Chapter Text
[Nursey, 6:40p: [image]
Lardo, 6:43p: Nice
Shitty, 6:43p: YOU FANTASTIC GORGEOUS MOTHERFUCKER
Bitty, 6:44p: Did that hurt?
Nursey, 6:54p: Nah it was really quick
Chowder, 6:47p: Well I feel a lot gayer than I did 10 minutes ago
Holster, 6:48p: ^^^ Same.]
“You got your septum pierced?” Sara asked when Nursey showed up at her door. “When did that happen?”
“Yesterday,” Nursey shrugged. He lifted his duffle bag off of his shoulder. “Where should I put this?”
Sara swept her arms out in front of the living room in front of them. “Welcome to your bedroom. Couch is all yours, kiddo.”
“Nice.” The duffle was set against the seat, and Nursey slung himself onto the cushions. “How’s summer been?”
Sara glared at her sibling. “Not all of us get three months off from our jobs every year, Derek. Not that you would know.”
“I might try to get a job this year,” Nursey said. Sara raised two sceptical eyebrows.
“Really? You?”
Nursey shrugged. “Haven’t decided yet, but I don’t know what else I’m gonna do with my time. Not that many people from back home I still talk to.”
Sara hummed in acknowledgement. “Have fun figuring that one out. My boyfriend’s gonna be over sometimes so either you’ll get to spend time around us or you should find somewhere to go.”
“No worries. The coffee shop two blocks over is open until 2am. I can hang out and write if you two want to fuck.”
“How gracious,” Sara rolled her eyes. “What do you want for lunch?”
“Can we get Thai food? I haven’t had good curry in ages.” Nursey stood from the couch excitedly.
“I don’t see why not. I’d forgotten about the horrors of dining hall food.”
“Oh my god,” Nursey groaned. “Next year I’ll have a kitchen and I have got to learn how to cook so I can eat something other than fries, pizza, and salad.”
“There’s always instant noodles,” Sara grinned.
“Honestly, the instant noodles Chowder has are better than cafeteria pasta. I don’t think I’d have made it through this past year without the Haus kitchen.” He shuddered dramatically. “Bitty is a tiny Southern Saint.”
“I’m sure it’s not that bad.” Sara grabbed her keys and walked toward the door. “Also, I’m just gonna declare this right now: you are not allowed to get pineapple fried rice. You never finish it and I don’t want it sitting in my fridge until it goes off.”
“The only thing in the world I want right now is green curry,” Nursey promised, following her out the door.
- - -
[>--<((<((( ('www'), 12:48p: [image] Good morning from SF!
>--<((<((( ('www'), 1:30p: [image]
>--<((<((( ('www'), 2:08p: [image]
>--<((<((( ('www'), 2:41p: [video]
>--<((<((( ('www'), 3:05p: [video]
Nursey, 3:21p: holy shit
>--<((<((( ('www'), 3:35p: [image]
>--<((<((( ('www'), 3:51p: [image]
Nursey, 3:54p: your sister’s adorable
>--<((<((( ('www'), 4:00p: [image]
>--<((<((( ('www'), 4:38p: [video]
Nursey, 4:43p: That’s gay
>--<((<((( ('www'), 4:48p: you’re gay
Nursey, 4:56p: yeah]
“Are you sure we shouldn’t call her? I feel like it would be polite to at least tell Mom we’re coming,” Nursey said above the roar of the subway.
“But the entire point is that it’s a surprise,” Sara pointed out. “We’ll have a family lunch, she’ll help you figure out how to cook, and she’ll be even more pleased to see us because she’s not expecting it.”
“We don’t even know that she’s home,” Nursey pointed out.
“You have a key,” Sara shrugged.
Nursey eyed his sister suspiciously. “You just want to catch her off guard so you can figure out what she’s hiding,” he accused.
“So what if I do? We’re her kids; she doesn’t get to hide things from us,” Sara scoffed. Nursey shook his head rather than arguing with her and tightened his grip on the metal bar.
For all Nursey missed having a public transit system at Samwell, it was a relief to breathe fresh air once they emerged above ground. The walk to their Mom’s house was a relatively short one, and every step screamed home! to Nursey in a way that even being with Sara didn’t. He’d been by earlier in the summer before staying with his sister, but the two weeks in his childhood home felt short in comparison to the weeks he’d spent away.
Nursey let himself and his sister into the brown house without knocking, but he called out the moment they stepped through the door. “Mom? Sara and I are home.” He was half expecting now to get a response, but a moment later the two women emerged from the upstairs bedroom. One of them was their mother, whose face cracked into a wide smile as she came down the stairs. The other woman followed slowly, keeping distance between herself and the Nurses.
“It’s good to see you,” Laura said as she pulled her kids into tight hugs. “What happened? Why are you guys here?”
“We wondered if you wanted to get lunch together,” Sara said. “We rarely have the whole family together; may as well take advantage of it, right?”
Laura eyed her suspiciously, then looked to Nursey for confirmation. Nursey felt Sara’s glare on him as he shrugged. “Feels like we never really talk,” he said. “I figured it would be a chance to catch up.” He was careful not to mention Sara’s suspicions while hoping his mother would realize she needed to tell them something.
“Are you two just trying to get free food out of me?” Laura sighed. “Alright, fine. Iris and I didn’t have any plans today anyway. You’re going to work for it, though; figure out which of you’s helping me cook and who’s setting the table. Iris, honey, do you mind?”
“Of course not.” Laura’s companion grinned, a cheery expression that took over all of her features. “It’s about time I met your offspring. I’m Iris Khouri, your mother’s girlfriend,” she introduced herself.
Nursey froze. Beside him, Sara’s jaw dropped open. Laura, either oblivious to or willfully ignoring her family’s reactions, started barking orders from the kitchen. Sara moved on autopilot to obey, but Nursey couldn’t move. His mother said his name impatiently, and Nursey was released from his frozen position.
“I-it’s an honor to meet you,” he said clumsily before fleeing after his sister.
Iris’s laughter followed him as his family worked together. The awkwardness faded into joviality as the afternoon stretched on; Laura had never mentioned having a girlfriend to her children, but it was clear Iris new what to expect from them. She and Laura moved and acted together as if they’d been together a long time. Nursey wondered just how long he’d been uninformed about his parent’s life for, but it seemed unfair to accuse her of hiding things when he only spoke to Sara every couple of weeks and Laura once every five or six. Their family wasn’t distant, per say, but they tended to stay out of each others’ lives. It was easier to plan for long reunions than to actively stay in touch more frequently.
- - -
[>--<((<((( ('www'), 2:15p: There is glitter on everything i own
>--<((<((( ('www'), 2:17p: I know I say this every day but it is ESPECIALLY true rn. I am. So gay.
Nursey,5:38p: So’s my mom.
>--<((<((( ('www'), 5:43p: No YOUR mom’s gay what is this 2011?
>--<((<((( ('www'), 5:43p: Wait a sec did u say ur mom is gay
Nursey, 5:52p: Yeah apptly she has a girlfriend and theyre ridiculously cute and domestic and in love
>--<((<((( ('www'), 5:53p: Holy shit
>--<((<((( ('www') 5:55p: Skype tomorrow?]
Nursey hit accept call and stared blankly at his ceiling while it loaded up. Soon enough, Chowder’s chipper voice came through.
“Nursey, are you on the floor?”
“Yeah.” Nursey blinked his eyes toward the screen, unbothered. Sitting was too much effort.
“Fair,” Chowder said immediately. He shifted slightly, and Nursey momentarily saw the glitter still on his cheeks reflect the bedroom lighting. “Hey, have you seen or heard from Dex, like… at all this summer?”
“No, but why would I?” Nursey asked. “He hates me.”
“He does not hate you,” Chowder rolled his eyes. “I don’t know. I know he told us he would be busy, but I didn’t think that meant he’d drop off the face of the planet.”
“Chill, he’s probably fine,” Nursey reassured. “He was in the group chat like… a few days ago.”
“Last week, yeah. And it was the team group chat, not ours, which is weird for him.” Chowder sighed. “You’re right, he’s probably fine. I just hate how hard it is to keep track of you guys out here. I’m used to being able to show up at your rooms whenever I get worried about you.”
Nursey shrugged. “Well, now that you’re in the Haus that’ll be harder, but we’ll still come and bother you plenty.” He grinned at the screen, and Chowder smiled back brightly.
“If you’re not at the Haus every day I’ll send Bitty after you. He snuck into Dex’s room somehow when he was sick.”
“I’ll tell my roommates his food is poison and they absolutely should not trust him,” Nursey threatened. Chowder snorted at the idea that Nursey’s words would be more convincing than Bitty’s pie, and neither of them followed that up with words. Nursey would lose that battle before it started.
“So….” Chowder hedged. “Your mom’s gay?”
“Yeah!” Nursey lit up. “Sara thought she was hiding something, so we went to go surprise her for brunch and her girlfriend was over. Her name is Iris, and she’s only like the third person my mom’s ever dated that both my sister and I actually like.”
“That’s so great!” Chowder grinned at the screen. “Did you celebrate Pride together?”
“Nah, C, I just found out about Iris like yesterday. Besides, the places I went during Pride are not places I need my mother seeing me at. If she met slutty drunk Nursey she’d chirp me forever.”
When Chowder laughed at that, Nursey felt a warm glow settle in his chest. His old bedroom never really felt like home when it was empty; Nursey needed his mom’s cooking, Sara’s advice, Chowder’s smile. “You looked like you had tons of PG-rated fun at Pride, though. How was that?” he asked to keep Chowder talking.
Chowder made an irritated face into his phone camera. “It was only PG while we were at the parade, and mostly because Cassie was there. But, oh man it was awesome! I don’t know what Cassie said to Mom and Dad, but I didn’t even have to talk to them about it, they were just like ‘have fun and call if Cassie’s gonna be out past midnight.’ They’re literally never that relaxed?
“Anyway so Farmer came to pick us up and Cassie painted my nails in the car and her friend brought an unopened jar of glitter that she just kept pouring on us and on Cassie’s friends who were in the parade….” Derek listened to Chowder ramble for the better part of an hour, eyelids drooping half-shut as he took in his friend’s words.
“So now I have to make sure my Snapchat streak with Cait never dies because Cassie wants theirs to be longer so she can lord it over me, like that proves she’s Cait’s favorite.” Chowder blinked down at Nursey, who was still laying on the floor with his phone by his face. “Are you good? Do you want me to hang up?”
Nursey groaned. “Nah you’re good, I just haven’t been eating or sleeping on like. A regular schedule, so I get energy at weird times.”
Chowder made a concerned sound. “I can call you later if you’d rather take a nap.”
“No, I…” Nursey stopped. “Actually, wait, do you want to just call like every other week or something?”
“You mean like I did with my family at the start of college?” Chowder grinned. “Should I check in on you to make sure you’re making friends and getting your homework done?”
“Oh fuck off, I didn’t mean- not on like, a schedule or anything. Just, since we can’t hang out. Texting’s not really the same.”
“Yeah of course!” Chowder said. “I’ll text you me work schedule and we can figure out when we’re both free. Also, you should give me Sara’s number so I know you have someone to bully you into taking care of yourself since I can’t.”
Nursey rolled his eyes at that. “I’ll text it to you,” he lied. Chowder’s answering smile said that he’d expected as much.
“You think you won’t really do it, but I have my ways, Nursey. Gonna hang up for real now. Love you.”
“I…” Nursey swallowed. “I love you, too,” he said before hitting ‘End Call.’
- - -
[>---<((<((( (‘www’), 8:35p: So I’m free p much any day after 5 except Sat
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 8:35: after 8 srry timezones. That ok?
Nursey, 8:41p: you kno im a nite owl. whenever’s good
Nursey, 8:42p: maybe thurs? Iris and i are cooking fri
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 8:44p: ok! ^_^]
Summer fell into an easy, if slow, routine. Nursey moved back in with his mom but came by Sara’s apartment as often as he could. Iris was around the house more often than not and family dinners became regular, even if who was included in this ‘family’ changed from week to week as different friends came to visit. It was nice. Nursey thought Shitty would approve, and texted him as such.
The Frog Pond group chat was less and less active, although Chowder still used it for most of his textual anecdotes and Nursey tried to respond. Dex hadn’t spoken in it since the beginning of June. Nursey tried, as a rule, not to worry too much about what Dex was or wasn’t doing, but it was clear Chowder was getting worried and trying to hide it.
Their calls hadn’t quite increased to weekly, but it was certainly more frequent than the possibly-every-other week Nursey had expected. Usually Chowder was the one to reach out first, always ready with something to say and ready to listen when Nursey talked about the beach at sunrise or how Sara had definitely noticed him wearing makeup but didn’t question it or how something about being in a library made him feel unwound in all the best ways.
For the first time in ages, Nursey felt inspired to write regularly and he had the time to. Whether it was a small miracle or a large one, he had yet to be sure.
“So I invited him to family dinner, and he got this spooked look on his face and he was like ‘dude I’m not planning to meet your parents before the end of our first date.’ And then I laughed in his face more than I should have because I was drunk and his singing was terrible and it hadn’t even occurred to me that his guy I met at the gym and then went to a karaoke bar with would think it was like, a date-”
“But drunk Nursey is kind of a slut,” Chowder nodded, following along perfectly.
“Right! So I had to sober up and explain properly that no, that wasn’t what I meant but no, I wouldn’t be opposed-”
“Oh my god,” Chowder put his head in his hands, laughing, as Nursey kept going.
“Hey, being a messy drunk is part of my charm,” Nursey insisted. “Anyway, it worked, it’s chill, I’ve got a new friend who may or may not be dtf, and it’s a beautiful day out.”
“It’s a beautiful day in, too,” Chowder said as Nursey felt his phone buzz. “There’s AC, the cicadas can’t get me, no one can yell at me to put on pants-”
Nursey opened his mouth to reply, but his phone buzzed again. And again.
[Dex, 6:42p: Why is my family...so much to deal with
Dex, 6:45p: Everyone here is so NOSEY n ik its my fault for not saying anything when i left but
Dex, 6:46p: i thought id have to avoid my brother n maybe have some weird conversations w mom and dad
Dex, 6:46p: i didn’t think anything through
Dex, 6:47p: and fucking garrett
Dex, 6:48p: str8 dudes don’t know shit
Dex, 6:50p: I thought I could just b the same as ever but the guys aren’t like the team
Dex, 6:50p They just stare and gossip is it that hard to ask]
“Jesus, Poindexter,” Nursey muttered.
“I’m gonna call him,” Chowder declared. Nursey nodded and waited for Chowder to hang up, but instead of doing that he invited Dex to the call they were already on. Dex must not have had Skype on his phone, though, because the call kept ringing and ringing as more texts came in.
“Should we-”
“It might be better just to hang up,” Nursey said, and Chowder nodded.
“Talk to you soon,” he promised.
[>---<((<((( (‘www’), 7:02p: Have u talked to them about it?
Dex, 7:03p: Talked to who
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 7:03p: u’d kno better than me
Dex, 7:04p: no i have not talked to every single person who lives in portland abt why my brother calls me will now
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 7:06p: okay well??? Are u gonna??
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 7:12p: dex???
Dex, 7:32p: I don’t know.
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 7:35p: what happened? Where have u been?
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 7:36p: i mean obviously maine but dude u disappeared
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 7:37p: i hope everythings okay
Nursey, 7:41p: dude don’t vanish on us again chowders been freaking out for like 2 weeks
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 7:43p: i haven’t been freaking out! I was just concerned
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 7:44p: im not any less concerned now….]
- - -
[Dex, 10:21p: I’m sorry
Dex, 10:23p: Sorry for those texts earlier. And for not messaging you sooner
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 10:24p: It’s okay! If u need time to yourself that’s fine! Just warn us next time
Nursey, 10:26p: Send some lobster pics or smth so we kno youre alive
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 10:27p: Do u wanna talk about it?
Dex, 10:29p: Not rn. Should be sleeping
Nursey, 10:30p: It’s not even late?
Dex, 10:31p: Gotta be up at 5 most mornings. I’ll call u. Sorry I missed skype earlier
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 10:34p: That’s okay! Gnight!
Nursey, 10:38p: Good night]
When they finally got Dex on screen, Nursey had to blink several times to take in what he was seeing. Dex had more freckles than Nursey had ever seen in his life and a layer of redness that could have been either sunburn or a full-body flush from running, which was apparently what he’d been doing before he called. He looked- well, honestly? He looked good. Nursey hadn’t realized how worried he was until the knot in his chest finally dissolved.
“Hey guys,” Dex said hesitantly. “How’s, um, how’s your break going?”
“Oh no, Poindexter,” Nursey said before Chowder could answer. “You know exactly how we’ve been. Or at least enough. You’ve seen the messages, you just haven’t been responding.”
Dex winced at that, then took his hat off to run his very red fingers through his very red hair. “And I’m really sorry about that,” he said. “I’ll be better about checking my phone. I probably won’t be able to respond when you send stuff, but I won’t go silent again.”
“Dex, it’s okay,” Chowder reassured. “We’re not mad. But we do want to know what’s going on. In general, in your life, not an explanation of why you can’t talk to us 24/7.”
Dex sighed and closed his eyes. “Mostly it’s been work,” he admitted. “It’s the some old, early mornings and a lot of hours and a lot of money that’ll mostly disappear when I have to pay for the semester. It’s been fine.” His face looked eerily blank and exhaustion took over. That kind of exhaustion on Dex, too-angry, too-loud, too-passionate Dex was uncanny.
“My mom’s bi,” Nursey offered before he could think too hard about it. “I know you saw the texts, but they don’t really do the story justice.” Dex and Chowder both stared at him in surprise as Nursey began retelling much of what he’d told Chowder over the past month. Slowly, that blankness went away from Dex’s face as he listened, smiling and even laughing a little at his teammates.
Chowder jumped in to talk about Farmer and Cassie’s first meeting, and the three of them traded stories for a while. One of the new guys on the lobster boat didn’t realize the lobsters were blue even after working for 2 weeks. The café Nursey frequented liked to put up work by local artists, and he couldn’t tell if they failed to notice the blatantly sexual imagery or if they just didn’t care. Farmer’s little brother wanted to play hockey. Dex’s uncle was giving him a bonus for training the new guys at the hardware store. Nursey still didn’t have a job.
“Seriously?” Dex snorted. “You’re 19 years old and you’ve never had a real job?”
Nursey shrugged. “Yeah, well, turns out out no one really wants to hire someone for the month and a half before pre-season starts. So like I’m bored out of my mind and I have now seen every episode of Project Runway at least twice, but there’s not a lot I can do to change that situation.”
Dex raised his eyebrows his patent ‘I can’t believe you’re real’ scowl, but rather than anything derisive he said “you better be writing some damn good poetry in all that free time.”
Nursey smiled at his phone screen, surprised and happy, but Chowder was the first to laugh.
- - -
[Fix-It Felix Jr, 8:45p: If I make it back to Samwell without ending up in jail for murder first, it will be 100% thanks to my brother.
Significant Annoyance, 8:57p: We’re all v grateful to him.
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 8:59p: Oh shit where does all the angery go when there’s no hockey?
Fix-It Felix Jr, 9:04p: Fuck u C
Fix-It Felix Jr, 9:05p: Fights w drunk ppl, sometimes
Fix-It Felix Jr, 9:05p: Fights w Garrett, more often. Not the fun kind anymore tho
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 9:07: Um???
Significant Annoyance, 9:08p: lmao what
Significant Annoyance, 9:09p: oh shit u were fucking this guy weren’t u
Significant Annoyance, 9:09p: that’s why u were pissed the other day when u started talking to us again
Fix-It Felix Jr, 9:12p: NOPE ANYWAY GARRETT’S NOT IMPORTANT HE’S NOBODY JUST A DICK
Fix-It Felix Jr, 9:13p: that wasn’t supposed to be in caps
Significant Annoyance, 9:13p: hahahahahahahah
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 9:14p: Sure, Dex
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 9:15p: Wow u rly have a thing for ppl who push ur buttons dont u
Fix-It Felix Jr, 9:17p: No I don’t. Also I’m not talking about this
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 9:18p: 👀👀👀]
Three weeks before the end of summer, at least for athletes, and Nursey had gotten good at ignoring the blank look Dex sometimes had on his face when he got quiet. Dex still only sometimes joined their Skype calls, but he kept his promise to text more regularly and Nursey spent less time watching Chowder slip into worry, which in turn made Nursey feel lighter. He missed Samwell so much it physically ached sometimes, and was more grateful for the team’s regular messaging than he ever planned on telling anyone.
For once, Dex was the one to start the call. Nursey accepted it, and the two of them stared at each other awkwardly for a moment while waiting for their third friend. Dex’s phone pinged, and Nursey took advantage of the time to study him while Dex looked down to check it. His hair was ruffled and messy, and streaks of dirt ran down Dex’s face over his freckles. That scary blankness wasn’t there in full force but there was a kind of exhaustion in Dex’s face that made Nursey tired by proxy.
“C’s not coming,” Dex said. He was still looking at his phone. “Family emergency. Not a life-threatening one, but kind of immediate.” He looked up, suddenly, and Nursey felt like he’d been caught staring. “We should- we’ll talk later, I guess.” Dex reached for his computer and Nursey spoke without letting himself think it.
“Don’t hang up.”
Dex faltered, staring at Nursey through the screen. “What?”
Even 3 states away, Nursey could feel Dex’s scorn. “I know I’m not Chowder. I know we’re not… friends, not the way we are with him. But you look like you could stand to vent, and I’m. Not exactly doing anything better right now.” Dex looked at him suspiciously. “Or don’t,” Nursey said weakly. “Up to you.”
“You hate hearing me complain,” Dex said flatly.
“I hate when you act like you’ve got it worse than everybody else who’s ever lived, and also when you walk into other people’s conversations and make everything about you.” Nursey replied immediately. “Also, like, I haven’t gotten annoyed at you in a while. I’m almost fond now, or something. So come on, remind me how irritating you are.”
Dex continued to stare at Nursey blankly, and suddenly Nursey wondered if he was so tired he didn’t hear the humor in Nursey’s voice. “I’m joking,” he clarified just in case.
“No shit, Nurse,” Dex rolled his eyes, but the movement at least seemed to break some of the tension.
“You don’t need to hear all this bullcrap, anyway. It’s not even bad. I just… really miss Samwell. And the team.” Dex added the last part with a sad smile. “My family and I aren’t really used to talking to each other, so there’s been… a weird number of heart-to-hearts with my brother, and the expected amount of miscommunication with most of my uncles.”
“What do you mean, you don’t talk to your family?” Nursey couldn’t help asking. “I thought you got along with them.”
Dex blinked at his computer. “Well, yeah, but we don’t talk about our feelings.”
Nursey stared back at Dex, who was looking at him like that should have been obvious. He thought about his own family, who he hadn’t properly lived with in years but never hesitated to call when he was stressed or sad or just missed them. An emotion rose in his chest, dark and nameless and quickly shoved back down. “Oh.”
Dex looked down and away, like he maybe knew what Nursey wasn’t saying. “It’s not a big deal,” he said, shoulders rising. “We love each other. We always have. Me being a boy isn’t going to change that.”
“Okay,” Nursey agreed. He was determined not to stick his foot in it this time, to make Dex feel comfortable rather than defensive. His D-man didn’t say anything else, though, so Nursey prompted him to continue.
“So what has changed? What hasn’t? How is...being home after everything? Is it worse than Christmas?”
Dex blew out a long breath. “Better than Christmas. But also more overwhelming. Did I ever tell you how I came out?”
Nursey shook his head, no. They hadn’t exactly been on speaking terms at that time. All he knew was that Dex had come out to his family shortly before starting at Samwell, and that he’d come home from less than two weeks of winter break ready to throw himself back into hockey and his on campus job and got defensive when anybody asked him about his family.
“So I… didn’t really figure out I was trans until senior year. Like I knew it was possible and then immediately dismissed the thought and figured I just didn’t want to deal with being a girl. I’m not very introspective, I guess.” Dex rubbed his neck, then leaned back against the bed Nursey could just barely see in the camera. It looked like it had blue flowers on it. “So then I figured I was probably a lesbian, cause I really didn’t like it when men touched me, but I told my brother and he didn’t believe me. Said I’d fucked too many of his friends for that to be plausible and I got mad cause what I do is really none of his business and then it turned into a whole fight.
“I don’t really remember too many of the details, but essebtially he was like “you can’t be a lesbian because you like cock” and I was like “maybe I just wish men weren’t the ones who had them.” ‘
Dex looked at Nursey a little uncertainly then. “Sorry, I- that’s not even how I came out as trans. Shit, I’ve never really told this story.”
Nursey shrugged. “Maybe it’s just something you needed to say. It’s your story, tell it the way you want to.”
“Right.” Dex sighed nervously. “I might say too much right now. If that’s okay. I wish Chowder were here- I’ve just been with my family and my coworkers since I got to Maine and I can’t just talk about this stuff with them.”
“Hey, it’s okay. I may not be Chowder, but I’m your friend, too.” Dex snorted at that. “I’m trying to be your friend,” Nursey amended.
Silence fell between them, Dex looking at something behind his computer. Nursey started fidgeting with other tabs on his phone, unsure if he should hang up, when Dex spoke again.
“Brian’s never brought that conversation up. And I don’t, like, actually wish that I had a cock. Not most of the time, anyway. But I guess that’s when I realized that he was right- that I’m not a lesbian. I’m a guy. And then I didn’t try to come out to anybody else until I applied to Samwell and joined the men’s hockey team and got a room in gender inclusive housing and realized I was gonna need a new name and an explanation for my parents before they saw the campus.
“I hate when parents do that shit where they trap you in a car to tell you hard news, so I waited until dinner. Plus I figured they wouldn’t say anything too awful in public.”
An awful, tired giggle burst out of Dex, then. “Nursey, I came out to my parents at a Texas Roadhouse.” He buried his red face in his hands, shoulders shaking.
Suddenly, Nursey wished they weren’t having this conversation over a video call. He wanted to put an arm on Dex’s back, if only to make sure he was laughing and not crying. By the sounds Dex was making, Nursey wasn’t too sure.
“Better than Cracker Barrel,” he offered timidly. Dex shook harder at that and released a wet exhale.
“I told my parents I was a boy in a Texas Roadhouse, two hours before they moved me into my dorm and met my very queer, trans lesbian roommate from Chicago.” Dex lifted his face, and his eyes were wet but bright. “I’m such an asshole.”
“Yeah, but you’re our asshole,” Nursey said reflexively. “Wait- no, that’s not what I-” but Dex was already laughing, shaking his head all the while.
“Look, Dex, you can be kind of an ass and your family clearly have some things to work through, but everyone’s coming out story is a little messy. That’s not- it doesn’t have to mean anything in the long term.”
“I know,” Dex said too quickly. “I- wait, what do you mean everyone’s coming out story? What did you do?”
“Uh.” Nursey froze. “That’s not really the fun kind of story? I mostly just broke my own heart lying to people. I was a dumbass fifteen year old.”
Dex rolled his eyes at Nursey’s shrug. “We’re all dumbasses at fifteen, Nurse.”
“Yeah, we are! And everything feels like the biggest deal in the world, for some reason.”
“For some reason,” Dex echoed in agreement. “Anyway, my parents didn’t really, uh, pass the message on. I got home for Christmas and none of my uncles knew anything. They got a bit of a shock when they asked how school was going.”
Dex laid his head on his arms. “Uncle Dave’s trying to be nice, but he’s afraid to ask questions. Uncle Pat and Uncle Phil are just being dicks because they think I don’t know who I am. Everyone on the boat is afraid to address me, so they just call me ‘Moira’s kid.’ My parents are… they’ll always love me, you know? They want me to be happy, and they’re willing to let me do this if it’ll make me happier.” Dex’s voice went flat and dead, detached from the words he was saying. “But they’re also mourning their daughter. They’ll ask me about being trans at college like I’m only trans at college, like they can’t see anything contradictory about the phrase “she’s a boy now.” ‘
Nursey’s mouth went dry. “I’m so sorry,” he offered helplessly. Dex shrugged..
“It’s fine. My brother Brian’s got my back. He’s been- he doesn’t get it, but he’s the only one who actually asks. And he calls me Will.” Dex gave a tired smile.
“That’s good,” Nursey said. Dex made a noise of agreement, but didn’t add anything else. He seemed to be done talking, eyes unfocused.
“Hey, Dex?” Nursey asked hesitantly. Dex gave an answering ‘Mmh?’ Which Nursey took as permission to continue. “I think this is officially the longest you’ve ever spoken to me without yelling.”
“It’s the longest you’ve ever gone without telling me to chill,” Dex quipped back immediately, but he was smiling again.
“Chowder’s gonna be so sad he missed it,” Nursey laughed, and Dex smirked.
“Yeah, but he’s already unlocked my tragic backstory. You’re still trying to raise my friendship level.”
“...Fair,” Nursey allowed. “I’ll bring you fruit and cool bugs I find til you trust me.”
Dex stared. “What the fuck, Nurse.”
“Like… like in Animal Crossing,” Nursey clarified.
“Oh. Never played it.”
“Oh.” Silence fell for a moment, then Nursey cleared his throat. “Well-”
“Tell me about it.”
Nursey stared at Dex through the computer screen, suddenly unsure of himself. “Tell you about... Animal Crossing?”
“Yeah.” Dex shrugged. “I’m tired of talking. It’s your turn. Tell me about this game I’ve never played.”
“Okay, well, uh…” Nursey scrambled to wrap his head around the sudden turn in the conversation. “Have you seen what the characters look like?”
Dex settled back into his bed while Nursey pulled up pictures, both happy to move on to lighter topics. Their first civil conversation lasted hours, and they kept talking and joking about video games until Dex had to go to bed.
- - -
[>---<((<((( (‘www’), 1:23p: I always knew u two would make good friends
Significant Annoyance, 1:28p: Ik u did, C
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 1:31p: I can’t wait to get back to Samwell
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 1:32p: I want to hug u both
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 1:32p: It’s been so looooong
Significant Annoyance, 1:34p: Yeah I’m about ready to go back
Significant Annoyance, 1:36p: Not looking forward to fixing my sleep schedule tho
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 1:37p: Have u been eating?
Significant Annoyance, 1:38p: Every day I promise
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 1:41p: Multiple times?
Significant Annoyance, 1:43p: Ok u can stow the mothering til Samwell]
Nursey tried not to worry about Dex when he didn’t respond to the group chat. He was more responsive than he’d been the first half of the summer, and it was only a matter of time until they were all together again.
Nursey was back in his old bedroom with his mom, but Sara and Iris stopped by pretty often. Nursey and Chowder Skyped at least once a week. Sometimes Dex joined then, sometimes he didn’t. He’d told Chowder and Nursey more of how things were progressing at home, and was slowly but surely starting to regain some of his self assurance.
Nursey spent hours watching Youtube tutorials and practicing makeup in his room. He hadn’t let anyone in his family see him wear it yet, but he’d gone out a few times with his fake ID and was thinking about making a second instagram. He had a growing collection of carefully taken selfies on his phone, and an entire journal full of poems he needed to go through and edit. Sometimes he texted the photos to Eve, just to have someone to show. She always sent back encouraging and sometimes lewd emojis that made Nursey smile.
The last days of summer trickled away from him, and Nursey found something to document in each one.
Right now he missed Samwell. With it, he missed hockey and classes and Eve and Chowder and Bitty and Ransom and Holster and Lardo, and slowly but surely he was starting to miss Dex, too. Nursey missed Shitty with a familiar ache, one that would remain even back at school. In a couple weeks he’d be back to missing New York, and with it Sara and Laura and now Iris, back to missing the freedom to stay up late and spend a whole day writing or reading or people watching from the coffee shop outside Sara’s apartment. He’d miss the MTA and laughing at confused tourists and not having to pile into Dex’s or Farmer’s car just to get some good ethnic food.
Nursey was used to missing things by now. It was okay. He flipped another page in his notebook, ready to write.
- - -
[>---<((<((( (‘www’), 6:02p: I can’t believe I’m gonna be sleeping in Jack’s room
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 6:03p: I mean my room. I can’t believe Jack’s room is my room now
Fix-It Felix Jr, 6:05p: We know Chowder. You’ve mentioned
Significant Annoyance, 6:06p: Bet it’ll feel normal once you’re there
Fix-It Felix Jr, 6:11p: Can we Skype one last time before we go back?
Significant Annoyance, 6:13p: we’ll see each other in 2 days
Fix-It Felix Jr, 6:16p: yeah ik. I have something i want to tell u b4 that
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 6:21p: is it important? Ill be free in ~5 hrs but i can step out for 30 if u need me
Fix-It Felix Jr, 6:23p: yea i can wait. I’m done w the lobsters for the summer]
Chowder started the call, as usual, though this time it was because they knew Dex and Nursey would be free whenever Chowder got out of work. Nursey picked it up from the floor of his bedroom, also as usual, though this time it was because his bed was covered with all the shit he still had to pack before going back to school.
Nothing about Dex looked particularly usual. He was practically glowing with excitement, a broad grin slapped over his red freckled face like it hadn’t had a home there in years.
“How was work today?” Dex asked first, and Chowder rolled his eyes.
“Work was work. Thanks for trying to be polite, but we literally just talked. What’s your news?”
Dex laughed, a rich, happy sound that Nursey wasn’t sure he’d ever heard before. “Okay, right to the point. Fair enough. I went to a doctor today and I have a prescription for testosterone. I took my first shot today.” He pointed to a band-aid on one of his crossed legs. “I have a 90 day supply so I’ll have to get it refilled before the semester ends and I paid for everything myself but I used the family insurance, so I’ll have to wait to see if anyone says anything. If nothing else, they’ll notice when my voice drops. But I’m doing it- I’m actually transitioning this year.”
“Holy shit,” Nursey said.
“Congrats, dude!!!” Chowder shrieked. “That’s amazing, oh my god. You just went in and got it?”
“Well, I made the appointment months ago,” Dex admitted. “The wait time was ridiculous, but that’s because this is the best place for trans people by me. And then once I went in they just asked me some questions and made me sign a bunch of consent forms.”
“Good for you! That’s s’wawsome!” Chowder yelled again.
“So wait, you did all that without telling your family? You’re just gonna… change your body forever? And wait for them to notice?” Nursey asked.
“Pretty much, yeah.”
“That’s… badass,” Nursey settled on. “Way more commitment than getting a secret tattoo for sure.”
“Yeah it is,” Dex grinned happily. “This year’s gonna be so fucking great you guys.”
“Yeah it is!” Chowder echoed. Dex laughed again, and Nursey ignored the tears in his eyes as he laughed along.
Two more days, and they wouldn’t have to video call anymore.
- - -
[Significant Annoyance, 1:01a: Dex u gotta make an insta now
Fix-It Felix Jr, 6:07a: and why do i have to do that
Significant Annoyance, 10:23a: C back me up here
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 10:31a: U can see my photos from pride! And Jack’s photography!
Fix-It Felix Jr, 10:33a: I see all those in the gc anyway
>---<((<((( (‘www’), 10:34a: not ALL of them
Significant Annoyance, 10:36a: U can post comparison selfies or w/e now ur on T
Significant Annoyance, 10:36a: And like my selfies
Fix-It Felix Jr, 10:39a: Absolutely not.]
- - -
willjp24 started following you.
[photo]
willjp24 8/1/2015. 💉♂
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Holster04 Dex, on insta? Never thought i’d live to see it
Ransom08 What’s w the leg shot tho? Do we need to teach u to take selfies of ur face
Bmpoindexter Nice.