Chapter Text
Sunlight crept into the room, peeking through windows and grazing Ryan’s face. When he opened his eyes, Shane was no longer beside him. Groggily he turned his head to scan the room, and found Shane on the couch flipping channels on the TV. “Took you long enough,” Shane teased, ankles crossed over the other on the coffee table. “You know I went to bed after you, right?”
Ryan did. He remembered falling asleep to the sound of the shower running, hazy and dizzy and sick. Then, as he looked at Shane in his pajamas, he remembered something else: waking up in the small hours of the morning to discover that instead of the warm pillow he thought he was cuddling, he was holding Shane. And Shane was letting him. The confusion on his face must have shown because Shane spoke again: “You alright, bud?”
“No, yeah! Just, you know, trying to remember what I can about last night.”
“Do you remember asking for 40 spicy nuggets from Wendy’s? Or that I bought you 40 spicy nuggets from Wendy’s? And then you didn’t eat them and I didn’t even complain about it? Because I did do that and I think you should remember that I did that.” Shane leaned back into the couch cushions.
Ryan sat up and rubbed his forehead, half to wake up and half out of frustration. “Why, so you can hold it over me and request a favor ten years down the line?”
Shane shrugged. “Maybe one day I need a kidney.”
“You are not getting my kidney.”
“I’d get you a kidney.”
“ A kidney? Not yours? Where— I’m almost scared to ask, where are you getting the kidney?”
“You know what? That’s not important. You know what’s important?“
“Shane, did you take me out here to steal my kidneys?”
“I– Yes, the spicy nuggets make it more valuable. Goes for more on the black market if there’s some nugs in ya.”
Ryan laughed. “Can you imagine? Like, ‘ah, darn, this one only had normal nuggets.’” He checked his phone on the nightstand. Not much going on, a news notification, a single message from TJ he could answer later. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry, what’s important?”
“Okay, so,” Shane sat up and forward, elbows on his knees. “The ceremony is in 2 hours. That is just barely enough time for you to shower and gel your hair or whatever you need to do.”
Ryan glanced in the mirror across the room. His grey T-shirt was wrinkled and his hair made him look like a startled parrot. “I thought I would go like this. I thought that might be fun.”
Shane chucked a tiny bottle of shampoo at Ryan. It went sailing past his head and hit the hotel bed. “Shower! It’s good for you!”
“Why did you have that!” Ryan, sleep-deprived and laughing, looked for something to throw back.
“We don’t have time for me to explain! Shower!” Shane exclaimed and chucked the hotel conditioner at the bed. Ryan protected his face but did not catch it.
“I’m going, I’m going!” He picked up the bottles and flung off the covers, standing barefoot on the carpeted floor. Shane watched Ryan mess up his hair in the mirror the way someone would look at the stars. Shane couldn’t help thinking he would love to see Ryan this way more often, that kind of vulnerability and tenderness that he doesn’t always get to see. Rumpled T-shirt, messed up hair, sleepy eyes… it would be okay waking up to that more than just once or twice a season. The sound of clothing hitting a tile floor punctuated his thoughts, and as the shower turned on, Shane forced his attention to the news.
———
“This is high fancy. This is almost too fancy.” Ryan’s eyebrows shot up, taking in the view of the mansion as it sat atop the grassy hill. Beautiful marble columns supported the entrance and it was expertly framed with greenery, stone, and string lights. “Is that rude to say? I feel like that’s rude to say.”
“No, ‘Too Fancy’ is Evelyn’s taste exactly.” Shane shrugged. “Not that there’s really anything wrong with that. If you can afford it. You know, if it’s your wedding, it’s your wedding. Go nuts, you know?”
Ryan dug the heel of his dress shoe into the dirt. “Yeah, if it was my day, and I could do it, I think I’d go fancy, too. I’d do all the nice dressings and everything.“ He squinted against the sunlight. “This is a really nice location, actually.”
“Think it’s haunted?”
“Building this old? I think it’s likely.” Ryan eyed the cracks in the window shutters in particular. “Hey, is this gonna be weird?”
“Huh?”
“I’m not going to have to, like, defend your honor to your ex, am I?”
That made Shane laugh. “No, no, don’t worry. Jeremy and I talked it through last night. Evelyn is in therapy and is definitely more stable than she’s ever been. She used to— hoo, boy, she used to not be, but according to Jer she probably won’t even blink at us.”
“Huh. Well, that’s good, at least.”
“Yeah, you know, like… people can change. Plus, she was– I mean this was so, so many years ago, I’m sure both of us have grown up since we were 23.”
The statement hung in the air for a moment while the boys checked the time on their phones. Faintly, the sound of gentle piano music wafted over the mansion, obscuring the sounds of the birds chirping. Both of the boys raised their eyebrows. “I think that’s our cue.”
—-
The ceremony took place outside, but they had all of the amenities: a grand piano with a pianist, pretty pastries, somewhat-nice guest chairs, a gorgeously decorated altar, and a complimentary table of champagne and wine for guests.
“Fancy!” Ryan mouthed at Shane, wide-eyed and Shane could only nod and mouth back “I told you.” They picked up half-full glasses of wine and took them to their assigned seats. The gentle piano playing continued on, until it didn’t, and a pre-recorded song by Sarah Bareilles burst through the speakers. The groom and the bridal party walked down and to the stage. Shane took careful stock of Jeremy’s facial expression and demeanor, and was pleasantly surprised to notice that the bundle of nerves in front of him appeared more happy than exhausted– though, he could tell that Jeremy had been sweating in his suit. The song changed to a swelling instrumental, and all heads turned to the door. In time with the music, the bride sauntered out of the church, tears in her eyes, smiling wide. Her medium-length brown hair was adorned with a crown of roses and her lips were just as red to match. Shane didn’t think he’d ever seen her so happy. He remembered seeing her crying on the bathroom floor over a broken heart, remembered watching her expressions harden when she went out in public, remembered only seeing her smile when she laughed. To see her so content, with her feet under her… it made him more emotional than he thought he would be. He didn’t even hear the speech the priest gave.
“Do you have your vows?”
Jeremy nodded, pulling a note from his jacket. “Ev, you are the most precious and loving person I have ever known. No one has a wit like you do, no one can make me laugh as hard, and no one will ever make me feel the way that you do. Over the years, you’ve proven to me how wonderful it is to love you. With you in my life, I’ve been able to grow and change for the better. You’re my best friend and I can’t believe I didn’t realize how much I loved you until that day at the Bowling For Soup concert.”
“Are they still touring?” Ryan whispered to Shane.
“I think so,” Shane returned.
“Still?”
“I think so,” Shane echoed.
Evelyn began, tears streaming down her face– miraculously, however, her makeup remained immaculate. “Jer, I never used to believe in a love that lasts forever. I never used to believe in a sustainable love that is helpful and supportive and strong, where it won’t snap when the wind blows on it. I thought I could never have a love strong enough that I’d feel comforted by a partner instead of nervous.” She choked on her last word and wiped her eye. A few loud sniffles were heard in the audience. “Loving you is the best thing I’ve ever done. There’s nothing more beautiful than a love that loves you back, a love that sees you for the human that you are, a love that even loves the things they hate about you.”
Shane was very aware of the tickle in his nose, and he looked to his friend to see if Ryan was noticing. Ryan, on the other hand, sat stoic with his jaw tight. He would have looked neutral if his eyes weren’t red and his cheeks weren’t wet. Shane wordlessly placed a hand on Ryan’s thigh.
——
Once the ceremony was over, the venue had to be rearranged and organized for the reception. Jeremy, grinning and holding the hand of his beloved, added quickly to his guests that the bar would be reopened for about 30 minutes or so and hor douevres would be provided while this change took place. Without announcement, an impromptu line began to form in front of the couple as everyone prepared to deliver congratulations. Ryan gave Shane a questioning look, to which Shane responded with a nod, and they joined their place in line.
Quickly the line became less of a line and more of a crowd as the populous shifted their attention from the bride and groom to their own companions and chatted up each other.
“Congratulations!” Shane held out a hand to shake Jeremy’s, pulling him into a hug, while Ryan congratulated Evelyn. “And congrats to you,” he looked to Evelyn, who kept a polite, closed-mouth smile back at him. “You guys– I’m really rooting for you. I’m– I’m so happy you’ve found each other.”
“Coming from you!” Evelyn perked up, her smile showing teeth now. “That means so, so much to me, really, thank you! I thought- I was so worried you would just hate this and hate both of us instead of just me and– that’s just not what I wanted for Jer Bear, because you guys are so close.”
“Jer Bear told me, no worries,” A smug smile rested on his lips. He was gonna text Jeremy about that later. “I– You know, don’t even worry about it. I firmly believe that, uh, if you find someone who’s good for you, as good for you as Jeremy is, you have to keep it. And anyone who doesn’t see that and doesn’t support it is an idiot.”
Ryan, in perfect-boyfriend mode, patted Shane on the back. He silenced his nerves and did what felt natural to be a fake boyfriend, which was put his arm around Shane’s waist. Shane’s dress shirt was thin enough that Ryan could feel the skin under it, and Ryan tried to accept that he’d never feel Shane’s hips bare.
Evelyn leaned on Jeremy, who placed a hand on her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. “That looks like what you’ve got, too, with–?”
“Ryan! I’m so sorry, I forgot to introduce you.” Shane smiled an involuntary, sad smile that he tried to correct to joy. He rested his arm around Ryan’s shoulders, all pins and needles. “And, well, this one’s a good one. I hope this thing we’ve got sticks around a while.” Ryan’s breath caught and he shoved the butterflies back down his digestive system. The soft, gravelly way he said that made Ryan feel as though he was wrapped in a heavy quilted blanket in the fall. Nervous as he was, he couldn’t stop smiling. He rested his head against Shane’s shoulder.
Evelyn’s red-lipped smile held unbridled joy as she looked up at Jeremy. “This one, too.”
Ryan melted into Shane, every muscle relaxing against his torso. Shane accepted this tenderness the way you would accept being given a free cup of coffee: unexpected, but grateful. While Ryan thought, I should enjoy this while it lasts, Shane was thinking, I can’t believe I’ll never feel this again.
At that moment Jeremy and Evelyn were called away to sign the marriage certificate.The brief interruption pulled the boys away from each other. They stayed quiet until Shane quietly cleared his throat and said he needed to use the restroom.
——
Returning from the bathroom, Shane picked an hors d’ouevre off a butler’s tray and meandered through the hall. From the taste of it— because he didn’t look before shoving it in his mouth— the finger food was probably some kind of ham and cheese concoction shoved into savory dough. Which, now that he thought of it, was really just a pizza roll with a toothpick in it. The cynic in him wondered how much that single pizza roll cost Evelyn’s parents, and the realist in him decided he didn’t want to know because he did not want to be sad.
Strangely, the groom’s party was nowhere to be found. Shane assumed he’d be able to find one or two of the group at the bar on their fourth drink, but it looked like they had practically vanished, including Jeremy’s parents. Instead, Shane found he was wading through an ocean of wedding guests like himself. A butler crossed his path offering whiskey, and Shane accepted a glass.
The sea parted, and when Shane adjusted his glasses he saw Ryan, pink-cheeked, talking with an objectively pretty female guest. Shane’s breath caught, and was released. Ryan’s right hand was holding a glass of Pinot and his left was in his pocket, looking more relaxed than he’d looked this whole trip. The girl he stood with relayed a story with exaggerated hand movements that Shane couldn’t follow. Ryan sipped on his wine, watching his companion and then it happened. Ryan’s eyes softened, full of trust and admiration for this woman, and his laugh went too loud and too high.
Shane saw. He could hear nothing else and could see nothing else. A thousand times before he watched Ryan develop feelings for someone and he never wanted to see it again. His blood went hot, filled with some kind of energy he couldn’t explain— all he could think of was stopping this. All he could think of was the time he would waste hearing about the two of them for months or years. All he could think of was how much time he had already wasted. This was enough. This was urgent.
Shane knocked back his whiskey and crossed the room.
“Hey,” More nerves than man, Shane waved to Ryan’s acquaintance and then turned his attention.
Ryan’s glossy brown eyes looked up at him and a polite smile rested on his lips. Ryan responded, “What’s up, big guy?”
“Yeah! So, Ryan, can I— can I talk to you for a second?” Shane motioned for Ryan to follow him, and Ryan obliged, leaving his drink on a nearby table. It took some effort to navigate leaving the room, but Shane’s decisiveness ensured they made it to a hallway quickly. Shane scanned his options and pointed to an open door. Inside the room, piles of extra tables and chairs, centerpieces, and tablecloths towered over them, covering almost every available square foot. There wasn’t much space to stand, but Ryan set upright two chairs that were overturned and sat in one. Shane closed the door behind them.
“What, am I being sent to the principal’s office?” Ryan donned a disarming toothy smirk that would have looked more confident if he wasn’t so drunk.
Shane did not answer and did not sit down. “You know how I said it’s always better to tell people—“ Shane ran his hands through his hair, closing his eyes. His heart was beating so fast. “And look, it’s okay if something— you don’t have to— I just, yknow, I have to say that—“ Why is this so hard?
Hope fluttered in Ryan’s chest. He could not believe what it looked like. Shane, blushing and pacing, stumbling over his words about telling someone something in a glorified broom closet? He couldn’t allow himself to think that way. It was probably bad news. Maybe whatever TJ was texting him about. What if he’s going to tell me he doesn’t want to work together anymore?
“Okay. Okay. Okay.” Shane took a deep breath. “Remember when you told me you were bi? I think I kind of brushed you off a little bit there and I didn’t mean to it’s just that I’ve been— I’ve also been– I’m trying to say I think that I am too.”
Oh! Ryan felt sick. “Oh, buddy, for real? That’s great! Or, well I guess it might be not great if like— how, how, how, how are you, how are you feeling about it?” Oh, that’s all it is. That’s all it is. This somehow feels worse than thinking he’s straight.
Shane ignored the question, wringing his hands and pushing up the sleeves of his dress shirt. “I want you to know that you are the only person I’ve told. And I want to t— fuck, I want to tell you first because, fuck– ”
“Because I’m your friend?”
“No!” Shane’s hair was starting to fall out of its coif, pieces of it falling into his face. “ I mean, I guess, but— because, because, I think I…. want to be more.” There it was. It’s out now. No taking that back.
Ryan could not believe his earthly ears. “More than— more than friends?”
Shane whimpered, and, defeated, finally sat in his chair, head lagging over the back and staring at the ceiling. Saying his feelings directly out loud was one of his least favorite experiences, and it wasn’t helping that Ryan’s incredulous response sounded so hesitant. “Yeah. I can’t— I’ve already said it now, I can’t take it back, but yeah, I think I… I have feelings for you. And they’re– I can’t ignore them now.” His voice cracked and he could feel his eyes getting wetter. He knew there wasn’t much time before the dam burst. “And it’s totally okay if you don’t want to work with me anymore, you can find someone to replace me, you’re within your rights to do that, I’ll stay home when our friends go out so you don’t have to—“
Ryan rose out of his chair so fast it fell over with a loud thump. Before Shane could register what was happening, Ryan was straddling him in his lap, their faces an inch apart, and Ryan’s hand rested on Shane’s cheek. “Shane. I need you to tell me right now. If you’re messing with me I will hate you forever.” His breath smelled of white wine and it made Shane feel dizzier.
“I’m not messing with you. I wouldn’t do that. Not about this.” Shane looked up at his friend, eyes glossy from tears, and Ryan held his gaze. Shane saw Ryan’s eyes flick down.
Ryan hooked his hand around the back of Shane’s head and pulled him into a kiss, hard. For a few minutes, all that could be heard was the sound of their breaths, and for a few moments, that was all that existed in this world. Shane tentatively placed his arms around Ryan, one hand snaking up Ryan’s spine and the other resting on the small of his back. Ryan responded to that, breathing in hard and grinding his hips closer. Shane could not believe his luck. “How long have you—?”
“Too long,” Ryan murmured, pressing kiss after kiss into Shane’s jaw. He didn’t even mind the stubble. Shane‘s hand slid off Ryan’s back to hold his jaw with just two fingers. His other hand found a home on Ryan’s hip, where he tugged the hem of Ryan’s button-down untucked and rested his hand on bare skin. Ryan couldn’t hold him tight enough, and his knuckles turned white around Shane’s shoulder. Shane gently turned Ryan’s face to meet his lips with Shane’s own, and Ryan returned it with desperation, leaning into him with such force that the chair tipped over backward, taking both of them down with it. They immediately broke out into laughter, and for a moment, they lie there on the floor holding each other.
Ryan spoke first, cradling Shane’s jaw in his hand. “So, if it wasn’t obvious, I’m definitely not replacing you.
"Good. We have ghosts to not find.” Shane kissed Ryan’s cheek.
“ You’re not getting rid of me that easy. I’m with you till you see one yourself.”
“Is that a threat?”
“It’s a promise.”
----