Chapter Text
Things were unusually tense between them. It had only been a few hours, but it was never this silent. Jaskier tried not to do anything to set Geralt off and vice versa. They'd never had to walk on eggshells around each other like this before.
Sure, they had their fair share of arguments, but Geralt knew it wasn't the argument that was causing this. It was what happened after. More specifically, what happened after Geralt's apology.
Geralt had lived long enough to be rejected by quite a few people, but Jaskier's rejection took the cake for the worst. It was probably because of how Geralt felt about the bard. The way he'd never felt like this before.
He didn't know what it was about Jaskier. Something just always pushed the two men together. It was that way with Yennefer, but that had been because of the djinn. It was so much different with Jaskier though.
Throughout all the years of knowing Jaskier, it always felt like something was pushing them together. Destiny was the only word that could accurately describe what it was, but Geralt would never use that word. He always had a bad experience with destiny, and whatever he had with Jaskier was anything but bad.
Not that he'd ever say that. He let the word 'friend' slip during his apology, and Jaskier brought it up whenever the tension would lift.
"So, where are we going, friend? That is what you called me, if I recall correctly?" Jaskier had said with a smile, "I mean, it's about time, Geralt. We've been friends for how long, and you've now called me your friend? That may as well be some sort to ask me to become your betrothed, an-"
"Hey, Jaskier?"
"Yes, my dear witcher?"
"Shut up."
Jaskier had only responded to him with a laugh. That interaction occurred only a few hours ago, and they were already back to the tense silence.
The things that happened in his chest when Jaskier called him 'my dear witcher' were things that witchers were definitely not supposed to feel. They were allowed to feel anger and arousal, but those were ruled as the only necessary emotions for them to live.
Geralt had time to think things like this over as they were walking the path.
"We should stop and find somewhere to sleep for the night."
Jaskier nodded and stopped walking, waiting for Geralt to take the lead. Geralt knew best which places were safe to set up camp.
They walked through the woods in silence, and Geralt soon stopped and asked Jaskier if this spot was okay. Jaskier only smiled lightly and nodded. They soon set up a fire as the night crept upon them fast, the skies becoming dark. The only light was from the moon and the camp fire.
Silence was smothering as they ate. Jaskier started fiddling with a golden bracelet on his wrist once he was done eating. Another little habit he'd do whenever he felt nervous.
Geralt's eyes were drawn to it. His mind wandered back through all the years he'd been with Jaskier. The bard had never once removed it. Jaskier changed his attire quite frequently, but the bracelet never once left his wrist.
There was so much Geralt didn't know about Jaskier. Why didn't he ever remove the bracelet? Why hasn't he aged almost single year? The latter Geralt had never really noticed until recently, thinking back on something Yennefer had said.
These questions seemed to overwhelm Geralt as he blurted out, "Why do you always wear that bracelet?" There was a silence, the bard becoming nervous, the scent of fear becoming apparent. A scent that was rare around Jaskier, he was never scared because of Geralt.
"And why haven't you aged a single year?" Geralt spoke again.
The unspoken question hung in the air. What are you?
"I suppose me saying a good skin care routine won't be an acceptable answer?" Jaskier said, dryly laughing as an excuse to try lightening up the mood. Geralt only stared at him.
Jaskier took a deep breath, "Right, didn't think so. Did you really not notice until now?"
"Answer the question, Jaskier."
The bard couldn't seem to bear keeping eye contact with Geralt. He looked up to the sky while suddenly blinking fast. He was clearly trying to keep tears from spilling.
"I'm part elf." Jaskier muttered quietly. His tone was soft, almost defeated.
"What?" Was Geralt's only reply.
Jaskier laughed dryly, no humor in it at all, "Please don't make me repeat it."
"No. I heard you." Geralt paused as he tried to find the right words to say. He hesitantly stood up and sat himself down beside the bard. He took a deep breath before continuing, "Why didn't you tell me?"
Geralt didn't know his voice could be that quiet. His voice betrayed him as he sounded hurt.
Jaskier only shrugged, "You never asked."
"That's not good enough, Jaskier."
"I was scared." Jaskier said as a tear finally slipped from his eye, "I thought you wouldn't want to travel with me anymore. I already had to stay by your side despite your protests and harsh comments. You didn't want me when you thought I was a human, so why would you want me when you knew I wasn't."
The words were sharp and felt like daggers stabbing into Geralt's chest.
"Jaskier." Geralt's voice was shaky, almost breaking.
More tears fell from Jaskier's eyes. The streams were almost constant now. Jaskier only waved a hand. Another hand came up to wipe his eyes.
He laughed dryly once more, "Let's just not talk about it, okay? It's getting late, so we should go to sleep."
Jaskier stood up and grabbed his lute before he sat on top of his bedroll. Geralt only sighed as he mimicked the bard's movements.
The only noise now surrounding them were the sounds of the forest and the sound of the fire still going. Surprisingly, Geralt was the first one to break it.
"Can you play for me?" Geralt asked faintly. He was unsure if Jaskier had heard him, so he waited a moment longer before speaking again, "You don't have to. It's just.." Geralt trailed off.
Jaskier was still sitting up. Geralt heard the other man move. He heard Jaskier starting to play.
"It’s what my heart just yearns to say in ways that can’t be said.
It’s what my rotting bones will sing, when the rest of me is dead.
It’s what’s engraved upon my heart in letters deeply worn.
Today I somehow understand the reason I was born."
Geralt smiles and closes his eyes as he listens to Jaskier sing.
"It’s not fair, it’s not fair how much I love you.
It’s not fair, 'cos you make me laugh when I’m actually really fucking cross at you for something/
And he’ll say 'Oh how oh how unreasonable.
How unreasonably in love I am with everything you do.
I’ll spend my days so close to you 'cos if I’m standing here maybe everyone will think I’m alright'."
Those were the last words Geralt heard Jaskier sing as he sunk into a sleep. He could've sworn he felt a gentle press of lips to his head, but he was probably just imagining it.
Geralt woke to find Jaskier already awake. He made his way to place himself beside the other man once again.
He hesitated before he spoke, "Thank you for last night. You singing it..helps me sleep some nights."
"My fillingless pie of a voice is just that good?"
"Jaskier."
Jaskier shook his head, "No, no. It's okay. Don't worry about it."
"Who was that song about?" Geralt asked.
Jaskier looked at him, "What?"
"The song you sung. You must be deeply in love with whoever it is."
The other man laughed at that, "You're awfully dense." He waited before speaking again, "We don't have to talk about it. Any of it, especially last night." He paused, "I'll leave if you want me to. All you have to do is say the words, and I'm gone."
"Why would you think I'd wish for you to be gone?" Geralt asked.
"Really? That's all you've wanted since you met me. You already blame me for everything that's gone wrong in your life, so why shouldn't this be the final straw?"
Geralt felt as if all the air had left his lungs, "I'm sorry for the way I've treated you. You don't deserve that." He took a deep breath, "I'm not the best at expressing how I feel."
That seemed to genuinely amuse the other man as he laughed and cut Geralt off, "Sorry, continue."
"I appreciate your company, even if you are annoying most of the time. These years have been the least lonely years I've ever had." Geralt admitted, "You not being human doesn't change that. I'm sorry you felt the need to hide it from me."
"It wasn't just you. I've never told anyone. The only people who've known is family, you, and Yennefer."
Geralt turned his head, "Yennefer knew?"
"Yeah, I never even told her." Jaskier laughed, "You know, you're not very observant for a witcher. You didn't know, but somehow your lover did."
Geralt flinched for a brief moment, "We're not together anymore."
"Oh? Why didn't it work out? Last time I saw you two, you couldn't get enough of each other."
"Let's just say she figured out men aren't quite her type." Geralt smiled. He was proud of Yennefer. Not very many people were open about things such as that.
Jaskier laughed, "Well, that's quite the surprise." Jaskier's smile faltered slightly as he spoke again, "I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you. You're actually the only person I've ever trusted this much."
"I feel the same." Geralt knew what he was going to say next, so he built up the courage to follow through with it, "The way I feel about you is...it's like nothing I've felt before. It scared me, and so I treated you the way I did, hoping one day you'd leave and it wouldn't be out of disgust."
"Geralt, why would I be disgusted?" Jaskier turned his head to meet Geralt's eyes.
The words came out of Geralt's mouth before he could stop them, "Because no one wants a witcher to be in love with them."
Geralt heard the air leave Jaskier's lungs as his heart rate sped up. Fuck, Geralt thought. He immediately regretted what he had said. He looked away as he braced himself for the other man leaving.
Instead what he got was hands softly cupping his face, turning it to meet the bard's. Before Geralt could speak again, a pair of lips were gently placed upon his.
Geralt felt his heart rate spike. Jaskier's lips were as soft as they looked. The familiar feeling in his chest was the strongest it's ever been as their lips moved. They seemed to fit together so well.
Jaskier was the first one to pull away first, resting his forehead against Geralt's, "You." Was all Jaskier said before he spoke up once more, "The song was about you."
Geralt pulled back, smiling the widest he's ever smiled.
"Oh my God! You have dimples!" Jaskier said as he almost jumped up from his seat, "You, the mighty witcher, have dimples!"
"Tell anyone, and I kill you." Geralt's words were truly empty threats now as his actual feelings were out in the open.
Jaskier held his hands up in defense, "Fine, fine. Truly though, how did you not know all of those songs were about you? I thought you were being kind and sparing my feelings, but are you really just that oblivious? How can I put my life in the hands of a man who-"
Geralt cut Jaskier off by lightly grabbing the back of his neck and pressing their lips together once again, "Hm. If I would've known this would be what shuts you up, I would've done it a lot sooner."
"Now this, my darling witcher, I will agree with you on."
For the first time in his entire life, Geralt truly understood what it meant to felt loved.