Chapter Text
Finn was knelt down next to Lai’ra’s bed, petting her hair softly. He was still agitated, even tho it’s been some time since he felt everything.
He only sensed her fear but it was so raw and strong.
Behind him, Poe and Rey were talking quietly. Poe was describing for the tenth time what happened and Rey was making more and more questions.
Lai’ra seemed calm now, breathing slow with her left hand in a fist right next to her head. Finn pressed a soft kiss to her head and slowly got up to join the others.
“So, what are we gonna do?”
Poe intertwined their fingers together, the moment Finn came to his side.
It’s gonna be okay. Right?
“It’s not like we can ask her about it. She won’t remember it or won’t even know what happened.”
Rey was thoughtful for a moment. Then she looked at them with an unsure look and spoke in a voice that matched that look.
“There is a way...but…”
It took Finn three seconds to understand what she was talking about.
“Are you out of you mind?”
Poe was looking at them both, trying to read the room.
“Rey, she’s four years old.”
“I know that! But Finn.. there’s no other way and you know we can’t leave it like that. You can do it if you don’t trust me.”
That’s when Poe understood what was going on, because he took a step back- letting go of Finn’s hand.
“Wait, wait, wait- am i getting this right? Are you seriously suggesting using the force in her mind?! ”
“Just listen to me-”
“No you listen. I may be no Jedi or know force like you do, but even i know that using the force to someone so young, can damage their mind, so no.”
“Yes it can damage them if they resist. She’s sleeping right now there’s no way she will-”
Poe run a hand to his hair and turned around.
“Finn.” Rey turned to him.
“You felt it as much i did. There’s something really wrong about this. I get it if you don’t want me to do it. You can do it. If she does resist you just stop at once. The chance that this will actually damage her is really low.”
“Rey you know it’s not just that. You know it’s- it’s…”
Poe quickly turned to face him.
“Are you really considering this?”
Finn opened his mouth to speak but Poe cut him of.
“Don’t you even try. There’s no way i’m gonna let my daughter go through what i did.”
Oh.
Finn felt guilty he didn’t instantly thought of that. It’s been five years but it still affected Poe to this day. Finn walked to him and took his hands to his own.
“If” he gave a love of weight to that single word. “If we decide to do it, it will be nothing like that. Rey would never suggest something that would hurt her, okay? I would never let it happen.”
Poe just looked at him for some moments, a little bit of the tense slipping away.
“I don’t know Finn.”
Finn’s next worlds were like a whisper.
“You felt it too, didn’t you? That something was-”
“-terribly wrong.”
They just looked at each other for some moments. There was still conflict.
They turned to Rey at the same time.
“I’ll do it.”
To the sound of that, Poe tightened his grip.
“Okay. The moment you feel anything is wrong or you feel her resist just let go.” said Rey, as they all walked next to Lai’ra’s bed.
As Finn took a deep breath, Rey and Poe stepped aside. He needed space to breath and concentrate.
What am i doing?
“Wait.” Poe’s voice was a bit shaky. “Is this- is there no- i mean…”
Rey touched his shoulder softly.
“You can step outside if you want. It’s okay.”
Poe shook his head. “No, no i’ll stay.”
He took another shaky breath.
“I’ll stay.”
Finn was scared he was gonna push too far, or make her forget something (is that even possible?) , or hurt her in any way. But he knew this needed to be done. Because something big was going on here and he needed to know. He needed to protect her.
Okay.
He raised his hand just above her head and pushed the force, as smoothly as possible.
First he saw some images, people, toys, places- then he felt her feelings. All of them were so intense. Happiness, anger, love, fear.
Lai’ra started to move her head abruptly and took some short breaths.
I’m sorry baby just hang on a little longer.
He was close to what they were looking for, he could feel it.
“Finn?”
Poe sounded really worried and he hated that but it would soon be over.
Finn followed the feeling of fear- used it as a guidance. The more he chased it the more force he had to use and that made him even more nervous.
He could finally see some of these memories getting a shape in front of him. It was getting harder and harder to see them clear. Voices in the form of whispers, soon made their way to his ear. Most of them didn’t seem off, until he heard a specific one multiple times:
“Help me grandma Shara, please, please help me”
That sentence was strongly connected to the feeling of fear so Finn tried to follow that.
Lai’ra was struggling even more now- Finn couldn’t see her but he heard her cries, just underneath him.
“Finn? Are you done?”
I’m so close.
He didn’t speak because he was scared he would lost his concentrate and mess something up. Just as he was at the deep edges of her mind, he saw someone taking a form, a mysterious figure.
Who are you.
Lai’ra started crying and it was quickly turning to sobs.
“Finn that’s enough!” Poe’s voice felt distant.
He needed to see who or what that figure was.
And he soon enough did. It was a woman- about his age, with dark skin like his and yellow eyes. She wore black pants with a long black shirt, a black thick belt, black boots and a long black cape. Her thick dark curls were pushed out of her face with something that was between a metallic ribbon and a crown- in her forehead.
She was looking directly to him.
“Well, well.”
Her voice was bitter and warm.
“See little girl? I told you so.”
The last thing Finn saw before getting out of his daughter’s mind, was the lightsaber that was hanging from that stranger’s leather belt.
“Finn please stop!”
He removed himself complete and opened his eyes, breathing hard. He had tons of questions and was worried sick about that intruder he discovered on Lai’ra’s mind. But he had no time to think because when he looked down at her, she was looking at him with her big tired and frightened eyes and he realised immediately, in a moment that split his heart in two pieces, what that look meant.
She’s scared of me.
His eyes burned and produced tears in a heartbeat. He was speechless- afraid to even move, just looking at her.
What have i done.
“Nena? Are you oka-”
Poe was cut short when Lai’ra raised her hand and pushed them- freaking pushed all three of them, using the force. The force.
Even as he was in a complete shock, he and Rey immediately pushed back, clearly because of their quick reflexes.
What the heck is going on? How does she know how to do that? Why is she doing that? How is she this strong with the force? I knew she was strong but this- this is different. How is she equally strong as me and Rey together?
Everything happened so fast, he didn’t have time to protect Poe, so he hit the wall and fell to the ground.
“Poe stay behind us!”
From the edge of Rey’s voice, Finn could tell she was struggling as much as he was. Not that this was comforting.
“Both of you stop! What are you doing?!”
“We’re not attacking her, we’re just defending ourselves!”
Poe tried to move a bit forward with a struggle.
He’s hurt. Finn thought.
“Nena? Nena please stop it’s me. Whatever you’re scared of i’m here. I’m here baby let me come to you.”
Lai’ra looked at Poe- still crying, and Finn felt her loosen up a little bit.
“That’s it nena, lo estás haciendo genial”
She was pushing even less now- and so where Finn and Rey.
“That’s my brave little girl”
Poe was really close to her now. The moment she completely stop, he reached out to hug her but she physically pushed his hand away.
“No! I don’t want you!”
Finn could see the pain being written in Poe’s face, in a matter of seconds.
“Nena it’s me. I love y-”
“No you’re bad like her and you make me scared! I don’t love you”
At that, her tearful eyes also looked at Finn.
With a move of her hand, Rey opened the door, to reveal a very concerned Kes.
“What was that noise? Why is everyone shouting i-”
“Grandpa!”
Lai’ra jumped from her bed and run straight at him. He picked her up while still looking at them very confused and worried. Poe got up and came close to them, trying to reach out to her again.
“Mija please-”
“No!” She started screaming and her cries were louder. “Leave me! Abuelo don’t let them please, please, please”
Finn couldn’t take this any longer. His knees gave up as they hit the ground and he buried his face to his hands.
“Shhh, no cariño it’s okay” Kes was talking softly to her.
“Dad just-” Poe took a breath to steady his voice. “Just take her to your room and stay with her please. Make sure she sleeps and i’ll explain everything in the morning.”
With a nod of his head disappeared. After some moments Finn heard the door of his room close. That’s when Poe collapsed to the ground too. Rey sat on the bed with a sigh and Finn came to Poe, still worried.
“Are you hurt?”
His voice was weak. “Just my hand.” he pointed right above the elbow and Finn kissed him there.
His hand was the last thing. Finn could feel his pain and it was a torture.
BB-8 quietly rolled next to him with sad beeps following. Poe smiled softly.
“Yeah i know. I love you too buddy.”
They all just sat quietly there for some moments, until Lai’ra’s cries from the next room, finally stopped. That’s when Rey spoke.
“So? Did you at least find anything or was it all for nothing?”
“I did.”
He explained everything as best as he could. While he was describing the situation, Poe and Rey didn’t interrupt him, not even once. When he was finally done Poe buried his face, in his hands and then his whole body started shaking.
Finn embraced him immediately into a tight hug.
“Shhh, it’s gonna be okay, we can fix this”
Can we really, tho.
“How, Finn-” Poe was struggling to breath. “How are we gonna fix this? How…”
Finn hugged him tighter and placed kisses on the top of Poe’s head.
“We’ll find a way. We will.” He sounded way more confident than he was.
He made eye contact with Rey. She understood him immediately so he broke of.
“Okay.” She said. “Let’s call it a night. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”
Finn nodded. “You can stay in Lai’ra’s bed-”
“No that’s okay. I’ll sleep in the couch as always.”
She got up and took a pillow and a pair of blankets from the closet.
“Rey, there’s also a pair of pajamas underneath… yeah right there.”
Rey found the old pair of pajamas that used to belong to Finn and closed the closet.
In any other day, she would joke and say something like “Can’t i borrow Poe’s since he’s you know, barely 1,50m tall?” and Poe would answer something like “Oh? You consider yourself to be funny right now?”
But tonight, Rey just breathed a “goodnight” and left room, closing the door behind her.
Finn managed to put Poe to bed and then changed into pajamas and joined him quickly. He brushed Poe’s hair with his fingers softly, (a move he new, his husband loved), and with a low voice he would tell him again and again that “i’m here and i love you” and Poe would answer the same.
They stayed like that for a long time and only when Poe finally slept, Finn allowed himself to rest.