Chapter Text
Sitting down at the counsel table next to Father. Admittedly, that impromptu exchange with Mother, had not gone well... Far from it in fact... Actually, he had been rather hoping not to have encountered her at all this morning, but apparently fate had other ideas.
Also, Fate apparently brought Grandfather back to life. So Mother says Grandfather is alive. Everything Mother said nonetheless had to be taken with a grain of salt.
It would be like her to instill false hope that Ra was alive. How could he be? It made no sense. He was dead. Absolutely dead. Mother had said that Ra's body was too damaged for the Pit to have worked. Nonetheless, maybe someone had put him in the Pit anyways, and it hadn't been too late? If that's so, it would have taken a long time for the pit to have resurrected him. Evidently he would not be the same person he knew from before.
Nonetheless, there was no point in thinking about such things that was not sure to be true.
He would believe it when he saw it.
Anyways, it had been a surprise to have Mother actually talking to him and Father today. For she had not been seen, nor heard from since the Appearance meeting a couple months prior. Only a couple questions had been asked of both Father and Mother, but their representatives did most of the talking at that time. After many such meeting's prior, it was determined in that particular Appearance meeting that the trial would begin as of this week. This was for which he was grateful for, even though it had happened months ago, he was tired of being 'mentally' examined by the court psychologist. Even Father, and presumably Mother, underwent such grueling treatments. Not knowing what to feel anymore, he desensitized. It was like this was happening, but just not to him.
With a dread of numbness, a rather defeating surge of helplessness washed over him.
Great.
How belittling.
At least from the time he spent at the League, he had learned one thing from Mother and not his trainers. That was the blank facade of emotion. Or rather the ability to appear emotionless in front of another individual. Especially people yielding weapons and such at you. (Tears would only serve to getting in the way. The scar still proves testimony to that... ) Some say the ability to cloak his emotions is threatening, some say its dangerous to only himself, and others unfortunately say its cute and proceed to tickle him to death.***
Tt.
Nonetheless, for her, his emotions can never be hid so easily. She seems to be able to see right through him. Whether that's because she's his mother, or because she was the one who raised him (or more so ordered other people to raise him), who knows? Nevertheless, that needed to change. He needed to be stronger. This was not for Father, not for Pennyworth, not for Grayson, not for Todd, nor for his beloved animals, or the insufferable Drake, or for even Mother. He needed to become stronger for himself.
Right now however, there was just blankness.
It was like looking through an old movie slide projector, (Father had shown him one once) and he was watching his life take place while sitting there doing nothing.
There had been preparation for weeks since the phone-call from Father's Lawyer confirming the trial date. Since then, everything around him, he had been cherishing more so. It was for just 'in case'. Indeed, if worse comes to worse, he might go back to training at the league. If that were so, that would be the need for him to become stronger. Whatever happened today, good, or bad, resilience was key. Resilience to every ploy Mother might try to throw. Plus, also resilience to the emotions tolling around the fact that the judge might not rule in his favor, and that answer would have to just be 'ok'. However, nothing seemed really real.
Under the specific circumstances, it was especially true to the fact, that he couldn't even properly represent himself considering his age. A 'law guardian', or rather a lawyer who was specialized in the dealings of children in such cases as his, had been appointed to their case. (Tt, like he was an infant or something...) Over the last few months he had gotten to know his 'lawyer' very much so through the required investigation. Throughout such inquiry of himself, he made it profoundly clear every step of the way for the preference to staying with Father, and how Mother wasn't always, well, what one would imagine a mother was supposed to be. Neither was Father especially so. What do you expect however? They dress up, and go out to fight crime at night? It was never going to be normal in their civilian life for any member of their family. At least there had been a civilian life with Father, with Mother it had all been about the League. However, throughout all of this, even with his Lawyers understanding, and genuine willingness to help, it was of no assurance that anything said would help. It had to be decided of what was in his 'best interest'. However, what exactly was his 'best interest'?
In all honesty, he wasn't supposed to come to the trial. There was nothing of any great importance that him being there could accomplish. It all had to be hashed out between the witnesses, Judge, and honestly just his parents and lawyers. If he said anything or attempted to promote his inclination of staying with Father, that would only go to make Father look bad in court. It was already bad enough that he was here. Knowing that Judges frowned upon it, but also knowing that if he didn't come he would just go stir-crazy, he came. Also, who knows what the League may have been attempting to do... The decision for his appearance was last minute to throw any potential assassins/kidnappers off the case.
The New's at the moment could only be just imaginable. It was already a shock to multiple reporters that he had attended the trial. The Wayne Family had offered no comment as to whether or not Damian Wayne would be attending. So it was highly assumed that he was not. As apparent to people's surprise, was the extra flashing of lights from the cameras, and microphones blazing with questions that he wished he could shove back in the reporters own faces, microphone and all. Had no one ever heard of 'personal space'? It was a bubble that everyone had invaded that morning, and most likely were going to invade again when this was over with. At least him and Father were safe inside from the reporters and their cameras. Grayson had at one time called them worse than the whole entire League of Assassins put together. Which at the time he had scoffed at, but now completely agreed with. Imagining it now, he could see, 'The League of Reporters', Death from the invasion of personal space.
Aside from the reporters practically making themselves one with the closed door, there was a high security issue. Therefore, they had Barbara monitoring the Manor, Batcave, and Courtroom at that moment for any suspicious activity that the sheriff deputy himself couldn't detect. That was what the microscopic headpiece in Fathers ear was for at the moment. Not particularly visible, but still there. Nonetheless, with all the extra security would it be worth it in the end?
If push came to shove, he knew that Father would divulge of Mothers alliance with the League. However in such cases, they all knew that Talia wouldn't then hesitant to reveal their secret identities. If Mother couldn't have her way, then that would mean he couldn't either.
In that particular case, he might not be allowed to stay with either Mother or Father. The court might then rule for him to be sent off to an institution, or an even orphanage.
With so much uncertainty, he needed to build a wall around his emotions. A wall so formidable that even Mother could not break through. What had occurred this morning was something that couldn't be allowed to repeat. If there was to be a fight with Mother, the fight was going to have to be, bull with bull. Nevertheless, without being truly in complete control, there wasn't really too much he could say... Witnesses were going to have to be relied on... and those witnesses were his brothers, Pennyworth and Father... His Family...
Allowing thoughts of his mind to build brick by brick, memories flooded through him in waves.
Who knows if the gentle snores from Titus sleeping on his chest would ever be heard again. Or what about ever being able to sneak an extra kitty treat to Alfred, even though he's already had too many? Or what about even scratching Bat cow behind her floppy ears feeling a couple of head nudges from the top of her chin butting against him?
Then what about Pennyworth's sad attempts at making pancakes? He would give anything to just eat those cement frisbee's again. Plus would they ever get to find the right recipe through numerous attempts in order to find the most satisfying tabbouleh?
Also who knows when he would ever get a chance in the future to squirm his way out of Graysons overbearing grasp, and to be made in danger to an overload of Mother henning, and contrite attempts for him and Drake to stop fighting.
Plus Drake, if he wasn't there, who would then call his brother Drake an idiot again? Someone had too.
Then their was Todd, the red helmeted psycho would also too be dearly missed. Especially when he was allowed to wear his helmet. However he thought that was Todd trying to annoy Father more than the fact of allowing him to wear the helmet. It was much to Father's obvious displeasure. Something about blowing off his head or something? That bit was still quite confusing. Why would you keep explosives in something you wore on your head? Now that would be the real idiot...
Then, their was indeed Father, of course Father would be missed, dearly so. Shall he say more so than the rest? Yes, but he couldn't articulate into thoughts as to why. Maybe it was because there was a sting at his heart when he thought about Father. Maybe it was because it made the whole situation so surreal. This was actually happening.
And he didn't even think Batman could save him at this point if they were to lose. Batman abides by the law. and if Batman couldn't save him, how could Father be expected too? He was just Bruce Wayne.
Being so lost into the reprieve of thoughts, he was shaken out of them when a hand fell onto his shoulder.
"It's about to begin Damian." A voice whispered through the accompanying fog.
Looking up he saw that it was Father looking at him with a mildly concerned expression. Everything around seemed so gray and muddled, like if it were a dream. When he didn't reply since he was still somewhat confused, Father ran his hand through his hair, messing up the work Pennyworth had meticulously worked on that morning for the second time.
"Damian? It's going to be ok. All of us are here to help you. " Father said whilst still combing his hair.
"Emphasis on the 'all' ya old man." a voice sounded to the side of him, startling him through the alarming haze of befuddlement.
Todd. That was Todd...
Looking up, realizing to his astonishment that it was not only Todd that was here, but it was everyone. Everyone was sitting around the counsel table.
Everyone?
When had they gotten here?
Whilst thinking, he must have been in such a deep amount of thought to not even have heard them flocking around the table. Especially if they did so together.
That was strange. Actually, he didn't even really remember all that had happened. It felt like only a few seconds had passed from the time that he had sat down, to now.
"Yea Dami,..." Grayson suddenly spoke up enfolding him in a hug. Apparently Grayson had switched seats with Todd also without him realizing it. "Big Bird's here to help!"
Being constricted by the human teddy bear, he almost choked when he heard Drake's voice.
"Jason can you grab me another coffee from the break roo- Ow! DON'T PUNCH ME!"
Drake was here as well? He knew that they all would come, but it just didn't seem all too real. They were all here? Was he really here?
Being shaken quite literally out of his downward spiral of thoughts, he felt the shaking of Grayson's torso from laughter. Then he saw Todd looking at Drake with both a concerned and smug look.
"Ya trying to kill'a yourself Timmer's? Chill and Drink's some @#$% apple juice for me." Todd said as he slid a cup of what was assumed to be apple juice Drake's way.
"But-" he heard Drake begin to argue, but then was quickly interrupted,
"No but's Tim, Ya'know dese bat's shooten another intervention soon, delay it. Even if itz for a bit. Dey can be so @#$% terrifying at times. Drink ya' juice." Todd said while gulping his own juice.
Watching the ongoing conversation unfold at the table, Alfred was now lecturing Jason on the use of language and the strict behaviors that ought to be followed, especially those pertaining in a courtroom.
Intently being drawn in to the sea of other peoples conversations, he forgot that Grayson was still the human cling-wrap, and had his arm's wrapped around him.
So that is why he flinched in surprise when he heard a voice, Grayson's, whisper in his ear, murmuring words of comfort along with,
"Its going to be ok Dami, I promise. This is just an average routine. It's part of the legal process. Some things might change. However this, this won't. I promise that we as a family are always going to be there for you."
With a tide washing over him, he felt his heart clench.
Remain emotionless...Clench...Remain emotionless...Clench...Remain emotionless... Cle-
...
"Tt." he scoffed, pushing Grayson off of him.
"I'm not the least bit concerned. Mother couldn't keep me if she tried." he muttered under his breath...
...
With that came the usual smile from Grayson. It was the kind when Grayson knew that what he said wasn't the total truth. However, the matter was as usual dropped. Grayson decidedly gave him a pat on the head, and began to strike a conversation up with Drake who was looking he was about to make acquaintances with the table.
The truth was in fact, he was genuinely worried, but at least his family was here.
Even if it was for one last time.
Nonetheless, if there was a group of people that he did trust to rescue him, it was them. That was because they were crazier than the whole Justice League put together.
They were a force not to be reckoned with... So let the Robin's and Batman reunite for potentially the last time, because they would sure put up a stupid good fight.
Dissociation refers to being disconnected from the present moment. It is a subconscious way of coping and avoiding a traumatic situation or negative thoughts.
When a person experiences dissociation they become disconnected from their surroundings or from themselves. This works to manage potentially overwhelming emotional experiences such as traumatic memories and may temporarily reduce feelings of shame, anxiety, or fear (but not function as a long-term fix)."<br />
~An Overview of Dissociation Anxiety by https://www.verywellmind.com/dissociation-anxiety-4692760