Chapter Text
"You've got your mission face on," commented Nat when Clint appeared in the doorway to the Avenger's common room. He quickly pulled her into a hug and, slightly distractedly, asked Nat how her mission went. "It went fine, thanks to Shuri. Seriously, though, you do have your mission face on." Clint decided to forgo his usual whine of for fucks sake, what is a mission face and Sam stop laughing, I don't have a mission face.
"I think Peter's being bullied." The atmosphere in the room suddenly changed - Loki, who had draped himself extravagantly over a whole sofa, sat up straight, Thor looked ready to summon his hammer and Bucky jumped to his feet from where he was sprawled across Steve's lap.
"What?" cried Steve.
"What are we going to do about it?" Looking at Nat's face, Clint had to feel just a little bit sorry for Flash. Nat would protect her паук-ребенок, as she liked to call him, with her life if it came to it.
"Well," began Clint, a grin spreading over his face despite himself. "I was thinking we should..."
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Peter knew he was fucked when Emilia's radio buzzed and she stopped, turning to face the group and directing a smug grin at Peter.
"Okay, you guys, we've had a very exciting change of plan! We've been invited for a tour of the Avengers' living area and a Q&A from the Avengers themselves!" Beaming at the cheers, Emilia turned back down the corridor and gestured to the lift.
Peter's Parker Luck struck again when he had the amazingexperience of being put into the same lift as Flash. For about the fiftieth time that day, he regretted not eating the letter about the trip. As soon as the lift doors shut, Flash rounded on him, because apparently evidence from multiple sources plus a warning from literally one of the most notorious assassins ever couldn't stop him from continuing Mission Make-Peter-Parker's-Life-Hell.
"Guess what I'm going to ask the Avengers, Parker?" whisper-shouted Flash, who seemed to be smart enough to stop teachers listening to the conversation but not smart enough to listen to a threat from - and Peter couldn't stress this enough - Clint fucking Barton. Peter forced his voice into a (hopefully) neutral tone.
"I don't know?" Peter was saved from Flash's reply as the lift doors opened into what could only be described as absolute chaos.
"That is not a fucking flamingo, Loki! Do you even have eyes?!" Not another alien invasion, then. Just the Avengers playing Pictionary.
"Insult my drawing skills one more time, Birdbrain, and I swear to Odin I will stab you in the eyes!" Bucky grabbed Sam just seconds before he lunged for Loki.
"I didn't realise this game involved stabbing people," commented Gamora. "Suddenly, I enjoy it a lot more."
"No-one's going to be stabbing anyone, now can we please carry on with the game?" begged Steve. "I'm winning!" Only Emilia's exaggerated cough told the team that they had an audience. Steve shot Sam and Loki, who still had a dagger pointing threateningly at Sam, a warning look before turning to the tour group with an apologetic smile. "I'm very sorry, I didn't realise you'd be coming up here."
"We weren't supposed to be, Mr. Stark changed our schedule. I hope you won't mind answering some questions?" There was an explosion of chatter and Peter narrowly missed being hit in the face by Flash's hand.
Bucky pushed in front of Steve. He spotted Flash and his eyes went icy. "You." Flash looked like he'd just won the lottery.
"Do you guys really know Penis... uh, Peter Parker?!"
"Yes, yes we do." All eyes flickered to the lift doors and settled on the unmistakeable face of Tony Stark. "Would I be correct to assume you're the little shit who's been bullying him?" The look of terror on Flash's face would have been funny if Peter wasn't mentally planning his own funeral. Cause of death? Embarrassment. The hiss of Gamora not-so-subtly pulling out her knives and Clint's whisper of I'm going to hit that little bitch through the eye with my exploding arrows made him decide that none of the Avengers were invited.
"Mr. Harrington, I wonder if I could have a quick talk with Mr. Thompson?" Tony directed a dazzling, paparazzi-perfect smile at Mr. Harrington and, without waiting for a reply, breezed on. "Pete, I wonder if you'd like to help Emilia take the rest of your class around the building? I suppose I did promise you guys a tour of the Avengers' living area." Peter was pretty sure the face he was making was a very clear fuck no but he didn't think he had a choice in the matter anymore. So, he just nodded and helped Emilia to herd students (all with varying degrees of what the fuck is going on?? written across their faces) and Mr. Harrington - who didn't look too sure on exactly when he'd lost control of the day - out of the room towards the training rooms. Pretty much as soon as the last kid had left, Tony dropped the pretence and gave Flash a faintly shark-like smile.
"I think you should sit down, Mr. Thompson. Just mind the Wii remotes, won't you?" Flash dropped into his seat.
"Mr. Stark, I'd just like to say how much I admire you and how much I'd love to be considered for an internship here - "
"No," Tony interjected. "Any chance you may have had at getting an internship here vanished the second you began to bully my kid." Flash's adoring look vanished.
"B-but Mr. Stark! He's so obviously lying about having an internship here - he's just Penis Parker! Nobody in their right mind would ever want to employ him..." Flash trailed off, spotting the murderous looks most of the Avengers now wore on their faces. With the exception of Steve, who was struggling to keep his face neutral, because for fucks sake, somebody's gotta stop Tony from murdering this kid.
"Now, let's get one thing straight," murmured Tony, voice deceptively soft as he sat down next to Flash. "Peter is incredibly smart - yet somehow also incredibly stupid for not letting me know what was going on sooner - and any company would be lucky to employ him. In fact, I hope he'll take over Stark Industries for me one day. And, most importantly for you, he's managed to twist every single Avenger around his little finger and he's doubtless going to keep it that way. As you can tell, we're a very scary bunch of people, and, if I ever hear of you bothering my kid again, Steve and I won't keep such a close watch on the others. Do we understand each other?" At Flash's thoroughly terrified nod, Tony smirked and continued on. "Now, I'm going to have my head of security, Mr. Hogan, escort you out and get you home. I hope you'll remember that I will hear if you bully Peter or anyone else again, okay? Happy, you know what to do." Once the lift with Happy and Flash in it had left, Tony turned to the rest of the Avengers, who were reluctantly putting away their assorted weapons. "What did you think? Scary enough?"
"That was good, Tony - very scary. Remind me to never get on your bad side," smiled Bruce.
"Fuck PR, Tony, I still think you should've let us teach him a lesson," muttered Clint.
"I think so, too. I would have garrotted him," added Loki matter-of-factly.
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"I wish I had been there, Tones," groaned Stephen, halfway through their weekly game night. "I would have sent that little shit to the Arctic or something!" Tony laughed and flung his legs over Stephen's lap, narrowly avoiding kicking Thor in the face.
"Honestly, I'm glad you guys didn't end up killing him," said Pepper, earning herself a muttered spoilsport from Clint. "The PR would have been an absolute nightmare."
"I'm still not inviting any of you to my funeral," Peter moaned.
"Don't worry, squirt, we know you'll weaken on that," grinned Sam. "Now, is anyone up for some Mario Kart?"
Clint lunged across the sofa he'd been sitting on to snatch up a controlled. "Only if you're ready to get your ass kicked!"