Chapter Text
His first thought was the Goddess Tower.
It was usually abandoned on festival nights, secluded from the activities. Most visitors viewed the Tower as eerie and uninviting, but for him it held many sweet memories: praying to the goddess with his professor on the night of the ball as a student, proposing to her after the war, only for her to propose back, sneaking away to stargaze. He half expected to see her there, humming to herself and looking at the stars. Yet he knew that couldn’t be the case- she was laughing with the others.
It was surprising to see a young couple, holding hands, come outside the Tower.
Of course.
He had forgotten the legend surrounding the Tower and how it was popular spot for couples. It was only a matter of time before another couple snuck inside.
He sighed and walked away. Sure enough, he heard the giggles of another couple, rushing to climb the stairs of the Tower.
The only other option was the Officer’s Academy.
The Officer’s Academy…
Of all the places in the monastery, Officer’s Academy had to undergo the most revision. It could no longer serve as the sole station for Fódlan’s military training. There was no longer a point – not with the Magical Academy in Fhirdiad and Manuela’s school flourishing. With the holidays, many of the students returned home. It was the perfect place to hide away.
Dimitri found himself at the old Blue Lions classroom. The banners were gone, as well as all indications of the room’s original allegiance yet it still carried a comforting air. Dimitri sat outside, trying to focus on the stars above.
Suddenly he heard rustling.
“Who goes there?” he called, his hand on a dagger by his belt. A familiar young man popped out from the bushes.
“Ah, Father!”
“Rodrigue?” he asked, releasing the dagger. “What are you doing hiding in the bushes?”
He was reminded of a certain incident in his childhood where he once caught Sylvain hiding in the bushes with a girl. He prayed that his son wasn’t doing the same.
“Ah well, you see,” he said nervously, “I-I’m hiding from Shiida. I got tired of the festivities. It was too crowded. Shiida wanted to introduce me to her friends and then she wanted me to join in the dancing. Then multiple girls wanted to dance with me and things got- Never mind, I don’t really want to talk about it. Why are you out here, Father?”
“For the same reason as you,” he replied, bemused. “The festivities are bit too much for me. Come-sit with me. We haven’t had too much time to talk, just the two of us.”
“It’s because you’re always so busy Father,” he said softly sitting next to his father.
“Oh wait-,” he added hastily. “That sounds selfish, doesn’t it? Please do not misunderstand, Father.
“You’re the King after all. You work hard for the sake of the people. I’ve seen you organize battle tactics and lead the frays; then you act as a diplomat between the fighting factions. And when you’re not doing that, you’re helping the farmers up in the north, protecting their lands and ensuring the safe arrival of their supplies. You even slayed the monstrous Adrestian Emperor and freed Fódlan from under her tyrannical rule.”
Those last words of praise stung Dimitri. It was difficult to explain Edelgard’s goals with the rest of the world, much less his family. To most people, she was the wretch who waged war with the Church, the Kingdom, and the Alliance. A monster hell-bent on conquering the world.
The real El was much more difficult to describe: stubborn, proud, caring, ambitious, charismatic, aloof, deeply devoted-
No, none of those words truly did her justice. What she sought was the future, no matter the cost. Though her intentions were noble, he could not stand by and watch as she joined forces with monsters and took the lives of countless innocents. Watch as she became an actual monster.
Though back then, he was not much better than a beast. It brought him no satisfaction to commit the sin of killing her.
“You’re exaggerating, Rodrigue,” he said, trying to sound unconcerned. “My duty on the battlefield is not to be admired-there is no pride to be had in being forced to take a life. I did what had to be done in order to protect the people. Nothing more. The person you should be trying to emulate is your mother. She is a far better diplomat than I.”
“Even so, I find you both to be so amazing,” said Rodrigue, morosely. He directed his attention away from his father and focused on his hands. “You have so many responsibilities, not just here but throughout all of Fódlan and its borders. Far more than most people could imagine. It’s not a position that just anyone can do.”
Dimitri turned towards his son. It was unlike him to be this gloomy and distant.
“Is something troubling you, Rodrigue? If so, I will listen.”
“No- well I-“ Rodrigue nervously tried to think of a way to change the topic but he could not fool his father. He sighed and decided to speak his mind.
“Sometimes I can’t help but think, if I can prove to be a worthy successor to your legacy, Father.”
This was surprising to hear.
“Do you feel like you are unworthy, Rodrigue?”
He sighed.
“I’m still so ignorant of this world, Father. I know much of what you say is true- I don’t doubt it. But one day, I will have to enter the battlefield. One day I might be forced to take a life. It’s part of a king’s job. I’ve lived within the monastery walls my whole life. If I am to become a worthy successor, I feel I need to understand people better. Not just our people but the people outside of Fódlan as well. There’s so much I wish to do to help scale the walls that divide people. I want- I want to help people open up their true hearts to one another.”
He waited nervously for his father’s reply. It appeared that he was deep in thought, probably disappointed in his son’s selfish reply. Strangely, his father smiled.
“You wish to learn about the world, huh? I see you’ve been speaking a lot with Claude on the matter.”
“H-How did you know that I spoke to His Majesty?”
“Because that sounds like something he would say. So what does that mean to you Rodrigue?”
With his father’s positive response, Rodrigue was caught off-guard and struggling to come up with a decent reply.
“W-well I thought it might be a good idea to explore other parts of Fódlan or perhaps to one of our allies outside the Kingdom? I’ve been to the old capital in Fhirdiad but I’ve never been to the Fraldarius or Gautier territories. There’s also Derdriu or Enbarr. Perhaps travel abroad in Brigid or Almyra for a short time. To learn about the needs and motives of the people outside of the capital.”
“I see, and how long would it take you to reach all these places?”
“I would estimate a year, at least. Maybe two”
“And when do you plan to go?”
“You’re giving me permission? B-But I’m the crown prince. I shouldn’t wander so far away from the capital. Are you sure father?”
“Of course. That man is as crafty as ever to get to my son, but he does have a good point. Fódlan’s next king does need to be more a peacemaker than a warrior. To break down the walls that surround people’s hearts, as you put it. It’s a skill that I’ve never been particularly strong in. Besides, what type of father would I be if I were to get in the way of my son’s growth?”
“Father, I-I“ he stuttered, overcome with relief. Dimitri laughed.
And they spent a great deal of time discussing the possibilities.
As the hours passed, the momentum of the festivities did not wane. They, however, began to move away from the monastery to the town, where it likely will proceed until dawn. It gave the archbishop an opportunity to retire for the evening and many of the other church members followed.
It finally gave Dimitri some quiet time with his wife.
“The festivities this year were incredible,” said Byleth removing her headdress. It was a long day and she was exhausted but she always found new energy when she entered their room. Dimitri couldn’t help but smile as she disrobed and slide into her nightgown, part of him suspecting that she wanted to continue from this morning’s earlier passions.
“Indeed,” he said, unstrapping his armor. “There were a great many people throughout the monastery. The holidays are some of the few times the common folk and the nobility get to share an equal footing.”
“Though we still have many amongst the nobility who persist in using their status as means to domineer over the common folk,” she sighed sadly brushing her hair. “I had hoped they’d follow Lorenz and Ferdinand’s examples on opening camaraderie between the nobles and commoners”
“Speaking of opening camaraderie,” he mused, playfully; “I believe I heard you were in the dining hall eating with multiple guests. I’m still amazed at how much food you manage to eat.”
“Yes. I was invited to multiple meals. I’m not going to turn down anyone, regardless of class or nationality”
“I see. But,” he leaned in to her and pinched her stomach, causing her to let out a light laugh, “Where does it all go, I wonder?”
“I’m afraid that’s a secret,” she teased, rubbing his nose. He leaned in for a kiss and she replied in kind. They had a fire crackling and tomorrow was mostly a day for rest. Nothing was going to get in the way of their quiet evening. As he walked over to their bed, he remembered the earlier conversation with Rodrigue.
“Beloved, there’s something I want your opinion on,” he said, turning back to his wife. Byleth nodded, as she continued to brush her hair.
“It seems Rodrigue wants to venture out into the world.”
“Oh, did he finally ask you?”
“You knew?” he asked, astonished.
“He wanted my thoughts on the topic,” she said, nonchalantly. “Said he was afraid to ask his father for fear of disapproval.”
“Disapproval? When have I-?”
“Never, dear,” she replied, calmly. “Never. That’s what I told him. That his father will love and support him, just as I do, in any path he takes to become a better king. He wants to be like you.”
To be like you
Hearing those words caused something inside Dimitri to crack.
His son wants to be like him.
His children wanted to imitate him.
He was a wretch.
Those ugly thoughts he was trying to ignore, all those old feelings; they flooded back, leaving him with an overwhelming sense of shame.
“The last thing Rodrigue should want is to be like me.”
“Dear?” she turned to see her husband slumping on the bed. Concerned, she walked towards him, placing her hand on his shoulder. “Darling?”
“I haven’t been able to atone for all that I’ve done,” he said, his voice trembling.
“Twenty years and I still-“ he tried to speak, but he couldn’t get the words out.
“Come here,” said Byleth gently. She reached out her gentle hands, like she had done a thousand times, and Dimitri took hold of them. She pulled him closer and he laid his head on her warm, ample bosom. He breathes deeply, taking in her scent, and she softly begins to stoke his head.
“I still hear them,” he said weakly. “I still see them. All the lives I had cut down and all the people I had failed to save. I knew that would be the case until the day I died. I accepted that. But now-
“People revere me as some kind of savior king. They look at me with admiration. Children flock to me- in the street, in the monastery, everywhere. Our own children- they respect me and want to imitate me. It’s just- I feel like I’m lying to all of them. They don’t know what I’ve done. They don’t see the type of wretch I am. There are times where I still feel like I’m a beast. An old, despicable beast wearing the mask of a king.”
“Dimitri, look at me,” said Byleth softly. Dimitri, ashamed at his weakness, refused. Byleth repeats, more firmly.
“Look at me. You’re no beast. You’re a man, Dimitri, the type of man who’s far too hard on himself. If I thought you were a beast, I never would have given you the aid of my sword. I certainly never would have married you.
“The reason your children love you and the reason our citizens flock to you, is because you’ve given them something invaluable. You’ve given them a future. A world where the strong do not trample the weak; a place where we can open our doors to our neighbors and learn about one other. You’ve had to sacrifice so much to make it happen. And you’re not the only one’s who’s a wretch.”
He finds her hand and squeezes, still refusing to look at her.
“I’ve had to kill too. Women, children. I’ve had to cut them down to survive. In order to save the people I love. I didn’t have the luxury of questioning it and even so, I-“ she paused. Dimitri squeezed her hand again.
“I’ve seen both sides to you: the good and the bad. And you have seen mine. I have not left your side. Dedue has not left your side. Neither has Gustave. And Ingrid, Sylvain, Ashe, Annette, and Mercedes. And even Felix, though he will always be quick to chastise you. You once told me that the goddess would never reach out her hand to help others and you’re right. Sothis is gone but we will always be here, giving you our hands.“
She waited for his reply. His breathing slowed, and then he brought her hand to his lips, gently kissing it.
“You’ve become much more eloquent, my beloved.” She smiled.
“Well it is difficult to led a church.”
“Right, of course. It would make sense that you’ve become more eloquent. I don’t know what’s come over me. Lately, I look at how the world’s changed and I- I feel like I’m no different than before.“
“I think we all have days like that. It’s easy to lose sight of our progress. And you have changed, Dimitri. So much.”
“Thank you, my beloved.”
He leaned into her. The fire crackled. She softly rubbed his neck, inviting him to continue from this morning’s passions. He pulled the down straps of her nightgown and kissed her. It was slow and gentle but very loving. After a time, they retired to bed and for the first time in several days, he was able to sleep peacefully.
It was early in the morning but his children were already training.
“Father! You’re here!” exclaimed Kain.
“Of course,” Dimitri said, beaming. “I promised I’d help you all on your lance skills, didn’t I?”
Taking hold of a training lance, Dimitri readied himself. His children stared in disbelief but they quickly readied into position. Even Edel grabbed a stick and joined the others.
“Alright the first step is positioning your elbows. When you swing a lance, you want the momentum to carry you rather than waste energy moving.”
He demonstrated multiple times the proper positioning and movements before watching them repeat the motions. Rodrigue, with his experience in training, had the best handle on his weapon. Shiida kept making grand sweeps with her lance while Kain and Avel kept trying to outdo each other. Geralt was clumsy enthusiastic and Edel didn’t even hit her target.
It was messy but he could tell they were trying. He was proud of them. He was ready to help them.
And he was ready to move to the future with the people he loved.