Chapter Text
“No… Get away from me!… Leave me alone!… ENJI, PLEASE! LEAVE ME ALONE! PLEASE, NO MORE!”
……
“…mom… it’s not… I’m not him…”
“That is a lot of cigarettes- Pussy! Do twenty more! ” The distinct voice of his friend stopped Dabi’s memories.
The tattooist had been outside, in the back of Black Mist Bar all night. His mind wouldn’t shut up. It just kept going back in circles about his mom and Enji and his family. His life was so easy when he was a gangster and homeless. The only thing he had to worry about was surviving and getting food. Now, that he left that life behind with his gang, he had to worry about if he would ever be able to see his mom again and not make her go into a panic attack or a self-harm frenzy.
Because that was thing now.
Fuyumi had told him that when she learned about him running away, she started screaming for him in anguish and clawing her nails into her forearms. It was not a pretty sight. She had to be sedated to calm down, and Shouto had to stop visiting her for a while.
He exhaled the smoke out of his mouth with a tired sigh and took another drag. He had finished his first pack a couple of minutes ago. Fuyumi had sent him a text to their group chat, announcing she was going to tell mom. When he read it, he had to excuse himself from the bar, and he had been smoking since. It was bound to happen one of the guys checking in on him. It made sense Twice had come, he was the only one that smoked apart from him.
“Hey, do you mind- Light this bitch up, would ya!? ” Twice asked him, as he pointed to the cigarette in his mouth. Dabi took his lighter out of his pocket and held it out for Twice.
The two stayed next to one another, with Twice’s dual monologue filling in the space. Jin had always done this for him. Ever since he’s joined the League, every time he needed it, Jin was there talking and distracting him from his own mind.
He didn’t know how the older guy was able to tell. But Dabi wasn’t going to question it. You didn’t look a gifted horse in the mouth and yadda yadda.
Just when he was starting to understand Jin’s train of thought, his phone rang. It was Fuyumi.
The harmless tune suddenly became a tickling clock, with Dabi as the poor fool that was just waiting for the bomb to go off. In that moment, Dabi’s mind went back to making his life hell. But now, instead of a constant voice he could mistake as his, it was a deafening roar, screeching and yelling how pathetic he was. It was the voice of his father, echoing in his mind and becoming louder by the second.
Taking a deep breath, Dabi accepted the call and answered with a raspy ‘Hello’.
“Hey, Dabi,” he could hear her smile and excitement through the phone. “I’m so happy, she took it so well. She can’t wait to see you,” Dabi rubbed the back of his neck in nervousness.
“Really?…” He cracked out, smoke coming out of his mouth.
“Yeah, really,” His sister continued, ignorant of Dabi’s inner turmoil. ”Do you have anything planned tomorrow? I can pick you up, and we can all go with you,” she offers.
Dabi sighted before accepting her proposal. Tomorrow was Sunday, and he closed Inferno those days, usually to hang out with the others or go on a date with Tomura. There was no getting out of it. He doubted Tomura would let him.
“Okay, great! I’ll come by at eight! See you soon, Dabi!” his sister hanged up after that.
Dabi sighted and left with a wave. He could see Twice was about to tell him something, but right now, he wasn’t in the mood to hear it. He left through the side of the bar, walking down the alley. He wanted to avoid everyone. He could deal with the destructive nature of his peers. Hell, he loved it when they lost control. But now, ever since Shouto appeared, they seem to have become saints all of a sudden. They started giving him advice, and tried to be reasonable, and they assured him that he was doing the right thing by going back to his family.
‘Hypocrite assholes’.
He knew they all agreed to be part of society again. But recently it felt as if he was the only one really trying.
Dabi made it to his home and collapsed on the bed, without turning on any lights. Kicking off his boots, he stared at the ceiling decorations. Toga had put them up there during the whole Overhaul deal, when he had let her crash in his place. He was too lazy to take them out when she left. Besides, it wasn’t that bad. There were just some silly cartoons of a cat, a moth, a lizard and some other thing and a bunch of glow in the dark stars. He honestly didn’t mind them, and he had caught Tomura sometimes staring at them, so he knew he didn’t mind them either.
Dabi heard someone come in and was not surprised to see Tomura open the door to the bedroom a couple of seconds later. As Tomura came in and got close to Dabi, said man started taking off his clothes.
“Are you-” Tomura started but got interrupted by Dabi.
“Not in the mood for talking,” He told him and put on a pair of sweatpants and got back in bed.
Shigaraki simply shrugged and followed his boyfriends lead. He changed into his sleepwear and went behind the covers with Dabi. The raven kissed the others mole and brought him close to him when the greynette tried to move away from him. Sometimes Dabi had to remind Tomura that just because he didn’t want to talk, didn’t mean he didn’t want him near.
The two fell asleep like that, with Dabi holding Tomura. And if at some point of the night Dabi started to cry and hold on tighter to his boyfriend, Tomura just rubbed his tear away and hold him closer yet never mention it.
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After a nice breakfast with his boyfriend, Dabi was waiting in front of Inferno for his family. He had his trademark black jacket and boots but had put on his nicer white shirt and less ripped skinny jeans. Tomura had told him to. Something about not looking like a mess or a grunge storm, might make a better impression to his mom.
He was just about to get anxious when Fuyumi’s grey car came around the corner, Natsuo sticking his head out the co-pilot's window while he waved and cheered like a dog. The car was parked right in front of him, and the passenger door was opened by Shouto. He got in, and they all talked a little on the way to the hospital. As they got closer and closer to their destination, Dabi’s gut got tighter and tighter. He wanted to choke his worries on smoke, drown them on whiskey or jump off the car. Or maybe hold Tomura. That had always calmed him down.
But no. He couldn’t see his mom wasted or smelling like a chimney. And he was pretty sure that Fuyumi had the car locked. Besides, Tomura hadn’t come with him. It would of been too much for her.
Hell, she didn’t even know he liked men….
Oh SHIT.
He had to come out to his mom.
Dabi was so wrapped up in his thought that he didn’t notice when his sister parked the car in the hospital’s parking place. Fuyumi took the key out of the ignition, and everyone got out.
Once outside and snapped out of his thoughts, Dabi truly started to panic. He began to hyperventilate and involuntarily search in his pockets for his cigarettes. He felt as if they had put a rope around his neck, and it was getting tighter by the second. His scars itched and burned and hurt like hell. He could hear someone calling for him, but he couldn’t really listen to it. Not now.
He felt someone grab his cheeks and yank him down. Suddenly he was starring at grey worried eyes framed with owlish-looking glasses.
“It’s okay Touya, everything is fine now,” Fuyumi’s warm and kind voice calmed him. “He’s gone. He is not here. We are going to be fine, okay?”
She smiled at him with so much hope that even he felt that it might be true. Dabi took a deep breath, and once he was calm enough, he nodded, and the four siblings went inside the hospital. After checking in with the nurses, and meeting with their mom’s psychiatrist, (who checked Dabi out and introduced herself to him), they all went to the fourth floor to see their mother.
“We thought about leaving you two alone for a while,” Fuyumi told him as they neared the door. “So you could talk in private. But, if you are not ready for that…,”
His three younger siblings turned to him, waiting for an answer. They were already at the door, a stupid wooden barrier that seems to taunt him and mock him with its bare existence. Dabi gulped down his fear. He couldn’t hide from this. Not anymore.
“15 minutes,” he mumbled which his siblings barely heard. “I should be okay for 15 minutes,”
Fuyumi nodded and took the two younger males to end of the hall to get some coffee and something to eat. As they walked along the hallway, away from him, Dabi stared down the door with a frown and a horrible sense of deja vu.
He had been in this position before.
Before he ran away. Before Shouto’s accident. Before they took her here. Before, when everything started, when she couldn’t look at him because he looked so much like Enji.
And now? Would history repeat itself? Would he be cursed for the rest of his life to never see his mother again?
Taking another deep breath, (he was doing that a lot this days) he steeled himself and knocked on the damn door. A gentle voice permitted him to come inside.
He peeked inside at first, cautiously sliding a little bit in, just in case he needed to retreat. She was sitting in front of a window, sunlight shining against her snow-white hair. Her eyes that had looked at the door in curiosity at one point, now had a glimmer of hope.
Dabi, noticing the lack of screaming or scared-like look, held his breath and stepped all the way inside, the door closing behind him slowly and without a sound. His mom, left out a surprised gasp at him, as if she didn’t believe her own eyes. He was frozen to his spot. He was so afraid of doing something wrong or showing something he shouldn’t that he couldn’t move. His mom got up from her chair, slowly making her ways towards him. Approaching him as one would a scarred animal or a scary ghost.
Once she was a step away from him, she took his face in her hands. With gentle fingers, she traced his face, from his cheekbones to his forehead to his chin, not letting any centimetre away from her careful examination, taking in all new and old parts of himself. He didn’t know exactly when, but he suddenly started crying and throwing caution to the wind, he held his mom like he had once. Like Touya had done, once upon a time.
The two stayed like that. Crying (at one point Rei had started too), holding each other, as they had done once upon a long time.
As the two let go of the other, Rei rubbing away his tears and hers too, they sat down on her bed to talk and look at each other. Touya was now a lot taller than her and Rei’s neck was getting stiff from looking up.
“I’m so happy to see you Touy- Oh, right, your sister told me you go by Dabi now…,” she says, and it's somehow the best thing he has heard in years.
“No, It’s fine,” he interrupted. “You can call me Touya, Mom,”
“Alright… Touya… I wanted to apologize,” that took him by surprise. “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry...,”
“Mom…There…You don’t have to be sorry about anything. It wasn’t your fault,”
“Maybe, but I have a lot to apologize for. I confused you with Enji a lot, and I know it hurt you… I wasn’t there for you when you needed me…I’m sorry,”
“I was never mad at you, mom,” she smiled at him and hugged him again. Touya returned the embrace with gusto, as if a giant weight had been lifted off his shoulders. But he knew there was something still there. A little thing he still had to tell her.
“Mom,” He called her and made her look at him. “I’m… I … I’m bisexual, and I have a… boyfriend… and I thought you should know…,” He told her. “Is… is that alright?”
Rei took a moment to answer. “Does he treat you well?”
“Yeah, he does,”
“Do you love him?”
“I do,”
“I’m glad for that” She assured him.
What Dabi didn’t know -and wouldn't know until he had kids- was that a parents love is unconditional. Rei always had loved her children, and nothing had hurt her more than being the cause of their unhappiness. Enji had ruined her and her kids, and for a while, she had believed that she would never be able to feel the love of her children again, that she didn’t deserve it.
And when Touya had ran away, she truly hit rock-bottom. She had failed her first-born and felt as if the others were going to follow, and she wouldn’t be able to do anything against it. Only watch from the sidelines and gather dust as her kids went against the world. All while Enji infected them with his anger, turning them against each other, and bitter to the world.
When Fuyumi told her Touya was alive, after all these years, and that he was reconnecting with everyone, she was overjoyed, ecstatic, words will never be able to describe how happy she felt. The one thing that all parents dread, that all mothers are scared of is burring their own child. For so long, she had thought that Enji had killed him and lied to the authorities. That her son was gone forever and she would never be able to see him again.
And now here he was. In front of her, so different yet still the same kid she had hurt so much in the past. Her baby boy. Her first baby boy. He was finally back home. And this time, things were going to go right.
A set of consecutive and strong knocks sounded through the room. Rei recognized them instantly. Telling Shouto to come in, said teen did, followed by the other two. The rest of her children greeted her as they came in. They seated around her and Touya asking what they were talking about.
“Oh, Touya was telling me about his boyfriend,” Rei told the rest and looked back at her eldest to tell her more.
“He is nice, we live together,” Dabi took out his phone and showed her the lock screen. -A picture of him and Tomura eating cake together from Shigi’s last birthday- “That's him. He was my boss until I changed careers,”
“What did you do?” all kids looked at each other and, Rei noticed, came to a silent agreement. They did that sometimes, especially with things that may upset her.
“Not much, just odd jobs… little bit of everything,” He lied to her. “Now, I have a tattoo parlour. Shouto is my secretary,” the youngest smiled proudly at that, it made Rei chuckle.
“You always enjoyed drawing,” she told them and then stared closely at Touya, curiosity being stronger than her. “Did you draw yours?”
“Yeah, but somebody tattooed them on me,”
“Would you show them to me?” that made his siblings stare at him too. With a sigh, he agreed.
He took off his jacket and rolled up his shirt’s sleeves. His forearms had the same design. Blue flames that looked as if they were climbing up to his elbows, the flames seemed so real you could almost feel the heat they radiated. The traces of it had some sort of grace yet displayed so much raw power and anger.
“This was one of the first ones I had made.” He told them as he started to unbutton his shirt.
Once his shirt was open, they all stared at his chest. In his pectoral area, two grey crusty-looking hands held a bleeding heart, not the cartoonish version, but a very realistic organ, with wounds all around it. It almost looked as if it was beating. And the hands that had a careful grace to it, as if they were holding something precious and fragile. On its side, the end of another tattoo, most probably on his back, peeked near it. The blood that was falling out of the wounds got caught in the wrinkles of the hands. And they dropped down to what only could be described as hell.
The rest of his chest, was covered in fire. This time with the normal orange flame, houses, buildings, trees, even the street drawn on his skin was ablaze. The drops from the one above it turned into a rain of blood when they reached the flaming picture. This one, in contrast with his forearms, was all chaos and brutality. The flames consumed everything, destroying the peace there once was. It was a burning street.
“The low one was the second one I ever had done. It hurt a lot… And the heart one is for Tomura,” Dabi explained as he stripped down his right sleeve.
Above the fire in his forearms, sat a skull with a knife stabbed in the middle of it with beautiful red and pink roses behind it. Its mouth was open, and it seemed as if it was spewing red flower petals. If you looked closely, you could notice that the roses on the background had little droplets of blood that also appear to travel to the hell near his stomach and add themselves to the rain of blood. Near the skulls temples, violet dragon snappers wrapped themselves around it, as if to heal some cracks that were over the bone. The dagger’s handle was golden with a fancy and elegant design.
“That one is for Toga,” Dabi continued and took off his the other sleeve.
In this bicep, he had another object with a golden fancy and elegant design. But this one was a mirror with its glass shattered in pieces. On it was reflected half the face of a man and half a masked man with a T . The man was crying, and you could see he had a wound in his forehead. The mirror looked a little more rusted and older than the dagger. Also, some of the shards of the broken mirror appeared to have travelled to his chest. Adding themselves into the scenery on his chest.
“This one is for Twice,” The raven kept on taking off his shirt, and raised his right arm.
On his right side, there was a yellow eye with smoke coming out of it. It joined to his chest tattoo. While the smoke coming out of the burning street was suffocating like a house fire, the one coming out of the eye resembled more the smoke of a burning cigar. It had some sort of elegance and patience to it. The smoke was a mix of deep purple and white, with some grey in the middle, it gave the impression that it was moving, waving in his skin.
“This one is for Kurogiri,” Dabi now raised his other arm.
On this opposite side, smoke connected this one with his chest piece too. In the middle there was a hooded figure using a gas-mask. The smoke in this one looked thicker and gave the impression the hooded person was coming out of it. The gas in this one was a more light lilac colour, and it gave the feeling that it could swallow you whole. While the one on the opposite side was a slower calmer presence, this was a storm looming closer. It was rather hypnotic, like a fog slowly advancing.
“This one is for Mustard,” Dabi turned around, to show them his back.
On the back of his neck, there was another knife. This one had a red scarf wrapped around it, and it reached between his shoulders. This knife had a more sharp look than the other, as if it would hurt more. The style was more militarist, than elegant and it had blood only on the tip of it. The red scarf looked torn and used, and it had a question, written on it: What is a true Hero?
His lower back had two tattoos, each on one side. On his right, a lizard with tribal designs, that looked as if it was waiting, vigilant of others, before making its move. The entire tattoo was black, but the reptile had purple eyes that gave the feeling they were following you. The mist from the other tattoo gave it a deeper edge that made the tattoo more realistic even if the style was simplistic. On his left, a mask with a top hat and two cristal balls below it. The mask had two eyes and a smile made with curved lines in a simplistic way. The top hat had a red ribbon and a beige feather on it. The two pebbles, were light blue, but with the lilac gas coming from his side, they glinted with colour. The gas made the mask more mysterious, as if the gas was either, hiding it, or it was about to come out of it.
In the middle of this, there was a majestic phoenix. It spread its wings and claws, leaving a fire trail behind it. The bird had the normal orange flame colour. But on the tips of its tail, wings and body, a small blue hue got hinted before the smoke followed. The bird was either about to turn on and fly off his body. Or it was cooling down and resting in his back. With the knife above it, it felt as if it was trying to reach it, like it was his unobtainable goal, its dream. The wings were enormous, hugging his shoulders and reaching the heart tattoo in his front. The smoke from the tattoos on his side collided with this one too. Mixing in a more synchronized haze than clashing with it in a fury like with his chest piece, as if the art was dancing and getting comfortable in his skin. The bird was beautiful. It combined his chest and back in a bizarre yet intriguing way.
“The knife is for Stain, the lizard for Spinner and the mask for Compress. The phoenix was the first tattoo I had done,” he told them and turned back to them. “Do you want to see the rest or…?” he asked and gestured to his pants. The four head that had been starring at him with rapt attention, all nodded. “Okay,” Dabi said before starting taking off his boot.
Once he got rid of the boots and pants, he began showing him his legs. He started with his right, he had a Koi fish swimming up his leg. The fish was huge, taking most of the space, and going all the way around. On the opposite leg, snake was also crawling up like the fish. The reptile was thick, and it has three turns around it, but instead of giving the idea it was constricting him, it looked as if it was protecting him, it gave a feeling of gratitude. The two animals also seemed to be in a race with the other.
“The snake was made by Spinner, it was his first tattoo, and the koi fish were nice,” he told them.
He stood up straighter, and lowered his underwear a little on his left hip, below the gas-mask figure. In it peeked another tattoo, it was single feather with a broken police badge in it. The feather was bright red, and out the tip of it, bird silhouettes flew off. The feather was levelled with his navel and pointing towards his pelvis.
“That one is most recent one, it’s for Hawks,” He told them, as he adjusted his briefs and sat on the bed. Bringing his leg up, and then laying it flat on the bed, to show them his inner thigh.
On there, stood a meek and thin flower. It’s steam nothing, but a thin line, a couple of light green leaves and the petals on top were purple. The drawing was simple and almost amateurish compared with the rest. But the meaning behind it was what made it so breathtaking. Because that was a Rindou, Rei’s favourite flower.
“It’s the first tattoo I ever made,” he told them as he started to put his clothes back on.
Rei was about to say something when they heard a knock on the door. She told whoever was on the other side to come in, and her therapist stepped in. Said woman locked eyes on Dabi, and let a breathless gasp out. She checked him out as he put on his shirt and buttoned it up. When she realized she was starring and lowered her gaze.
“Mrs Todoroki, we had to reschedule the group session today, so we might have to cut this visit short,” She told her patient and got an amused nod as an answer. The woman turned red and stole another peek at Dabi, before leaving.
All siblings received a kiss on the forehead from their mom, as a goodbye. As they departed, they promised her they would pick her up next Sunday for lunch all together.
They made their way to the car quietly to not bother the other patients. Once inside the car and on their way to Inferno to leave Dabi did they start talking again. Chatter and murmurs filled the car with noise while the radio on the background, helped the ambience. Dabi didn’t really join in the conversation, still processing everything that had happened in less than a month. Not only did he reunite with his siblings, but he had also been able to see his mom again.
He was excited, anxious and exhausted, all at the same time. It felt great.
“No, Shouto, we talked about this!” he suddenly heard his sister as she raised her voice a little to scold his brother. “You are not getting another piercing or a tattoo! End of story!” she put her foot down.
“But…,”
“No!” Fuyumi rebuked the youngest one, as he put up the best puppy eyes he could muster. It was futile in the end, Fuyumi could be cold as ice when she needed to.
“How ‘bout a haircut?” he cut in their conversation. “I know Toga has been dying to snip around that candy cane mop of yours,”
Shouto looked at him as if he had offered him the world, and then turn to Fuyumi with pleading eyes. Fuyumi looked at him through the rearview mirror for a while, her frown easing up little by little. She sighed in defeat before agreeing.
“I guess a haircut, can’t be that bad,”