Chapter Text
Like all good things, it comes to an end eventually.
Spring is coming. It's still a few months away, with the calendar just turning the page from January to February, but it's coming nonetheless. The snow melts from the roads, the frost crawls down from the windows, and the grass gets a little greener. It's not quite March yet, but there are pink buds on the cherry blossom tree outside their apartment, and daffodils raise their heads from the frozen ground.
Winter, and all of its cold days, begins to seep away.
"What's this?"
Chan turns around, not expecting it to be anything serious. He'd invited Changbin around for a late-night producing session, only to find that their usual studio had been double-booked. Unfortunately for the two college students, they hadn't quite had the money to bribe off the receptionist, and they'd ended up getting kicked out.
There was equipment at his apartment, of course, but it was nowhere near 'good'. At least half of the more intricately smaller buttons had been lost down the side of the sofa a long time ago. It was passable for those random bursts of inspiration, but for the kind of project they were expecting to work on...
Which, in turn, lead them to where they are now.
Searching for a cable that Chan was sure he'd had a few weeks ago. He'd even painted it with silver stripes from his nail polish to make sure it didn't get lost, but that evidently hadn't worked.
"What's what?" Chan isn't sure what he's expecting Changbin to be holding up. There’s all sorts of weird stuff in their room. A mixture of the dedication to the e-boy life and Felix dropping off random things in the middle of the night meant the cupboards were filled with a whole range of things. Minho swore he even saw something moving in there once.
"This isn't yours."
In his hands, Changbin holds out a purple crop top. It's light in colour, complete with white bubble writing on the front, and even from this distance, Chan can see the embroidered flowers on the collar.
Maybe Chan could lie. He could pretend it's his. It wouldn't be that hard, considering his reputation for strange fashion choices already, and Changbin would never push too far. He could claim it's a new TikTok trend, that it was a joke present from his almost one-million subscribers on the app.
But it's no obviously not his.
It's much too small. Although the sizing itself isn't too far off, it's a style obviously made for someone with a lot less muscle on their body. He could pretend it's Minho's, but the same problem still applies. It simply isn't made for someone of his body type.
There's no label on the shirt, so it's obviously been worn. The fact that someone has taken the time to stitch flowers into the collar shows it must be precious, not the type of thing to be forgotten so easily.
Chan wants to turn back time, just for a few seconds. When the flowers outside were a little less unfurled, and before Changbin had ever stepped inside the apartment. Felix's shirt hangs heavy in his hands, practically glowing against the yellow light from the streets outside.
This Changbin.
He can't lie to Changbin.
He would know he wasn't telling the truth in a heartbeat. Before he's even finished his sentence, Changbin would have noticed how his hands were shaking, and how his eyes darted across the room. There's no way he can't tell the truth, but at the same time, he's not ready.
This isn't something he can just blurt out.
This is much bigger than him, much bigger than Minho, and much bigger than Felix.
This is something they haven't talked about yet. Skirting around the fact that people exist outside of their little bubble, too afraid of the judging stares and too stubborn to admit that there's a whole world out there. It's been waiting there in plain sight for a chance to be discussed for a while now, but they're all too afraid to address it.
And now Chan's stomach is filled with a sick apprehension.
They should have talked sooner. They should have, but no amount of regret can change the past. He swallows down the metallic taste in the back of his mouth, and wishes this had never happened. He can't explain this to Changbin - whatever this is - without talking to Minho and Felix first. His mind is filled with boundaries and question marks. He'd never forgive himself if he said something either of them wouldn't want him to.
Chan smiles.
He takes the shirt from Changbin, and folds it neatly, placing it on the bed-covers. Peeking out from beneath the sheets is a familiar black-and-silver striped cable, so he bends down and picks it up.
"Chan?" Changbin asks, with too much tenderness for someone who'd been so accusatory mere minutes ago. He stares at the cable in Chan's hands for just as long as Chan does, too afraid to look up in the event of accidentally meeting eyes.
Chan smiles. His hands don't shake, his eyes don't dart across the room, and he says "Don't worry. I'll explain everything soon."
---
To a point, 'soon' never comes.
In fact, Chan forgets about the whole incident quickly. He leaves the shirt out to remind him, but Minho comes and tidies it away only an hour later. The post-it note Changbin make shim write out and stick to his forehead falls off, and it's become much too late for either of them to realise. They're caught up in the potential of a chord progression instead, and Changbin eventually writes off the entire experience as some sort of fever dream.
'Soon' has to wait a little longer.
It's Minho who stumbles across a similar problem, only a few days later. He'd invited Seungmin and Jeongin to get bubble tea after a particularly strenuous vocal lesson, but had forgotten his wallet in his apartment.
There had only been a brief moment of hesitation before they'd diverted off-route. Although it was another five minutes from the coffee shop, he'd promised Seungmin and Jeongin that he'd buy, and they'd never pass up the opportunity to get a free drink.
"I'll only be a few seconds." Minho lets the apartment door swing open as he darts inside. They've been over a thousand times before anyway, and there's no doubt in his mind that he'll be able to find his wallet quickly. It's got a distinctive silver chain attached to the keyring on one side, and he's sure he put it on the cabinet near the door.
He's in such a rush that he doesn't stop to think of what else might be on the cabinet near the door.
"Is that..."
Seungmin has stepped inside, and peers at an open Amazon box sitting on the side. It's got their address painfully displayed on the side, and the paper packaging has been ripped apart haphazardly. There's a roll of wrapping-paper leaning against the wall next to it.
Minho doesn’t look up at first. There's a pile of paperwork that hadn't been there earlier covering most of the tabletop, and he knows at this point what he'll find underneath it. Sure enough, once he's gathered most of the sheets into a pile, he can see his wallet. Distinctive chain and all.
"Who are these for?"
He turns around a second too late. Seungmin has already pulled the contents of the Amazon box out. He holds them up with squinting eyes, as if to make sure that he's not seeing things.
There are two Nintendo Switch games in his hands.
The covers of the games are so distinctive. Bright colours and everything, still wrapped in their pristine plastic coverings. They're obviously brand new. Glossy in the way that only expensive things are, catching the yellow light of the hallway outside, and both newly released titles as well.
Felix had been so excited when he'd seen them in the shop window.
His eyes had lit up, hands flying out to stop Minho and Chan in their tracks, just so he could press his face up against the glass for a little longer. He'd saved up for a Switch, they gathered, but couldn't afford much more. He could have talked for hours about the latest game in his favourite series, and once they'd arrived back at the apartment, he'd forced them both to watch all the latest teasers and trailers.
Minho had ordered them both from Amazon that very night.
Chan had stood at his shoulder, wincing slightly at the price, but very quickly deciding that it was worth it. They could just make out Felix's silhouette in the Living Room, as he stitched matching peonies and alstroemeria onto the sleeves of his jacket.
It was definitely worth it.
"What?" Jeongin grabs one of the cases in Seungmin's hands, inspecting it himself. "I thought you said you'd never spend that much on us?"
Minho practically lunges forwards. He doesn't use his strength against his friends very often, but that doesn't mean they've forgotten how intimidating he can be when he wants to. Jeongin hands over the case as soon as Minho starts to move, and Seungmin doesn't put up any resistance either.
He does, however, look at Minho with increasingly calculating eyes. "They're not for us," he says eventually.
"They're not?"
"Nope." He doesn't look away from Minho, but Minho doesn't break eye contact either. On the inside, he's completely freaking out, but Seungmin doesn't need to know that. "Which begs the question," continues Seungmin, "Who are they for?"
Minho places the games back in the Amazon box they came from. He's got his wallet in his other hand, and manages to push both Seungmin and Jeongin back into the corridor by simply moving forwards.
His mouth is dry.
But he still manages to smile at them as he shuts the door behind himself. "I'll tell you later," he says, hoping with every step they take that Seungmin and Jeongin will be so distracted by their bubble teas that they'll forget this ever happened. "Now, stop asking questions or I'll make you pay for yourselves."
---
The bubble tea does distract them. It does its job well, and soon Jeongin and Seungmin forget they ever saw the switch games in the first place, suspicion forgotten in lieu of arguing about who got more sprinkles on their drink.
Unfortunately, it does the job rather too well.
Minho also leaves his concerns behind him in the apartment. As soon as they enter the shop, his mind is filled with too many possibilities that it's impossible to focus on a single worry. They never quite leave Felix and Chan, instead now just wondering whether it would be possible to bring them each a drink back.
Despite his best efforts, 'later' joins 'soon' in a flowerbed of forgotten promises.
And because the world seems to work in threes, it's Felix who stumbles across the problem next.
He's pulling Jisung across the campus - or is it Jisung who's pulling him? Either way, they're moving. The sky is cloudy and the air is chill, just another reminder that Spring hasn't quite arrived yet, and the grass still crunches beneath their feet as they sprint across the grass. They avoid the huge trees and corresponding patches of flowers with a surprising grace, unhindered by their large coats. A rainy forecast had persuaded them into wearing them, and Felix already had enough bad memories of winter weather to last a lifetime.
It's worth it after all, if Hirai Momo really is throwing out all of her anime DVDs.
"Come on!" Jisung tugs on Felix's sleeve a little harder, solving the problem of who was dragging who. He skids around a particularly large oak as he speaks, "Mina said she had a limited edition of One Piece! I'll never be able to forgive myself if we get there and it's alre-"
His words cut off mid-sentence.
Logically, Felix should be able to work out that it probably means Jisung has stopped running. It should have been even more obvious when he threw himself around the tree, only to see that the slightly older boy had stopped right in his tracks.
Felix, however, does not work it out until he's skidding forward with too much speed to slow himself down in time.
There's just enough time for him to panic briefly, let out an embarrassingly high-pitched squeak, and then he crashes right into Jisung. They go flying, sliding at least a few feet forward. With no chance of ever regaining their balance, they hit the mud together, limbs tangled together and faces pressed into the ground.
The world spins for a few moments. Felix brings his hand to his temple, wincing slightly when he realises just how sore his forehead is, and then only working out a second later that his hand was covered in mud. He groans at the thought, pushing himself away from Jisung slightly. "What happened?"
Jisung scrambles to his feet almost immediately. He pulls Felix up as well, face pale beneath the mud coating his skin. "Dude. Hot Dance Major."
Felix squints into the distance. Where's Jisung looking? Who could he be referring to? It takes him a second, but sure enough there's a figure making their way towards them. Tall, brown floppy hair falling into his face, a beauty spot underneath his eye. He is pretty handsome, objectively speaking, just not Felix's type at all. He also looks vaguely familiar, probably from when Felix had taken a few dance classes at the beginning of term.
He's so focused on trying to remember what his name is, that he almost doesn't notice the fact that he's heading straight for them.
Jisung drags him behind the tree with surprising ease. He presses both their bodies up against the bark, squeezing Felix's hand like a lifeline. Even from this distance, Felix can tell how fast his heart is beating, his pulse racing from where their wrists are pressed together. "Did you see him?" he says between gasps for air, "Is coming? Where did he go?"
Felix doesn't get the chance to respond.
Before he can open his mouth, a head sticks itself around the side of the tree. Both Jisung and Felix almost jump out of their skin, before realising it's the hot dance major, staring at them with a look of confusion and concern.
"Jisung?" He asks, taking in how completely covered in mud they are, "I saw you fall. Are you okay?"
"Hyunjin," Jisung says, which probably isn't the reply the boy - Hyunjin - was looking for. "Fancy seeing you here."
"You hit the ground pretty hard," Hyunjin continues. He points to the patch of ground they'd landed on, and sure enough, there's a rather large patch of mud that hadn't been there before. A few spring flowers were almost caught in the collision, and a few of their petals lie muddied and pressed into the grass.
"I'm fine!" Jisung manages to squeak out. "Felix, you're good as well, right?"
Luck really isn't on Felix's side today. He opens his mouth to confirm that yes, he wasn't hurt in the fall, but Hyunjin gets there before him. He grabs the other sleeve of the coat Felix is wearing, squinting into the fabric as if it were most interesting thing he's ever seen.
Felix only realises a second too late why that might be.
The thing is, it's not his coat as per se. It might as well, be, since neither of its true owners have asked for it back, but it's still distinctively theirs. Felix's own coat had gained a massive hole in the sleeve (something Jisung claimed was there through no fault of his own), but before he could even suggest going out to buy a replacement, Chan had passed him a dark swathe of fabric.
It was short, stopping just above his waist. Not puffy or cute enough to be something Felix would pick out for himself, but the fact it was at least one size to big meant he practically drowned in the soft fabric. There were silver chains hanging from one of the pockets, matching the shiny buttons leading down from the collar.
It was warm and comfortable, and Felix had meant to give it back. Really, he had!
Except, now he's really wishing that he didn't have such an attachment to the garment.
"Is this Chan's jacket?" Hyunjin asks. He hasn't let go of Felix's sleeve yet, and so Felix tugs it away, hiding his hand behind his back and pressing his body even flatter against the tree. "Where did you get this?"
The tone of his words gains the attention of Jisung as well, who joins in the peering over the fabric.
Hyunjin frowns, inspecting the fabric further. "Or maybe it's Minho's? I always get confused between whose clothes actually belong to wh-."
He stops himself mid-sentence, suddenly realising that he's talking out loud. "It doesn't matter which one of them it belongs to," he says, taking a step forward. Felix can't blame him, not really. He knows that Chan and Minho have never mentioned him to their friends, and that Hyunjin is only protecting them. For all he knows, Felix could have broken into their apartment and stolen it. "Where did you get it from?"
"I-" Felix sqeaks.
Hyunjin tilts his head to the side. "If you did steal it, you didn't do it very well. Chan spilt nail polish on the sleeve, and the mark is still there." He pauses, as if thinking through what he'd just said, and then- "Did you steal it? Is that why you were running?"
Felix wants to curl up and never open his eyes again.
He's pretty sure his cheeks are on fire, hands shaking like never before. If there wasn't a tree behind him, he's certain his legs wouldn't have been able to hold his weight for much longer. Jisung squeezes his hand, bringing him back to earth slightly, but it doesn't do much to help.
What can he say?
There's nothing he can possibly do that Hyunjin will believe. Even telling the truth seems like an intricate lie. And - he hadn't even told Jisung yet, what if his best friend thought it was just as weird and messed up as Hyunjin would?
"I can explain," he says.
He can't. He really can't - there's nothing for him to explain that he shouldn't talk through with Minho and Chan first. He can't betray their trust like this, and yet he's so, so scared. Hyunjin is so intimidating, and he's a dancers. Felix hasn't danced properly - not counting the classes he's very briefly taken - for years; he'd be able to beat him up easily.
"Running!" Jisung exclaims. His voice is muffled, like he's standing at some distance away, but Felix latches onto the sound. "We were running for the anime sale! Felix, we're going to miss One Piece. This is important!"
It's not that important.
It's just another anime DVD, one that Jisung is too stubborn to buy. If they miss it here, they can always go back to scrolling down dodgy ebay pages. There's another chance, the DVD isn't even that limited edition. It's not that important.
But it is, importantly, a distraction.
Jisung is still holding Felix's hand, and suddenly he's being pulled out from against the tree, back to sprinting across the muddy grass. Hyunjin ia too far behind to follow - or maybe Jisung and Felix are running faster than they've ever moved before.
A few unlucky flowers got caught underfoot in their escape attempt, but the petals are still bright against the bark of the oak tree.
They're suddenly back on pavement, taking a sharp left, then an even sharper right, and then Jisung stops.
It could be just to get their breath back, but Felix would never consider himself that naive. Jisung looks at Felix. More specifically, at his coat, at the chains hanging from the pocket and the expensive silver buttons. The glint of nail polish on the sleeve.
"You don't have to explain, if you don't want to," he says.
Felix still feels ill. His head hurts, but his heart hurts even more. A talk is long overdue, and the guilt is eating him up inside. But he still manages to smile back at Jisung.
He takes his hand, and squeezes it once. Just like Jisung had done back at the tree. Although he hasn't mentioned it, there's no way Jisung has much of a chance with the hot dance major now. It's all Felix's fault.
"I'll explain everything," he says, "Eventually."
---
'Eventually' is different from 'later' and 'soon'.
Jisung does get his One Piece DVD, and promptly forgets all the events leading up to it. It won't last long, however. Felix knows that the next time he sees Hyunjin, everything will come flooding back, and this time he won't be so quick to forget.
If 'soon' is peonies, and 'later' is alstroemeria, then 'eventually' becomes bright yellow sunflowers. Felix stitches his promises into his shirts to remind him.
It takes a week, but 'soon' and 'later' and 'eventually' collide. It's an explosion of petals. Dusky pinks and sunshine yellows, tinted whites bleeding into dark reds. Felix's heart has never beaten so quickly, Minho's hands have never shaken this much, the bags under Chan's eyes have never been so dark.
An order gets placed at the flower shop near their university.
It's a nice shop, much too expensive for a casual bouquet, but their Valentine's Day offer is too good to refuse.
They order peonies and alstroemeria as usual. The same size as last year, and the same arrangement. Still, the shop assistant can't hide the surprise in her voice when they ask for sunflowers as well.
The bouquet ends up looking beautiful anyway. It sits proudly on the table in the corner of the room, freshly cut flowers still spreading up towards the light, a Valentine's Day offer for Valentine's day.
The sofa in the front room is full. Hyunjin had arrived first and taken up most of the soft seats just by himself, stretching out his legs in a way that forced Seungmin and Jeongin to sit on the floor. There had been mild outcry when Felix's friend Jisung had arrived and been offered a space, but a full-blown mutiny was discarded in favour of waiting patiently.
It was rather amusing, if Chan looked at it from the right angle. If this were any other day, Seungmin wouldn't have stood for Hyunjin's knees digging into his back. When Changbin had arrived and promptly dragged a stall in from the kitchen to sit on, Jeongin would normally have managed to charm him into giving it up.
But they're all too curious.
Curious, and confused. No one wants to make the first move, too afraid that if they do something wrong, they'll never find out what's been playing on Chan and Minho's minds. They're worried that they'll never know why the boy from the apartment next door is here, or why Minho still hasn't turned up.
The tension in the room is heavy. It's awful, so suffocating that Chan's being pushed under. His skin burns under their inspecting eyes. They don't mean to make judgements, he tries to reassure himself, they're his friends.
They won't leave after this. What's he so worried for? They put up with his stupid eboy fashion sense. Seungmin and Hyunjin regularly help him film videos for TikTok, Changbin's produced hundreds of tracks with him.
But, still-
"Chan.." says Changbin, uncharacteristically soft with his voice. He cares, he so deeply cares that it's tearing him in half to say what they've all been thinking. "This explanation... Are you sure you want Minho to be here as well?"
They think he's being cheated on.
Or, by the looks of how Seungmin and Jeongin stiffen at the words, they think he's the one cheating.
Chan's eyes flash, biting back the beginnings of a reply. He feels ill from keeping this a secret for so long, and the fact that Minho's not next to him is making it so much harder. There's only a door and a wall separating them, he knows that, he knows Felix and Minho are just in the other room, but it still hurts. He can only imagine what's going through his friends' minds.
He doesn't want to imagine. He wants to tell them, but he's still so scared.
But as if he knows that Chan's panicking, Minho pokes his head through the door. There's the same smile on his face that makes Chan's heart melt every time he sees it, the same smile that makes his snakebite piercings glint in the Christmas lights. There's the shadow of a figure behind him, the faintest hint of a pastel pink jumper behind him.
He's ready.
They're ready.
This is actually happening.
"So," Chan starts, wincing when it sounds so much harsher out loud. He tugs on his striped sleeves, half-wishing that he hadn't chosen to wear something with so many chains. They brush together with every nervous pace he takes, ringing out in the quiet of the apartment. "I think this explanation is long overdue."
Minho steps out from the doorway, and Chan raises his eyebrows in surprise. This... wasn't the plan. Well, if you could count an hour-long tear stained conversation as a plan. They'd been so tired when they'd decided to finally reveal everything, and some of that strange numbness hasn't quite worn off yet.
It takes a few painstakingly long seconds, but eventually Minho joins him at the front of the room. Felix's jumper flashes again in the shadows of the bedroom, heart pounding in his chest and anxiety keeping him grounded to the floor. "There's something we've been thinking of telling you for a long time."
"Then why didn't you?" Hyunjin calls from the sofa, frowning from where he's leaning against Jisung. "You know we'd never judge you. We might have originally only been friends with one of you, but we'd never take sides. You know that."
"If you're struggling, we can help you talk it through," adds Changbin.
"There's all kinds of couple counselling sessions now," Jeongin says, shifting nervously, "You guys are like my parents. I don't know what I'd do if you broke up!"
Hyunjin nudges him, "Don't pressure them into anything," he says.
That's not right, Chan wants to say. They don't need 'couple counselling'. They've never been stronger together, never been stronger with all three of them, and keeping all his emotions inside is getting harder by the minute.
"It's something else."
Of course, it's Seungmin who speaks. He takes the whole room by surprise, but his own eyes never leave from where they're flitting between Chan and Minho. "I'm right, aren't I? It's something else."
Minho smiles, and Chan's never been this grateful for his patience. "Yeah. But... it's not that simple. There's been a lot of variables in this, and we didn't want to tell anyone anything before we were certain. Of course, we didn't plan for you to start piecing things together on your own, though."
There's a pause. And then, "So you are breaking up?" says Changbin.
"No!" Chan shakes his head, and his whole body practically sinks with the reassurance when there's a collective sigh of relief from the crowd in front of them. "But this is just as important."
Again, silence. Chan can practically hear their minds working, see the way Hyunjin is frowning and the way Jeongin is biting his lip in confusion. He can't blame them, honestly, but that doesn't stop the nerves from bubbling up in his chest.
"There's something we need to tell you," Minho continues, "Or- someone you need to meet."
The bedroom door opens.
He's wearing a pink sweater, so oversized it spills out from the side of his light-blue dungarees. The spring day is still early and dark, but even then, it's still possible to see the blush on his cheeks, the hint of colour on his eyelids and the glitter dancing amongst his freckles. The sweater swallows his hands, making it hard to see his already tiny fingers when he waves shyly to the boys on the sofa.
"Holy shit," someone says, but their voice is so far away.
"I think you've been waiting to meet him for a long time," says Chan. His voice has the same faint quality, as if he's deep underwater. But Minho Fis by his side, he's by Minho's side, and- "This is our boyfriend, Felix."