Chapter Text
There are theories that claim to know why emotions are for.
Without having a university degree, a doctorate or any academic knowledge you could come up with a reason why emotions exist.
Emotions are fragile and intense. They’re easily inflammable, when the right spark catches them they can burn down the most beautiful and biggest forests.
They are like the sea, with its tender waves and fresh hugs, they are its playfulness and their risk factors, but also they are damaging, furious and they drown everything they touch.
The worst part of them is that they’re unstoppable, once they begin it’s impossible to hold them back.
So what is the use of them when they’re so hard to control?
The theories that appear the most are the ones related to survival, to adapting, to keep living.
Marinette did not want to keep living.
She had promised Alya, and she did not want to do any harm to her parents, they were already handling enough by having a zombie daughter, but that’s how she felt. Lifeless.
She wanted him, but she couldn’t have him. Life did not make any sense without him. Marinette could feel how people were starting to get tired of her attitude, of the way she handled herself around the school, her home, the town. But she couldn’t help it, she couldn’t battle the emotions, they were stronger than she was.
She couldn’t escape them, she was drowned in guilt, sadness, and helpless agony. The broken-hearted girl had tried, she really had tried her best to put on a smile and look the world with a different set of glasses, but everything reminded her of him. He was everywhere yet nowhere to be found. And she couldn’t keep living like this.
It was getting rid of her emotions or stop living, and she knew which one was more plausible. Sadly, she was never going to be able to do it, that made her hurt more.
Stupid, stupid emotions, they were making her go crazy.
She had heard him. It had been real she could tell it had, and Chloé only gave her more reasons to believe so.
Marinette ran her index finger over the fogged mirror in front of her, drawing the shape of her face and a single teardrop rolling down her left cheek.
How overly dramatic, she thought to herself but she kept her eyes on the vanishing drawing and welcomed all the emotions that flourished from the feelings that she was having by seeing her own reflection.
She leaned against the crying walls and slowly slid to the floor. Holding her legs close to her chest, she put her head on top of her knees and looked at the roof.
The bathtub was still full, pink bubbles and foam swirling with more energy than the energy she had inside her body, and that was really sad because the water was barely moving.
The floor was cold and she was starting to get chilly.
It was not her intention to get cold, she wouldn’t like to make her existence even more miserable.
Marinette stood up and walked to the sink. From under it, she took a bottle and dropped two sleeping pills on her left hand, then threw her head back as she put them in her mouth and swallowed.
She left the bathroom and walked to her room.
The room was colder than the bathroom had been with all the steamy that had been floating, however, it was strangely colder than it should be.
She searched for the thermostat but it was set on the usual temperature. Weird.
Marinette shrugged and ran her fingers through her wet hair, walking in useless circles through her room.
Her sight fluttered all around until it landed on the clock. It was later than she thought. In usual days it would be dinner time and she would have her stomach growling, begging for food, however, this wasn’t happening now.
Nonetheless, her not being hungry didn’t mean that her kwamis wouldn’t be.
Quickly, she put on her pajamas and sleepers. Her hair up in a bow so the drops of water wouldn’t soak the fabric.
“I’m gonna catch some food,” She said out loud, scanning through the room to find the tiny mythical creatures, “How much cookies and cheese should I bring?”
From under her desk, Plagg appeared.
“As much as you can take,” He simply said.
Marinette smiled. In the short time she had had him, she knew this was his way of being mindful.
“What about you Tikki?” She called when her kwami didn’t appear.
It took her a few minutes to pop up from her hiding spot, and even so, she was very shy when she did.
“I would like two cookies… maybe the chocolate and berry ones your parents did this morning,”
“I’ll do my best,” She winked, it was dull, but it must have been something because it made Tikki smile. “I’ll be back as soon as I can,”
xx
Adrien had done his best to not look at Marinette as she walked around her room with nothing but a towel, and when she started to change he had completely turned around.
Ghosts couldn’t blush, but he could still feel as if his whole body had been burning.
He promised he would stay this way until he found a way to get out or maybe catch Marinette’s attention. The promise didn’t last long when she spoke.
He spun on his heels and looked for the ones she was calling. At first, he was sure he had called for Plagg. If she was taking care of him then it meant that she knew he had to eat. He wasn’t expecting another magical being to appear.
The rest of the conversation was blank for him because the only thing he could see or hear was his own thoughts.
Although, were they even thoughts? They were rainfalls of emotions, pouring down as if a hurricane had hit the coast of his now deviant mind.
The emotions that ran and overwhelmed him were as radiant and vibrant as neon lights under the rain. They were blurry and bright, easily visible yet hard to read.
He got it after a few seconds, maybe he got it all along but right at the moment when the final clue had been presented the coin had dropped.
Marinette’s sadness and the destructive power it held made more sense now. It had been painful to say, to even think that her reactions were a little bit exaggerated, but he hadn’t understood why this was hitting her so hard. Now he did.
Now he realized that no one could be hurting more than her.
He had been hurting for her this whole time and he didn’t even know it.
Adrien looked around and found Plagg floating. His glowing eyes were on him.
“When is the right time?” Adrien growled, mostly because he felt like breaking down in tears but he couldn’t.
Plagg shrugged.
“Please ,” Adrien beg.
“I can’t meddle with death, kid,” He said and flew away from him as he had done only hours before.
The rush of heat and ice blended inside of him and left him breathless and stiff.
So, Plagg couldn’t help.
What was he going to do now?
xx
The room was completely dark except for the fairy lights decorating the backrest of Marinette’s bed. In only a few minutes the rays of the sun would leak through her curtains and another day would begin.
As he watched her sleep, Adrien could imagine how hard would be for her to wake up.
If the situation was the other way around, if he had lost her, he wouldn’t have been able to put one foot out of bed. She was stronger than he could ever be.
He knew she didn’t felt strong, he knew she was struggling to keep herself afloat. He wished he could help.
Looking at her in deep silence, knowing that she wasn’t able to see him or heard him was pure torture. Not only because he wanted someone to know that he was here, oh no, now it was all about getting to talk to her so she could keep living her life with the amazing and wonderful energy that only she could provide.
Adrien wanted to see her happy lady one more time.
The alarm on her phone beeped an hour later after the sun was up. Her mother came upstairs and opened her curtains ten minutes after that.
“Marinette,” Her tone was soft and apologetic.
Adrien wondered if Sabine actually knew what was happening to her daughter. She was a great mother, so there was a chance that she could know the truth.
“Marinette,” She said again and this time Marinette answered.
A soft hum escaped her lips and she rolled in bed.
Adrien stood up from the bed and made his way to the chase downstairs, as Marinette crawled to get ready for the day.
He had been feeling like stalker last night, and now having this new piece of knowledge about her only made it worse. It was like he was snooping around through the pages of her most intimate journal. She had never wanted to reveal their identities, and now he knew, and she was exposed.
Well, she did know who he was too, but… he would better not think about it.
Marinette took a long time to get ready and once she was she went down for breakfast and then school. She did her routine as nothing had ever happened while carrying the biggest pain on her back.
That was the first day Adrien spend with her, following her around and keeping an eye on her, but it wasn’t the last.
xx
It was impossible to tell how long it had been since Adrien was gone. She could look a calendar, she could look the newspapers and she was sure they would tell her the exact time, but only seconds after that her emotions would distortion the pace of time again and she would find herself lost and scared again.
Things were not getting better.
She felt like the pain had dug a hole in her heart and it had grown so, so much that now it was hollow. Her life felt the same too, especially when people were going away from her.
Nino was tired of her. He felt like she was trying to drown him with her, that she was the reason why he couldn’t recover. Maybe he had been right, because as soon as he left her side, Nino had gotten better.
More people from Adrien’s group of friends, that she had also considered her friends, left not long after that.
It became a pattern that at first hurt like someone was stabbing and twisting a knife, but then became routine and that she just brushed off.
Even Alya had detached herself from her. She still talked to her and tried her best to hang out but it was obvious that Marinette’s sadness was staining on her and she decided to take a step back.
Who could blame them really? She was a natural disaster, able to destroy everything she touched.
Chloé had done her best to help, but she wasn’t in Paris at the moment. Her mother had sent her tickets to visit in New York and that was an opportunity she couldn’t miss, who knew when would be the next time her mother remembered that she had a daughter?
Without Chloé (yes, of all people Chloé) she felt all alone.
Tikki and Plagg couldn’t do anything to help no matter how hard they tried.
They did say they had seen other holders suffer from similar things, other holders had lost their partners too, but this did nothing but to make her angrier.
She understood she was just one of many people who had lost someone important, she was just another insignificant human that had her heartbroken, but for her, it didn’t feel like it.
Damn, even her parents were starting to change their behavior, they were done with her antics and trying to get her to be herself again. They meant well, but they only made it worse.
The only person who would understand her… wasn’t here anymore.
Marinette signed and held her body on the pillar of her bed. She was wearing a robe, getting ready for a bath -the only thing that made her feel a bit good- and thinking about all that had happened in her life after Adrien.
She took off her earrings and put them in a silver plate right beside where his ring was. With her index finger, she pushed the ring and played with it a little.
Taking in between her hands she went to the bathroom.
The bathtub was filled and when she stepped inside it overflowed. She sat down and threw her head back, feeling the warm water all over her body.
Marinette kept playing with the ring between her hands.
A flashing thought ran on her mind and her eyes popped wide open.
Marinette put the ring on and secured it, leaning in closer to her lips, she kissed the surface and closed her eyes.
Seconds, minutes, maybe an hour passed before she fully decided her next action.
She opened her eyes and reached for the bottle of pills on top of the sink without looking at it, she opened and poured a bunch of them in her hands. They felt heavy against her hand, but not as heavy as the burden inside her heart.
Marinette inhaled sharply and closed her eyes again. She opened her mouth and put the pills in her mouth.
She heard a hit and a scream as she hardly swallowed.
“No! No! What are you doing?!”
Her eyelashes flickered, and she searched for the voice.
It sounded familiar.
There was no need to look for anyone because he appeared right in front of her.
“Marinette, please!” He shouted, his hands were reaching for her but not touching. His face was contracted in a painful expression.
“Oh, my god, oh my god,” He took a step back and pulled his hair. “Plagg! Plagg!” He sounded like he was crying.
Marinette held to the edge of the bathtub and blinked forcefully. The image of the boy didn’t disappear, and neither did his voice.
“Please, help me!”
“Adrien?” She called, it came too low and in a stutter but it made an effect on him.
The hallucination stopped screaming and turned to her.
“Marinette?” He asked.
“Adrien….” She let herself truthfully smile for the first time in forever.
“Oh, princess,” Adrien whispered and he was back in front of her, kneeling down, “You need to get out of the bathtub. Now. Please, please,”
“You’re here,” She gasped, still not fully believing it.
“Yes, yes I am, will discuss that later. You need to get out of the bathtub, please, do this for me, Mari,”
Her sight remained fixed on him and she didn't’ move.
This couldn’t be real. This had to be her desperate brain trying to hold on to something. Her emotions were playing a trick, the last one before she finally found release.
“Please,” He begged again
She put on hand up and reached for his cheek.
He was cold.
“Minou,” She whispered, feeling all fuzzy inside, “We’re together again,”
“No, no, no,” Adrien shook his head and his hands found hers. He squeezed them and pulled them to him, “Please get out of the tub. Marinette please, I’m begging you,”
He felt so real. She needed to touch him more, she needed to feel like he was there again, it didn’t matter if he wasn’t real anymore, the only thing that mattered is that she was seeing Adrien.
Because of that, because of how great it felt to have him, she got out of the tub.
xx
Adrien could tell Marinette wasn’t on her right mind yet. He wasn’t on his right mind yet. After seeing what she had done, he would never recover.
But he had been able to interfere, he had been able to save her.
Adrien felt the emotional-beat of his non-working heart buzzing on his ears. He still hadn’t calmed down completely.
It had been a usual Marinette day, her usual routine, he had been so out of it and just enjoying to be close to her that he hadn’t realized how her mood had changed in the bathtub, how the idea that had sparkled in her eyes had not been a creative design or a memory of their time together. He realized too late what she had come up with.
Luckily, the veil between the realms of life and death had pitied him and he had been able to g through the veil to make Marinette escape of the dark destiny she had imposed to herself.
She had heard him, she had seen him, and most surprisingly, she had touched him. She was still touching him.
Marinette was lying on his chest as they both cuddled in bed.
The effect of the pills that had made it to her system before he forced her to puke, was making her doze off and babble nonsense, but it was still lovely to be together like this.
Adrien intertwined his hand with hers, he felt the cold touch of his ring on her hand and smiled. The difference in the color of his hand and hers was eerie. He had never realized how much he looked like a ghost until, in one of Marinette’s rambles, she had pointed it out.
Nonetheless, it didn’t matter if he looked like a cheap ghost of a terrible Halloween movie, the only thing he knew is that he looked great next to her.
He would not let himself think that this was only momentarily.