu says, “I miss your mean, judgemental ass. Just to forewarn you, I’m going to hug you for an uncomfortably long time when I get home.”
Gakuhou sounds very befuddled. “Asano Gakushuu? That is you, right?”
“What a dumbass,” Gakushuu sighs happily.
“You should probably go to the hospital,” Itona warns him, “just in case.”
“Yeah,” Gakushuu says into the phone, “hear that? I’m going to hug you, and then you’re going to drive me to the hospital.”
Gakuhou’s voice is now laced with worry and confusion. “Why do you need to-”
“I got shot many many times,” Gakushuu says peacefully, “with bullets, from a gun. You remember Koro-sensei? So do I. Bye, see you,” and abruptly ends the call.
Immediately, his phone rings again. Gakushuu declies that call too, sets his phone on silent, then flops back on the floor. “That was awful ,” Itona says, awe in his voice.
“Well, they don’t call me the mean-Gakushuu for nothing,” Gakushuu says, stretching. “Daddy dearest sounds as terrible as I remember him, but we might want to check more.”
“I got it,” Irina says. She dials Tadaomi’s number and sets it on speaker, and it rings twice before he picks up.
“I told you not to call me on the work phone,” Tadaomi sounds mildly irritated.
“Hi honey, I love you too,” Irina says, “how old is our baby?”
“...Mai?” Tadaomi sounds a little panicked now. “Irina? Did something happen? Where are you?”
“Just hanging out with the kids,” Irina says, and Itona and Gakushuu laugh a little. “How old is our baby?”
There’s a much longer pause on the line, then Tadaomi says very slowly, “nine months?”
“Thanks,” Irina says. She hangs up.
“Call someone else, I don’t want to move,” Itona says. He’s settled comfortably against Gakushuu now. Gakushuu grabs Irina’s hand and tugs her back to lie next to him on the floor, then curls up against her side using her shoulder as a pillow. He hums and presses another set of numbers into his phone, seriously does that kid remember how to use a contact book or did he just memorize everybody’s phone numbers? The phone rings longer this time, then, “hey second-place, why are you calling me?”
“Is that Karma?” Itona asks lazily.
“Is that Itona?” Karma says. “I recognize that voice. Gakushuu, are you hanging out with Itona?”
“I didn’t know you were on a first name basis with Karma,” Irina says.
“I called him Karma multiple times,” Gakushuu says.
“Gakushuu? This is you, right?” Karma says.
“Yeah, but Karma’s Karma to everybody. Nobody calls him Akabane. It’s like how everybody called me Itona in 3-E.” Itona says.
“Gakushuu?” Karma says, “Itona? And… Bitch-sensei?”
“Bye,” Gakushuu says, and hangs up. The three fall into a comfortable silence for a bit, just laid out on the floor like that, and Itona says, “I don’t really feel like moving.”
“Me neither,” Irina says.
“Same,” Gakushuu says, then, “I think rectangles taste salty.”
“Yeah, no, we should get him to the hospital,” Itona says.
“Oh, yeah. Besides,” Irina says, “triangles are the saltiest shape.”
“Oh my god,” says Itona.
