Chapter Text
“Daaaaaaddddd.” A voice whined from the inky black abyss that covered his vision. “Wake uuuuuppppp! You have to make me breakfast, do you want your child to starve? Is that what you want, Father?” The demand was accompanied by a violent shaking of the arm that was hanging off his bed.
“Ung.” Crow groaned, cracking open an eye before hissing at the sudden influx of light into his sleep-sensitive retina. “S’too early, Panda.” He rolled over, flopping like a beached whale. “Go’ta sleep…” he murmured.
“No! Breakfast waits for no one!” Amanda yanked the blanket off Crowmark and started bouncing on the bed.
“Since when do you have so much energy in the morning?” Crow’s voice fluctuated between Amanda’s bounces.
“Have to adjust to doing all nighters at college, pops.” Amanda replied, grabbing his arm and pulling him up and off the bed. “Breakfast, breakfast, breakfast!” She chanted, seating herself at the counter as Crow started himself a cup of coffee before laying some raw bacon and eggs onto a pan. The man spared the clock on the wall a glance and saw that it was already almost lunch time, then looked down at his array of breakfast foods and shrugged. Oh, well.
He poured Amanda some sweet tea and himself pineapple juice (wild night with Craig during college had him discovering his borderline obsession with everything pineapple, much to Robert’s later delight) and set out two plates. With a quick look to the eggs and bacon, he had about fifteen minutes until he had to take them off, so that means- “Pancakes, Panda?”
“Hell, yeah!” Came the enthusiastic response. Looks like her mother’s morbid morning bird attitude is finally kicking in after eighteen years. “Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes!”
Twenty minutes later, the Spritzers were eating contently with Amanda rambling on about how excited she was to meet her new roommate apparently named Plumina. From what Crow could gather from his daughter’s barely understandable and rushed dialect, Plumina was a Drama major and had the coolest 40’s style pin up hairstyle with horn-rimmed glasses. Has to be better than all the mullets he saw back when he was in college…
Scratch that, anything is better than mullets.
Just as Amanda had finished gobbling down her first pancake and was about to go into another tangent, there was a harder-than-necessary knock at the door. Crow reluctantly put down his bacon with a warning look to Amanda not to eat his food and went to answer the door.
And he was met with something no one wanted to see when they first wake up.
“Who do you think you are?!” A shrill, feminine voice yelled in his face. When the ringing in his ears eventually faded, he noticed that it was Mrs. Overly standing on his porch, with a small crowd of other women behind her, all looking terribly familiar.
“I saw you with your arm wrapped around a teacher at Maple High, then you kissed him. What happened to you and Joseph, hm?” A pissy Mrs. Overly asked sarcastically, tapping her foot impatiently for an answer that Crow was too stunned to give.
“I saw you holding hands with a gruff man in a bar!” Another woman stomped up, Crow vaguely recognized her as the annoying softball mom, Janet, shoving Mrs. Overly out of the way. “Maybe I should tell Craig, huh?” She huffed with a glare.
Yet again, another shove took place, this time with the unnamed woman from Jim and Kim’s stepping up in front of him. “You were making googly eyes with a darker skinned man at a concert!” She accused, shoving a finger into his chest, Crow winced slightly at the feel of her unnecessarily long nails stabbing into his skin.
Rude Woman was moved aside, albeit this time a bit more gently and Ida’s face came into his vision. “I saw you with a stately man smooching on the doorstep of Lord Courtson’s house. To think I thought you were a nice guy…” She trailed off sadly, looking like a kicked puppy.
“Um, hello? Can I step in here?” A younger, more exuberant voice piped up. Ida obliged, despite her being upset and let Benita onto the small step in front of the confused man at the entryway. “Yeah, you’re a jerk.” She stated, crossing her arms. “Why were you macking on that buff dude at the softball game, huh? Cheating is not cool, man.”
“I also saw you with a ginger man hugging rather… intimately. What do you have to say for yourself, you no good man hussy?” Mrs. Tanly added, working through the crowded porch to stand next to Benita.
“Fanoodling around with all these men. How undignified! And with the youth minister too!” Crow wearily looked over and found the nice lady from the book club, Mrs. Weinstein, standing there with a heavy look of disdain across her face.
“Hey, Pops!” Amanda’s voice rang through the growing chaos like a beam of mercy from the Heaven’s. “We’re out of-” She stopped short next to her father as she caught sight of the angry women at their door.
“There should be more in the cabinet above the sink, kiddo.” Crow replied easily, used to Amanda’s forgetfulness.
“Uh, sure.” She said distractedly, staring at the crowd. “Thanks, Pops…” She trailed off, but didn’t move from her spot frozen in front of the door.
“You expose your daughter to your corrupt lifestyle?” An outraged Janet cried, her face getting progressively more red.
“Wait- what?” Amanda’s eyes widen.
“Wha- no!” Crow replied hurriedly. “Look ladies, I can explain-”
“Whatever it is, I don’t wanna hear it.” Benita waved him off.
“What possible explanation could you have when you were seen cheating on seven different men?” Rude Woman asked, arching a disbelieving eyebrow.
“You ever hear of polyamory relationships?” Amanda cut in. That caught everyone’s attention.
“My dad met all of his boyfriends after we moved,” She continued. “He made friends, built connections, and found love in more than one person. As a well-read man or Erin Van Vuren one said ‘I don’t want to live in a world where we only fall in love once. ’ I would have expected more from mature adults, but I guess my expectations were too high.” Ouch, that made even Crow flinch at the cold remark.
There was an awed silence and Crow couldn’t help the pride he felt for his daughter at that moment, he could feel it, like a warmth seeping into his chest.
“Aw man,” Benita finally spoke up. “I’m so sorry, Crow dude. I’m always preaching about accepting people the way they are, but here I am yelling at you on your doorstep without even trying to talk about it like rational adults. I guess my care for Mat blinded my logical reasoning.” She said ashamedly, bowing her head. “Could you ever forgive me, man?”
“Of course, Benita.” Crow nodded, patting her shoulder. “I don’t blame you, relationships like I have are… unusual.”
“That doesn’t excuse my behavior, but thank you.” She said gratefully.
“My turn to hop on the apology train!” Ida stepped in with a sheepish look. “Crowmark, I’m sorry for judging you without all the facts. It was wrong of me to snap at you before I had the entire picture. I guess it’s like I tried to install a system of copper wire without the blueprints for mapping areas!” She scratched the back of her neck with a sheepish look etched on her face.
Crow didn’t really understand the carpenter talk, but nodded anyway with a small smile. “It’s okay, Ida. This can just be something we laugh about, right?”
“Righty-o!” She responded, more cheerful.
“Ahem, if I may?” A prim voice spoke up politely from behind Ida, she let out a surprised oh! before stepping down and letting Ms. Weinstein take the stage.
“I suppose I owe you an apology as well, Mr. Crowmark.” She sighed. “I acted quite unlady like and unkind. I may not completely comprehend what modern relationships are like, but if I care for the people in them, I should make an effort to understand them more.” She said firmly, as if admonishing herself. “I would be delighted if you could take the time to explain them to me, I fear a book may be… too scholarly for this particular subject.”
“I would like that, Ms. Weinstein. Earl Grey again?”
“Oh dear, no offense, but I’ve tasted your tea.” She patted his arm good-naturedly. “Why don’t you bring those delightful finger sandwiches again?”
Crow chuckled lowly, “Can do, miss.”
The tender and happy moment was dissipated by an infuriated cry. “You people are just accepting this?!” Rude Woman asked, shocked.
“It’s perversion and prostitution at its finest!” A put out Mrs. Tanly added on.
"Why would anyone think this is justifiable?” Mrs. Overly said, looking equal parts confused and angry.
“It’s unnatural!” Janet exclaimed. “He’s taking literally all of the good men!” She all but whined.
“Deal with it, bitches!” Amanda uttered confidently, Crow resisted the urge to groan out a language with an eye roll. “Ida, Ms. Weinstein, Benita, cool seeing you. The rest of you can can it! I’m gonna go finish my breakfast.” She declared and spun around back to the kitchen.
“Well, I better go before she eats my breakfast. Thanks for making my morning interesting, ladies.” Crow waved to all of them and got three goodbyes in return while the four ill-mannered women stood stock still, still stupefied at the fact that a teenager called them out and told them to shut up within the same five seconds.
“Well, there goes me going back to sleep.” Crow remarked as he slid back into his chair, in front of his plate that miraculously still had all his food on it. “Too damn wired up now.” He sighed, cracking his neck.
“I guess those self-confidence exercises Mr. Vega made us do were worth it.” Amanda commented, scrolling through her phone idly.
“I did those when I was at college, if by self-confidence you mean being dared to drive a motorcycle off of the frat house roof and onto one of the parade floats during the annual mascot pep rally and actually doing it, then yeah. Had a lot of those.”
“Okay, I definitely want to hear more. But first, pancakes.”