Chapter Text
The first time you told her the words “I love you” you're in the living room of her house. She broke down into tears. Usually you’re self-assured, confident in what you’re doing but at that time you were at a loss. A sea captain with no ship. Perry crying isn’t normal but it’s not unheard of and yet, this time was different. It felt like each of her sobs reached down inside and crushed your heart. You were taller than her then, so at the time you did what you usually did, you took her into your arms and held her, instead of it helping, it just made things worse. She pushed you away and ran to her room locking it behind her.
You had told her you weren’t going away until she gave you an explanation.
She muttered something, but you heard it as though she was standing just air molecules away instead of the solid Alder door.
You aren’t real.
And suddenly, many things slid into place. Why you’re so interested in biology. How easily you’re able to retain information you don’t even remember learning. How you seemed almost invisible to everyone but Perry. And here’s the thing, you don’t care.
So you moved, faster than you have before or since, down the stairs, out the door, and up a tree. You could see Perry her back against her room door blocking your first way in. The jump from the tree to her window looks to be about six feet and if you miss there’s a dead drop to the ground. All of this is just a passing thought because it doesn't really matter. What matters is Perry is crying and you have to do something about it. That's about all the thought process you have before you realize that the window is closed and you're already mid jump. And for a moment it looks like you won’t make it but it’s in the moment Perry’s eyes meet yours.
She gasps and you somehow make it through… the closed window. But you have no time to examine this strange event, it never happens again, because you just want to get to Perry. You take her into your arms and hold her tight.
“Susan, let go of me.” She’s already trying to make a run for it. You pull her tighter.
“No.” She struggles, but you’re not letting her get away. Maybe it’s hours, or a few minutes but eventually she stops. Perry’s exhausted herself and you hold on until she’s asleep. Laying her in bed, you tuck her in. She seems like she’ll sleep for a few hours. Before you leave, you tell her. “You and me, we’re covalent bonds.” In hindsight that sounds a lot creepier than what you mean. You don’t really want to leave her but you need some time to process. You’ll make it short, thirty minutes.
You wander away, fresh air is what you need so you don’t pick a direction. Somehow you stumble onto some kind of campus. You don’t remember it being here, so you go forward and are greeted by some sort of midget asking your help for directions to the Virtually Unrealizable Motorist Society. What really gets you is that during your walk, until that moment, no one noticed you at all. What is this place? Your phone goes off and you have to head back. You glace up at the sign on your way out.
It reads Silas University.
When you make it back to Perry’s house, she’s asleep and soon you are too. When you wake, Perry still hasn’t moved but there’s a letter in your hand and another on her nightstand. You turn yours over and it has a strange marking on the back. You open it and it’s a welcoming admission letter for the same school you were just at.
Curious, maybe it holds the answers to making yourself real, and proving to Perry that you are.
You haven’t told her that you’ve loved her since that incident. Not because you don’t, but because she wouldn’t believe you. And no matter how much it pains you at times not to say the words, it’s better than watching her be hurt that badly again.
You’ll experiment and you’ll find the answers. Many of them will be wrong but all you need is time and you just have to find the right solution. You won't give up. You won't give in, until you can tell her. And when you can, finally, you hope that she'll believe you.