Chapter Text
"Like wildfire,
It starts in my chest,
The silence grows louder,
Ringing out in my head...
Reckless but honest words leave my mouth...
-Anger by Sleeping At Last
“And that should do it,” Ava surveyed her work before glancing up at the CT Fellow across from her, “Dr. Bardovi, will you close? I want wires.”
The other doctor nodded, “Of course, Dr. Bekker.”
Ava looked down at the opened chest one last time before backing away from the table, stripping off her bloodied gloves and surgical gown and shoving them into the bio waste bin on her way out of the OR. Smiling in contentment, she gently turned on the water and took the bar of soap to scrub out. The surgery had gone well, just as she had predicted, but it was always a relief when she finished without a hiccup.
After drying her hands, she made her way to the surgical waiting room. Her patient’s family was in the same spot as they were the last time she had updated them. This was a sight she had seen many times, spouses with their head in their hands, parents clinging to one another in anticipation, hoping and praying.
Many times she had walked into that waiting room with a heavy heart and sick feeling in her gut because the news she had to bring wasn’t good at all but the days like today, when she was barely containing her pleased smile and that proud feeling of success, were the ones she lived for and desperately hoped for.
The family stood, their faces full of anticipation, greeting her with millions of questions on their tongues.
Ava held out her hand to forestall the inevitable chatter among the anxious group, allowing a small smile of comfort to grace her lips, “You can all relax. Marcus pulled through just fine and should make a full recovery. You’ll be able to see him in about an hour. A nurse will come to get you and I’ll be by later to check on him.”
Marcus’s dad blew out a shaky breath, holding out a hand to shake Ava’s, “Thank you so much, Dr. Bekker.”
Her smile grew slightly larger, “Of course. It’s my job.”
She took her leave, running through the things she still needed to do before she could go and try to get a quick nap in because unfortunately, she had a twenty-four-hour shift.
As grateful as she was that she’d completed Marcus’s surgery without any complications (at least, as of yet—she knew better than to assume everything was fine until forty-two hours post-op with no complications; Max. She’d seen things go sideways in a blink) she was slightly weary and thought it best to get some sleep whilst possible.
…Before someone was frantically paging her, and she was up the rest of the night treating god knows what. She’d never had a completely quiet night shift before, and she didn’t think that would start now, especially on a Friday at the busiest hospital in Chicago.
Scratching her eyebrow briefly, Ava logged into the computer to check a few things before she changed into regular scrubs and started rounds. She barely finished opening the files she wanted when she caught sight of a young-looking nurse standing before her biting her lip in what appeared to be nerves.
Ava didn’t know her very well because the young nurse had just started a few weeks ago fresh out of nursing school but as far as she could tell, the girl was sweet and a hard worker even if she still needed some help to do her job properly.
She looked up to meet the nurses’ anxious gaze and quirked a curious brow, “Can I help you Molly?”
Molly wrung her hands, seemingly unsure of what she was about to say because she opened her mouth a few times but never spoke.
It had always annoyed her when people couldn’t express their thoughts in a timely manner because no one had time for that (and, unfortunately, she had run into quite a lot of that in her line of work, being in a position of authority, especially with her reputation of being cold-hearted (which was changing but it still seemed like she intimidated people)) but she curbed her annoyance as to not snap at Molly and further the (untrue) belief that she was unfeeling.
Instead she sighed calmly, albeit a little exasperated, and smiled kindly, “It’s alright. I don’t know what the other nurses said but I’m not going to bite.”
The girl blushed, “I’m sorry Dr. Bekker but it’s—Well, I’m not sure if I should be saying this or if it’s my place or…” Molly trailed off, biting her lip again.
Ava restrained from rolling her eyes. Was she that hard to talk to? The other nurses didn’t seem to have much of a problem although they were much more experienced in dealing with attending surgeons.
Molly was fresh out of school, so Ava did suppose her position intimidated her, but still. Just spit it out already.
Besides, Molly had spiked her interest in the few words she’d managed to stutter. And some slight concern. What had she meant by ‘not her place’?
“I don’t have all day,” Ava reasoned, not unkindly, hoping that it would prompt Molly to deliver what she wanted to deliver.
The nurse blushed even deeper but managed to not stutter, “I heard the other nurses talking and well—it seemed pretty reckless and serious so I thought maybe you could help out. I mean you’re super close to Dr. Rhodes, or at least you seem to be, and I was just worried.”
Molly looked like she was in distress, “Oh! I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have done this…I’m sorry for bothering you.”
By this point, Ava was really curious and more than a little concerned. ‘Reckless’ and ‘Dr. Rhodes’ was a frequent combination which usually ended up being slightly disastrous before it got better…if it got better at all.
And she usually tried to talk him out of whatever crazy plan he had or at least tried to worm her way into the OR so she could at least do some crowd control.
“What has he done?” A pit of dread was forming in her stomach. They had barely moved on from his last reckless stunt with Stella Kidd.
There should be a rule made. Only one crazy close call allowed every two months.
Not two in almost the same week.
“He, Dr. Rhodes-,” Molly started, “He opened the hybrid OR for an emergency heart procedure because the Cath lab was full and now word’s gotten around that the situation has escalated and he’s doing a thoracotomy.”
Ava blinked before deadpanning, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
She couldn’t believe it! Connor had just told her that room wasn’t ready and now he was performing a complex surgery without the equipment he needed to make it as safe as possible?
Open heart surgery was difficult and dangerous even with a fully equipped OR and a well thought out plan.
But he was doing it anyways with no plan (or not much of one anyways), a team who was unfamiliar with the room and the equipment that was there, and if she wasn’t mistaken, there was no perfusion.
Or a bypass machine…
Ava looked at Molly, “He opened his chest?” She cried.
The girl looked uncomfortable but nodded dutifully, “Yes ma’am. It probably wasn’t my place to tell you but I thought maybe you could help because it seemed like a serious situation and I’ve noticed you and Dr. Rhodes are close and I thought that maybe you could maybe help out so that poor patient doesn’t die and I know I’m just a nurse but I was worried and it seemed fitting to come get you. Th other nurses were debating on paging you anyways, so I just came and-”
“It’s alright Molly,” Ava quickly interjected to stop her rambling.
In another circumstance, she probably would have berated her for essentially going over a doctor and senior nurses to tell her about a situation, but she could appreciate the girl’s concern this time. And she was grateful she had enough courage to come speak with her.
Smiling at Molly, Ava put a reassuring hand on her arm, “It’s good you came to get me but maybe next time, check in with a higher nurse, okay? And don’t worry about Dr. Rhode’s patient, I’ll deal with it.”
As much as she was glad Molly had told her about this, she couldn’t have the nurse (or the other younger RN’s for that matter) coming to tell her about every little thing that happened if it wasn’t pressing. She didn’t have time for that.
Molly blushed but bobbed her head in understanding before scurrying away.
Ava huffed in irritation, her mind turning to Connor, as she turned on her heel and walked as fast as she could towards the ED. She didn’t even take time to change her clothes but if Connor really had opened this poor person’s chest, it was good that she was ready for surgery.
Sometimes, she just couldn’t understand him. He wanted to help everyone but at the same time, his ego clouded his judgment and he ends up taking huge risks that don’t always pay off. And sometimes, she wondered if he was doing it to just show off and make a point.
Or maybe he wanted to make her angry and aggravated.
If he did, he was succeeding fabulously.
Honestly, what was he thinking? Opening an OR when he knew it wasn’t ready, when he had just hours ago told her it wasn’t ready. What was he hoping to achieve?
Had the situation been so dire that he couldn’t move the patient upstairs?
She could understand maybe doing a Cath lab procedure if it was urgent enough because Molly had said that the labs were full but opening the patient’s chest in a half-finished room, without a bypass or perfusion?
Of course, she knew that’s why they were building the hybrid OR; For emergency situations such as this, but was it so urgent he decided his patient couldn’t survive a one to two minute up to a fully functioning OR (which were available, by the way—It wasn’t like they were booked too) and instead took the risk of opening the patient’s chest in an unfinished room?
She couldn’t justify the odds.
Ava took the stairs two at a time, running the situation through her head, getting angrier and angrier at Connor’s recklessness. Thinking of all the possible outcomes of this little stunt such as it ending in death for the patient…and maybe for Connor--by her own hands as she strangled him out of frustration.
But more than aggravation, she was starting to get worried as she envisioned what would happen if the worst occurred and the patient did die.
It could be catastrophic for Connor.
He’d most certainly have to face the hospital board for opening an OR that was clearly not operable and if he couldn’t make a strong enough case, he’d have to face an Ethics board and then maybe a peer review. Then he’d have to face the Illinois Medical Board. And then… He could lose his license.
Even if he went though all that and didn’t, it would be a bad mark on his CV and his reputation would be radically changed.
It would change everything for him, and she knew, beneath the ego that reared its head at times, Connor would be devastated. Mad at himself for letting his arrogance get the best of him and heartbroken that it caused someone’s death.
He was more sensitive than people realized. But she knew. Had observed him. Had wanted to discover more about him out of an innate curiosity. Which had then turned into a genuine concern for his well-being.
Ava got to the wing that led to the ED from the main hospital, her steps faltering as she realized she was worrying more about what might happen to Connor, not really that livid he put his patient in that situation in the first place (but don’t get her wrong, she was still plenty mad).
In the past when he’d done reckless stunts like this, when she first started working with him, she was smug about the fact that he might end up being kicked out of the hospital. Then, as she began to reevaluate how closed off she was with her emotions, she began to allow herself to feel for the patient Connor had put into the situation.
But recently, she started to think more of Connor and the implications for him and how it might affect him if something terrible happened.
And there it was again, that little voice and the dawning realization that to her, Connor was becoming more than just a friend.
Before she could let herself have mini freak out that her heart was opening itself up more or less against her will, Ava jogged the last few feet into the buzzing Emergency Department.
Her eyes settled on the hybrid OR. Well, he’d definitely opened it.
Oh! Why did he put her into these situations in the first place?
Because she was angry with him, not just worried. Because she had helped him get that OR; she stuck her neck out for him, risked her reputation, and now he might screw it up before it even officially opened?
And just like that, all her worries and annoyance fueled her slight anger into fury.
Forcibly, Ava pushed open the swinging door.
Just wait until he got a piece of her mind.