Chapter Text
It was easy getting lying to my dad about coming home late and having a bruise on my cheek covered by a bandaid. I didn't like doing it but I knew damn well if I told the truth, he would've jumped the gun on Keanu. If we can't hang out anymore, the life of a loser is what's going to be ahead of me instead of the promised nirvana of popularity. Sunday was a quiet day, I don't recall what happened; I didn't check my phone and Keanu didn't bother coming over.
I was more relieved than disappointed, to be honest.
Once Monday morning rolls around, I stare at the closet; More clothing that Keanu bought for me that Saturday night. My hands start trembling for some reason as I grab one of the shirts and pants he picked out and rub my thumb against the thin fabric. He told me to start wearing them if I want to make a good post-impression on every one since I left the party early to have ice cream and movies with Keanu. Despite hitting me, he was kind afterward. Begging for forgiveness and swearing he won't do it uncalled for again. I apologized back, being stupid and throwing back all his efforts must've been infuriating. I don't blame why he did what he did.
I hear my phone ring on my side table beside the bed, noticing the name 'Keanu Quantum' on the screen. Picking it up, I hear his voice before I have the chance to say hello.
"Jeremy, good morning. I'm going to be driving you to school, be out in a few minutes. Remember to wear the clothes I bought you," He spoke formally, if you told me this was a human-sounding AI, I wouldn't have many reasons to doubt you. "I hope you slept well on Sunday, I wanted to let you rest up after your first party."
Oh, I suppose that was why he didn't come by. That's was... kind of thoughtful of him.
"I stayed in all day. I'm sorry about the sweater, I'll be sure to have it washed and given back to y-" He cut me off before I finished.
"Don't worry about that, keep it. Perhaps even wear it today, I want the school to know you're mine." Those words definitely earned a clumsy smile from me. I'm new to affection and being in a gay relationship in general, but small things that Keanu says makes me feel better about myself. Despite the short temper, he's not that bad of a guy. It's a shame Michael doesn't like him at all, supposedly.
But, just thinking that makes my stomach drop all the way to the core of the sun. Michael. I missed him and the image of his disgusted face flashed onto my mind the entire day yesterday. I felt my stomach churn and roll a lot, I thought I was going to puke a few times. I never did.
"Jeremy?"
"Sorry, I got- distracted for a moment there. I'll be out in a few minutes." With an acknowledgment from Keanu, he hangs up and I'm left back to my malicious thoughts and unwavering guilt. Michael is gay, so he shouldn't have been disgusted by me kissing another boy. Another thought creeps up behind me, making my blood freeze up to dangerous levels. What if Keanu was right?
Michael might've been upset that I kissed Keanu instead of him.
I feel nauseated thinking on the subject, upsetting Michael is the last thing I want to do any day but I don't want to think about him having feels for me in that way. He's my best friend, someone I've entrusted so many of my secrets and fears to. Someone that made me feel comfortable with myself, with my body. I never want to risk that for a relationship that has no guarantee of working. I never want to date Michael only to break up and have him flat out ignore me because it would be too awkward or painful. The very idea has my chest crushing in on itself, making it difficult to even breathe correctly.
I force myself to stop thinking; I have to get dressed for school anyways and Keanu should be at the front of my house in a few minutes. My dad is thankfully asleep in his room right now, making sneaking by without having to talk to him easier than eating a slice of cake. I check my bag for everything I would need, slipping my phone onto my back pocket as I open the front door and lock it behind me with the keys. Keanu isn't here yet and I feel a buzz in my back pocket. I pull it out, fully expecting it to be Keanu saying how he's only a minute away and to start heading down if I haven't already but my mind goes completely blank when I read the message on my screen instead.
'jere, its michael. i have smth to say. meet me at school ftn when u get here'
The school fountain. It's in the middle of the school grounds and in the morning, it's empty with only a few students passing by to get to a certain area or kids reading by it for a quiet morning if the library is too packed at least. I don't know how many times I read the message but the words still sink into my thoughts and aren't coming out. A honk gets me off my phone and I see Keanu parked in front of my home, much neater and responsible than Michael ever did when he picked me up for school. I stand there gaping for a second seeing him unlock the door for me and motioning for me to enter.
The moment I get in, closing the door beside me and putting on my seatbelt I speak up, "Michael wants to talk to me..."
"He does... I'm sure he wants to tell you the big news," Keanu speaks as formally as ever, which is not surprising at this point.
"Big news? What do you mean? Did something happen?"
"It's not my place to tell," I glance at his hands on the steering wheel. It tightens and I feel my mouth dry up from the anxiety of just that one motion, "But you're in for a... surprise." I don't question it, frankly, I'm terrified of pushing his buttons right now. I feel I'm treading on thin ice after my stunt Saturday night and I want to make it up to him however way I can. The hairs on the back of my neck stand, my fingers tremble slightly as I feel warmth covering one of my hands. Keanu gives my hand a gentle squeeze, bringing it up to his lips and giving it a kiss.
"I missed you a lot on Sunday. Did you miss me?"
I don't know. "I did. You should've come over." If you had, I don't think I would've made for good company anyways. I was too emotionally exhausted to even get out of bed.
He smiles to himself, answering with a soft "Good," as I stared out the window, seeing the familiar scene of ugly New Jersey scenery. The thought of Michael having something he wants to talk about drove my mood to the dump with no hope of getting it out until I know what he wants to talk to me about.
Keanu drops me off at the front, he insists he's going to find parking himself and that I should focus on meeting up with Michael first. I let him go, seeing him drive off as I turn my attention to the entrance of Middle Borough High. Some eyes are on me, many of which smile and wave. I don't know any of these people, frankly, I don't recall ever speaking to them and before I was dating Keanu, they would ignore me. To be polite, I smile and wave back walking deeper into the school towards the fountain where Michael said he was going to be waiting.
The same thing happens as my thoughts drive all other sounds away, I see people waving and smiling at me. Their mouth moving but I can't hear a word they're saying. Like second nature at this point, I fake a smile and wave back. I don't know what I'm doing but Keanu's words about the long face stuck with me I guess. Whatever it is, they seem to eat it up and giggle amongst themselves like a bunch of anime weebs.
Normally, this feeling of being noticed and maybe like would be euphoric; Making me want to worship the very ground Keanu walks for granting me this impossible dream, which I still do, but I can't.
The water rushing out from the stone tub onto a small pool of water can be heard from where I was, my nervous walking towards the fountain becomes a light dedicated jog towards the place as I see someone with a bit of an oversized sweater standing near the fountain, facing towards the water. My heart jumps as I finally reach him, wheezing a bit as I place a hand on his shoulder.
"Michael..."
He turns around and my eyes widen looking at the face and appearance I least expected from my best friend. The hair I grew accustomed too was a bit messier than usual, instead of completely slicked back, some were on his forehead, accenting on his face shape in a beautiful way. His tan skin only seemed to be kissed more by the sun in a way that made me want to hold his hand but I refrain. I hate the thoughts coming to my head when it comes to his appearance, I'm not only dating someone but Michael is my best friend.
I'm only missing the intimacy of friendship... I don't want to start confusing it with something else.
But, of course, that's not the only thing I notice plenty of. His neck, just barely covered by the large sweater, is filled to the brim with hickies. Dark and completely contrasting to his sun-kissed skin. Bite marks were a dime a dozen amongst the love marks as well. My cheeks feel warm but my stomach drops more. I don't understand why this hurts me the way that it does.
He opens his mouth, taking in the look in my eyes and sighs, a hand running through his hair.
"I'm going to be blunt since I can tell by the way you're looking at me, you want answers."
"Y-yea..."
"I know you saw me at the party. With Danny," It stings. I hate this feeling. I hate it so much. "I left without him because I-" He inhaled sharply, "I saw you kiss Keanu."
"Mich-"
"I had a crush on you for a long time. I never expected you to like me back, you were always gushing about Christine anyways. But what the hell did he have that I didn't? You met him and in just a day you agree to date him." His voice was so hurt, so angry. I felt shame I never felt before and I only stay quiet and let him speak.
"Maybe this whole time, I was stupid to have hopes of you liking me back for the past however long we knew each other. Maybe... I shouldn't have told myself that if I just confessed, things would work out," Michael pauses and looks at me. Despite him standing only a foot away, he felt so distant. I felt as though he was on a whole other planet than me, staring at me through a giant telescope. I did not say a word and I felt no words I could come up with together could satisfy Michael. The way his sentences were worded, the direction they were taking, I was begging silently to not be what I was thinking.
"So I slept with him."
"What...?"
"I slept with Danny fucking Rivers, Jeremy." God, I want to cry. I don't know why.
"Why-? It was your first time, Michael. Why did you do something so stupid?"
"Because I was lonely and he gave me the attention I always wanted from you!" He yells at me, eyes closed tightly before he opens them and inhales sharply again, trying to keep the tears in. The way his lip trembles and his eyes have a gloss to them, the tears are welling up and I wish I could hug him but the situation right now, makes it suffocatingly impossible.
"We're dating now anyways, so it's not stupid. I got to at least know him a bit before doing stupid shit as you did." Those words stab into me like the sharpest arrows in the universe.
But Michael isn't wrong.
My throat is dry and the word comes out drier. I feel ashamed for the anger and sadness raging within me towards Michael and Danny for being together. Thinking of that geek holding my best friend close and pressing his disgusting lips against Michael's soft lips makes me want to punch a wall until my knuckles break and I have to get my hand amputated. "Congratulations. I... I'm happy for you."
"... are you really?" Michael asks in a quiet tone, it sounded desperate. Or maybe I'm desperate to want to hear that.
"Yes."
Michael stared at me, his eyes digging straight to my soul; After a few moments, he began nodding in understanding before grabbing his bag and leaving the fountain area. Once he passes me, I feel something on my cheek. Wet and hot, I press my finger against it and see that it's tears again. I hear Michael say before he steps into school, "Bye Jerebear."
I'm not sure if it was that or the entire conversation, but before Keanu could reach the fountain area, I run to the bathroom and proceed to ball my eyes out as a child. Not out of sadness that Michael may not be my friend anymore or any of that crap.
I cried out of absolute fear that the painful feeling was, in fact, romantic jealousy.