Chapter Text
Days quietly slip into weeks and before Evan knows it school is letting out for winter break and Zoe had been living with him for a little over two months. Evan can’t remember a time in his life when he’s been happier. And for as much as he’s watched Zoe, he thinks he’s never seen her happier too. She had a lightness to her, probably due to the fact she was no longer bearing the burden of brother alone and Connor was actually trying to get better. He never confronted Evan or Zoe again at school after punching Evan or made any attempts to reach out to Zoe, but Zoe knew about his progress through her mom.
Zoe’s parents started by putting Connor into weekly, sometimes bi-weekly therapy sessions to work through his anger and why he felt the need to take it out on Zoe. Therapy wasn’t exactly the cure-all the Murphy’s were hoping for, because Connor would decide he didn’t like the therapist and refuse to go back, until there was almost none left in their immediate area, and therapy didn’t help him with getting sober—Connor insisted that he was self-medicating and that the drugs weren’t part of the problem. That was until his parents found him passed out on a park bench after smoking weed that had been laced with meth without his knowledge. And Connor was so shaken up about the incident he agreed to more intense treatments.
This final push to get Connor real help involved sending him to a 10-week rehabilitation center about an hour outside of their town, where he would get daily one-on-one therapy and weekly group therapy, all while learning to live without getting high and how to use healthy coping methods when he felt out of control. He had started last week, and Zoe’s parents continually asked her to come along to their weekly visits, but she wasn’t ready to be around him, not yet anyways.
Zoe especially struggled with her lack of wanting to keep in touch and try with her own biological family and the happiness she felt when she immersed herself into Evan’s family. Her past abuses kept her from wanting to be with them, but her past good experiences, from when her and Connor were small and inseparable made her keep trying, because to give up and leave completely would mean giving up the hope that she could have her best friend back, and she wasn’t quite ready to give that up either.
She tried her best to manage both families, living with Evan, but having dinner out with her parents (when Connor was at therapy) once a week, going to Heidi when she needed mom-advice (like deciding on what type of birth control would be best for her and going to Planned Parenthood with her), but texting her mom for less serious stuff, like to help pick out a winter formal dress and order a boutonniere, taking comfort in the relationship she and Evan had built together, but attempting to reach out to Connor by sending him a ‘good luck’ text when he left for rehab, inviting her parents to the jazz band concert, but singing and playing from her private repertoire at home for Evan and Heidi. It was hard, but Zoe was managing and she couldn’t wait for winter break and all that it entailed: winter formal, learning about and celebrating Hanukkah, making Christmas cookies with Evan (her holiday contribution), getting a break from school, and overall just relaxing from the stress last semester had brought her and Evan.
==
Evan and Zoe were getting ready to go to their school’s winter formal that night. Evan knew Zoe really wanted to go and sophomores could only go if they were invited by an upperclassman i.e. him, so he buried all his anxiety about how awful the dance would be and had asked her a couple weeks before, which he was immensely proud of himself for. He waited until his mom was at work and Zoe had left to have dinner with her parents, he normally went with her, but that night he feigned being sick and got to work as soon as she left. He’d enlisted Jared to help set up his house because he knew they’d have to be quick, as sometimes Zoe came home early from visiting her parents.
The boys got to work dangling twinkling fairy lights (to remind Zoe of the stars) and filling Zoe and Evan’s room with flowers he had his mom hide in her room earlier that day, Evan even lit some candles to set a romantic stage for an intricate winter formal proposal. Normally Evan would be nervous to do something this elaborate as well as follow through by going to the dance, but he knew how much it meant to Zoe, which made him prioritize and cherish it. It was his first chance to do something like this as her boyfriend, and his made him giddy-anxious about how excited he knew Zoe would be. His last step was to tape a simple beautifully written note (he tried really hard) to the front door so Zoe would see it as soon as she got home, and she’d know to go straight to their room.
Evan sat patiently in their room fiddling with his thumbs, waiting until he heard the lock of Zoe’s car and the front door open. He stood so that he’d be the first thing Zoe saw as she walked through the door, and he’s pretty sure his heart skipped several beats when Zoe walked through with the biggest smile on her face he’d ever seen. He picks her up and spins her around before asking simply, “Zoe Murphy, will you to winter formal with me?” Instead of answering Zoe just nods excitedly and kisses him.
Evan remembered like it was a dream, he doesn’t know how he’ll top this proposal for future ones, and yeah he knows it’s too soon to think about that with both of them having multiple years of high school left, but the thought of spending his whole life with Zoe makes him flush with excitement.
Zoe had been getting ready in his mom’s room so that Evan couldn’t peek at her hair, make-up, or dress before she walked out as a big reveal for photos. And since Evan took a considerable less amount of time to get ready, he was left waiting awkwardly in his living room with Larry Murphy.
Zoe had invited her parents to take pictures and see them off from the Hansen’s, and even though Evan had gotten to know her parents a little better, he was still hesitant around Cynthia and Larry, not 100% sold on their sincerity after not doing anything for so long. But Zoe was trying to forgive them, and he’d support her in whatever she wanted, hence him standing awkwardly in his living room, trying to avoid talking by shifting his weight back and forth on his feet.
Larry tries to make conversation, turning to Evan and clapping him on the back saying, “You look nice son, where are you and Zoe going for dinner again?”
“Th-thanks,” Evan stumbles out looking down at his attire, he did have to agree though, his all black suit and simple gold bowtie (gold was the only hint Zoe would give about her dress) looked really good on him, before continuing, “I, uh, I think w-w-were going to 54 Below. Um, Zoe picked it”.
“That’s a nice restaurant, you kids will have a lot of fun,” Larry says, and before he can continue to probably give a “dad talk” about how to treat “his little girl” as if Evan didn’t already treat Zoe like she was the center of his universe (because she was), they hear Cynthia and Heidi emerge from the back bedroom, awing over how pretty Zoe looked, leaving so that Zoe could “make an entrance”.
Evan catches his mom’s eyeline and she winks at him smiling, while getting out her phone to take pictures, and he starts getting nervous about seeing Zoe. What if she’s disappointed in the corsage he picked out? What if he couldn’t order at the restaurant? What if they got to the dance and everyone wondered who the loser with the beautiful Zoe Murphy was?
But as Zoe slows walks out from the hallway, all of Evan’s worries melt away and are replaced with awe and love for the girl in front of him. Zoe was absolutely stunning. Her dress was pretty, long and form-fitting with long sleeves and short train and covered in sparkly gold floral appliques, but nothing compared to Zoe herself. She styled her hair into big curls, pushed away from her face with big gold pins and kept her make-up simple and elegant. Evan thought he might pass out right in front of everyone, because he forgot how to breathe, but Zoe grabbed his hands and for once didn’t have to reach up to kiss his cheek, whispering to him, “Hey Ev”.
“Zo, you l-l-look amazing, not that you d-d-don’t always look a-a-amazing, but just just I can’t d-describe”, Evan tells her as she pulls away, he goes to ramble on more unintelligible compliments (something he hadn’t done in long time in front of her) as she smiles widely and pulls him back in for a real kiss, forgetting their parents were only a few feet away. Evan relaxes into their kiss, letting it go a little further than he should have, but he didn’t really care right now. As they break away, they remember they have an audience as Cynthia squeals, “You kids, time for corsages and boutonnieres, and more pictures!”
Evan smiles and leads Zoe to the counter where Heidi had set out their flowers and both teens were excited to see what the other had picked. Zoe went first, picking up Evan’s boutonniere to show him. She had picked out mini white roses and mini pinecones with baby’s breath and lots of deep green leaves and a few pine boughs wrapped in a delicate gold floral tape. Not only was it a perfect match to Evan’s corsage, it was perfectly Evan. Evan smiled at her as she tried to pin it to his suit, giggling as she narrowly missing jabbing him with the pin. “I love it, it’s perfect just like you”, Evan tells her, kissing her cheek sweetly, unsure how much more PDA they could get away with in front of their parents. Evan grabs his corsage for Zoe and watches as her eyes light up seeing it. Evan had also picked out white roses, one big one surrounded by a bunch of mini ones, complemented by tiny pine boughs and baby’s breath, with sparkly gold ribbon woven throughout with extra side ribbon to tie it on Zoe’s wrist. Without knowing it, they had both ordered the perfect flowers for their perfect night.
Evan and Zoe pose for many pictures requested by both moms, confirm they know their curfew, accept many more compliments on how nice they look, and finally they’re able to make their way to Zoe’s car and have a moment to themselves.
“Zoe, I love you so much. I think you know how nervous I’ve been for the dance, but honestly, seeing how happy you are, I would go through that again a hundred times over, if it meant being with you in this moment. You make me feel like I can do anything and overcome every obstacle. I think I’m actually looking forward to seeing everyone be jealous at the dance. There will be no one there who compares to you”, Evan tells her, looking her in the eye, making slow circles on her palm with his thumb, not letting go of her hand, trying to emphasize how much he means every word.
Zoe, feeling slightly overwhelmed with emotion and blinking back tears (she was not going to let her make-up get ruined) doesn’t say anything, just nods her head and leans over the tiny console to kiss him deeply. Before things get too heated, they pull away from each other, admiring how they were still able to make each other blush, and Zoe whispers, “I love you too Evan” against his ear, sealing her sentiment with a sweet kiss to his cheek.
The night they have is the appropriate amount of cliché, mixed with fun novelty, and a beautiful reminder that they don’t always have to carry the weight of the world upon their shoulders, that they can just be two teenagers having fun at school dance with each other. Evan was absolutely right, no one compares to how beautiful Zoe looks, and he doesn’t hesitate to tell her all through the night. Zoe convinces him to dance with her, to romantic slow songs and to the faster upbeat ones too, and Evan finds himself loving both, not once thinking about how awkward he must have looked, his mind only consumed with thoughts of Zoe. They take pictures with the school-hired photographer against the cheesy snowflake back drop, they eat mini-cupcakes with icicle-blue frosting, and they enjoy the time they have together. When they get home and find a note from Heidi saying she got called in to work, Evan helps Zoe with her dress and Zoe helps Evan with his stiff shirt buttons and they continue to enjoy being together. And when future Evan looks back on his desk and sees their dried flowers, a perfect matching set, he’s not really sure if anything would ever be better than this night.
==
Zoe is looking forward to Hanukkah starting and getting to know more about the holiday and she was even more excited that her parents were spending Christmas at Connor’s treatment center, so all the pressure was off of her to spend the upcoming holiday with her family, instead getting to show Evan and Heidi some of her favorite holiday traditions.
This year Heidi thought it could be nice to do a sort-of Christmas/Hanukkah combination where for the eight days they celebrated they could exchange eight smaller gifts and take turns lighting the menorah (something Zoe loved doing), and the two teens happily agreed, excited about a real reason to buy and make each other things. Evan’s favorite thing he gave Zoe was a collections of macramé bracelets he made, they were colorful and intricate, and Zoe said she’d never take them off because they reminded her of him. Zoe’s favorite gift to Evan was a small painting she made of his favorite apple tree in the orchard, where she delicately painted them together, sitting beneath the branches, very much like the first day they had talked to each other. Evan treasures it the way he treasures the real memory and he hangs it proudly above his desk, fitting perfectly into the wall that had started as one photo booth strip and had become so much more, a monument to their relationship.
Zoe had convinced Evan to let her parents pay for an all-inclusive spa trip as Heidi’s final present, not only did she deserve it, but Zoe also wanted to do something really special for the women she felt closer to than her real mom. Heidi was ecstatic over both of their thoughtfulness and tried to hint that the day she was at the spa maybe Zoe could spend with her parents or maybe even Connor if she felt up to it.
After talking it over with Evan and him telling her she wasn’t a bad person if she didn’t want to go and she wasn’t a bad person if she wanted to go either, all between loving kisses. Whatever she chose to do he would support her and encourage her, which is how they ended up driving to Connor’s rehab center on a blustery, freezing Saturday before they were scheduled to head back to school. Evan was coming with her, but they decided he’d stay outside, ready to step in if necessary, but far enough away to let Zoe talk to Connor on her own. It’d been three months since Zoe had had any contact with Connor, besides her one text, which he never responded to.
After they had parked and signed in, Zoe found herself frozen in the corridor next to Connor’s room. Her abrupt stop causes Evan to lurch forward, yanking their interwoven hands apart. Evan sees how scared Zoe looks and takes the few steps back to her and wraps his arms around, gently kissing her temple before saying, “Zo, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, we could turn around right now and forget today happened, but if you still want to, you don’t have to do it alone. We’re in this together. Always.”
Zoe looks up at him, her big green eyes glittering with unshed tears, then nods her head and curls into him more. They stay like that for a few minutes before Zoe pulls away, tears iced over with steely resolve, a look Evan has seen way too many times on her for his liking, but he’s proud of her anyways. She grabs his hand and pulls him onward, saying, “I can do this, we’re just talking. I can leave whenever I want”. And Evan’s pretty sure she’s talking to herself more than him, so he opts to squeeze her hand in support.
They stop in front of Connor’s room and Zoe takes a deep breath, drops Evan’s hand and is about to knock on the door, when Evan pulls her back to kiss her softly, whispering, “I love you and you can do this”. She smiles appreciatively at him before resuming knocking on the door.
After a few seconds, the door opens quickly with a confused looking Connor standing behind it. He’s healthier looking than Zoe remembers him being in a long time. His hair is clean and pulled back, he doesn’t look so pale and ghastly, and he looks like he’s put on a bit of weight, not looking so gangly and skinny, but healthily slim and tall.
Connor speaks first after a few moments of silence between the three, “Hey Zoe, hey Evan. I didn’t think you’d come here”.
“I th-thought we could t-talk maybe,” Zoe says shakily, nervous about how Connor might react, with good reason as the next thing Connor says is, “Jeez Zo, spending a little too much time with Evan I see. You’re stammering just like him”.
Zoe doesn’t even say anything back to him, just grabs Evan’s arm and turns on her heels, and starts to walk away, muttering that this was a huge mistake. What she doesn’t expect is Connor to follow after them, gently tapping her shoulder and apologizing. She turns around to hear him say, “I’m sorry Zoe. That was uncalled for. You have every right to be nervous around me, but you showed up, with Evan too, and it made me panicky, so I just defaulted to saying something mean as a defense mechanism. I really want to talk to you to. I have a lot more to apologize for”.
Zoe looks at Connor with an awestruck expression on her face. She would have never imagined her brother, violent, volatile Connor would actually apologize to her, not once, but twice and admit that he was wrong. Zoe looks to Evan in this awkward silent moment the three of them were sharing, and Evan squeezes her hand, letting her know his original offer still stood—they could leave and not look back, or stay and hear Connor out—whatever she decides he would stand by it one hundred percent. Zoe squeezes his hand back and turns to face Connor, and Evan knows they’re staying.
“Okay let’s talk”, Zoe says a little more coolly than she had intended, but then again, she did have a lot of pent-up anger towards him, and waves her hand to, instructing Connor to lead them back to his room.
Connor’s room looks a lot like what Zoe imagines a dorm room to look like, but without any personal touches, plain gray bedding on a twin bed, a plain dresser, and one older looking chair next to a window, with a couple of books placed on it.
“I can, um, ask the staff if we could have another chair, for Evan,” Connor says lamely, just now realizing their wasn’t much space for them all to sit comfortably, “When Mom and Dad are here, we normally meet in like the rec room”, he finishes awkwardly.
“We’ll sit on the bed, you can sit in the chair over there,” Zoe instructs while pulling Evan down to the bed with her, the thought of him staying outside and not by her side was now inconceivable to her. Even if Evan didn’t say anything or do anything other than hold her hand, it made her feel better to have him near.
“How are you doing?”, Zoe asks Connor, not really sure how to start the emotionally charged conversation she was sure they were about to have.
“Um, good. The first couple of weeks were pretty terrible. But I like my therapist, she’s the only one I’ve liked, and the library here is cool”, Connor says tugging on the draw strings of his hoodie before adding, “How have you been?”
“Good. Better than I have been in a long time”, Zoe replies giving Connor a hard glare, and when she sees him wince, she knows he understands what she means.
“Look, Zo, I have a lot to apologize for, and I know that we’re not all of a sudden going to be best friends from one apology, but I’m willing to try”, Connor says, lifting his gaze from the ground to meet Zoe’s. Zoe nods her head, urging Connor to continue, “I used to feel really out of control, almost like an out-of-body experience, like even though I wanted to stop doing terrible things, I couldn’t. So, I turned to weed first, then harder stuff later on, to make me feel more in control, but it just got worse, and then you became the target of all my anger and lack of control. And then everything spiraled. The person who I am, the person I want to be is the one who loves reading and lame jokes and drawing, and he was suddenly gone and was replaced by someone I don’t want to be anymore. I don’t want my little sister to be terrified of me, I don’t want to be so unhinged that I try to choke you. I want to be the brother that defends you, that you can come to, that we complain about mom and dad together, that would beat the shit out this guy” he pauses, glancing at Evan sitting protectively next to Zoe, “…again if he ever dared to break your heart. I want to be better, and I can be better”.
“Okay”, Zoe says, her voice barely above a whisper, “I haven’t forgiven you; I need you to know that first, but I think I could eventually. I want those things too. I want my brother back, and I think you can be better.”
Evan looks between the two Murphy siblings and squeezes Zoe’s hand giving her support through both of their admissions.
It a couple minutes before anyone speaks again and surprisingly, it’s Connor who breaks the ice with, “There’s board games in the rec room if you guys want to stay and play? Zoe, I know you used to love Monopoly. I don’t know if you still like it, but they, uh, have it?”
Zoe and Evan share a look, communicating to each other silently, both agreeing to stay a little while longer, to try, even if they felt emotionally drained. “We’ll stay, only if I get to be the dog though”, Zoe says feeling lighter when she sees Connor’s mouth twinge up into a small smile.
They weren’t perfect and they probably never would be and there would be tumultuous highs and lows, but that afternoon the agreement was made, that they would try. And Evan thinks, observing the two quietly, that the deep emotional bruise that was Zoe and Connor’s relationship maybe started to heal and fade away just a bit.