Chapter Text
Adena is still burning wholes into me with her eyes, completely oblivious of Sutton’s presence.
“Just the bill please.” I say, smiling the most honest smile I could muster and making as much eye contact with Sutton as possible. I needed something to focus on other than the fact that I was practically the only person on Adena’s planet right now.
I need to get out of here.
A.S.A.P.
“Okey. Dokey.” And with that Sutton leaves me yet again with Miss Adena over here, who apparently is not with us on planet Earth.
“You can’t.” She’s back.
“Uh?”
“You can’t.”
“I can’t what?” I knew.
“You can’t… you know…” she leans in closer because she has decided that this information should be whispered, which was probably the sane thing to do “…you can’t kill yourself tonight, or ever for that matter.”
“Oh, I guess nobody told you. This is none of your business.” Saying the other part of the secret back to her, in the unwritten hushed tone agreement we’ve made. Probably not the nicest thing I could of said, but it was true.
“Well it is now.”
“No it’s not.”
“Yes it is.”
“NO IT’S NOT!” I said, slamming my hand on the table, basically shouting.
To say that I got the attention of the other people in the restaurant would be the understatement of the decade, but I had absolutely no fucks to give.
Here Sutton comes, great. “Are you okay?” Of course she’s gonna ask that question.
Is she like my fairy godmother or something because I really could have used her earlier in life.
“Mmm.” I just shrugged and stood up, deciding that she didn’t need to know. “It’s been a pleasure being in your presence.” And I put a cheque in her hand. “Keep the change.” Wink. Walk.
I was about 3 seconds then I heard “Kat!” That was Sutton, so I stopped in my tracks and turned around.
“Yes?”
“Why?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yes.” The look in her eyes made me believe her, so I told her the truth.
“If I had to choose one person to spend my last day with… it would be you.”
“Thank you.” The most sincerest form of gratitude I’ve ever experienced. I think Sutton knew that I meant much more than I was saying and she chose not to pry; which I appreciated. (I gave her $100, 050. 00 for those who wanted to know)
“Come back anytime you want, on me.” If she only knew, so I just nodded and made my way out.
It’s funny how you notice things and think about things when you plan to take your own life. (I wonder how many euphemisms I can use before I actually kill myself) For instance, I notice how some kids are actually still playing outside and how everyone around me is so busy doing what they are doing, they don’t even look up to take an uninterrupted breathe. I mostly think about sad things, like how much my mother is going to miss me when I die, my father probably as well but you can’t see it on his face so I like to think about the sadder montages of my life, like in the movies. They love me so much - shame.
I also think about the less sadder things like… when I donate my organs, will those parts of me be happier or would they be the parasite that sucks all the joy from the person’s life. I hope not.
I just walked into my apartment, after that cheesy mental montage I just went through while walking home (LOL) and about 10 seconds after I close the door, I hear a knock. Who the fuck? No one ever comes here. Literally no one; except me. So I opened, because it was the right thing to do, right?
So I opened and guess who. I bet you don’t even have to think.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I heard that too, maybe a little too bitchy. Just a little.
“You know what I’m doing here. Can I come in? Thanks.” She just walked right past me as if this is the most normal thing to do. The audacity. Who does she think she is? The most beautiful person ever? Maybe. What!? I have eyeballs.
She’s acting like she’s been here a million times, making herself comfortable on my favourite place to sit in the living room, my side of the couch. “Seriously. What are you doing her? Plus, you can’t walk in someone else’s place that you don’t even know and act like you own it.”
“Well Kitty Kat...”
“Don’t even.”
“What?” She asked with the biggest smirk on her face.
“Nothing, Adena Benina.”
“Really?” She asked questioningly.
“I don’t know any Adena references. Argh, we are going off topic.”
“And which topic is that?” She knows! She’s so fucking irritating.
“I think that’s your queue to leave. It was really nice meeting you bla bla bla” I say moving towards the door, gesturing for her to follow my lead. But she didn’t. Of course she didn’t.
“I’m not going anywhere.” She states as if it’s the most simplest thing she’s ever said.
“Whyyy not?” I was basically between a whine and a cry.
“You know why.”
“No, I really don’t. Is it the suicide thing coz there is nothi…” “I’m gonna photograph you.”
“What? No. No your not.” Probably falling over every word.
“Yes. I’m just waiting on my friend…she has a thing but she’ll be here.”
“You can just tell her to forget about it.”
“Kat, as soon as you realize that I’m going to do what I want to do, the sooner you’ll stop stressing for shit.” First time she cursed, it suits her - that all I’m saying.
I take the nearest pillow from the couch and scream into as loud as I can. How can someone be so bossy and manipulative and, and … argh. It’s 21:57 and I’m suppose to… you know. Well I guess I could still do it while she’s here, but that would be a next level of rudeness, right?
“Do you have Showtime?”
“Yes, why?”
“I wanna watch The L Word premiere.” Ohhh. Shit I forgot. I guess I just didn’t want a reason to live.
“Yeah. You can put it on.” Who am I kidding. Who didn’t want to watch it.
I decide to sit on the other end of the couch, coz I only had one couch and I wanted to be as far from Adena as possible, while still being able to watch the show in relative comfort.
Wow.
“Oh My God. They really gonna start the show like this. Wow. Wow. Wow.” I guess she’s someone who talks to the TV. I’m not… that’s a lie but I can’t give her the satisfaction of thinking I’m enjoying anything in her presence.
The shows been on a while and I must say I loved every second of it. Which really sucks.
“Have you watched the original?”
“Yes.” Being short is the best option for me right now.
“Are you… not straight?” That’s one way of putting it.
“Yes.” This caused her so smile, just a little. Why?
“When did you watch it?”
“When I was younger.”
“Did you have to secretly watch it?” Deeeep.
“No, my mother watched it with me.” I say nonchalantly.
“Mmm. Must have been nice.” But I saw a slight change in her expression, something other than what she has shown me thus far, so I had to ask. “And you.”
“What?”
“When did you watch it?”
“It was one of the first things I did when ran away from home, so about 18/19 years old.” She ran away, should I ask now or later? Later, or never maybe. Why did I want to know, it’s not like I cared. Did I? She is confusing the hell out of me.
“How old are you now?”
“Didn’t you read about me?” Cheeky bitch.
“Yes, but I forgot and I have you here now.”
“Okay. I’m 27, you?”
“25” She just nodded. “So why did you “ran away”?” I had to know.
“Why do you wanna kill yourself?” That was fair. “Tochè.” I didn’t want to push it, it seemed like a touchy subject, as serious as suicide.
“Let’s just say… back then I never thought in a million years that I would even think of the possibility of marrying a woman.” How fitting, just when Dani proposing to Sophie.
“Vague, but I’ll take it.”
“I think I deserve, at the very least a vague explanation of why you wanna do what you wanna do.”
“Fair, I guess I just don’t feel content…ever.”
“But why?”
“Nope. Nope. That was my answer and that’s it. By the way… its been like an hour, where is your friend? It’s almost 11, which is pretty late for a stranger to be at someone’s place.”
“We are not strangers. I know your name, you know far more than my name soooo. Plus she’s almost here.”
“Define almost.” My patients was running out and so was the day. If it gets to 12, that would mean that I’ve made it to another day, which is not what I want-ed. It’s not what I fucking want.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
“FINALLY!” That’s me screaming again, which seems to be the theme of the day.