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I’m Not Okay

Chapter 16

Notes:

THIS IS IT GUYS!! The final chapter!! This story was a real emotional rollercoaster. It made me laugh, mostly cry, and has connected me with all of you lovely people! I truly am grateful for every ounce of support you all have shown me and this story! So, thank you, from the bottom of my heart! Truly! Over 250 comments, nearly 400 kudos, 72 bookmarks and over 6,179 hits—you guys are truly one of a kind, thank you!

As always, if you enjoy, PLEASE leave a comment for me down below!! This is your last chance!

 

I humbly ask that if you’ve followed along to this story, even if it’s been silently from start to finish, that you please comment on this chapter and let me know what you thought, how you’re feeling, etc! It would make me so incredibly happy!

 

I won’t hold you guys too much longer, but as a reminder, be sure to read the ending authors note, there’s a HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT waiting for you all! Be sure to let me know how you’re feeling about that in the comments as well!!!

 

Again, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! And as always, please, ENJOY! :)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

OCTOBER 29th -

Every day, Klaus’s siblings would wake him up— just as he requested them to, so that he could spend quality time with them.

Creating new, beautiful memories that each of them could cherish for many years to come.

Every day, he happily would be carried downstairs, whether it be to watch TV, or movies. Sometimes, he would just watch his siblings play video games, or sit with them while they would gather around the table to eat their meals, together, as a family.

Every day, he looked forward to this time. He looked forward to getting out of his bed for a while, and just being surrounded by his siblings.

Be close to the people he loved more than anything else in this world...

Every day, it took every ounce of his energy to do-so, but he wouldn’t give these moments up for anything. He craved these moments each and every day.

They brought him so much joy, gave him something to look forward to every morning when he awoke.

He would lie in bed every night, and dream excitedly of what brand new adventures he and his family would go on together the next day.

These precious moments gave his life meaning, lit a fire within him to keep fighting, keep going, keep living..

 

Today though, Klaus felt somehow more exhausted than he had been in a while. He was so tired, and he was feeling more pain today than he had in quite some time. He opened his eyes tiredly, his green orbs meeting Diego’s lovingly soft brown ones.

Diego was laying with him in bed, cradling Klaus against his chest. His arms wrapped within his own. Klaus felt so warm, so comfortable, aside from the bursts of pain he kept getting. He felt so safe wrapped in his brothers embrace.

“Morning, Klaus.” Diego greeted softly with his kind smile. Diego ran his fingers through Klaus’s hair, which he relaxed into, laying his head back against his brothers strong chest.

“Morning Di.” Klaus said tiredly. He closed his eyes again as a wave of exhaustion overtook him.

He was just so tired today...

His bedroom door opened, and Allison entered the room, smiling lovingly at her brothers.

“Good morning, boys. Klaus, what kind of exciting adventures would you like to have today? I was thinking we could maybe watch some of our old surveillance ‘home videos’.” She suggested softly, her velvety laugh making him smile.

Klaus opened his eyes into slits. He would love to watch those videos, look back at his time as a child with his siblings. Sadly, he just didn’t think he had enough energy for it today, though.

He simply wasn’t feeling up to it...

“Actually, I’m..rather tired today.” He stated softly.

“Oh, that’s ok. We can let you sleep in for a while if you’d like, we can come back—“ Allison started, turning to leave.

“No, actually. Can..can you all just sit with me today?” He asked softly.

“Please?”

He closed his eyes again, cuddling himself closer into Diego’s arms. He clenched his eyes tighter as a sharp pain emanated through his abdomen.

Diego and Allison looked to Klaus, and then to each other. They could tell how tired Klaus was. It scared them, honestly.

Every day he wanted to get up, he was doing so well, they were having so much fun together.

But, if he wanted to stay in bed for a day to rest, then he should be able to.

They would all come to him and keep him company while he rested. It was the least they could do— he would be exhausted and stay with them while they did all kinds of activities.

He earned this day of relaxation.

“Of course, Klaus. I’ll be right back.” With that, Allison left the room to gather their siblings.

Diego just grasped onto his brother tighter. He watched Klaus inhaling steady deep breaths.

He looked so tired...

Klaus clenched his eyes again and groaned softly as another surge of pain tore through him.

“You okay, Klaus?” Klaus’s tired eyes fluttered and opened into slits. He peered over to Diego and smiled, clutching his hand into his own.

“I’m okay. Just tired, and a little sore. Will you stay here with me, like this? I’m so comfy.” His eyes closed again, his head lulling back against Diego’s chest. Diego smiled lovingly down at his brother. He leaned closer to Klaus, planting a kiss into his curls. Klaus nuzzled closer into his brothers comforting, loving touch.

“I’ll stay as long as you’ll have me.” Klaus smiled against his chest and hummed in reply.

A few moments passed, and Allison returned to the room, followed by Vanya, Luther and Five. Klaus opened his eyes, and smiled a huge genuinely happy grin to his siblings, outstretching one of his frail thin arms out towards them.

“Hey, guys!” He breathed happily. His siblings all circled around him, each one taking a seat near him on the bed. Allison grabbed his hand, curling up at the head of the bed beside Diego. Vanya and Five crawled onto the bed, seating themselves against the wall. Luther sat at the foot of the bed by his feet.

“It’s so good to see you guys, sorry I’m such a bore today. I’m just so tired..” Klaus began to apologize. Allison squeezed his hand as Five spoke up.

“You never have to apologize for being tired, Klaus. You’re allowed to rest.” His siblings all voiced their agreement.

“Thanks, guys.” Klaus swallowed saliva he had in his mouth before continuing.

“Will you guys tell me stories?” Luther laughed softly and leaned forward towards Klaus, lovingly laying his hand on his ankle.

“Sure, buddy. What kind of stories would you like to hear?” Klaus opened his eyes and looked at Luther, smiling warmly at his brother.

“Tell me stories from our childhood.”

Luther nodded and sat back, gently rubbing Klaus’s ankle as he began a story.

“Sure,” He started.

“Do you remember the time you got all of us in trouble after that Texas mission? Dad wanted us to come back to the academy and run laps for three hours straight, because you thought it would be a good idea to moon the camera on live television!” Klaus chortled at the memory.

“Yeah, dad was pissed! It was worth it though, my booty was a hot topic on the tabloids for a few weeks after that.” Klaus continued to weakly laugh at the memory.

Five shook his head as a chuckle escaped his lips.

“Oh, yeah, I remember that! Wasn’t it in the newspaper? What was the headline again?” He asked, trying to recall what it said.

“Full moon, more like PALE moon!” Diego relayed with a snicker. The siblings laughed and laughed.

“Hey, I can’t help that I have an extremely white ass. I have a fair complexion!” Klaus gestured to his face as he said it, earning more laughter from his siblings.

“Or, remember the time you stole dads car when we were fifteen? You were drunk, no less, and crashed it into a ditch. It was a miracle you weren’t hurt. You stumbled all the way back home laughing! Then, you marched right up to dad and said, ‘Hey, old man, where’s your car? GONE! Good luck finding it!’ And of course he did, cause it was right up the street. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him more pissed. But, you were so proud of yourself! I remember thinking, oh my God, Klaus is either the bravest, or dumbest person to ever live!” Vanya was laughing so hard at the memory she had tears in her eyes. Klaus looked at her with the biggest smile.

“Definitely the latter, unfortunately. He locked me in the mausoleum for two days after that.” He exhaled a tired laugh.

“It was worth it, though. I got to steal his car, crash it AND yell at him. Great times..”

Five smiled fondly at Klaus, a more recent memory popping into his head to share. He knew he had to tell this story to his siblings.

“Klaus, remember when you pretended to be my dad when we tried to find out information about the glass eye at Meritech?”

Klaus smirked at the memory.

“Pshyeah, how could I forget, I definitely deserved an Oscar for that performance.” He laughed tiredly.

The siblings smiled, and glanced around to Klaus, and then to Five.

“I never heard this story, what happened?” Allison asked, adjusting herself on the bed to listen better. Five laughed, leaning forward to explain.

“Klaus dressed up in one of dad’s old suits and went with me to get info about that eye. Who it belonged to, you know, all of that. Well, the guy refused to give us any information! Klaus would not take no for an answer, though. You guys would have been proud!” Five shook his head as his smile grew wider before he continued.

“They kept saying we didn’t have consent to know who owned the eye. Well, Klaus goes ‘Who gave you consent to lay your hands on my son?’ Of course, neither myself or Grant, or Lance? Whatever his name was—anyways, we didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. The guy says ‘I never touched your son’ which, he didn’t. But Klaus just says ‘Oh? Well, then how did he get that swollen lip then?’ then Klaus, the crazy bastard, gets up and smacks me across my face!” Both brothers laugh at the memory. The rest of the siblings chorusing in as well.

“Then, Klaus just continues! ‘I want it, name please, now.’ The guy calls him crazy!” Five just laughs harder before continuing.

“Klaus just laughed and said ‘you got no idea.’ he picks up, get this—a snow globe—and says ‘peace on earth, that’s so sweet’ before he smashes it against his head!”

Luther’s jaw dropped, and Diego let out a deep laugh as the girls just shook their heads while they snickered.

“God, that hurt.” Klaus breathed with a soft chuckle recalling the memory, gently rubbing his forehead where he hit himself all those months ago. Diego chuckled and ruffled his brothers hair, earning a smile from his tired sibling. Five kept retelling the story.

“So the guy calls security, right, and Klaus grabs the phone and says—“

There’s been an assault in Mr.Big’s office, and we need security now, schnell!” Klaus relayed from memory, mimicking the way he said it as much as he could through his breathlessness. Everyone burst out laughing.

“I wish you guys could have seen it. Klaus took control! Told him he had about 60 seconds before two security guards would burst through the door. He said they’d see a bunch of blood, and wonder what the hell happened. He says ‘we’re going to tell them you beat the shit out of us!’ Continues to tell him how a little piece of chicken like him was going to do great in prison, get passed around. The guy called Klaus a sick bastard and Klaus, with a serious face, just says ‘thank you’ I swear—I almost burst out laughing right then!” Klaus smiled and patted Five’s knee. Five grabbed his hand and smiled so fondly back at his brother.

“I was so proud of you, Klaus. I mean it. The way you took control, had that guy terrified he was going to jail. And you did it with a smile the whole time. Even when blood was pouring down your face. I know I didn’t even thank you then. But, thank you Klaus. I know we didn’t get the info we needed, and I’m sorry I never gave you your $20, you absolutely earned it, and an award with that performance. But, seriously, thank you. I don’t think I have ever been more proud of you in my entire life more-so than in that moment. You were amazing.”

Klaus had to blink back his tears. It was so nice to hear Five say he was proud of him. He never remembered anyone ever being proud of anything he ever did in his life. He nodded and smiled at Five, squeezing his hand within his own.

“Thank you, Five. I’m glad I could do it. It was fun.” Five smiled, with tears in his eyes and gripped Klaus’s hand tighter before pulling it to his lips and placing a kiss against his knuckles.

A moment of silence passed as the brothers just took a moment to appreciate how much they truly loved each other. Five cleared his throat and blinked his tears away before continuing to speak once more.

“Do you remember how you got your nickname?” Five asked, leaning over to peer at Klaus’s face.

“My nick name? The Klaus clown? I thought it was because I was always the joke of the family..” Luther shook his head in disapproval.

“Of course not, Klaus. Don’t ever think that, it couldn’t be further from the truth! You earned that nickname because you have always been able to make anyone smile, no matter the situation.” Klaus’s eyes watered once again at Luther’s statement.

His whole life he thought it was them making fun of him for his mistakes.

They genuinely meant it out of love?

“We had a hard mission..I think each of us came out with some kind of injury, especially you. We had cuts, and bruises, but you broke your arm pretty bad, you were in a lot of pain. And yet, you made sure to come up to each of us and encourage us, telling us how great we were, how strong we were. You cracked jokes, and poked fun, and did everything in your power to make us smile and laugh. You made us forget about our sadness and our pain. You were always so unbelievably funny, Klaus. No one has ever been able to bring so much joy to my life, or any of our lives, as you. You’ve always had a gift for that. That’s why we found the nickname suited you so well. You were always a clown, the class clown—our Klaus clown.” Luther was looking at Klaus with so much love in his eyes.

“I’ve always admired you for that, Klaus. Even now, during your sickness, even during your worst days, you’ve managed to always bring a smile to each and every one of our faces. You’ve managed to make us all laugh. You single handedly have brought this family together, uniting us closer than we ever have been. You are amazing, Klaus. I just hope you realize how special you truly are.” Klaus couldn’t hold back his tears. He smiled, genuinely smiled. He felt so happy, so loved.

“Luther, thank you, really.” Klaus peered around the room to each of his siblings faces. They were all smiling, each with tears of joy in their eyes from the memories.

Tears of joy from Luther’s kind words to their fading brother.

Klaus never felt more loved in his entire life, than he did in this very moment.

“I hope you guys know how much I love each and every single one of you. I mean it, I love you.” He looked around the room to each of his beloved siblings, including Ben.

Ben was watching him from the corner of the room the entire time, silently observing with a loving smile on his face.

“We love you, Klaus. More than you’ll ever know.” Klaus smiled at his siblings. He took in each of their expressions, recording their beautiful faces to his memory. He never wanted to forget their smiles, or the sounds of their laughter.

His siblings continued to reminisce on stories from their youth— stories about Klaus and all of his crazy antics. They were their fondest memories of Klaus; some embarrassing, most of them hilarious, and all of them happy.

Klaus’s eyes were beginning to feel heavy. He cuddled closer to Diego, nuzzling his forehead against his brothers chin. He looked to the corner of his room and saw Ben. Ben just smiled at Klaus with tears in his eyes, he nodded at his ailing brother before fading from the room.

Klaus knew where Ben went..

Klaus closed his eyes and continued to listen to the stories of his youth replaying around him.

He continued to listen to his siblings laughter, and absorb the sweet sound of happiness in their voices.

Klaus fell asleep with a smile spread wide upon his face, curled against Diego’s chest.

He was warm, he was comfortable, he was safe, and more than anything..

He was loved.

Klaus died right there in Diego’s embrace, surrounded by the people he loved most in his entire life—His family.

—-

“Welcome back, Klaus.”

Klaus opened his eyes and looked around himself. The scenery around him was black, and white, and beautiful. He sat up and stretched his arms above his head before rising to his feet.

He felt so healthy, so strong...

His body was no longer frail, or weak. He looked, and felt like himself again.

Klaus quickly turned around and was face to face with the little girl with her bicycle he met so many months ago. She smiled at him when their eyes met.

“Oh, hello again.” He sauntered towards her.

“So, I don’t suppose you’re going to toss me back again like last time, huh?” He joked with a goofy grin.

‘God’ shook her head, and peered up into his eyes.

“No, it wasn’t your time then. It is now.” Klaus nodded his head and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Okay, fair enough. But, might I ask though, why couldn’t I have just died then? Before the cancer, and all the pain?”

“Because, Klaus. Your family still needed you. I know it was difficult to see the bigger picture at the time, you were all focused on the impending apocalypse. But, had you died then, your family would have never learned the value of your worth to them. They would have never realized how important you were to them. They wouldn’t have realized how much they needed you, and loved you. You had to go through all of that pain with them, for them to see the real you, and for them to realize how much they truly loved you. So they could show you the love you always deserved.”

Klaus pursed his lips and nodded again.

“Ah, Okay, so I had to suffer so that they could appreciate me?” The girl shot him a crooked smile.

“Well, yes. But Klaus, it was also for you to appreciate and love yourself.”

Klaus looked at her with confusion. What did she mean? She noticed, and continued.

“Did you or did you not feel more love from your family in your final days, than you had in your entire life?”

Klaus considered her words.

“Well, yeah..”

“Then that is why you are here now to stay.”

Klaus smiled and nodded in understanding and acceptance.

“But, wait, I thought you didn’t like me?”

The girl laughed.

“I didn’t. I must admit though, you’ve come to grow on me.” Klaus exhaled a laugh through his nose before raising his eyebrows and leaning closer to the girl.

“Ah, well, you should really get that checked out.” Klaus winked at her, earning a smile in return.

“You’re family is right, you know. You always have had a gift at finding the light in everything. You’re a good person, Klaus. You always have been. I’m glad everyone, including you, finally got a chance to see that.”

Klaus smiled fondly at the girl. He was glad too.

“They prayed for you, you know. Every day, multiple times. They were so hopeful you would pull through.” Klaus shot her a sad smile.

“The Hargreeves, Pray? You know, dear girl, lying is a sin.” She laughed.

“They did. None of them prayed even once before your diagnosis. After, not a day went by where they didn’t send out a silent prayer.” He nodded.

“Ah, unanswered prayers, I’m afraid.” She smirked at him.

“That’s the common misconception about me. People assume that because I am the creator, I am able to shift the tides and bend reality to their wishes and prayers. I can hear them, yes, but only you can control and shape your own destiny. I had no hand in your end, Klaus. I simply left you to live it to get the closure you all needed.” Klaus closed his eyes, nodding to himself.

A hand suddenly pressed against his shoulder, Klaus turned around and was greeted by Ben. The brothers smiled, latching onto each other, pulling each other into a tight embrace.

“Ben! Ben it’s so good to hold you again!” Klaus cried into his brothers shoulder. Ben was shaking in his brothers grasp.

“I’ve wanted this for so long, Klaus. I couldn’t stand to watch you suffer. I know it was so hard on you, I’m just glad you’re here now. I promised you I’d be here for you, brother. I’ll always be here for you.” The brothers just held onto each other and cried.

Sure, they were sad. Klaus was dead, and they missed their siblings terribly.

But, at least he was no longer suffering, and they were together in the end.

They were happy for that, at least.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but, there’s someone who has been waiting a very long time for you, Klaus.” The little girl said from behind them. The brothers pulled away from their embrace and looked to the little girl.

Klaus?” They heard a voice in the distance. Foot steps were quickly approaching from behind them. The brothers faced the direction of the sound of the footsteps.

Klaus’s heart sang, a giant toothy grin spreading across his face as tears of joy freely cascaded down his cheeks. Ben looked between his brother and this newcomer, realization causing him to smile himself.

“Klaus, is that really you?”

Klaus laughed and took a step forward, arms reaching out towards the person who spoke. Their arms intertwining as their body’s embraced, nearly compressing themselves into one solid being. Klaus pulled away from the embrace, grabbing the newcomer by their face and staring deep into their beautiful blue eyes.

“Dave..”

Dave wiped a tear from Klaus’s face before pulling him close to him once more. Their lips pressed together in a kiss that both of them had waited their entire lives for.

Dave smiled lovingly at Klaus and just held him close. The two lovers stayed like that—and they would continue to share moments like these forever.

At last, they were together again.

THE END

Notes:

Thank you everyone who has taken the time to read this story from beginning to end! I cannot believe it’s over! I want to personally thank each and every single one of you who have read, commented, subscribed, given kudos etc on this story. You guys have been amazing each and every single week, I’ve genuinely enjoyed reading all of your kind words, and I truly hope you’ve enjoyed this story!

This is it guys, it’s over!!

Thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart, I honestly love and adore you all! Give yourselves a pat on the back, and a round of applause, you guys earned it!

I promised there was a special announcement at the end of this story, so here it goes..

1- I am currently working on TWO new stories! Both are multi chapters. One is based in Vietnam, and follows Dave and Klaus as they go on a solo mission together. It will explore how Klaus got his scar on his shoulder that we briefly saw on the show. I’m excited to share it with you all. There will be sweet tones, angst and blood.

BUT, this next announcement is the major one, so I hope it excites all of you as much as it does me.

Here it goes,

I loved this story so incredibly much, but I’ll admit, I didn’t love the end. I felt so terrible making Klaus die. I didn’t originally intend on doing that, it just kind of happened. SO, to make myself happy (and hopefully, all of you guys, as well) I’ve decided to write this story from a different perspective..

Only this time around, instead of Klaus losing Dave in Vietnam, and returning home alone, heartbroken, and forcing himself through withdrawals just to see him again, NOW Dave convinces Klaus to get off the drugs while still in Vietnam—causing them to find Klaus’s cancer much sooner. It will show the journey of Dave being there to help and support Klaus trough his cancer. It will be 20 chapters long, and I will post it once it is complete (I’m working on the 9th chapter now)

I want your opinions on this: are you excited, do you think it’s a bad idea or concept? Do you think it’s a great idea? Are you more excited for that story than this one?

I figured, I hadn’t seen a story where Dave supports Klaus through a severe illness, so I thought it may be kind of different and interesting. I hope you all feel the same, let me know down below in the comments!!

I will only be posting 1 chapter a week from now on though to stretch the story out. Does anyone have a specific day they request?

Also, I will be posting the first chapter to the alternative to this story this weekend so you all can subscribe to it if you’d like! But, I’ll be waiting to continue to post until it’s complete.

As always, I hope you’ve enjoyed this story you guys, you’re all rockstars! Thank you all again!! :)

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading! The first couple of chapters are kind of slow but I promise this story is a roller coaster full of emotion! It’s also complete! I will post 1-2 chapters a week so please, stay tuned! If you enjoy, PLEASE let me know! I would LOVE to hear any feed back!! Thank you so much!!! :)

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