Chapter Text
He feels like cotton is stuffed in his ears and mouth. Like everything around him is muffled out and distorted and any words he puts out would make it worse. Isn't sure what to say to her right now. A baby? They're having a baby? How does one even comprehend a sentence like that? He's pretty sure he should be feeling happy right now. New parents feel happy when they're told they're having a kid right? It isn't there though, he just feels hollow.
How the hell are they supposed to raise a child? What if there's two of them? What if they figure out that their parents were raised as siblings and think that incest is okay? He knows that the world viewed them as siblings because that's what the old man wanted them to think; the rest of the world didn't view them as what they really were though: wardens and abusers of each other, one second they could be laughing with each other and the next they were forced to dole out punishment akin to torture. So uneasy alliances had been formed between them the first time around. The second time they rebelled against the treatment, abuse, and took their fate into their own hands. Trained themselves and left the bone bruising punishments behind. The truth of the matter was that yes most of them viewed the others as siblings, how could they not? The couples though? They never really had and were fine with it. The only exception being Luther and Allison who had decided that being siblings was better than lovers.
He wasn't sure how to explain any of it to anyone much less to his unborn children. Was fairly positive that if he did then it would cause way more drama than necessary. He couldn't stop thinking about it though. Should he even be worried? Was it weird he was worried about his possible unborn child or children dating? He didn't even know how many there were. He was fairly positive she hadn't even had her first appointment yet. Should he remind her? Was he supposed to go with her? Was he allowed to go with her? He wanted to. Wanted to be apart of all of it if she'd let him. Oh god, did she even want to keep the baby? What if she wanted an abortion? He wouldn't stand in her way if she did. It was her body after all and he wasn't a neanderthal.
“I think we should burn our birth certificates.” Is what unfortunately comes out of his mouth once his brain catches up to reality.
“What? Wait, let me get this straight: I tell you that I'm pregnant with your child and your first thought is for us to burn our birth certificates?”
“....No. My first thought was to worry about them dating.” He leaves out the part about them dating each other if there are more than one out on purpose.
“You recognize that that's weird right? They aren't even born yet.”
“What you want from me? I don't know how to do this!”
“Okay well can you save your existential crisis for when I get home? I still have a class to teach and we probably shouldn't be talking about this in a room full of teenagers.” He feels her hands cupping his cheeks in front of him.
When did she get up? When did she get so calm about this? Wasn't she the one freaking out first? He didn't hallucinate that did he? No, she had definitely been freaking out; then he had freaked out and she had a tendency to calm down and focus on him when he started up no matter what she was feeling. It was super weird sometimes how she was able to compartmentalize better than him. He assumed part of it was from feeling numb for so long in the first timeline and having to learn how to keep her emotions in check in their new one. Oh, now it all made sense.
“Five?” He hears her ask again like she's trying to calm a child.
Damn it, he really wants her to keep the baby now. She'd make a great mom, everyone knows she's had practice because of dealing with his neurosis. He nods his head in her hands since he doesn't trust his voice at the moment. Doesn't trust himself to not say something stupid like asking if she's thinking about an abortion.
“Okay. Go home and if you need more information on all of this then you can look up some baby books online and get some.”
Baby books? Why would he need a book for a baby to read? Babies can't read. He's pretty sure they can't read anyway. They seem to stupid and dependent on other people for that. Plus he wouldn't even know what to buy. The kid wasn't even born yet and he didn't know what they would like so it seems weird to get them a book. Should he get them a night light too? When exactly was he supposed to give this stuff to the baby? The second they're out? A month after? Did Grace give them theirs after she came into the picture or was it a birth-parent ritual? What happens if you didn't get one?
“When do I give it to them exactly? Also do I get them a night light too so they can read it whenever they want or how does that work exactly?” The words come out quicker than his brain can process he's said them. It's probably because he still feels like it's been taken over by cotton.
“What?” Vanya stares at him in disbelief and steps back to look at him fully.
“Well we can't let them read in the dark! That's bad for their eyes and exactly why I wear contacts now!” His arms feel like they're wading through water as he waves them in the air.
“What do you think a baby book is?”
“A book for a baby?”
"What? No. I mean… yes those exist but that's not… What exactly do you think a baby book is?"
"I don't know! I don't like kids! They're sticky, messy and I know I should like being around Colby and Claire since they're my nephew and niece but even they're annoying so I've never had an interest in finding out what the difference is!"
Five's breathing is heavy as she smiles at him and lets him collect his thoughts. He isn't sure how long it takes him to do so and is fairly positive that he blacked out at one point. One second he's standing in front of her in her classroom and the next he's outside on some random road.
"Oh no." He whispers out as he looks around, realizing that he has absolutely no idea where he is.
He supposes he could call one of his siblings. He tries to remember where each of them are so that he can convince them to retrieve him without Vanya knowing. No doubt Luther is somewhere taking photos since it's his job, he just isn't sure where he is. All he knows is that one minute the guy is offering to take wedding photos for them and the next he can't be contacted for months because he's in some remote cave or jungle taking photos of God knows what. Granted their wedding had been years ago so the recipients and priorities of Luther's photos may have changed over time and he was just blurring them together.
He thought about calling Diego but he and Eudora were more than likely busy at the station. Becoming police captain and your wife making sergeant kinda makes you a bit of a workaholic with all the things that need doing.
Then there was Allison who, without using her powers, had become a lawyer and was working with one of the biggest judges they had around here. He didn't know their name but knew that she loved her job, for the most part, and that's what matters. He supposes he could call her husband Jeff, maybe? They didn't really talk much, which was his own fault, but the guy had bailed him out of some weird situations over the years. He didn't want to bother Jeff though knowing that it would be a fast track way of getting back to Vanya.
Klaus would be his next option however he was more than likely with a patient at the moment and his phone would be turned off so he probably wouldn't get the message Five would be forced to leave until at least an hour from now. The guy was actually rather good at his job and specialized in behavioral therapy. The downside to being good at it though was that he had appointments at the weirdest times so he often made everyone leave messages, except for Ben since he had marital rights or something.
When he realizes he doesn't have anyone to call to come get him besides his wife he does the next best thing. Honestly it's what any thirty year old man who's going to possibly be expecting a baby soon would do.
"Mom, it's Mateo. I'm not sure where I am and Vanya and I kinda got into a fight… I think. Can you come get me?"
It takes Grace thirty minutes to get to him and when she does he is extremely confused. The first thing he notices when she got out of the car was that she had a dress on. The other thing he notices is that she has a passenger in the car already.
"Okay, why are you wearing a dress and who is that?"
"Gee honey, how about you start with: Hi mommy thank you for coming to get me even though I can teleport wherever and whenever I want to. Also you look lovely today." Grace says sternly, like he's five years old and got caught stealing a cookie.
"Hi mommy, you look lovely. Now who is that?"
Grace ignores him and clears her throat like Allison does when she wants the kids to do something they forgot. He runs through his checklist of things he was supposed to do today and none of them involve her so he isn't really sure what she's getting at. He already said she looked lovely and he really, really wants to know who the woman is that she came with.
"Thank you for coming to get me mom." She reiterates, annunciating each word, once she realizes he forgot that bit.
Oh. No, no, he's not going to apologize now! Besides the fact that she's expecting him to apologize. Especially not when he needs to know who that woman is! He can't see much of the woman right now but he can see that she has bright red hair, like it was dyed recently and that the sides of it are shaved. She doesn't look much older than him actually which makes him feel odd for some reason.
"Mateo… I believe I'm allotted a thank you now." She chides him.
"No." He folds his arms and turns away from her slightly to prove his point.
He will not thank her, not when he can do it later and more importantly when it's not in front of an audience he doesn't know. Of course all his childish display did was have Grace swivel around him and frown at him even more.
"Alright fine. You're obviously anxious because you thought I'd come get you by myself. Well excuse you mister you're not the only one who has a life!"
"I never said…. What? What does you having a life have to do with anything?! Is that why you're so dressed up and wearing a dress all of a sudden? Because you haven't worn a dress in years and to be honest it's kinda weird."
"Yes actually. I'll have you know that I was on a date and then you called me so I had to cancel it. Thankfully my date understood and even said she wanted to come with me to meet you since I've been nervous about introducing you all to her."
"Oh okay… wait. She? …Her? ….You're dating a girl?"
"Woman actually, but yes Mateo I am dating a woman ."
"Why? I mean… I'm not… it's just, I never thought that you.. um…"
Something chimes near them and Five nearly jumps out of his skin only to realize it was a phone. He pulls his out of his pocket and sees that it's silent as can be. He fiddles with it and goes into his voicemails and texts just to be sure only for Grace to giggle beside him. He looks up and practically glares at the woman that raised him thinking she's somehow making fun of him. That isn't the case though because it was her phone that went off and not his. Apparently her giggling was from the text she just got.
His mother texts now, she texts and she has a girlfriend? Friend who is a girl? Do sentient robots/androids even do things? He hears the car door close once more and turns around to see his mom's girlfriend making her way to them.
The woman certainly did have dyed red hair with shaved sides like he thought, the middle was even poofed out into curls. Her ears were adorned with multiple piercings: two on each lobe and one on the orbital conch of her left ear while her right had a cartilage piercing with a moon and stars cuff through it. She was in a dress like Grace but that was where the similarities in their clothing ended. While Grace had on a short dark blue with flowers on it, her partner had on a long deep purple with black satin patterns. Her eyes being a dark hazel color contrasted greatly with Grace's own light blue.
"Hi. I don't mean to interrupt it's just… well you two were taking a long time and Grace said it may help if I come out here. I'm Isolde by the way, your mom's um-"
"Her girlfriend." Five says while glancing at his mother.
His mother nods in affirmation and gives him a small smile.
"You prefer for everyone else to call you Five right? I mean I know Grace calls you Mateo but I'm under the assumption that it's normally only her that gets to do it."
"Y-yeah. Nice to meet you. So you're… I mean you two… she calls you Grace?" He asks looking once more to his mom who's walking towards her partner.
When she finally gets there she laughs a bit before answering, tries to cover it with one of her hands but he can see her shoulders shaking minutely. "Well she wouldn't call me Mom sweetheart. That would be weird."
"Right." He is definitely not opening that can of worms any time soon.
Nope. Not thinking about it. Don't say it. Don't say it. Do not say what you're thinking Five. You are already confused do not ask them-
"So do you two do things?"
Why did you have to say it?? You weren't supposed to say it!!
Both women out right laugh at him at that. He feels his face heat up in embarrassment from the situation he's caused himself. He knows he shouldn't have asked. Knows it isn't any of his business but this is his mother and she's a robot, android, non-human. He's just concerned that this lady, this-this Isolde person isn't making her do something she doesn't want to do. What that thing is he isn't really sure because she sure does seem happy. If anything she's the happiest he's ever seen her and they've only been talking for a few minutes.
He watches silently as Grace and Isolde look lovingly at each other, both the same height, and felt a smile across his face. What kind of name was Isolde though? Honestly this wasn't the Aurthurian era. Ben would have fun with unpacking the woman's name though and Five could imagine all the questions Klaus and Vanya would have for her. The others would probably have their own questions but he couldn't imagine what they would be.
"So how long have you two been seeing each other?" He finds himself asking the happy couple. It comes out almost as a whisper, like he's afraid his voice will taint their moment.
"Hm? Oh um- hold on… I know this." Isolde replies glancing quickly to Grace.
She chuckles at her girlfriend before her eyes shimmer a bit before answering, "One year, three months, two weeks, seventy two hours, forty-six minutes, and eight milliseconds."
"I only have to know the year bits right?" Isolde asks sheepishly.
"Of course. I don't expect everyone to have my memory. I am more than human after all as you so like to put it. As for your question though Mateo dear I don't think it's any of your business but to put your mind at ease no we do not do things. I honestly don't see the point as I can't procreate and Isolde has said she has no interest in such things. We do occasionally kiss and hug but that's about as scandalous as we get. Since you brought it up though I do feel the pressing need to tell you that not every healthy relationship has a need for sex-"
"-Oh don't say it mom! That's gross!" He interrupts, yelling it out at her knowing his face looks like a tomato at this point.
"Excuse me but you're the one that brought it up and I will call it what it is. You're thirty years old not twelve Mateo. Now, as I was saying just because you're in a relationship it doesn't mean you need to partake in sex or even in other intimate things such as kissing or hugging. So long as both people are the appropriate age. That age being they are both over eighteen if you need a refresher unless they're both children, and both are consenting to the appropriate actions then there's nothing wrong with any relationship."
"Right. Okay can we go now?"
"No."
"What? Whyyy noooot?" He whines at her. He really is acting like a child today.
"I still haven't heard a thank you." Grace said.
She crossed her arms in defiance as Isolde glanced between them like it was a tennis match. He huffs at her in return and thanks her quickly. Ignoring the knowing look Isolde gives him when he does. They get in the car after and are finally on their way with Isolde in the passenger once more and him in the back.
Eventually they make their way down the road and make their way into a town. Isolde mentions that there's a dog pound up here somewhere and that they should go check it out to which his mother surprisingly agrees.
"But you hate dogs." Five says to them both in surprise.
"Reginald hated dogs dear." Grace replies while looking at him through the rearview mirror.
They've been in the shelter for ten minutes and Five is fairly certain he hasn't seen the smile she has on leave his mother's face once. It makes him wonder what else he doesn't know about her. What does he know about her? He knows she apparently likes dogs, and women. She's in a committed relationship with a woman and that she's obviously been worried about their reactions to it because they've been dating for a year and not once has she mentioned it.
His mom walks ahead and tries to pet each dog she can while reassuring the others that she isn't a threat. Leaving Five and Isolde to walk far behind her and potentially have a conversation of their own. Not that he wants to have a conversation with the woman. He honestly just wants to go home at this point but given all the information he's had today he knows he won't be able to jump for a while without risking landing in a river or something. Which was exactly why he called his mother in the first place.
"So," Isolde starts to say to him. He turns his head towards he to let her know she has his attention before she continues, "How are you feeling about all of this?"
"Learning that I obviously don't know my mother at all? Pretty crappy to be honest."
"It's not that you don't know her Five it's just that she was afraid to tell you. To tell any of you to be honest. You're the first one that knows about me."
"Wait… but you've been dating for a year? Why did she not tell us? We would've understood… eventually."
Isolde takes a deep breath before answering. Five glances towards his mother to see how far away she is as a reflex of something long forgotten.
"Your father made your mother with the complete capabilities of a human but he froze most of them so that he could control her. She can eat, sleep, has emotions and thoughts of her own, preferences for clothing and seasons. She still needs her chair to charge but I have a friend who's working on figuring out a work around. She has a dispensing bag where a stomach would go but doesn't like messing with it so she doesn't eat often. She can taste things though and absolutely loves the taste of lemon for some reason. I personally can't stand the stuff. It's too sour for me."
A high pitched whine followed by a sharp bark catches his attention before he can answer. A big scruffy dog runs straight towards them and headbutts him against his legs before he can move out of the way. It whines even more when Five goes to pet its face. When he finally gets the dog to settle down minutes later a brown haired man jogs up to him seconds after breathing heavy and carrying a broken leash making the dog go off again.
"I'm so sorry! I was trying to take her to the back and she broke out. Today's her last day and well… she's a fighter but no one seems to want her."
Five starts petting the dog absentmindedly to try to calm it down again. The worker tells them that the dog is a girl and that her name is Oswald. Five narrows his eyes and decides right then and there that he's taking this dog home if only to give her a better name than Oswald.
"Where did the name come from?" Isolde asks from beside him while petting the dogs' back.
"After the octopus cartoon. The family that dropped her off was obsessed with the show and named her."
"Can I adopt her?" He asks the man earnestly.
The dog wags her tail at him and he swears she's smiling at him. Vanya is going to be pissed but he doesn't care at this point. He feels an odd connection to the beast and she seems friendly enough. He's sure that he can pay for dog training later on to make sure she's baby friendly. Of course he'll have to go shopping for dog things after this and silently hopes Grace will be okay with it.
"Um yeah… I mean I guess. She's up to date on all her shots and stuff. There is a fee though."
"That's fine."
They decide to split up as Isolde tells him she's going to look for Grace while he signs paperwork. When he's walking with the dog he's surprised to see her walking right by his hip as if she still has a leash on even though they can both clearly see that the worker has it and that she stops or pauses exactly when he does. When they start up again she oddly starts walking with her left foot instead of her right one.
He signs the paperwork fairly quickly and decides on the name Lefty for her in honor of her unique walking. She informs him that Lefty is an English wolfhound which is why she looks so wild and scruffy. When he asks about her temperament the clerk tells him she was a registered service dog but that her kid died soon after getting her and instead of putting her back in the system for another person they brought her to the pound. They didn't know she was registered until it was to late and the pound rules kicked in.
Five frowns at this new piece of information and really wants to figure out where they live so he can kill them. It'd be a service since their kid is dead anyway but they're assholes in general. Unfortunately Grace and Isolde come up next to him before he can ask anything more.
They head to the nearest pet store to get supplies. He decides to get her different colored collars since the clothes won't fit. He's ecstatic when he finds out that he can get Lefty shoes to wear and a rather large raincoat and backpack. He also gets her high grade dog food, bowls, multiple toys and plans to get more things and a bed for her later on. He also decides to take Grace's advice when she tells him he could try to get Lefty registered once more as a service dog since she isn't retired and since her time was so short with her previous person. He's fairly positive she wanted to say handler but refrained from doing so for his sake.
After all of Lefty's things are shoved into the trunk of the car she lays her head down on his leg and he pets her just to give himself something to do as he listens to Isolde and his mom talk about the vacation they took to celebrate their first anniversary.
Vanya is going to be pissed. They may have to sleep at Ben and Klaus's house tonight but he honestly doesn't care. This is his dog and if he ever comes across her previous owners he's going to stab them in their necks with a sharp butter knife.
"Vanya is pregnant and that's why I needed you to come get me. I freaked out and then I jumped without thinking so I didn't know where I was and now I have a dog. So she's most likely going to kill me when I get home." He tells them when there's a lull in the conversation.
The brakes squeal in protest as Grace makes them swerve off the road accidentally. Instead of barking Lefty braces herself against Five even more like she's afraid he's going to freak out. He's actually rather thankful of her reaction because for a split second that's exactly what he thinks he's going to do until his mother yells at him.
"What do you mean Vanya is pregnant?! Why didn't you start with that!"
"I was freaking out over it and didn't want to discuss it!" He yells back.
"Grace I love you, but I swear to God if you do not stay on the road I am going to kill you!" Isolde screams at them in return.
"I swear Mateo sometimes I just want to… Wait you love me?"
The car doesn't move an inch when Grace turns her head towards her girlfriend in disbelief. Five is fairly certain he can see a tear rolling down her cheek but doesn't comment on it.
"That's what you got from that? Not the killing part? Seriously?"
"You love me." She says in a broken whisper, like she didn't think it was possible.
"Before you tried to kill us? Yes. However if you kill me by driving off the road then that may change so please either let me drive or focus. Okay?"
"Okay."
Grace purses her lips and Five can tell she wants to say more but the two women seem to be having a conversation only they can understand. Just when he thinks he should say something Isolde leans over to cup her face and kisses his mother. Which seems to be exactly what she wanted as she smiles in return.
"Gross." He comments to no one in particular and snickers when Lefty lets out a huff right after.
Isolde glares at him from the rearview mirror this time and reminds him that his brothers are gay and that there's nothing wrong with it.
He puts his hands up in defence and exclaimes childishly, "She's my mother. I'm allowed to think it's gross!"