Chapter Text
Like a Bird in a Cage
The Ayanagi Academy hallways were bustling as usual with the students trying to get from one place to another. Inumine was outside in the halls singing and Toraishi was doing his best to keep him in check before they got scolded by Akatsuki-senpai. They’ve all been in enough trouble already and getting scolded by the Kao Council’s “small but frightening” senpai was definitely not on their to-do list.
“House, you dumb dog!” Toraishi shouted, trying to hold Inumine back from chasing after Ugawa again. Ugawa was hiding behind Eigo frightened and Tatsumi just stood there, chuckling.
“Oh, what’s this~? Looks like you’re having trouble keeping your dog in check again, huh, Izumi?” Ren had appeared with Nanjo in tow. “This again~?” Nanjo teased. He so loved seeing Toraishi in a bind. He wouldn’t admit it outright unless he was provoked, but Nanjo wasn’t particularly Toraishi’s biggest fan.
Overly flashy, flirty and annoying. That’s all Toraishi was to Nanjo. Toraishi was very popular with the ladies and it was easy to understand why a lot of guys would dislike him. “As usual, you’re very incompetent with handling your teammate, huh?” Nanjo commented after enjoying Toraishi’s multiple failed attempts at getting Inumine to behave.
Toraishi only gave him a look of exasperation. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with Nanjo’s not-so-secret sadistic side. “Hey, go easy on him, Koki,” Ren’s voice was cheery, one that Nanjo didn’t particularly take kindly to. Nevertheless, he let it slide. He didn’t want Ren to be needlessly pissed off at him, after all. “Sure, sure,” he just replied, feigning a smile while he was at it. He’s mastered the art of the fake smile by now with the amount of things he had to let slide.
Class was almost over but the rowdiness continued. Nanjo has taught himself to ignore all of Ren’s exclamations of ‘Hey, Izumi!’ He didn’t like hearing it. He didn’t like the huge smile that’s always on Ren’s face whenever he says “Izumi.” He didn’t like the way Ren pushed him aside to talk to his roommate. He didn’t like any of it, not one bit.
Still, what choice did he have but to play the fool in the game of falling in love?
The walk back to the dorms was a lot more dreadful. Nanjo, being in the 2nd dormitory, only had a small window of time when walking back with Ren before they had to part ways. He could choose to stay with Ren and bother him in the room he shared with Toraishi, but he really didn’t feel like seeing the two of them being friendly with each other a second longer.
“Koki—Hey, Koki!” Nanjo’s train of thought was cut short when he heard Ren call out to him. “Are you feeling okay?” Toraishi butt in. Nanjo had completely forgotten Toraishi was walking with them. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he lied as usual. “By the way, Toraishi,” Nanjo began, his voice cold. “Aren’t you usually off to a date around this time?” He continued, smiling at Toraishi. Whether it was mocking or not, Nanjo didn’t care.
“Ah, that…” Toraishi wasn’t even looking at Nanjo at this point in their conversation. “I’ve decided to stop playing around for a bit,” Toraishi explained, a grin creeping up on his face. A shadow cast over Nanjo’s face when he heard those words. “Really? That’s uncharacteristic of you. For me personally, I think you not playing around with girls is the sign of the world ending~” Nanjo joked but his eyes were definitely not smiling. They were cold and piercing.
Ren laughed and agreed with Nanjo because, really, Toraishi saying he’ll stop dating his “little kittens” must mean that there’s something wrong with the world. “Are you sick or somethin’, Izumi?” Ren joked, nudging Toraishi with his arm. “I’m not!” Toraishi wanted to sound annoyed but he was failing as he put an arm around Ren.
“I’ve found something better to devote my time to~” Toraishi’s lady killer voice was really getting on Nanjo’s nerves. “Good for you, then,” Nanjo replied.
They continued walking down the hallways, greeting a few classmates along the way. They arrived at the first dorm in less than 10 minutes and Nanjo opted to say good-bye to them at the doorstep.
“Aren’t you coming to play a bit, Koki?” Ren had invited him like he usually does. Nanjo always felt happy at hearing those words, but he had to decline. “I have to take care of other things,” he reasoned before waving good-bye to the both of them. Well, to Ren mostly. He couldn’t give a damn about Toraishi nor would he choose to.
Nanjo turned around and started walking towards the 2nd dormitory. With his teeth gritted and his fists clenched, he definitely frightened a few of the first years walking back to their dorm rooms.
“Koki’s definitely acting a bit strange,” Ren said as soon as they got back to their room. “You think so? Isn’t he just being his usual self?” Toraishi didn’t want to let Ren know that he had an idea as to what was irritating Nanjo so he played coy. “Aren’t you just imagining things, Kitahara~?” Toraishi hoped that he could distract Ren enough to forget about Nanjo for a second. “I sure hope so,” was Ren’s answer.
Being Nanjo’s teammate and as the leader of Team Sazanami, there were just some things that Ren couldn’t ignore. He knew deep inside that Nanjo was behaving weirdly. What it was about, he had no idea, but he wasn’t willing to pry into stuff he shouldn’t pry into. That’s always been their relationship, letting each other do and say what they wanted and only offering comment when needed.
Ren was being quiet even after Toraishi had teased him. “Hm? Are you thinkin’ about Nanjo again, Kitahara?” Toraishi asked. Ren nodded silently.
Toraishi fell silent. What could he do in this situation except to leave Ren alone with his thoughts? “Well, I’m gonna go bother Shu,” he reasoned before heading out. The door closed with a click and Ren sat on his bed, mulling over Nanjo’s recent behaviour.
Nanjo was walking back to the 2nd dorms when he ran into Ageha and Hachiya. “Hello, Nanjo-kun,” Hachiya greeted warmly. “Hello,” Nanjo replied. As much as Nanjo disliked other people, he had quite the soft spot for Hachiya. There’s something about his clumsiness that makes Nanjo gentle towards him.
Ageha chose to ignore Nanjo as much as he could while Hachiya and Nanjo exchanged pleasantries. Well, it’s the usual routine and Nanjo’s not bothered at all by it. He knew deep down that Ageha would never warm up to him. That’s not enough to make Nanjo’s world crumble so he just lets Ageha say whatever he wants.
“You’re acting weird,” Ageha said. “Hm~?” Nanjo just hummed. Nevertheless, he was surprised to hear that Ageha picked up on his mood. “Not that I care anyway,” Ageha continued before dragging Hachiya along with him. “A-Ageha?” Hachiya’s normal voice sounded like he was always in a panic that Nanjo couldn’t help but chuckle. As bad as his mood was before this, it was reassuring to see those two act like their usual selves.
“See you~” Nanjo waved good-bye before retreating to his own room.
Nanjo entered his room to see that his roommate was not back yet. He tossed his bag on top of his bed before changing out of his uniform. Nanjo was a neat person, so even though his feelings weren’t really at its best, he still chose to put everything away neatly. He couldn’t let people catch on to how he’s feeling.
Light filtered through the curtains in their dim room as he shuffled quietly inside. He had put his things aside and he felt like he needed to take a break from his rather... bothersome day.
A sigh escaped his lips once he’s settled himself on the bed. He fished his phone out of his bag before lying down to see if he had forgotten to do anything on his reminders. “Everything seems to be in order,” he muttered to himself before turning it off.
He put his arm over his eyes, sighing once again as he remembered the events of the day. He won’t cry, he never does. To him, emotion wasn’t something he should show unless he was on stage. He didn’t take it as a sign of being weak but rather, he didn’t like the feeling of being vulnerable.
He liked toying with people, that much was obvious. But he didn’t like it when he’s the one being toyed with. Nanjo was a smart person and he has a scary personality. No one dares mess with him because they knew he wouldn’t be affected. It’s a lost battle before it even began. Only Ageha was daring enough to actually try (and fail).
Things like jealousy he never once felt. To him, love and jealousy were up there on his list of feelings that he deemed unnecessary. They were a second thought.
And yet why? Why did he start feeling those sorts of emotions now?
Never had he felt so strongly for a person until Ren. And never had he felt so unrelenting until Ren.
He hated Toraishi not for his lady-killing tendencies and for his flirting, but because Ren spent so much more time with him.
Why couldn’t Nanjo have been the one rooming with him? Why couldn’t Ren be in the Second Dorm instead? Why couldn’t Ren just forget about Toraishi? Why couldn’t Ren just occupy his mind with thoughts of Nanjo instead?
A lot of “why’s” were the only things circling his mind right now. It hurt. It felt uncomfortable feeling this way. He didn’t like it, he didn’t want it.
But he wanted Ren. He wanted Ren to only be his, to only be with him.
“It’s a selfishly impossible thought,” he whispered to no one in particular. He felt his phone vibrate and saw a message from Ren. A smile crept up on his face, as if on reflex.
“Koki, if you have a problem with me, just tell me.” Ren’s message was short and to the point, but oh so misunderstanding the situation. It made Nanjo chuckle. He really loved this obliviousness and cluelessness.
He didn’t answer the message. He placed his index finger on Ren’s name on his phone’s screen and only whispered wistfully, “Hey, Ren… Won’t you be mine?”
Words he knew he couldn’t utter to the person himself.