Chapter Text
“We have to tell Crowley”
Newts eyes widened and he visibly appeared to be freaking out,
“please you can't do that”
Anathema was almost at the end of her tether, this is not what she wanted for the next life, and honestly getting an authority figure to intervene now would make her life a whole lot easier.
“why not?"
“because I asked Crowley what would happen if you didn’t get into The Good Place and he said you are tortured for eternity! I don't want that!"
Newt broke off looking at her pleadingly "I know I wasn't exactly amazing but I don’t deserve to go to hell! I never did anything bad, in fact, I never did anything! I shouldn’t be in The Bad Place, I should be in like a medium place”
“but that doesn't exist?” Anathema worked through the scenarios in her head, it did seem ridiculous that the alternative to this was eternal torment, but Newt didn't appear to be lying. And while he was far from her dream soulmate she baulked at the idea of sending him to hell.
“Look I won't tell Crowley now” Anathema assured and Newt broke into a relieved smile “but if anything goes wrong don't think I won't tell him”
“sure! of course,,” Newt said looking so relieved she knew she did the right thing.
“now let's see if we can fix this computer"
Newt may be a disaster with technology, but he does have pretty decent knowledge as long as he doesn’t do anything practical, so together they turn the computers on and off until they jump back into life, perfect timing it turned out as Crowley reentered the room almost exactly as they restarted.
Anathema wasn’t sure but he looked a little disappointed, but quickly moved into delight as thanked them. They followed him out and stood awkwardly in front of the crowd as Crowley led a round of applause for them, “saving the day’
“do you wanna play karaoke?’ Newt asked as the attention finally was moved from them and Anathema shook her head,
“let's head off, we have a lot to work through”
“yeah” Newt agreed, “ I hate karaokê anyway”
“same” Anathema replied and they shared a smile, she couldn't help but wonder if maybe this secrets thing was actually good, nothing bonds people faster than a shared secret and she could really use a friend right now.
….
“This is a disaster”
Crowley was hanging off his chair, head on the floor and legs in that air, he looked ridiculous, Aziraphale decided, but he couldn't help but smile.
“it's not a disaster, its a setback, and I’m sure everything else is going to plan” he comforted, as he sank into a chair opposite Crowley
“Seriously?” the demon straightened up with inhuman speed “they got it to the work, that should have been impossible, I don't even know if he told her he wasn't supposed to be here”
“he did” Aziraphale assures and Crowley sighed in relief.
“well there's one good thing”
“No? That's exactly what you wanted! Sure you missed out on a little momentary awkwardness but it's all going to plan”
“yeah yeah,” Crowley was nodding now, “well better get to work then!”
"You should take a break" Azirapahle argued and Crowley looked so confused at his suggestion, that for a second the angel wondered if demons even took breaks at all.
“no rest for the wicked” he responded finally, a small smile on his face that was suitably wicked.
“not even one glass?” Aziraphale held out a bottle of wine, and he saw Crowley hesitate.
“Are you seriously trying to tempt me, Angel?” Crowley teased a look in his eyes Azirphale couldn't quite name.
“maybe some of your evil is rubbing off”
“I sincerely hope not”
Aziraphale conjured two glasses to match the wine, “one drink can't hurt”
“I suppose not” Crowley reached a hand out to take a glass “you better not be trying to sabotage me,” he said lightly, a smile playing across his mouth.
“of course not! We’re in this together”
…
"We're going to meet the neighbours”
Anathema announced cheerily and Newt winced.
“Do we have to? Didn't we go to their party yesterday?”
“oh come on” she rolled her eyes dramatically, “we didn’t even see them! And if you're gonna blend in you need to talk to more people than me"
Newt had to concede that its a decent point, so it's with a great deal of reluctance that they summon a pile of muffins and scribble a thank you note and head over to the big house across the way.
The door was opened by a smiling woman, with bright red hair and a dress sense Newt could only describe as eclectic.
"oh you must be Anathema' she gushed clutching her hand, and then turning to Newt she breaks into an even brighter smile "and this must be the charming young man who saved the party!"
"oh um, thanks" Newt responded trying his best to keep his smile even.
"Come in come in" she called ushering the through the door into her hall.
She chattered brightly as the walked about the party and how absolutely wonderful it was to have someone to talk to.
"what about your soulmate?" Anathema wanted to know, and Tracy's face fell visibly.
"well he's very religious" she explained carefully, "he's Polish and was part of a sect that took a vow of silence so you know he just...doesn't speak, "
"oh dear" Anathema sympathised "but I'm sure he'll come around when he realises has no-one left to impress"
"oh you are a dear" Tracy beamed, "come on I'll introduce you"
Her soulmate did look a little like the kind of person to be involved in a cult of some description, with a short white beard, robe-like clothes and a look on his face that was almost a scowl. His name as it turned out was Szymon and he was as a Tracy assured very silent. He was a little disconcerting actually and Newt couldn't help but wonder is someone, as committed to spiritualism, would notice he wasn’t supposed to be her.
He was broken out of his nervous mental gymnastics, by Tracy suggesting he goes to grab some plates, she also suggested Syzom shows him the way leaving him alone with the last person he wanted to be left alone with.
He tried his best to seem impassive, so didn't try to engage Szymon in any way, he decided it was best if he just grabbed plates and headed back to where he could rely on Anathema to talk for him. He wasn't counting on his own natural clumsiness sabotaging him.
"Fork!" he swore loudly, crashing to the floor sending plates scattering and smashing across the tiles.
"ugh," he said sitting up rubbing his head and assessing the damage "Wait can we not swear?" he asks Syzmon suddenly and while it was hardly the natural reaction it was ll he could think.
"fork" he experimented, "shirt, ohh this is weird!"
Szymon looked at Newt with an unreadable expression and he quickly moved to pick up the plates feeling unbearably guilty for some reason, while some collected more to replace the one that had broke.
He then gestured toward the side where a concerningly sharp life was lying. Newt picked it up gingerly and tuned back for further instructions. Szymon gestured incomprehensibly, and Newt stared in confusion finally lifting it and nervously miming stabbing in the air. Syzomn looked even more confused and pointed more clearly to the side where a cake was left.
"Sorry", Newt said, wishing the earth would swallow him up.
On their way back Anathema seemed cheerful, she clearly got on well with Tracy and Newt wished he could say the same.
"So how do you think that went?" she asked brightly
Newt took a deep breath "I broke a load of plates, discovered we can't swear, oh and Szymon probably thinks I'm a homicidal manic" he admits forcing his voice to be light.
Anathema looked at him in disbelief
"it's a blessing he doesn't talk then," she says finally and Newt couldn't help but agree.
..
This was quite fun, Aziraphale thought as he helped himself to a crepe in one of the hundreds of crepe places sprinkled across the town.
He was getting through to Crowley he was sure, the demon wasn't all that evil at the end of the day, and he had succeeded in getting him to tone down the torture to quite a great extent.
This was going to be a success for them, he decided with a private smile as he loaded cream onto his crepe.
As for the humans, well they all seemed happy enough, none of them was miserable which meant he was still doing his job. In fact, he was as happy as he could be in hell, and scarily he thought he was a little happier than he had been in heaven.
“Aziraphale thank heaven we found you,” a familiar voice said from right behind him “ we had begun to worry you were lost forever”
Aziraphale set his crepe down feeling a little sick and turned to face the person he knew to be standing in the doorway.
“Gabriel how lovely to see you”
…
The day had been draining, to say the least, and Newt was ready to go to sleep for a very long time. As he turned to head upstairs he noticed a piece of paper had been slid under the door.
He picked up the paper and intently read the words scribbled all caps in sharpie.
“YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE”