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English
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Published:
2019-09-01
Updated:
2019-10-20
Words:
12,159
Chapters:
4/?
Comments:
53
Kudos:
569
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99
Hits:
7,544

Trending: Fodlan's New Internet Sensation

Chapter 4: Felix - @felix

Notes:

maddening mode is kicking my ass
the fact that death knight can now move is screwing me up
i also got a new puppy
take this chapter that i wrote in between rage quitting and cleaning poop off the floor

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Felix Hugo Fraldarius @felix Only the strong survive in this world

following
36 followers
1328



Randolph
@randolph
 As the Battle of the Eagle and the Lion draws near, tensions rise between the three countries as they gear up for the annual showcase battle.
495,193 823,401

Randolph
@randolph
 However, recent reports of murders taking place near Garreg Mach could shake the tentative peace that Fodlan has been enjoying. The killer has not yet been identified, but all sides have begun pointing fingers.
497,208 825,584

Randolph
@randolph
 It is a well-documented fact that the three young leaders often find it difficult to settle their differences. Will this series of murders finally be the catalyst to crack the peace treaties? Will the leaders of this nation be able to recover from this devastating blow? They must all be wracking their brains, trying to come up with a way to lessen this impeding doom.
582,391 859,245

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 @areadbhar if i painted eyes on my eyelids do you think i could get away with sleeping during our next meeting

Dimitri
@areadbhar
 @failnaught You have my word that I will not tell a single soul.
∩( ´∀` )∩

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 why can’t lorenz be as cool as you

fashion? wuzzat
@onesucciboi
 @failnaught Because Lorenz is the one doing all the paperwork for you.

Dimitri
@areadbhar
 @onesucciboi That sounds horrid. Do you need some help?
((o(;△;)o))

fashion? wuzzat
@onesucciboi
 @areadbhar I appreciate the offer, Your Highness, but that is not necessary.

fashion? wuzzat
@onesucciboi
 @areadbhar If I ever feel overwhelmed, I can just bring up any of the pranks Claude used to play back at the academy and guilt trip him into finishing at least a stack.

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 what

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 i knew you were doing it on purpose!! hilda was trying to convince me that you weren’t the spawn of satan but i knew better!!!

fashion? wuzzat
@onesucciboi
 @failnaught Takes one to know one.

fashion queen
@freikugal
 (lorenz voice) bitch
2

Dimitri
@areadbhar
 @onesucciboi Claude’s pranks back at Garreg Mach tended to be rather childish at times, weren’t they?
(*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑

fashion? wuzzat
@onesucciboi
 @areadbhar Indeed.

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 (っ◞‸◟c) no bully

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 noo, faerghus and alliance relations IN SHAMBLES!

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 soon an all out war will happen and there’s NOTHING you can do to stop it

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 we must accept that dimitri’s kindness and claude’s inability to get anyone to listen to him will ultimately be the downfall of the entirety of fodlan, no, THE WORLD

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 more at nine after edelgard’s daily skin care routine

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 that was my randolph impression

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 @mistercasanova damn you even got the bit where he singles me out in every single article

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 tbh that whole spiel was just a ploy to be able to legally insult claude

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 (っ◞‸◟c) no bully

Felix Hugo Fraldarius
@felix
 …why am I unblocked

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 i swear he can be waxing poetry about edelgard’s beautiful hair ribbons and then mention how it is solely due to my bad leadership that dinosaurs went extinct

Felix Hugo Fraldarius
@felix
 @mistercasanova Block me again

fashion queen
@freikugal
 @failnaught have you ever seen hubert and randolph in the same room

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 @freikugal …i think you’re onto something here, my friend
1

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 @felix i guess you don’t want to hear about this sword of zoltan i found at the market the other day

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 have you ever been so obsessed with someone you spent every waking moment thinking about them

fashion queen
@freikugal
 @failnaught yes, marianne (Face Throwing A Kiss )

Felix Hugo Fraldarius
@felix
 @mistercasanova You guessed right. Goodbye

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 @freikugal ok i don’t need to hear again how a lazy and delicate maiden is getting more action than the prestigious leader of the esteemed leicester alliance

fashion queen
@freikugal
 @failnaught hey lorenz said that, not me!!

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 @felix wait what

fashion? wuzzat
@onesucciboi
 I may have been slightly inebriated at the time.
2

Dimitri
@areadbhar
 @mistercasanova I already bought the sword for Felix.
٩( ᐛ )و

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 @areadbhar bought him off already, didn’t you

Dimitri
@areadbhar
 @mistercasanova I simply utilized all my resources.
(و ˃̵ᴗ˂)و

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova

lol did you know that bernadetta used to write porn of the two of us

What

Garreg Mach’s Gatekeeper
@gatekeeper
 Hello there, something to report! In light of the upcoming Battle of the Eagle and Lion, Garreg Mach will be conducting an official popularity poll to foster competitive spirit. The link to the poll will be posted on @garregmach twenty-four hours from now. May the strongest competitor win!
640,792 920,310

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 foster competitive spirit… :thonking:

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 what is this sense of foreboding doom i feel

Hubert von Vestra
@ladyedelgard
 If I find out that any of you voted for Claude over Lady Edelgard, I will make sure you never have the opportunity to vote again.

Hubert von Vestra
@ladyedelgard
 I know of fifty ways to dispose a body so that you will never be found.

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 how is this man not in jail yet

Hubert von Vestra
@ladyedelgard
 I AM the police.

fashion queen
@freikugal
 (hubert voice) BITCH

Rodrigue
@shieldoffaerghus

Felix, my son. I have heard about the recent spectacle with His Highness and his social media account. You must make sure that something like that does not happen again.

We cannot allow for the enemies to perceive him as weak or incapable.

Reprimand him for his mistakes, but do not blame him for his lack of knowledge. It is not his fault, but rather ours for failing to educate him.

His Highness deserves to be happy. That is all I wish for in this life.

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 “Sylvain let out a breathy sigh, combing through the dark blue locks. They were softer than they looked.” – i love how you wrote this paragraph. i emphasized with the main character so much it almost felt like we’re the same person

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 “Felix grumbled and pinched his nose, swatting him with his shirt before throwing it over to the desk. ‘Be quiet,’ Felix snapped. ‘You’ll wake up the boar next door.’” – im a little amazed that you somehow knew the room arrangements at the academy despite never having left your own room but hey kudos to you

Felix Hugo Fraldarius
@felix
 @mistercasanova What the fuck is this

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 @felix o hey im live reading the porno i told you about

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 @felix wanna turn this fanfiction into… nonfiction? (Winking Face )(Winking Face )

Felix Hugo Fraldarius
@felix
 @mistercasanova No

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 @felix heh well yeah there’s no way this is nonfiction anyway

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 @felix your hair isn’t soft, it’s greasy and disgusting

Felix Hugo Fraldarius
@felix
 @mistercasanova Fuck you

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 @felix that’s what you were doing, yeah

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 @failnaught fodlanfics.com/20fxDeS

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 thank me later

Ferdinand von Aegir
@ferdinandvonaegir
 Edeglard bested me in battle today. I see despite the strict training regime that I have been following ever since graduation, I have not put in enough effort to become the strongest in the class.
1,539 2,049

Ferdinand von Aegir
@ferdinandvonaegir
 No matter. There is still time before the Battle of the Eagle and Lion. I will renew my training and demonstrate to the world that I am Ferdinand von Aegir, and I am the strongest in the Black Eagles House.
1,784 2,351

Ferdinand von Aegir
@ferdiebot
 I am Ferdinand von Aegir.
2,314 2,394

Ferdinand von Aegir
@ferdinandvonaegir
 Edelgard may be stronger than me, but she does not have my agility nor quick thinking. I should be able to…
2,482 3,294

Ferdinand von Aegir
@ferdinandvonaegir
 …who is that?
10,389 10,851

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 same hat
14

dorothea~ ☆♡
@divathea
 Oh my, they finally meet~♡ Ferdie and the better Ferdie
2

Ferdinand von Aegir
@ferdinandvonaegir
 @failnaught That does not answer my question.
620 965

dorothea~ ☆♡
@divathea
 You know when the idea of someone is so dreamy and perfect, but the actual person makes you want to throw up in your mouth a little?

dorothea~ ☆♡
@divathea
 Ferdiebot is not that~♡

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 is it just me or does dorothea hate all good looking people

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 @mistercasanova well she doesn’t hate me, sooo (Winking Face )
1

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 @mistercasanova what is this link. i need an adult

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 why are you sending me porn of you and felix. is this some kind of new voyeurism kink that i haven’t been subscribed to

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 how do i sign up

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 @failnaught oops sent that by accident

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 siri how do you accidentally send gay porn of you and your tsun childhood friend to a random stranger

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 you mean you have another sexy times with felix just lying around somwhere

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 @failnaught meant to send this one: fodlanfics.com/a23D9S

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 @mistercasanova oh cool nice

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 it’s ok i guess

fashion queen
@freikugal
 don’t let him trying to remain cool and collected distract you from the fact that he’s currently flipping out

fashion queen
@freikugal
 claude.exe has stopped working

Dimitri
@areadbhar
 @mistercasanova Sylvain, please! I would never do such a thing to Claude.

Dimitri
@areadbhar
 @mistercasanova I would at least have the manners to court him properly first.
(｡・・｡)
9

fashion disaster
@failnaught
4

Bernadetta
@berniebear
 @mistercasanova SDLKFJSLDKFJEIOSFJLKSDFJLKDS!!!!!

Bernadetta
@berniebear
 @mistercasanova HOW DID YOU FIND THOSE?!?! I THOUGHT NO ONE WOULD EVER READ THEM!!!!

Bernadetta
@berniebear
 @mistercasanova WHY WOULD YOU SPREAD THEM AROUND?! YOU’RE A BULLY!!!

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 @berniebear lol dw i didn’t say you wrote them

Bernadetta
@berniebear
 An eye for an eye.

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 wha

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 …

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 @daphnel hypothetically speaking, purely hypothetical of course, if you just saw bernadetta walk past your window holding a shotgun what would you do

Ingrid
@daphnel
 @mistercasanova Run.

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 @daphnel noted, bye

Annie
@swampbeasties

Annie sent a video

Nice

Ugh, I can’t believe you still make me send you recordings. We’re not in school anymore!

So? I can still listen to you sing if I want to

I mean, there’s no law saying you can’t. It’s just kind of embarrassing!

By the way, the guy in this song sounds like an asshole

He’s rude and never listens to what anyone else has to say

You deserve better than that

Oh my gosh

FELIX, THAT GUY IS YOU!!

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova

You dead?

not yet

K

Captain
@knightsoffaerghus

I saw you at training the other day.

Glenn must be rolling in his grave watching you now.

He was so courteous to everyone, you know? He helped all the new recruits and showed them the ropes.

And don’t even get me started on his battle prowess. There’s no one that can come even close to how he fought.

He was supposed to be the next shield of Faerghus. But now that it’s your role, you won’t even take it seriously.

Honestly, have you ever considered that maybe the world would be a better place if you had been the one who died then instead of him?

No one will say it, but we’re definitely all thinking it.

Ingrid
@daphnel
 @mistercasanova If you’re not dead, you should tell him.

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 i have such good friends ♡ everyone cares so much about my wellbeing ♡

Ingrid
@daphnel
 @mistercasanova Stop being so dramatic. If it makes you feel better, I liked it.

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 @daphnel that’s what bernadetta said too

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 after she finished assaulting me with teddy bears, that is

Ingrid
@daphnel
 Ugh, I’m so sick of watching you two dance around each other for years.

Ingrid
@daphnel
 @felix

Ingrid
@daphnel
 @mistercasanova There, I did half the work for you.

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 INGRID DELETE THAT RIGHT NOW PLS IM NOT READY YET

Felix Hugo Fraldarius
@felix
 What

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 @felix SDFLKSDKLFJSDLKF HI FELIX

fashion disaster
@failnaught
 lol he’s even talking like bernadetta now

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 …

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 …………………….

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 @felix TAKE THIS fodlanfics.com/d83Sfd

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
 @felix and let’s never bring this up again, yeah please and thank you im going to hide now

Felix Hugo Fraldarius
@felix
 @mistercasanova If this is another sex fic, you are going to wish Bernadetta killed you

Ingrid
@daphnel

Have you seen that idiot? I need to talk to him

He said he didn’t want to talk about it, right? He’s probably hiding

He wrote a 50k slow burn friends to lovers fics about me and him. How could he expect me not to respond

And you finished said 50k slow burn friends to lovers fic in less than a day.

Do you know where he is or not

Sorry, no. Maybe ask His Highness?

Ugh

all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova

I didn’t hate it

Randolph
@randolph
 Breaking news! Miklan Gautier of House Gautier has just been detained.
530,485 965,348

Randolph
@randolph
 He admits to conspiring with the people of Duscur to assassinate the King of Faerghus five years ago. He and his group of thieves were caught near the Adrestrian border and have since confessed to numerous other crimes, including the recent murder of Count Vestra.
556,459 9624,246

Randolph
@randolph
 As of now, the Adrestrian Empire deems the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus not politically organized to make a well-educated decision, and so the Empire will take the responsibility of passing down a verdict.
563,950 944,103

Randolph
@randolph
 House Gautier will be stripped of its land and dissolved. The land will be placed in the Empire’s care while we look for a suitable replacement.
572,504 975,087

Randolph
@randolph
 And as of now, it seems that the members of the Gautier household have gone into hiding. If you come across any of them, please alert authorities right away. They are dangerous and may have also been involved in the regicide, so they must be detained immediately.
570,849 943,230

Randolph
@randolph
 This decree is effective as of today.
623,468 980,239

Notes:

twitter: hey it's sylvix week
me: nice, sylvix is like 99% angst anyway might as well write this

Notes:

Author who just graduated with a degree in CS and is currently working a fulltime CS job: Wow I finally got a long weekend, it'd be super fun if I could write a fic that was 99% CS!!!

Honestly I spent so much more time formatting this than writing it //sweats but that's okay because the worst part was the fact that none of these kids have any official art of them!!!!

Also. I'm still not sure if I'm going to include all of the kids since I'm not sure of my ability to write them. I have a few others planned out but I'm super biased toward Blue Lions + Claude & Hilda (if that wasn't obvious) so we'll see what I end up doing. There will definitely be a lot more Black Eagles representation in later chapters too.

Bonus points to whoever can guess who runs our first two mystery accounts (@ferdiebot and @quietwhispers)

In case it was not obvious, Claude's @failnaught is visible to all Garreg Mach students and @schemerbeaver is visible only to Golden Deer.
Dimitri believes the @ turns it into a message, and without it it's a search inquiry.

And, since this is fitting for this fic, follow me on Twitter