Chapter Text
"I Fell in love with a beautiful girl
And she still takes my breath away...
And I love you, more than you think I do"
-Alex and Sierra's 'I Love You'
“You have everything you need right in front of you to make this thing work. Stop always grasping for more and appreciate what you’ve got!”*
Her words rang in his head as he stared at the doors she’d just stormed through, startled and puzzled at her abrupt anger.
“Stop always grasping for more and appreciate what you’ve got!”*
The sting of her brutal honesty slowly consumed him. His shock at her sudden change in behavior shifting into one of regret.
“Come on, you can do this one thing for me.”*
“One thing?”*
He swallowed, beginning to realize how selfish he’d sounded. How selfish he’d been.
Slowly turning on his heel, Connor rubbed his forehead as he mindlessly made his way down to the ED, thinking about what Ava had just hissed at him.
“You don’t need a dedicated bypass machine! You only want one because you hate it when you have to bring patients up to me!”*
“…You have everything you need…”*
She was right. Again.
What a selfish, conceited idiot he’d been.
He did have everything he needed.
He’d gotten more than what he’d deserved and yet, here he was, still grasping for more, just like Ava had pointed out in no uncertain terms.
Connor grabbed a binder and sat behind one of the desks in the ED’s nurses’ station, mulling over the rude awakening Ava had just provided him with.
“Can’t you do this one thing for me?”*
“One thing?”*
He’d been going around, trying to make the hybrid OR perfect, stocked with high-tech gear, complaining that it wasn’t good enough when he found something else he wanted. Like a bypass machine.
It was like he’d pulled the wool over his own eyes and hadn’t noticed all the work everyone else was doing to make the room a reality--for him.
Yeah, the board was against it at first, but they did eventually grant his request when the money showed up. And whoever donated said funds must have believed in him or they wouldn’t have requested the money go towards a hybrid OR.
And to think he wanted to go groveling for more money.
All Ms. Goodwin had done to promote his cause on his behalf. She did more than he probably knew.
All the people behind-the-scenes that had organized things to get the room built quickly and efficiently.
And Ava.
She’d gone above and beyond, advocating on his behalf.
And not just for this, but for countless other things in the past whether she was just a silent supporter, quietly letting him know she had his back or an active voice, standing by his side as she subtly encouraged and worked the higher-ups much better than he ever could.
He didn’t know what he’d do without her.
Connor chuckled humorlessly and rubbed his face wearily before looking up to stare across the bustling ED at his impressive, pristine hybrid OR.
That OR.
That job offer from Mayo.
It really messed him up.
If he hadn’t gotten the offer, hadn’t said yes against a voice that was telling him no, hadn’t had a patient die to give him the idea of a hybrid OR, hadn’t decided to stay and run the thing after the money miraculously showed up, hadn’t butted heads with Ava, hadn’t found a reason to beg for a bypass machine, hadn’t messed up so Ava would yell at him just now…
Well, apparently that was what it took to realize the real reason why he wanted to stay at Med. Why he’d never wanted to leave to begin with.
It was because of Ava.
He’d always known that deep down, but it was like he was just now realizing it, comprehending what it meant.
He’d known he liked her for quite a while now, but this was different. This was deeper and he’d never felt this way about anyone before.
Connor huffed out another laugh in disbelief, overwhelmed with emotion.
The puzzle pieces had finally clicked together, and he’d finally allowed himself to accept what he’d been too afraid and too stubborn to admit.
He loved her.
Connor Rhodes was in love with Ava Bekker.
His arch nemesis turned stalemate turned friend turned silent supporter had now turned into the most important person in his life.
He had to tell her today. He had to apologize, and he needed to make sure she knows how he feels about her even if he didn’t come right out and say it.
“Hey Connor!” Maggie’s voice to his left pulled him out of the trance he’d been in. He looked at her blankly, but she didn’t seem to pick up on his odd gaze, absorbed in the information that was on her page, “The ambo is bringing in a STEMI and the Cath-Lab is full so it looks like we’re going to have to use the hybrid room.”
The charge nurse looked at him expectantly and Connor blinked, trying to get his thoughts together before jumping into action.
He would find Ava later.