Chapter Text
Buck’s heart races, breathing halting and all he can hear is the sound of his own blood thrashing around his eardrums. It’s Christopher, his Christopher . He’d seen the boy countless times in his visions, watched him grow through his soulmate’s eyes. Through Eddie’s eyes. There his is, right there, on Eddie’s phone. Eddie, his soulmate who had just casually held out the picture to Buck, oblivious to how momentous the movement was to Buck.
Eddie tells Buck his name and his age, and Buck has to bite his tongue from yelling back “I know! I watched you hold him in your arms the day he was born”. The timing couldn’t be worse. He has a job to do, he doesn’t need the distraction of all the new questions blowing through his mind at hurricane speeds.
He’s rambling, he knows he is. His mouth spouting facts about school safety regulations and LAs earthquake procedure. He can’t stop. He feels as if his body doesn’t belong to him, like he’s checked out and is just watching from within as his body operates on autopilot. All he registers is his determination to reassure Eddie that Christopher is going to be okay.
“We’re a few minutes out, everyone get ready”
Bobby’s voice is grounding in Buck’s ears, piercing through the noise. Buck wonders if it’s deliberate. His head whips, neck turning too quickly and pulling uncomfortable as he twists to get a glimpse of the older man. Bobby is facing the front, hands tight on the steering wheel. His eyes lift to the rearview mirror, briefly locking eyes with Buck and emploring him to stay calm. Bobby must know. He’d told them about his dream only that morning, he must have made the link between Christopher in his dream and Eddie’s son even without seeing the picture.
He wonders if that’s what Bobby was thinking about this morning when he’d asked when he would have met his soulmate. He runs the numbers through his head and is confused when the numbers don’t add up. They have to add up. It all makes sense.
“Shit, I’m an idiot”
The last soulmate visions come the day after you meet your soulmate. He feels like such a fool as he realises his miscalculation. God, he should have realised the last vision was from the day he and Eddie met.
The team startle at Buck’s words, he rarely curses and they’re baffled by the sudden unexplained frustration.
“You okay there Buckaroo?”
Buck nods to Hen, mind blanking as they look at him for an explanation before stuttering out his excuse, “I was just thinking of calling Maddie, but then I remembered she’s working today. Probably swamped with all this chaos”
“I’ll get a message to dispatch Buck” Buck knows Bobby is going along with his excuse and is extremely grateful for the backup “She’s safe, Buck. Just focus on the job for now, everything will be okay”
Buck understands the hidden meaning. Knows he needs to stop stressing and focus, that he can talk to Eddie later and work everything out. He tells himself that everything will work out. It has to, right? They’re soulmates.
They pull up to the scene and Buck pushes everything to the back of his mind. He just has to get through this day. One shift, that’s all. He’s already seven days late on having his soulmate in his arms, he can handle one more. It’ll be worth the wait. It has to be.
Buck gets through the call with laser focus, refusing to let his mind run away toward anything but the job at hand. It helps that Eddie is there with him, working together seamlessly as they have tended to do since they removed the grenade together seven days ago. They power through, doing their best to save everyone they can and for the most part they succeed. It has as good an ending as they could have hoped for such a large-scale disaster.
When the call is over and the team are back at the fire station, Buck’s mind zeroes in on Eddie once again. He can’t help but stare as the older man rushes around to get changed. A whole week of having this man in his life, how could he not realise sooner?
Buck is too preoccupied with his thoughts to register Eddie’s behaviour as strange. He’s noticed the man is jittery but his rushed movements don’t trike Buck as odd, as they mirror the way Buck’s own pulse is racing.
There’s a loud clatter across the locker room when Eddie’s bag topples from his locker, dragging several items out with it.
“Woah Eddie, slow down. Where’s the fire?” Chim jokes as Buck rushes forward to help Eddie pick up his things.
“Really Chim? Fire puns?” is Hen’s unimpressed reply “Seriously though, what’s the rush Eddie? You look frazzled”
“I was supposed to pick up Christopher today and I didn’t tell my Abuela I was stuck late working so he’s still at the school”
“The school will understand, Eddie. Like Buck said earlier they have procedures in place for this kind of thing. I’m sure there are other kids whose parents have been caught up in the earthquake chaos” Hen’s voice is soothing, trying to encourage Eddie’s erratic movements to slow.
“I know, it’s just going to take me ages to get there without my car and I don’t want him to be there all night because he’ll be tired and hun-”
“I’ll drive you”
The offer is easy for Buck and the words are out of his mouth before he has time to process them. It’s a selfish offer really. He wants to help Eddie and Christopher, of course, but it’s his own desperation to talk to Eddie that has him offering without a second thought. Buck isn’t sure he’ll have the courage to approach Eddie if he lets him go today without saying anything. Plus Buck’s heart pangs at the thought of Christopher sitting alone at school for any longer than he needs to. He’s grown attached to him over the years, seeing him grow up through Eddie’s eyes.
Eddie had accepted easily, relief clear in the rapid change of his body language and the heavy sigh that drops from his mouth. Buck tries not to preen too hard as Eddie thanks him but isn’t so sure he’s successful.
They get changed quickly, Buck making sure to keep his eyes off of Eddie as the other man strips. Just because they’re soulmates doesn’t mean he gets to ogle him without his permission. At least not until they’ve spoken about where they go from here. They walk side-by-side out of the building, Buck blushing as Bobby throws him a thumbs up and mouths “good luck” across the parking lot.
“Can we talk?”
Buck almost winces as the words leave his mouth. He’s still not sure he’s ready for the conversation despite the desperate need to get answers to the questions churning his stomach. He’s both eager and reluctant as he awaits Eddie’s reply.
“Uh, yeah. You want to stay for dinner?”
If Buck weren’t so overcome with a thrilled anxiousness he may have noticed Eddie’s own nerves, but he’s too distracted. Eddie’s invite has him grinning, a breathless laugh leaving his lips in astonishment as he agrees.
It’s easier than Buck expects after that. The impending conversation is forgotten as he gets lost in the domesticity of helping Eddie and Christopher make dinner. It’s a simple spaghetti dish but Christopher relishes in showing Buck how they make it. Buck doesn’t think he stops smiling once the whole evening and he’s sure he sees Eddie watching them fondly a few times, a soft smile on his own face. It’s reassuring to experience how well they all work together even in this minute way. His anxiety is quickly replaced with contentment as they spend their evening cooking and eating together, before settling together on the couch to watch a movie until Christopher can’t keep his eyes open any longer.
When Eddie gets back from putting Christopher to bed Buck is still basking in the calm the evening had bestowed upon him. The underlying tension is still there but he feels so right, so at home under Eddie’s roof. Being with Eddie and Christopher feels like everything he’d imagined on all those late nights obsessing over soulmates and for the first time in six days he feels the ever present soft spark of hope burning brightly in his heart once again, no longer being dimmed by his oppressive thoughts.
When Eddie comes back into the room Buck’s eyes are drawn to him, watching his back as he moves through the dimly lit room and towards the kitchen.
“I’m grabbing a beer, you want one?”
“Uh-Yeah sure” Buck agrees, hoping the alcohol might sedate the butterflies that are beginning to multiply in his stomach now that he and Eddie are alone. Buck’s eyes are trained on the kitchen doorway as he waits for Eddie to reemerge. The house is silent but for the faint sounds of the fridge door and the rattle of bottle caps hitting the counter. The air is growing more and more stifling as the heavy anticipation once again begins to linger. Eddie is back in view after a few moments and Buck is unsure if Eddie is strutting in slow motion or if that’s just the haze of his mind playing tricks on him.
“So, you wanted to talk?”
Buck takes the offered drink, muttering a quiet thanks and putting off the question for a moment as he brings the bottle to his lips. He can feel Eddie’s eyes on him and his mind must be playing tricks because he almost thinks Eddie is staring at his mouth. He’s probably just projecting, afterall his own eyes had been drifting towards Eddie’s since they got here.
“Buck?” Eddie prompts and Buck’s eyes snap to his, suddenly remembering he’s the one who asked for this conversation. Eddie’s watching him, confusion coating his questioning gaze as he awaits Buck’s reply.
“Yeah, I uh. I wanted to tell you something,” Buck hedges “I need to really. You should probably know, it involves you after all”. His chuckle is forced, almost strangled. Distracted by the time spent with the Diaz boys, he hadn’t had time to plan what he’s going to say and now his mind is blanking. He tries to think of any words he can remember in hopes they’ll string themselves together into something resembling a sentence. He internally curses his jumbled thoughts for making him look foolish in front of his soulmate as Eddie’s eyes grow concerned.
“Buck. You can tell me anything, okay? We’re partners, I’ve got your back remember?”
“We’re more than just partners though, Eddie”
The words rush out and Buck knows he needs to offer further explanation but he’s drowning in the fear of rejection that has been rapidly building over the last three days. Eddie is his soulmate, there’s no doubt. His heart tells him Eddie is perfect and he tries to grasp that feeling but his mind is conflicted, telling him that Eddie may not see Buck as perfect for him. He has Christopher to think about, what if he doesn’t think Buck is good enough? What if he’s disappointed?
“Do you know?” Eddie’s question is hesitant as if he’s afraid to ask despite its vague nature. Perhaps even because of it. Eddie’s narrowed eyes are guarded and calculating, but his mouth is twisted in curious anticipation. Buck’s shoulders tense as he understands the implication, eyes narrowing accusingly.
“Yeah, I know. Have you known this whole time?” The answer is written all over Eddie’s face and Buck shakes his head before his eyes fixate on the wall behind Eddie’s shoulder “You knew and you didn’t say anything?”.
He hears the heavy accusation in his own tone and the flinch it causes but he can't bring himself to feel guilty. The bitterness is bubbling beneath the surface of his skin and he bites his lip roughly between his teeth to keep from yelling, mindful of Christopher asleep down the hall.
“Buck, I-”
“You what, Eddie? What possible reason could you have to hide this from me? If you didn’t want to be together you should have just said rather than watching me dart around like an idiot agonising over finding my soulmate”. His voice is hoarse with emotions as he wills himself not to breakdown or scream.
“It’s not like that, I swear” Eddie reaches for Buck’s arm but he sees the move coming and instinct has him jerking away.
“Well then explain it to me because from where I’m sitting I’ve spent the last three days in agony, thinking I missed my one true chance at happiness and meanwhile you’ve been watching from the sidelines with all the answers and no will to share”
The first tear falls slowly, then the rest follow in quick succession. His hand swipes at them viciously, angry at himself for allowing them to escape. He doesn’t notice Eddie’s arms pulling him close until his head is already pressed into the other man’s shoulder. He feels stupid for letting his emotions get the better of him. Being in Eddie’s arms is helping to quell his sadness despite their situation and it only intensifies how pathetic he feels.
“Buck listen to me please, I swear I wasn’t trying to hurt you or pretend it wasn’t happening or whatever else you’re worried about. Trust me, I wanted to tell you. I just didn’t know how”
“I didn’t know how to tell you either,and yet I’m here trying only to find out you already knew. You’re telling me you couldn’t find an opportunity in the last six days to say anything? God, Eddie I thought I’d lost all hope of finding you”
Buck’s reply is strained, though thankfully his tears have stopped falling despite the blur still coating his vision. Eddie’s hand rubs soothingly across his back when he hears Buck’s voice break around his name and it annoys Buck how easily he relaxes under Eddie’s hands.
“I know and I’m sorry. I let it go on for too long. I should have just found a way instead of letting my insecurities take over. I should have never put it off. Please forgive me”
Now that he’s relaxed a bit, Buck can hear the rasp in Eddie’s own voice. The comforting embrace feels more desperate than he’d originally thought, as if Eddie was scared he’d float away if he didn’t hold on tight enough. It should feel suffocating but instead he feels safe and he holds onto that feeling, vowing to try and understand Eddie’s side.
“Insecurities? What do you mean?” Buck moves his head back enough to glance at Eddie’s face when he answers and sees the way Eddie’s head tilts down, his eyes closing with a regretful wince.
“Don’t worry about it, it doesn’t matter. Just know that I never wanted to hurt you. There’s nothing I want more than to be with you, Buck, only you. If you’ll still have me, that is”
It’s never been in Buck’s nature to let things go unexplained, especially not so easily. As he ducks to catch Eddie’s eyes again he can feel the other man emploring him to do so, but he can’t gather the will. He can't shake the feeling he’s missing something vital and he needs to know.
“I can’t just not worry about you feeling like you couldn’t be honest with me. I want to understand okay? If you have a reason I want to hear it, Eddie, I want to understand your side in all this”
“Honestly, it’s stupid” Eddie pulls back to rub a hand over his face, skin stretching from the drag. He looks more tired than anyone should be after a three-minute conversation and Buck is even more determined to understand Eddie’s perspective.
“When I figured it out I thought you would know too, but you didn’t say anything and I was disappointed. A part of me even thought you knew and just didn’t want me.”
“How could I not want you?”
Eddie’s cheeks tinge pink but he otherwise ignores the comment and continues, “The vision didn’t help. I saw us arguing when I first got the station and you couldn’t stand the sight of me. I know we were in a good place by the end of shift but I was worried that our first meeting tainted your opinion. I thought that if you didn’t know we were soulmates, I had an opportunity to make a better impression before I told you, in case you didn’t believe me. I had so many different reasons and scenarios in my head about whether or not you knew and why you wouldn’t have said anything that I just wound up waiting to see if you realised”
Buck can’t help the twinge of guilt that spikes his gut as listens to Eddie’s own tails of inner turmoil. He feels bad for thinking the worst, he hadn’t pegged Eddie as insecure when they’d met and his opinion hadn’t changed in that respect until now. Now he can see the solemn agony as Eddie relays his fear and he can’t help but take Eddie’s hand in his own, squeezing reassuringly before urging him to continue.
“When you did realise, I was going to tell you. I just didn’t know how to phrase it and then you spoke about your potential soulmates and asked me to help and I was hurt. I understand now that you mixed up the date but at the time-”
“You thought I didn’t consider you a possibility” Buck discerns, feeling the regret seep deeper into his bones as the extent of his mistake becomes clearer.
“Pretty much. I told you it’s-”
“It’s not stupid Eddie. God, I’m sorry I got mad, I just- This whole situation is so messed up. I am so sorry you ever felt like you weren’t enough for me, or weren’t what I wanted. Damn, Eddie ever since I saw that picture of Christopher and knew it was you I just felt so right. It was like the pieces finally fit and I could see my future right there in front of me, with you, both of you. You are all I could have ever hoped for. I’m sorry it took me so long to catch up”
Eddie’s lets out a single soft breath of laughter, the relief catching up with him. A stray tear rolled down his cheek, the last of his anxieties leaving with it until only his newfound glee remains. The light of their two grins warms them both as they fall into an embrace, each fitting comfortably against the other.
“We’re so messed up” Eddie chuckles, chin hooking over Buck’s shoulder “Fate literally leads us to the perfect person and we still managed to make it hard on ourselves”
Buck presses his smile against Eddie’s neck as they hold each other close, then turns his face to place a soft kiss on Eddie’s cheek before speaking into his ear “Honest;y, I don’t know why I ever expected it to be easy. Now that I know Fate was leading me to someone as amazing as you I’m not surprised she made me work for it”
It has the desired effect and Eddie’s face is aflame at the compliment even as he scoffs and proclaims Buck to be cheesy. Buck hums, satisfied with Eddie’s reaction, before trailing kisses along Eddie’s jaw in a line to his mouth, relishing in the hitch in Eddie’s breath.
“Buck” Eddie whispers his name like a prayer and Buck feels it travels through his body, heating him up from within.
“Yeah?” He knows what Eddie wants but he can’t help but tease; he enjoys the soft gasp he receives when his lips brush the corner of Eddie’s mouth, having pulled back from another soft kiss to utter the word.
“Are you going to make me wait longer or are you ever going to kiss me?”
Buck pulls back to look into Eddie’s eyes, seeing the desire there and noting the way Eddie’s body is open towards him, welcoming him.
“I think we’ve waited long enough, don’t you?”
Eddie doesn’t get to answer the question, just moans softly into Buck’s mouth as their lips finally connect. With it comes the feeling Buck has been longing for, the burning passion he always imagined he’d feel when meeting his soulmate for the first time. An immediate calm encompasses his entire being. It’s overpowering, overwhelming in the best possible way. The comfort consumes him in ways he hadn’t thought possible until this moment. It’s more freeing than he’d ever imagined. He’s more happy than he had ever hoped.
Things haven't worked out as planned but they have worked. They will continue to make it work. With their budding relationship, both gain a new perspective on life, love and family as they open their lives to each other and blend them together seamlessly. They don’t know what other surprises fate will throw at them but here, in each others arms, they know they will face them head-on together.