Chapter Text
Things changed very quickly. In the following week, he was rushed from room to room as the doctors performed test after test. This was all after his first surgery to remove the pink roses lodged in his throat to relieve him of a little pain. His final decision had been to let himself be consumed by the disease, which everyone was absolutely horrified about.
His mother had fallen into the 5 stages of grief immediately, demanding to know who was the source of this (something that Namjoon found comical as he himself had already grieved so long ago about him loving his Jin that anyone being sad about his coming death felt surreal), and the members reacted in much the same way.
Hoseok and Jimin cried for days on end while Jungkook and Taehyung were angry at him for his decision, not because it could end their careers but because they couldn’t believe that he wasn’t strong enough to seek treatment or even tell them that he had Hanahaki anyways. ‘Twitter! Twitter found out before us! And now you’re not even going to fight it?’ Jungkook screamed.
Nobody asked though, nobody dared ask who it was.
Yoongi watched them all, taking Jin’s place as the ‘eldest’ taking care of all of them. Nobody had seen Jin in days, he hadn’t come out of what used to be his and Namjoon’s room since he’d found out. It destroyed him the most, it truly did.
All Yoongi could do was watch now.
He cooked food and brought it to Namjoon’s hospital room. Yoongi started a live and informed ARMY of how Namjoon was doing in the hospital, carefully steering clear of questions like ‘when will he be better?’ and ‘when will he be out?’. It seemed like ARMY had infinite confidence that Namjoon would make it. It was quite heartwarming that their fans acted like they were actually ‘bulletproof boys’.
Yoongi took care of Jimin when he cried for so long and so hard that he didn’t eat anymore and he brought Hoseok back to the dorms when he just danced in the practice room until he was out of breath or passed out from channelling all of his grief and sadness into his dancing.
He would knock on Jin’s door every once in a while, leaving some food outside. Yoongi heard crying sometimes and he heard quiet whispering sometimes, as if Jin was praying for Namjoon to just come home again and be safe.
Which he did and was going to.
—
When the doctors tried to dislodge the roses from his throat, they found nothing there apart from a few wilting petals. His Hanahaki was curing itself. The doctors were shocked but frankly overjoyed (some of them were fans of BTS and RM) and he was discharged soon after that.
The next few months were strange to say the least. Namjoon posted on all of their social media the day he was released to inform ARMY’s that he was alright, and from there on, everything became ‘normal’ again.
They worked had to produce songs and practice dances for their new comeback, they went to fanmeets, did a few variety shows and Namjoon went back to his role in Bangtan as a leader. The other members never spoke about the incident; they found it too painful to. Yoongi was the only one who brought it up one night when he was drinking with Namjoon in the recording studio, only to ‘complain’ about having to take care and cook for everyone.
And so, just like that, everything was fixed. Namjoon and Jin were even roommates again, they switched back when he left the hospital. Their relationship was changed forever though; Namjoon knew, but he never wanted to go back to the roses and Jin crying. Better avoiding me than sad, Namjoon thought.
He was still very much in love with Jin, the flowers in his throat disappearing were nothing but a complete mystery. But the members were happy, and Namjoon decided that it was more than enough for him. The ARMYs never really found out about his choice and BigHit thought it was best to keep it that way. It probably was, too, ARMYs finding out would make this a much bigger deal than it already was. This was K-Pop’s first Hanahaki case and Namjoon couldn’t wait for everything to end.
The all-too-sweet smelling petals were gone and Namjoon could only hope everything else would follow.
—
The screen flashed with the words ‘LIVE STARTING’ written boldly across the top. Namjoon was going on live this time to show ARMY something he had been working on, Yoongi often showed tidbits of his work and Namjoon thought maybe it’d be nice to do the same.
‘Hello everyone, long time no talk!’ He said to the camera. Hundreds of purple hearts and ‘how are you’ messages flooded the chat. Things like this made him love his job, nothing could ever compare to ARMY’s warmth. ‘How am I doing? I’m okay, guys, I haven’t been sick since,’ Namjoon joked. He could imagine ARMYs at home laughing along to his joke.
‘As you can see, this is my, or our, old room. I’ve moved back in with Jin-hyung now!’ He gestured to the room behind him. ‘Jin-hyung’s super busy though, so I don’t think he’ll be back. Anyways, I wanted to show you guys something I’ve been working on, guys.’ They weren’t meant to be showing anything about the next comeback, but Namjoon figured that showing them how the demos were created wouldn’t hurt, especially as the more important demos were at rkive.
He really wasn’t one for rules anyways, he thought. Time passed quickly and before he knew it, he’d streamed for an hour. It was now 12:00 A.M. KST, and just as he was about to urge his fans (especially the students) to get some rest, Namjoon heard a loud crash.
Namjoon turned his head. A small wail that he recognised came from the back of the room. ‘Jin?’ He asked aloud. Namjoon saw his hyung’s fluffy brown hair peek through.
‘It’s okay everyone, just Jin-hyung, he went out.’ He turned back to face his computer screen. Namjoon was about to continue before he heard another crash, now followed by some soft sobbing. ‘Jin-hyung?’ There wasn’t a response.
‘Sorry guys, I’ve got to go. Everything’s okay, I’ll just stream again tomorrow,’ Namjoon spotted a few concerned ARMYs commenting about Jin and reassured them again. ‘I’ll be back tomorrow, yeah? Get some sleep everyone, stay safe.’ He turned the stream off.
Quickly getting out of his chair, Namjoon rushed over to Jin who was now sitting on the floor crying. Namjoon looked around to find the source of the crashing noises; the elder had walked into a few of his new special porcelain figures he had yet to put in its glass case.
‘Hyung? You okay?’ Namjoon sat down next to him. He could smell the alcohol from Jin’s shirt, burning in his throat. ‘You’ve been drinking, haven’t you? Want me to take you back to your room?’ Jin nodded silently, choking out sobs. Namjoon carried him bridal style, Jin’s head on his chest.
With every rack of Jin’s body, Namjoon felt his heart break a little more. His feelings for his hyung hadn’t dulled, he realised. That’s what the doctors thought fixed the Hanahaki but right now, he realised that if anything, he loved Seokjin more. It hurt, seeing him cry. It hurt more than anything the Hanahaki could have done.
Namjoon shut the door softly behind him. ‘Why did you drink, hyung-ah?’ He shook his head with a smile, laying Jin down on the bed gently. ‘It h-hurts,’ Jin chokes. Namjoon stroked his hair, dimming the lights for him to sleep off the alcohol.
‘I love you,’ Namjoon heard. It was quiet, but he was sure he heard it. ‘You’re drunk, hyung.’ Namjoon replied, as he is once again reminded of how his love would never be requited. Jin turns over and sits up, shaking his head.
‘S-stop, I,’ the crying boy lurched forward and Namjoon was there to hold him. ‘I l-love you and I w-was gonna lose you a-and I can’t, y-you c-can’t-’ and the pain erupted from inside of him. A flurry of black filled the air and Jin lost his balance, falling gently with his petals.
And Namjoon caught him in his arms. The scent of the flowers filled the air. ‘B-black dahlias, N-namjoon.’ Jin sobbed. Namjoon picked up a petal, revelling in the smell of the petal as the world turned upside down.
This was cruel.
‘I t-told you I l-loved you, right?’ Jin chuckled, almost and Namjoon was jerked back into the moment. The elder sat up to straddle him, tucking his head into Namjoon’s neck and Namjoon could do nothing.
And in a second, all of eternity passed, just there in the small room with the pretty fairy lights, the pretty petals, the pretty boy. And in the eternity, Namjoon could never.
‘Jin, I can’t-’ He unwrapped Jin from around himself and turned around to face anywhere but Jin. ‘Sorry, w-we can’t do this, you don’t,’ Namjoon said as his love withered. He heard a meek ‘I’m sorry’, sandwiched between silent sobs and hurting hearts.
‘I don’t know who it i-is that you were, u-um, in l-love with but I, I know that you d-don’t love me back and-’ Seokjin’s face crumpled and he buried himself under the blankets.
He stayed there, comforted with the warmth of his comforter, unwilling to turn around and face the man that he realised he’s been madly in love with for years and years before he felt Namjoon sit down on the bed.
‘It’s always been you, hyung. Pink roses, right?’
Jin turned around, peeking out from beneath the blankets.
‘W-why didn’t you say anything, N-namjoon, I-’ The younger of the two took Jin into his arms and Jin finally felt safe. ‘I wouldn’t ruin what we have for the world, hyung,’ Namjoon sighed. Jin’s body was soft in his and he feels whole, finally.
‘Did it hurt?’
Namjoon chuckled. ‘When I fell from heaven, hyung?’ Jin shook his head, laughing through his fading, gentle sobs. ‘No! When there were fucking thorns, Joon, thorns in your throat!’ Jin climbed under the covers and Namjoon followed. ‘You’re so silly, hyung,’ he said, with his signature wide grin.
‘How long have you had the dahlias?’ Namjoon asked. ‘Couple weeks,’ Jin mumbled back into his neck. ‘I realised I loved you like this after you got sick, you know,’ he said as Namjoon stroked his hair.
‘I couldn’t forget you,’ he almost didn’t say.
Jin groaned, rubbing his temples from under the blankets. ‘I’ll have such a bad hangover at the shoot tomorrow, this is your fault!’ Namjoon laughed, recalling all of the times his hyung got just a bit too drunk. ‘It isn’t my fault you’re a lightweight,’ he chuckled.
‘You really love me though?’ This felt too surreal.
‘I love you so much I had thorns up my throat for like a month, hyung.’
The resulting laugh made Namjoon feel warm. Not tired, not hurt, not scared.
Just as they did months ago, flowers bloomed in him. This time in his heart, where feelings should be blooming, and it didn’t hurt anymore.
And it finally couldn’t hurt anymore.