Chapter Text
“Sorry you had to come home, kiddo.”
Yamada opened the door for him to let him through and the second Hitoshi stepped into the threshold, he was hit with a sudden, overpowering wave of tiredness, like all the adrenaline from his panic attack had finally drained out of him and left him feeling more exhausted than ever before. His movements felt slow and stiff as he dropped his bag in the entryway and toed off his shoes, letting out a small sigh of relief.
He really had needed to come home.
“It’s fine,” Hitoshi looked up at Yamada, letting his shoulders drop as more of the tension from before drained out of his body. “Thanks for taking me. You probably had a bunch of work to do during your free period.”
Yamada flashed him a smile, and it helped ease more of Hitoshi’s worries. “It’s alright! I’d rather be doing this. Sorry Shouta couldn’t come with. He’s got a class right after lunch.”
“I’m glad it was you,” Hitoshi told him softly, rubbing at his neck. He looked away, instead going further into the house, making a beeline for the living room couch. More relief and exhaustion filled him the second he dropped himself down onto it, immediately curling up at the edge nearest yamada and wrapping the blanket leftover from last night around himself. Satisfied, he peered up at Yamada again, “Can… would you mind staying for a little bit? I get it if you have to go right back to school, but—”
“I was planning on it. You still haven’t eaten lunch, Hitoshi! I’m not leaving until you’re taken care of.” Yamada was enthusiastic as always, but Hitoshi didn’t mind his slightly-loud tone. “You stay there and I’ll make you food. No getting up!”
“You know I still have my lunch from school, right?” Hitoshi asked, eyeing where his school bag was, discarded in the entryway of the house. Inside was his lunchbox, which Hitoshi had barely managed to take out of his bag before Midoriya had asked that. “I can just eat that. You don’t have to cook.”
“I want to,” Yamada assured him, smile brightening. For a moment, Hitoshi didn’t understand—wasn’t it just easier to have Hitoshi eat what he’d made this morning for lunch? While Yamada was staying for a little while, Hitoshi didn’t want him to have to cook for him or anything. But Yamada didn’t seem to share the same thoughts— “It’s been a long day for you, Hitoshi. Just let me take care of you, okay?”
Hitoshi hesitated, biting down on his bottom lip. Yamada wanted to do this, though. He wanted to make lunch for Hitoshi, just like he and Aizawa had the other day. If he wanted to do this, then there was no reason to insist that he didn’t.
“Okay.” The corners of his mouth twitched up in a smile up at Yamada, and he tried to not sound as relieved as he felt, “Thanks.”
“Great! I have just the thing to help you feel better!”
Hitoshi stayed on the couch, just like Yamada told him to, but his gaze followed him as he made his way to the kitchen, watching him closely. He was already starting to feel better, just from being at home and curled up on the couch and, more than anything, having someone here with him.
Hitoshi wasn’t someone who liked to be alone. Being alone meant being alone with his thoughts, and it made his head loud and unbearable. He’d learned since living here—and especially over the last couple days—that he liked being around other people. Even if navigating social situations was hard and oftentimes threw him into anxiety, he liked being around other people and he liked talking to people and he liked having friends and actual family. He’d always tried to distance himself in foster care, but he liked people and more than anything, Hitoshi wanted to keep trying to make friends.
Today hadn’t been the best, but it also hadn’t been the worst. Now that he’d come down from his panic attack, he wasn’t discouraged. Yamada had said it all back in Aizawa’s office—it was like training, and it was a learning process. Even if he’d gotten overwhelmed today, he was going to try again and continue to learn. He had to rethink his plan and prepare himself better and not socially push himself as much as he had in the past few days, but he was learning and he’d be alright.
Just like training with Aizawa, he’d eventually get it and eventually, he’d be just as good as the rest of the students in his class.
After a few minutes in the kitchen, Hitoshi heard Yamada start humming. He wasn’t sure what he was making—though it was definitely something much more complicated than Hitoshi had originally expected—but the sound of his humming was enough to get Hitoshi to relax more. He felt like he was just sinking deeper and deeper into the couch, fighting to keep his eyes open and battling sleep, just trying to stay awake long enough to say goodbye to Yamada.
Hitoshi was exhausted—both emotionally and physically. Going through a panic attack exhausted him more than any training session with Aizawa, and Hitoshi was ready to fall asleep at any second. He wasn’t sure how long Yamada spent in the kitchen, but Hitoshi just managed to barely hold on while listening to his humming—and had started to doze off by the time he heard footsteps approaching him.
“Hitoshi, are you asleep?”
Hitoshi jolted up, forcing himself upright, at the sound of Yamada’s voice. He hadn’t startled him or anything, but Hitoshi was determined to stay awake. He was glad that he hadn’t dozed off, since once the room came into focus, Hitoshi could see that Yamada had brought two bowls with him, rather than just one. Hitoshi perked up even more at the sight, deciding that no matter how tired he was, he was definitely staying awake until Yamada left.
“No, of course not,” Hitoshi said, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, straightening up more. “What’s that?”
He couldn’t tell, even when he sat up more and tried to peer into the bowls Yamada was holding. It smelled spicy, but Hitoshi still wasn’t able to tell what it was, and his curiosity only grew once Yamada sat next to him on the couch. From here, he could see that it was some sort of thick, spiced soup, with fried vegetables and chunks of meat in it. The broth was an orange color and too thick to let Hitoshi see the bottom of the bowl. The smell was stronger now and if not for the fact that it was soup and not over rice, Hitoshi would’ve thought that it was—
“It’s soup curry!” Yamada excitedly told him, as if reading Hitoshi’s thoughts. Hitoshi paused, glancing up at Yamada, before leaning in to get a closer look. It was… definitely curry, but in soup rather than over rice. Hitoshi had never seen it before. “I was planning on making some curry tonight, but Shouta’s got some long meetings after school and I figured it’d be nice to have everything prepared beforehand.”
“This was supposed to be dinner?” Hitoshi asked, taking one of the bowls from Yamada when he offered it to him. The bowl was warm to the touch, dragging the cold from Hitoshi’s fingertips. “Are you sure it’s alright to eat it now?”
“Yeah! It’s a comfort food. Perfect for now! Try it!” Yamada encouraged him. There was really no question that Hitoshi would like it, though, given that Yamada’s curry had come to be one of his favorite dishes. Hitoshi’s stomach growled in anticipation, reminding him yet again that he hadn’t gotten around to eating lunch today.
He stirred the soup curry, pushing some of the fried vegetables around before bringing the spoon to his mouth. He hadn’t realized until now how hungry he was, and how much missing lunch had contributed to his mood. The warm flavoring and spices of the curry filled his senses, extinguishing the rest of the cold from him and bringing him back to his normal self. It was undeniably Yamada’s curry and Hitoshi could easily pick out the special flare it had to it, the thing that had made it one of Hitoshi’s favorite things to eat since living here.
He hadn’t really realized how hungry he was until now, either, or how much having that panic attack had drained him. He’d been looking forward to lunch at school, but hadn’t even gotten a bite in before Midoriya happened. He didn’t exactly care that Yamada was watching right now—the soup curry was delicious, Hitoshi was hungry, and he had a whole bowl of it in his hands.
“It’s good,” Hitoshi said after a long minute, finally stopping and setting the bowl back down in his lap. He stared at the soup again, having already eaten a good amount of it, and then glanced back towards Yamada, finding him watching Hitoshi with a satisfied, amused expression. Hitoshi drew in a breath, his voice falling to a quieter tone, “...Will you teach me how to make it?”
“I’d love to,” Yamada responded with a brighter smile, stirring his own soup before starting to eat.
The rest of the house was quiet, near silent except for the soft pitter pattering of cat paws on the second floor. Outside, their neighborhood had been silent and unmoving, too, and it felt a little strange to be home like this, in the middle of a school day. Almost forbidden, like Hitoshi shouldn’t be in the house at this time, on a Friday, while everyone else was at school or work. But it was alright—because he wasn’t alone.
He had Yamada here with him, sitting next to him on the couch and eating lunch with him before he had to go back to school. He was here because he wanted to make sure Hitoshi was alright, because he wanted to take care of him, because he loved him and cared about him. After what had happened today, Hitoshi needed that. He needed that affection and needed that show of love. The little things mattered to him a lot, small things that his parents did for him to show him they cared, and taking him home, cooking for him, and making sure he was settled and okay was one of those things.
A few months ago, it would’ve been so easy to fall into his usual mindset after experiencing so much anxiety. It was the mindset that he’d had for most of his life, a way of thinking that told him he had to isolate and overanalyze and feel guilty for even daring to exist in a world with other people in it. If this had been a few months ago, Hitoshi would’ve still been a ball of anxiety even after coming home.
But… this wasn’t a few months ago. This was today, here, right now. Hitoshi was better. He wasn’t fully recovered from everything in his time in foster care—that would take a long time, a lot more talking, and probably many more therapy appointments than Hitoshi even wanted to think about—but he was making progress, and that was what mattered.
“Since this is supposed to be dinner and Sensei has some meetings after school, could we make dinner together tonight?” Hitoshi swallowed the nerves that threatened to flare up. This was something he wanted, something he enjoyed a lot, and he’d decided yesterday, after sitting with Aizawa and listening to him talk about his teenage self, that he was going to try asking for the things he wanted. After all, if he could work up the courage to ask Aizawa to tell him more about himself and have him not reject him, then Hitoshi could work up the courage for this.
“I thought you might ask that.” Yamada laughed softly. “Sure. We’ll make one of his favorites. He’s so picky. At least you didn’t pick up that habit from him.”
It’d worked this time, too. Hitoshi let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. It definitely felt weird to ask for things like this, since Hitoshi’s entire homelife in the past had revolved around being neither seen nor heard and not asking questions under any circumstances. While he’d figured out pretty quickly he could ask questions here, asking for things he wanted or needed was difficult and he was just now starting to do it on his own.
“You must really like cooking with us,” Yamada commented as Hitoshi ate more of his soup curry, his own bowl almost empty. His stomach no longer growled and instead, Hitoshi felt nearly full, exhausted, and ready for a nap to drain the rest of his remaining nerves.
“Yeah, I do…” Hitoshi glanced away, unable to hide his embarrassment as he rubbed at the back of his neck. “I’ve sort of… always really liked cooking, and you guys do food really different here, I guess. Like it’s more of a family thing. So I really like participating.”
“Oh, that’s right. I remember you telling us on that first day you were here that you never really ate dinner with other people. This is really different for you, isn’t it?” Yamada said, his tone a little softer. “Hey, Hitoshi, you know my family is pretty big. Lots of us are adopted. Cooking and eating with family has always been my favorite thing, too. Shouta’s even taken a liking to it—even if he’s not the best cook! Food brings people together.”
Hitoshi stared down into his empty bowl, biting down on his bottom lip lightly. He knew a little more about Yamada’s family than Aizawa’s—mostly that his mothers were nice, his family was big, and that Yamada had been adopted as a baby. Though Yamada had never quite experienced foster care like Hitoshi had and though it was pretty easy to forget he was adopted, Hitoshi found some comfort in it every time Yamada reminded him of it.
All three of them were from different circumstances, but Hitoshi had always felt like they really did understand. Maybe that was the reason he’d bonded so easily with Aizawa and Yamada.
“Does it really…?” Hitoshi asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked back up at Yamada. “I guess you’re right. I just never thought of it like that.”
Truthfully, Hitoshi had thought that maybe he’d been placing too much importance on food and cooking with people he liked, but if food really brought people together, like Yamada said, then maybe it wasn’t actually all that strange. After all, the reason he’d started talking with Yaoyorozu had been because he’d given her his lunch and the reason he was beginning to make friends with Midoriya was because he sat with him at lunch. Somewhere along the way, Hitoshi had started thinking of mealtimes as less of a time for getting all the food he could and more of a time for socialization and bonding with other people. He wasn’t sure where or when the change had happened—but his thoughts surrounding food and meals had definitely taken a turn in that direction.
“I don’t blame you. You weren’t in a good place. Food was pretty limited where you were before, right?” Yamada wasn’t prying and Hitoshi didn’t feel put on the spot. He just nodded in answer, remembering what things had been like before moving here. He’d been so focused on survival and trying to make something of himself that having a family or friends had just seemed completely impossible.
Yamada offered him an understanding look in response to Hitoshi’s nod, “That’s kinda common in kids like you, who are adopted out of foster care. I saw it in a bunch of my siblings. It can take them a while to warm up to eating as a family, or even enjoying food. I’m just glad you like cooking so much. Shouta’s not really the best at it, so it’s pretty great having someone around who actually knows what he’s doing!”
“I didn’t know it was so common. Or maybe I just didn’t notice?” Hitoshi tried to think back to his time in foster care, to all the families he’d been in, and to all the kids he’d been with. There’d been so many, and many of them hadn’t stayed in his life for very long. Even the names ran together, until Hitoshi had to try really hard to even remember the names of the families he’d been at for any of his long-term placements.
Part of him was glad that he couldn’t quite remember a lot of specifics. There were a lot of bad memories there, pain and suffering that had happened for no good reason. But part of him was also a little upset. It wasn’t like he hadn’t cared about the other kids there, or the way they were or what they’d been like; there’d just been so many of them and each and every one of them and also Hitoshi himself had been just trying to survive.
If there was one thing Hitoshi had learned in foster care, it was that when he was just trying to survive, there wasn’t a lot of room for anything else. Likes, dislikes, relationships, friends, family, hopes, dreams—everything was put on the backburner. There was only so much space, and most of Hitoshi’s space had been taken up by surviving, laying low, and trying to get into UA.
“I don’t really remember what a lot of the other kids were like.” Hitoshi decided to share his thoughts with Yamada. He wanted to know what he thought and he’d already helped Hitoshi through a lot today. “Is that bad?”
“No, I don’t think so,” Yamada answered immediately, without hesitation. “A lot of those people were temporary for you. I don’t blame you for not getting attached. Doesn’t mean you didn’t care about them.”
Hitoshi met his gaze with another short nod. Yamada was right—he had cared, but there’d never been much that he could do. Hitoshi had been different than a lot of those kids. Most of them still had living parents who’d lost them or couldn’t take care of them, or relatives they couldn’t live with. Hitoshi, on the other hand, had been an orphan no one wanted.
“You’re right,” Hitoshi said quietly. “I don’t think I ever really… attached onto anyone until I came to live here. Well, besides Sensei, and then you…”
That was when things had really begun changing for him. Things had been different once Aizawa started training Hitoshi, since he was the first person to really give him a chance, but things had only started truly changing for Hitoshi when Aizawa and Yamada took him in. That was the first time anyone had wanted him, and the first time he realized that these people actually loved him. He’d tried telling himself for years that getting passed from foster family to foster family didn’t bother him, but it had, and all it’d done was just engrain the idea into Hitoshi that he wasn’t wanted.
Things had changed a lot. His living situation was the opposite of what it had been before. Hitoshi wasn’t the same person as he had been a couple months ago. He was better, and he was still learning. He had room for all the things he hadn’t had in his life before, and more than anything, he was happy.
“We’re glad you’re here, Hitoshi,” Yamada told him, smiling at him.
Hitoshi paused, but returned that smile. There was a beat of silence between them, and then Yamada looked at the watch on his wrist, and Hitoshi knew that he had to go back to the school.
“Why don’t you get some rest?” Yamada suggested, gently taking the bowl from Hitoshi’s hands and getting up from where he’d been sitting next to him. He didn’t immediately go back into the kitchen. Though, looking down at Hitoshi, “You look pretty tired. Like you could use a nap. I bet one of the cats will keep you company.”
“Yeah…” Hitoshi agreed, glancing up at the loft upstairs, spying one of their fluffy cats sitting by the stairs. “I am pretty tired. You said Sensei had some meetings after school, but…”
“...But I’ll be home as soon as the last bell rings!” Yamada finished for him once Hitoshi trailed off, answering the question Hitoshi hadn’t wanted to ask. Hitoshi sighed with relief; he hadn’t wanted to push for him to come home right away, but he’d also wanted to know. He was just glad that Yamada seemed to have figured out his thoughts.
“Okay. I’ll get some rest. Uh—will you make sure that Sensei talked to Midoriya, too? I just don’t want him to worry.”
He’d been trying not to think of it, but it did stick around in the back of Hitoshi’s head. He really didn’t want Midoriya to worry about him or know that he’d set Hitoshi off. He hoped that he hadn’t been too obvious while leaving the cafeteria, but Hitoshi couldn’t be certain. After all, he still had the bandages on his hands and the feeling of panic was still fresh in his mind and looking back on it, he couldn’t imagine that he’d been entirely subtle about leaving.
“Right, of course. I’ll make sure Shouta didn’t forget!” Yamada grinned at him and Hitoshi was more relieved to hear that. Aizawa and Yamada were doing everything to help him through this, from taking him into the office, to suggesting what Hitoshi tell Midoirya, to even telling Midoirya that Hitoshi had gone home sick. If not for them, he would’ve still been in a state of panic.
Yamada glanced towards the kitchen, but still didn’t move. Hitoshi opened his mouth, intending to thank him, but stopped once Yamada reached out, putting a head on Hitoshi’s head. He froze for a moment—yet another reaction leftover from foster care—but quickly, he leaned into the touch, letting his eyes fall half-shut. Yamada gently patted him, lingering for a minute, and then finally pulled away.
“I’ll be home in a few hours, Hitoshi, but text me if you need anything, alright?”
“Okay,” Hitoshi softly agreed, sitting back into the cushions of the couch. His eyelids felt heavy, his body warm and tired, and he felt like he wasn’t far from sleep already. “I will.”
Hitoshi slept. He was barely awake enough to hear Yamada leave and drifted off to sleep as soon as the cat upstairs came to lay on his chest. He slept heavily, something that was rare for him, and didn’t wake up until hours later when, just as promised, Yamada returned home. Even then, Hitoshi was just barely jostled out of his sleep and for once, the sound of the door opening didn’t immediately strike fear in him, but something else entirely—
“Sorry! Did I wake you up?”
Hitoshi didn’t sit up yet, blearily blinking his eyes open as the rest of the house came into view. He was laying on the couch, the cat that’d been on his chest having moved to lay on his feet instead. From where he was laying, he could see Yamada in the entryway of the house, having just gotten home from school. Hitoshi didn’t answer immediately, instead rubbing at his eyes, almost wanting to just go right back to sleep.
He didn’t, though. He was still a little tired, but he wanted to be awake now that Yamada was home with him.
“It’s alright,” Hitoshi mumbled, sleep causing his words to come out jumbled and slurred. He heard Yamada laugh and Hitoshi frowned, struggling to pull himself up into a sitting position without disturbing the fluffy cat fast asleep on his legs. He cleared his throat, trying to shake the last of the sleep from his body, and turned to look at Yamada, “I’ve been asleep since you left. How was school…?”
There wasn’t a moment where Hitoshi forgot what had happened earlier. It was all fresh in his mind, everything from sitting down at lunch to feeling like his entire world had come down on him with a single innocent question from Midoriya. He wanted—needed—to know what had happened after he’d gone home. He needed to know that things had been alright.
“It was great!” Yamada flashed a bright grin at him, but his voice quieted a little, returning to the normal tone he used at home, “Everything’s fine, Hitoshi. Shouta told Midoriya that you got sick and had to go home. He was pretty worried, but… that’s sorta normal for that kid, right?”
“Uh—I think so.” Did he know Midoriya well enough to say that? Could Hitoshi say for certain what Midoriya was like? Were they friends? “I mean—that’s what he seems like to me. I’ll just tell him I had the flu or something on Monday.”
“There’s one other thing—” Yamada sounded a little more serious, and Hitoshi’s nerves soared as he watched Yamada open his work bag, quickly finding and holding out a slip of paper to Hitoshi. With his heart beating hard in his chest, Hitoshi raised an eyebrow at him and Yamada quickly explained, “—This is from Yaoyorozu. You must’ve said something to her about living with us, right? She found me right after school and gave this to me. She must’ve heard that you got sick from Midoriya.”
“O—oh…” Hitoshi took the paper from him, staring down at it. On it, written in Yaoyorozu’s neat handwriting was her phone number and a simple ‘Feel better, Shinsou-chan!’. He stared at it, hardly believing that it was real. “I hope she’s not worried…”
“She seemed a little concerned. But that’s good! She’s your friend, Hitoshi!”
“My friend?!” Hitoshi’s eyes widened and he looked back up at Yamada.
Yamada was sure of himself, though, completely unaffected by Hitoshi’s shock, “Yeah, of course! You two have been talking recently, right? She seems to like you a lot! Enough to want to talk to you more. She kept asking if you were alright and if there was anything she could do. You might not see it, but she definitely considers you a friend.”
Hitoshi’s gaze dropped back down to the slip of paper. No matter how much he wracked his brain, he couldn’t think of another reason why she would’ve given him her phone number. There was no ulterior motive. She didn’t want anything from him. Yaoyorozu had only ever been genuinely kind and friendly towards him and Hitoshi did like talking to her. Clearly, Aizawa also thought she’d be a good friend for him, given him putting Hitoshi next to her in the seating chart. Maybe this was the next step—and holding her note in his hands, Hitoshi didn’t feel overwhelmed like he had today with Midoriya.
“Do you think I should text her?” Hitoshi asked. It wasn’t like he’d never texted a classmate before—he’d done group projects with people that required that kind of communication, though he’d never made friends with them. This wasn’t as strange of territory as being invited over to someone’s house was.
“You should,” Yamada told him immediately, giving him an encouraging look. “I’m going to go change, but let me know if you need any help figuring out what to say. I think she’d really appreciate hearing from you!”
Hitoshi just nodded silently. Yamada left him alone, going to his and Aizawa’s room and Hitoshi knew he’d have a while alone as Yamada changed clothes and washed everything out of his hair. He waited until he was out of the room before he reached for his phone, trembling a little as he put Yaoyorozu’s phone number into it and stared at the keyboard on the screen, fingers unmoving, trying to think of what to say.
He was stuck. He pretty much only texted Aizawa and Yamada now. In the past, he’d texted classmates about group projects, foster siblings about household things, and old foster parents about curfews and chores, but he’d never texted someone his age just to talk. He had no idea how to start—thanking her for being worried? Telling her he was alright? Asking about homework?
Hitoshi’s eyes drifted, coming to a rest on the cat still fast asleep on his feet.
Jelly was an older, long gray-haired cat, and she was the most cuddly, friendly cats in the house, as well as having the benefit of being very picturesque. Right now was no exception—she was sprawled out on his legs, laying on her back with her paws curled in the air, a ray of sunlight from the living room windows just happening to hit her at the right angle to highlight the dark spotted fur on her belly. It was the perfect picture, and almost instantly, an idea popped into Hitoshi’s head.
He aimed his phone at her, brought up the camera, and quickly snapped a photo.
And then he sent it to the number Yaoyorozu had written on her note.
He hesitated after hitting send, realizing that getting a cat photo from a random number probably wasn’t the best way to make a good impression. It was easier to type out a message now, somehow.
This is Shinsou from school. Mic-sensei gave me your note. Look at my cat.
He sent that, too.
Then, he tossed his phone to the side, drawing in a deep breath. He forced himself to focus on other things. A perfect distraction was right beside him, and Hitoshi leaned over, brushing a hand through the soft fur on Jelly’s belly, hearing a rumble of a purr from her as she rolled to give him more access.
A moment later, the phone at his side buzzed loudly, and Hitoshi nearly jumped out of his skin at it. He rushed to pick it up, fingers trembling even more than they had been before. Jelly meowed at him when he stopped giving her attention, kneading at his legs with her claws.
Yaoyorozu Momo: I’m so happy my note got to you alright! Are you feeling okay? Midoriya said you went home early because you were sick and Aizawa-sensei said the same thing when I asked him. Your cat is really cute, by the way!
Hitoshi bit down on his bottom lip. Yamada was still in the other room, but Hitoshi wished he was out here, just so he could ask him what to say. Of course, he wasn’t really sick. Aizawa and Yamada had sent him home because of his panic attack so he could feel better and get some rest, but he wasn’t actually ill. He wondered if he should tell Yaoyorozu that—or if it was too private.
He wasn’t quite ready to tell her exactly why he’d gone home yet, but he also didn’t want to lie to her. Maybe there was a compromise somewhere in between.
Shinsou Hitoshi: I’m feeling better, thank you. I hope you and Midoriya weren’t too worried.
Just like before, he didn’t have to wait long at all for a response.
Yaoyorozu Momo: Oh, you know Midoriya. He worries about everything! I’m glad you’re feeling better, though. I’ll let him know, too. Actually, there was something I wanted to ask you.
Shinsou Hitoshi: What’s that?
Yaoyorozu Momo: I’m holding a tutoring session tomorrow at the dorms. I know you were at the top of your class in gen ed and you probably will be here, too, and I could use the help with tutoring. It won’t be for too long, but I’d love for you to come help out! I hear Aizawa-sensei is coming to the dorms tomorrow, too, so maybe you can come with him?
Somehow, this felt… different.
Hitoshi wasn’t sure why. It felt a lot different than what Midoriya had said in the cafeteria earlier today. She was still inviting him somewhere, but it was different—this was to the dorms, to a study session she was holding with the other kids and from the sound of it, Aizawa would be there, too. This felt different—better.
He didn’t answer immediately, though. He couldn’t tell whether it was a good idea or not. After all, he’d had a panic attack today and while he was calmed down now, he didn’t know if going out and socializing more was a great idea, even if it was tomorrow. But… he couldn’t deny that he wanted to try.
He waited, staring at that text on his phone and waiting. Finally, after what felt like forever, Yamada emerged from the master bedroom, dressed in his casual clothes and with his long hair down. Hitoshi breathed a sigh of relief when he saw him, and didn’t even hesitate—
“Yaoyorozu wants me to go help her at a tutoring session at the dorms tomorrow. What should I say?”
Yamada stopped in the living room, giving him a curious look and raising an eyebrow at him. Hitoshi sat nervously, biting his lip, waiting, waiting.
“Well,” Yamada started slowly. “Do you want to go?”
Maybe he was wrong and he didn’t actually want to go—and why did Yaoyorozu want him to go in the first place? Hitoshi had never done any sort of tutoring before, nor had he ever really participated in a study group, much less helped lead one. What made her think he’d know what to do, or even be good at it? He had to think about this more and consider everything and…
No, he was overthinking it all again.
“I think so,” Hitoshi decided, wanting to shake the rest of the thoughts from his head. He wished it wasn’t so easy to fall back into old habits, into old thought patterns. “It’s just the dorms, so it’s different from what Midoriya wanted… right?”
“Definitely,” Yamada agreed. He paused and then, slowly closed the distance between them to sit next to Hitoshi on the couch, just like he had earlier today. It was just the two of them, sitting close together with only the cat between them. Hitoshi took a deep breath and let it out through his mouth, Yamada’s close proximity managing to put him at ease.
“If you want to go, I think you should,” Yamada continued, giving the cat between them a scratch on her stomach. “It’s a good step, actually. Shouta’s gonna go to the dorms tomorrow to take care of a few things. He was planning on seeing if you want to go with anyways. And I can go, too!”
Hitoshi perked up, lifting his head a little more, “Are you sure?”
Yamada grinned brightly, “Yeah! It’s always pretty fun to hang out in the dorms, anyways. I’ve been meaning to look into upgrading the radio system there. I’ll find some work to do there. Oh, that way I could take you home if something happens and you want to leave.”
Hitoshi snorted. His parents never seemed to completely stop working. Yamada was less obvious about it than Aizawa and sometimes it worried Hitoshi a little, but they always made time for him and never felt absent, even when they were working. Even now, though, while talking about coming with Hitoshi to the study group, Yamada was thinking about the things he could work on in the dorms.
This was becoming less and less daunting the more they talked about it. It was embarrassing, almost, how much having his parents near him comforted Hitoshi. Still, the idea that the two of them would be nearby made him feel better. He could leave at any time and one of them would take him home and he wouldn’t be alone. He wanted to go and it felt so much more doable now that he was talking about it.
“I’m going to tell Yaoyorozu that I’m coming, then.” Hitoshi picked his phone up again, sneaking a nervous glance at Yamada. Yamada just gave him a nod, smiling at him encouragingly.
Shinsou Hitoshi: I’ll be there.
He half-expected regret to immediately fill him as soon as he hit send, but it didn’t come. He sat there for a moment, in silence that was filled only by the cat’s purring, but it never came. He didn’t regret it. He was a little nervous, of course, but he wasn’t second guessing himself for once.
Just like before, it didn’t take long at all for Yaoyorozu to text him back.
Yaoyorozu Momo: Great! It’ll be a lot of fun. I’m not sure who all is coming, but Kaminari, Jirou, Ojiro, and Ashido will definitely be there! We’re going to be having lunch there, too. I promise you’ll have fun.
“What’d she say?”
Hitoshi looked up again from his phone, finding Yamada staring at him expectantly. He couldn’t blame him for being curious about Hitoshi’s friend-making progress, given that he and Aizawa were the ones to actually convince him to make friends in the first place.
“Um—I just told her that I’d be coming. She said there’ll be lunch there and… I don’t really recognize these names besides Kaminari’s…” This was definitely the most embarrassing thing to admit. Hitoshi’s face burned hot as he held his phone out for Yamada to see, looking away, ashamed that he still hadn’t been able to learn and remember everyone’s names.
Yamada taught every first year class, so Hitoshi didn’t necessarily expect him to remember all the people in his class, but…
“Oh, you need help? Let’s see… you probably remember their quirks more.” Yamada apparently did remember all the people in Hitoshi’s class. He was both relieved and more ashamed that Yamada knew and Hitoshi didn’t. “Jirou’s the girl with the earphone jacks. She’s the one who went against me in her final exams. Ojiro is the plain boy with the tail. You don’t remember Ashido? She was on Midoriya’s team when you fought him. The pink girl.”
The plain boy with the tail. He’d be there. Oh no.
He very clearly did not like Hitoshi. Before he’d run out of the cafeteria today, he’d noticed that he hadn’t been sitting with the rest of the group like he usually did. Tail Boy had been pointedly missing and his seat had been empty and Hitoshi couldn’t imagine that it was anything other than his fault.
He’d been wanting to fix things with that kid, but he honestly didn’t know how to. That’d been part of his plan and now that Hitoshi had gotten more comfortable sitting with Midoriya’s group at lunch and making conversation with peers, he was stuck on the making up with Tail Boy part. He had no idea what to say, what to do, to try to make things better between them.
“I don’t think he likes me…” Hitoshi murmured, a pointed frown on his face as he stared at the text.
“Ojiro? Oh—right. The sports festival, right?”
Hitoshi nodded. Yamada had a good memory. That had been way before Hitoshi had known him—back during the sports festival when Hitoshi had just thought of him as the loud, slightly obnoxious but talented announcer. But Yamada remembered the team Hitoshi had been on, and how he’d gotten that team.
“I’m sure it’ll be alright, kid,” Yamada assured him, giving him a comforting look and patting him on the shoulder. “It’s not like you did anything against the rules. You’re always really good about that. Surely he understands that, right?”
“I don’t know.” Hitoshi hesitated, putting his phone back down, biting down on his lip again as he measured out his next words, “I’d be mad at me, too.”
Things had been a lot different during the sports festival. Hitoshi had been a lot different. He’d never been one to nefariously use his quirk and that was definitely the one thing that went against who he was as a person, but Hitoshi had still used a few less-than-friendly techniques to make himself known during the event. He hadn’t known class A back then. All he could assume was that none of them would want to work with him if they knew his quirk, not willingly. Back then, it truly had been him against the rest of the world, with no one else on his side.
Thinking back now, though, he could see why Ojiro was upset.
Now, he could see that class A was different from what he’d first thought. He knew that it wasn’t him against everyone else now. He knew that sometimes he had to rely on other people and could count on them for help. Things were different and if the festival had happened now, Hitoshi knew that he could talk people into willingly working with him instead of forcing them to do so and causing them to lose out.
If someone had taken away his chance to shine and caused him to lose the experience of the sports festival games, he’d be mad, too. But at the same time, he didn’t exactly regret what he did, because it’d been the only choice he’d seen at the time. And that made apologizing hard.
Yamada’s gaze turned sympathetic, his eyes softening at Hitoshi, “It’ll be alright. Why don’t you go and see how he acts around you? And then you can decide what to do. I’m sure tutoring with Yaoyorozu will be fun, but ruminating about this is just going to make you anxious again.”
Hitoshi drew a breath in, nodding once more, “You’re right.”
He was going to go tomorrow and he was going to do his best to help Yaoyorozu and have fun. It was a big step for him and there was no doubting that, but Hitoshi wasn’t going to let himself obsess over the reaction of one kid there. He was thankful that Yaoyorozu had even invited him—and thankful that she’d been concerned enough for him to go to Yamada and ask him to pass a note to Hitoshi. It meant a lot and under the nervousness, Hitoshi definitely felt a spark of warm excitement deep in his chest.
He wanted to do something in return. Something nice. Something that showed that he was grateful for Yaoyorozu’s kindness towards him.
Yamada thought they were friends. Hitoshi wondered if she felt the same. He wanted to ask, but couldn’t—not now. Even he knew that responding to her text with asking if they were friends would be weird.
He wanted to show it instead, just like Aizawa and Yamada showed their affection for him in the little things they did. Sometimes, actions were easier than words for him and if he didn’t know what words to say, then showing rather than telling would be better.
“Earlier you said that food brings people together, right…?” Hitoshi was thinking out loud, but he raised his eyes to meet Yamada’s gaze. “Do… Do you think you could help me make something for tomorrow? Should I do that?”
Would they like that? It was the unsaid question, the one that Hitoshi was just too afraid, too nervous to give voice to.
He wanted to be liked. That was something he was having to come to terms with. He wanted to be liked by his classmates, by his peers and friends. He wanted to do something for them that they would like. Something that would show that he appreciated Yaoyorozu reaching out to him and being concerned about him.
If food brought people together and if it was a social thing to share with other people, then wouldn’t it be best to make something and bring it to the study group? After their conversation earlier, it seemed like the single most logical thing in the world.
Yamada blinked at him, raising a curious eyebrow, but smiled, “That’s actually a pretty good idea. I bet they’d love that.”
“Really?” Hitoshi’s voice had a twinge of hope in it. He really was bad at hiding things at home. “I mean… I know we’re making dinner tonight. I don’t want to take away from that or anything—”
“Well, there’s been a change of plans!” Yamada clapped his hands together, loud enough that the cat between them jumped and darted off the couch, ducking under the table. Yamada wasn’t fazed. “We’ll order takeout instead and dedicate the evening to baking! We can make whatever you want!”
Hitoshi’s eyes grew wider at Yamada’s enthusiasm, half wondering where it’d come from. If their conversation from earlier told him anything, though, it was that Yamada placed a lot of importance onto making food with others, just like Hitoshi was starting to, and Hitoshi couldn’t deny that the excitement in his chest had exploded and blossomed at the thought of spending the evening doing trial-and-error baking with Yamada.
His first instinct was to ask Yamada if he was sure, if that was really alright. He bit it back, pushed it away. It ached for a long moment, but faded.
Instead, he smiled, “That sounds like fun. Maybe Sensei can help taste-test when he gets home.”