Chapter Text
Hey you
I'm just now leaving
Can I come around later on this evening?
Or do you need time?
Yes, of course, that's fine
To say the atmosphere was awkward would be an understatement. Micheal kept fidgeting out of nervousness while taking in every details of furnitures and decorations in the cabin. Clearly the cabin had been redecorated cause it looked nothing like a haunting cabin. It now screamed Alex in every corner and Michael loved it instantly. Speaking of Alex, he looked just as nervous as the blond and so decided to escape in the kitchen to gain some time before they have the talk they should’ve had a long time ago now.
« Do you want beer? »
« Huh…yeah. » Micheal answered nervously. Alex made a gesture towards the couch before going to the kitchen:
« Take a seat. »
« Thanks. »
An album of The Script was playing in the background and somehow it helped calm Michael’s nerves down a bit. But then Alex was back in the room with the beers and Michael felt his heart rate increase suddenly, Alex always had that effect on him and frankly Michael didn’t think it would ever come a day Alex Manes wouldn’t make his heart race like crazy.
Hey you
Good morning
I'm sure you're busy now, why else would you ignore me?
Or do you need space?
You can't help it if your mind has changed
They take a first sip of their beer in silence, and that silence is just making Micheal more and more jittery which starts to really show when the lights inside the cabin start flickering slightly. Alex notices and take it as his cue to say something before Michael lets emotions overtake him too much and things around them start levitating or explode.
« Wanna know why I wasn’t really surprised when I learned about you Max and Iz being aliens? »
« Why? » Michael asks, looking Alex in the eyes for a brief second then quickly turning his focus back on the beer in his hand. He did found Alex had taken the news of him being an alien really really well when others would have freaked. « You did take everything strangely well when you came to ask me what I am. I don’t know I thought maybe it’s because you’ve had years of training in the military to keep your self control when faced with big bombs like that. »
« Not quite. It’s not why. »
« Then why? »
« When you kissed me the first time you didn’t noticed but some of the lights around us started flickering, it was quick and I put it on the Emporium being a tacky old place. But after that every time you’d kissed me something similar would happen. It’s during our first time that I truly linked all the dots and thought you were the cause of things levitating around us when we climaxed. »
« Why didn’t you ask me then? »
« Because it didn’t mattered and I also found it very cool. Ten years later you kissed me again, we made love again after so many years and there again flickering lights and levitating things. So it wasn’t really a surprised to learn you’re an alien what was more of a shock was my father marking you, Isobel and Max as terrorists. I couldn’t believe that. Not from you. From any of you. »
« I’ve always liked that about you… » Michael whispers finally looking at Alex.
« What? » Alex asks, confused.
« You have this ability of staying really chill when others, when I would let emotions overtake me. »
« I… » Alex starts but stops right away unable to form any clear thoughts or say out loud all that’s roaring inside him now that Michael is here next to him, so close and yet so far at the same time.
So go ahead and break my heart again
Leave me wonderin' why the hell I ever let you in
Are you the definition of insanity?
Or am I?
Oh, it must be nice
To love someone who lets you break them twice
« Alex, I… » Michael hesitates. Where should he start? Ten years back when they were seventeen? Months ago when Alex reappeared in his life with the force of a desert storm or when Alex left town after Michael made the mistake of choosing the safe escape that Maria offered him instead of facing the reality Alex was waiting him with. He was lost. So lost and yet he’d been the one coming all the way up here in hope of working things out with Alex. So why was he hesitating so much.
« The song you sang at karaoke night...was it for me? » Alex then asks and it’s the push or more like starter Michael needs to engage in this long postponed conversation.
« Yes. » Michael simply says. « It weirdly works for us don’t you think. The words ring true. »
« They do. » Alex admits, going back to scratching the label on his beer something Michael noticed he does often when nervous.
« Alex, I’m sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. »
You're so blue
Are you still breathing?
Won't you tell me if you found that deeper meaning
Do you think I've gone blind?
I know it's not the truth when you say, "I'm fine"
So go ahead and break my heart again
Leave me wonderin' why the hell I ever let you in
Are you the definition of insanity?
Or am I?
Oh, it must be nice
To love someone who lets you break them twice
« No. I’m the one who’s sorry. If I hadn’t run away ten years ago things would’ve been different. But you have to understand one thing too, Michael, I didn’t only walked away because I couldn’t stand staying here after what my father did to you. I also chose to leave you behind because I knew my love for you would only cause you more harm and trust me it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I still enlisted knowing what and who I was leaving behind. »
« I should’ve never slept with Maria or started that pointless fling with her when deep down I knew it was only because I was too scared to face you. Too scared to face ten long years of a story of love and hurt and hopes all broken one after the other. God Alex, you broke my heart so bad. But at the same time I thought maybe it was for the better you walked away after all it’s not like I’m anything special. Even back then I wasn’t worth shit. »
« Please don’t say that. » Alex burst hearing Michael spoke badly of himself being more hurtful than hearing anyone else do. « You were never not worth it, Michael. You have no idea how special you are. You hide behind all those layers of macho cowboy swagger but I know you. I know who you truly are because I saw you. I see you even to this day I see who you truly are behind all that. » Alex says waving at the black hat on the coffee table, dusty boots, dark jeans and flannel shirt.
« Alex… »
« I’ve always seen you for what you truly are and I would like for you to see you the way I do then you’d understand how worth it you are. »
Silence then reigns as Alex’s words sink in. Then Alex takes Michael by surprise by asking:
« Why are you truly here Michael? What do you want? »
Don't pretend that I'm the instigator
You were the one, but you were born to say goodbye
Kissed me (soft) a decade later
That same perfume, those same sad eyes
Michael just notices them, as if his mind had tried to erase that very important information after Caulfield happened but Alex still smells the same. It’s still the same scent as when they were seventeen. That smell that always made Michael dizzy when Alex would stand close enough for Michael to get a whiff of his scent, that mix of spicy sweet perfume, deodorant and something more personal that’s only Alex. The perfume though wasn’t part of the equation the night of the reunion, Michael understands it was because Alex was still trying so much to be something he’s not. Something his father wanted him to be.
« You still smell the same! »
« What? » Alex asks confused that’s not really the answer he was expecting.
« Your scent…that mix of perfume, deodorant and just you. It’s still the same as when we were in high school and back then too I felt dizzy each time when I would get a whiff of it. »
« Michael, I… »
« You! » Michael cuts. « It’s you I want. Only you. It’s only ever been you for over a decade…just you. »
Breathing in deeply he throws caution to the wind and just opens up sincerely.
« I know you made things clear when you left that we’re over but it just can’t be it. I can’t accept it. I’ll never accept that because we’re not over. I don’t believe it. You and I are like the sun and the moon, Alex, we need each other to truly function I just can’t believe we’re over. I admit after losing my mother loving you all but just hurt. You were caught up in all these mess in my life and even though I knew you weren’t responsible for any of it I wasn’t able to rationalized anything at the time so I did what I do best, escape in the arms of a woman and booze conscious I was breaking your heart the same as I was breaking mine. It was too much. There was just too much so when you came to talk to me I got hopeful for a minute but then really got scared and that’s why I didn’t show up the next day. But I just... I never wanted for you to leave again. Watching you walk away once was the hardest thing I experienced and here we were again but instead of you walking way out of your own will it was because I’d pushed away this time. I’m the one that led you to leave home again and I only truly understood how at fault I was when maybe a week later it truly occurred to me you were really gone. Maria stayed with me because I was hurting so much at first, but we both knew we were never meant to be together it was stupid of us to have even tried. She brought me comfort but neither of us was happy with the relationship so we soon broke up not long after you’d left. She couldn’t face the guilt of betraying you and I couldn’t face the guilt of being the one that pushed you away far from Roswell. I’m not a texting kinda person as you know it but somehow trying to reach you that way eased some of the pain of not having you here with me. But the only time you answered one of my texts it was to put me in front of the reality. You were saying goodbye, live your life but I don’t want to be part of it anymore. »
« Michael, I… »
« No, please let me finish or I will never be able to. »
Taking a shaky breath, Michael hesitantly reaches for Alex right hand holding on lightly onto his fingers scared to see the man reject his touch.
« Then one day you were back in town. Back for good it seemed but not alone and up until I saw you two kiss at Wild Pony, I don’t know, I think I never thought you could move on with someone else. Gosh, you have no idea how much it hurt to see you so open and proud to be seen out kissing another guy, holding hands with him down the streets. I got so jealous and angry then. Why couldn’t we have that when we were together? Why couldn’t we be this free? Why did you have to be so ashamed of us that we could only exist behind closed doors. I thought I’d truly lost you forever then and trust me when I say I never hurt as much as then. It took a lot of open heart talks with both Iz and Maria to finally even think of totally letting you go too now that you were with someone else and looked so happy and carefree to be with them. »
Michael voice turns raspy, raw from talking so much. Emotions filling his throat and a single tear running down his left cheek that he swipes away quickly.
« Then when I heard you tell Liz and Maria that you and that guy were over. A flicker of hope started beating inside of me again even if I was scared to truly believe it and let it soar more. Are you really not with him anymore? Are you really single again? Please Alex, tell me. I can’t function anymore I need to know, I need to hear it from you, please. »
« He-he was just a fling nothing more. I really am single. »
« Then...can we start over? Can we give us another chance and truly make it work this time without holding back or hiding as if our love is wrong. »
« Michael, I… »
« Please...please, Alex. Tell me I didn’t lose you forever. I love you, I still love you so much even after all these years I can’t lose you a third time. »
« Third? »
« First was when you enlisted. Second was when I was at the Crash Down and I heard Arturo and Kyle talk about how your squadron had been ambushed and you almost died but then had been sent in Europe in a military Clinique. I thought I’d died that day, the thought of you dying was too much to take in I didn’t even felt relieved to hear you were still alive but had only lost part of your leg. The scare… the fright I experienced learning about the ambush got completely numb. I was so angry, so scared and yet it was like I just couldn’t move anymore. »
« I’m sorry. » Alex voices, gulping with difficulty. « You were my last thought you know. When I was lying in the dirt unsure if I would live or die. It’s you that were in my mind at that moment. »
Breathing shakily after that admission, Alex tries to redirect the conversation elsewhere not feeling he’s capable of going there even more.
« What’s third? »
« Third… when you left again only to reappear months later with another man in your life. »
« Michael… »
« Is there even the slightest chance you still have feelings for me? Is it possible you still love me too and want to get back together and truly make it work this time? »
Go ahead and break my heart again
Leave me wonderin' why the hell I ever let you in
Are you the definition of insanity?
Or am I?
Or am I?
It must be nice
To love someone who lets you break them twice
Too much. It was too much then and Alex couldn’t stay still anymore, god he’d been dreaming of this moment for so long he’d lost count. So this time it’s him that takes Michael’s face in between his hands and kisses him hard on the mouth leaving them both breathless. Then he detaches himself from Michael’s lips and their eyes meet, locked and unable to look away. Shaking slightly and breath raged, Alex kisses Michael again more softly this time taking his time like he’d been waiting forever to taste Michael like this again. The heat rises quickly then and letting out a strangled whimper Michael holds on tight to Alex’s waist melting into the kiss like his life depends on it. When they break apart again it’s really because they need air or else they wouldn’t have.
« Alex… » Michael whines inside Alex’s mouth. He sounds so fragile. So raw.
« What do you want, Baby? »
« You...just you, please. »
« Are you sure? »
« Yes, please. I’ve never been more sure of anything, Alex. I want you. Take me to your bedroom now and make me forget we were ever apart. »
Alex doesn’t need to be told twice, he really doesn’t when he wants exactly what Michael wants.
Getting up from the couch, beers forgotten on the coffee table, Alex guides Michael to his bedroom never breaking the link and kissing him with passion, ravishing his mouth with violent hunger. Clothes fly, boots too and soon they’re lying naked on the bed. Michael only stops to direct his attention to Alex’s prosthetic:
« Can I? » He asks cautiously as if afraid to hurt Alex’s feelings. Nodding, Alex watches Michael take the complete thing off then caress what’s left of his leg with love and care then soon his lips replace his hand making Alex shiver from head to toe deeply touched by the gesture. « I love you. I love you so much, Alex Manes. »
Pressing the heal of his hands against his eyes, Alex fights against himself to not let tears fall down his face. A soft brush against his left cheek makes him whimper brokenly. This rush of emotions suddenly too much to take.
« Baby…look at me. » Micheal asks gently and then Alex blinks away a few tears, he can’t break down now. Meeting Micheal whiskey eyes is too much though and he turns his head away. « Hey, hey it’s okay. Don’t be ashamed I feel just as raw as you do now. »
« I’ve waited for so long…so so long to be with you again and now I-I just… »
« I know. I know, baby, I know. Please, don’t cry. It’s okay, we’re okay. »
« You have no idea how hard it’s been having to let you go. Sometimes the pain I felt was so strong it was like I couldn’t breathe anymore all I could feel was all this pain and I couldn’t get away from it. »
« I felt that too. »
« You and I we couldn’t escape this. I always thought even before I fell for you…it’s like I was attracted to you just like… »
« Magnets do. »
« Yes, and it’s crazy because besides sharing some classes and somehow having some friends in common nothing ever indicated you and I could ever become more than just acquaintances. »
« Do you know why I stole your guitar in the music room? »
« Cause it was out of tune. »
« Not only. I hoped you would come looking for it and find me. I didn’t how else to approach you. You were so intriguing and there was this thing inside of me. I couldn’t help but be attracted to you. »
« Even though I was a guy? »
« It didn’t matter to me, I didn’t gave a fuck about what the rumors said about you. »
« But you still throw that in my face. »
« I know. It was stupid. You’d attacked me about me living in my truck and I didn’t know any other defense mechanism. Also, you were suddenly standing so close to me with no one else to take your attention away and I don’t know…I just needed to keep to conversation going because I didn’t want to see you leave and go back to just being acquaintances. »
« Were you already pining on me back then? » Alex asks very surprised.
« I started crushing on you junior year. »
« But…all those girls? »
« I wasn’t really ready for people to know about my bisexuality back then. »
« I thought for sure you’d fell for me when we started getting closer in the tool shed. »
« No. » Michael admits, caressing Alex’s chest with his now very healed hand. « But I was scared what I was feeling wasn’t mutual and I’ve always been unable to give away my complete trust to someone until you. You were different. I trusted you. Why I don’t know, but I did. »
« And there I thought I was the only one feeling something especially after you rejected me when I tried to kiss you the first time. »
« I wanted you to. Deep down, I really wanted you to but there just was so much at stake for me. It’s only after I talked with Max and he looked so sure to go for it with Liz that I felt I needed to find you and kiss you silly like I’d been craving to do for almost two years. »
« Michael… » Alex whispers, taking hold of the hand on his chest. Gently, he starts kissing the knuckles and where the scars used to be.
« I didn’t want Max to heal it but he still did. »
« I’m happy he did. You didn’t deserve what my father did to you. »
« If we turned back time I would try and protect you again. The idea of him laying a finger on you…I couldn’t take it and so when he grabbed you by the throat I saw red. »
« Thank you. I never said it before, but thank you for trying to protect me that day. No one ever did before you. »
« And I will always do. » Michael says before kissing him deeply, their tongues entwining and dancing with each other.
Their breaths become heavy with desire, pants coming out louder in the warmth of the bedroom as their limbs entwines, their hands wanders on planes of skin, muscles, bones lighting a fire no one else but them was ever able to lit in their nerve endings.
« Michael… » Alex whispers coming undone in the arms of the only man he ever truly loved.
« I want you so bad. I’ve been craving this…been craving you so badly, Alex. »
« Me too. » Alex admits, taking Michael’s face in between his hands. « Even though I left, I never stopped loving you, never stopped wanting you even when I truly thought I wasn’t what you needed or wanted anymore, my feelings for you never stopped. I just didn’t think we would be here tonight. I really did thought it was too late for us when I left. But I decided to come back because here, Roswell is home. It’s home because you’re here too even if not with me it still felt better to be here near you than miles away. »
« Home is wherever you are too. » Michael whispers in the shell of his ear and Alex can’t help shiver to the delicious sensation.
« Make love to me Michael Guerin. »
Michael pauses an instant searching something that he seems to find in the deepness of Alex’s eyes. Make love to me, never before had they ever called it that, never before had Alex called their lovemaking has such when they were having sex and yet it’s the second time he does tonight and Michael can’t help the bubbles of joy he feels burst inside of him, just by that choice of words he knows how deeply serious Alex is about them now. So without make him wait any longer he bends down and kisses him making it his mission to make love to him all night long. They do switched role but it doesn’t lessen the fact that they’re not having sex anymore, no, they’re making love now and it feels a hundred time better.
When Alex wakes up the next day sun is already up outside his window and it’s to the incredible feeling of a callous hand caressing his back tenderly and the hot lips of his lover leaving a trail of kisses along his spine until he reaches the hollow of his lower back where he stops a moment and then places his attention on kissing Alex’s butt cheeks tenderly. It doesn’t last long and soon Michael is back to kissing Alex’s shoulders and neck.
« Hmm…why did you stop? » Alex mumbles sleepily.
« Hey, Baby. » Michael whispers in his ear and Alex can’t help but turn around to get closer and steal a long kiss from his lover. « Did you sleep well? »
« Never slept better. »
« Hmm…really… » Michael says voice deep and sensual.
Alex lets his hands wander on his man’s body and eagerly kisses him back when Michael ravishes his mouth.
« How about you show me more of what you were doing a minute ago. »
« With pleasure. » Michael breathes, settling between Alex’s open legs and takes care of leaving a trail of kisses from his mouth to his lower abdomen before taking his time to break Alex apart by giving him the morning blow job they couldn’t enjoy the last time they were like this in the morning.
Morning sex with the person you love is something so special and both can only hope it’ll happen again and again and again for as long as they’re alive on this earth.
« Are you totally sure about that? » Michael asks for what must be the tenth time since Alex parked his SUV in front of the Crash Down.
« Yes. Yes, Baby, I’m totally sure about this. No more hiding, no more fear of people’s eyes. Are you having second thoughts? »
« No. Of course not, I’ve been dreaming of this for so long now I’m having trouble realizing it’s real. »
Alex bends over the console and kisses Michael long and hard, taking him aback a little.
« Does this feels real enough? »
« It does but could you do that one more time so I can be completely sure it is. »
Of course Alex agrees and kisses Michael a couple more times before Michael stomach makes a loud grumble screaming for food. Alex laughs, letting his fingers play in the blond’s wild curls.
« Someone’s hungry. Come on let’s go eat, I’m starving too. »
« Alex, wait… » Michael holds him before Alex can open his door.
« What is it? »
« I love you. » Michael whispers looking him in the eyes which brings the brightest smile on Alex’s face.
« I love you too Michael Guerin. »
« Good. I wanted to make sure you know I do. »
Smiling, Alex climbs out the door and comes around it to meet Michael on the sidewalk. Wrapping his arms around his waist, Alex pushes him against the passenger door and kisses him deep there in the middle of the street for everyone to see to Michael’s greatest joy who wraps his arms around Alex’s neck and kisses him back as deeply before they break the kiss and smile lovingly at each other Alex’s hands searching for Michaels and linking their fingers together when he finds it. That’s how they enter the Crash Down, like a real couple which causes a loud moment of silence to fall over the snack before Liz and Rosa exclaim at the same time:
« Well, it’s about damn time. »
Feeling suddenly shy, Michael let’s Alex lead him to one of the big booths where Max, Isobel and Kyle are sitting enjoying a late brunch.
« Hey guys. » Alex greets their friends taking a seat next to Kyle soon followed by Michael who takes advantage of there being barely enough space for three grown ass men and flushes himself against his lover body, totally unashamed and oblivious of the whispers erupting from the tables around them.
« Iz, are you okay? I can’t remember the last time I rendered you this speechless. » Michael jokes at his sisters lack of reaction. Then in a fraction of second Isobel bends over the table and grabs him and Alex both in her arms:
« Oh boys… I’m so happy you two finally took your head out of your dumb asses and understood you can’t be without each other. »
« Yeah, it took some time to get here… » Alex says looking tenderly at Michael, who links their fingers on the table.
« Well, I’m so happy you finally did. » Isobel says, sitting back down.
« Isobel’s is right. » Max comments, then smiling throws a piece of bacon at his brother laughing. « Congrats man, a freaking Captain. »
« Shut up. » Michaels laughs, rolling his eyes but deep down happy to get his brother’s approval.
« Yeah, congratulations guys. »
« Well, thank you Valenti, but don’t think you still won’t have to have a serious talk with Max and I for hooking up with our sister. »
« Wait…the doc and Isobel? Since when? » Max exclaims looking at his sister who just shrugs it off. Looking back at Michael for confirmation the blond says:
« I take it you didn’t know then. » Michael then turns to Kyle and pointing him with his fingers threatens him. « You better not hurt her or you’ll get a taste of my powers, Valenti. »
« Mickey… » Isobel sighs, but deep down she’s touched by her brothers protectiveness.
« And not only that, remember I carry a gun on a daily basis and I know how to use it, Valenti. » Max punctuates earning himself an approving smile from his brother.
Thankfully for Kyle, Liz chooses that moment to come and take Alex and Michael’s order, they then spent the rest of their brunch gather around their family and friends and happy to finally be back together out and proud.
The End ....... (maybe)