Chapter Text
Monster/Monster Hunter/Monster Tamer AU
Hungry, Eddie, Venom whined in his head.
Eddie didn’t look up from his typewriter. “You’re always hungry.”
Venom’s head wiggled up from his hand so the human could have the benefit of his glare as he hissed, “Maybe if you actually ate something!!!!! Asshole!!!!!”
Eddie slapped his other hand down on him and savored the offended squawk he received. “Maybe if you hadn’t been a gluttonous jerk, we could be fed regularly! But no. ‘One cow,’ I said. ‘The ranchers won’t miss one steer.’ And what did you do?”
Venom wiggled up from between his fingers miserably. “I ate a dozen.”
“You ate a dozen!” Eddie snapped, scowling at him. “Don’t you remember what I told you about keeping a low profile? We’re lucky that no one has realized it was us! They hang cattle rustlers out here!”
“I wouldn’t let you be hanged, Eddie,” Venom tells him petulantly.
“No, you wouldn’t,” Eddie agreed. “But then we’d be chased out of town and I’d have to start everything over. Again.”
Venom squirmed, miserable and angry in turn. Eddie still couldn’t hear the name Carlton Drake without flinching. Eddie had had more broken bones than he hadn’t when Venom had come across him, and Venom had sensed something in him, something broken and angry, but not evil. So he’d bonded with Eddie, healed him, but hadn’t realized how much hungrier he’d be after doing so, his single form needing much less energy. Now he needed to eat more, and Eddie had been doing his best to make sure it happened, but things were definitely more difficult now that he'd overeaten that one time.
Eddie sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Maybe someone will come in with a sighting and we’ll be able to go eat a basilisk or something.”
Venom brightened. “A basilisk, Eddie!”
“Gross,” Eddie said, but his voice was fond. “You know it’s just a giant snake, right?”
“Tastes like chicken,” Venom answered, and then peered at the typewriter. “What are you writing? Looks boring.”
“Hey!” Eddie said, but it was without heat. It was kind of boring, actually. “Just typing up my report from when we took care of that cockatrice last week. I’m trying to make it sound like we didn’t eat it.”
Venom considered this, then repeated, “Boring.”
“Go away,” Eddie ordered, shooing him, and went back to typing.
Venom stuck his tongue out at him before wiggling up his arm to perch on his shoulder, choosing to observe. He was glad he had, because he was able to curl under the collar of Eddie’s shirt quickly when the door to their little house burst open.
“Brock!” someone barked, and Eddie squinted up at him in distaste, because what asshole just burst into someone else’s house? The man stepped inside further, revealing himself to be a man that he recognized as Obadiah Stane. Now he wasn't even surprised that he'd burst into their house. Stane had very little respect for anyone else, including their privacy. He probably thought he had the right to just storm into anyone's home. “We have a werewolf problem!”
Eddie waited a beat, then slowly said, “I haven’t heard what the problem is.”
Stane’s face went red with rage. “I thought you’d be smart enough to infer! Clearly the animal is killing all our cattle!”
Venom wriggled in Eddie’s collar angrily. Eddie was not dumb. Stane was dumb. And rude, for just storming into their house!
“And how do you know it’s a werewolf?” Eddie asked, not looking up from his typewriter.
Stane’s face went from red to purple. “Clearly from all the paw prints! I can’t believe you’re trusted to take down monsters when you’re such an idiot.”
“You know, it’s more likely that I just don’t like you,” Eddie said, finally looking up from his typewriter to give Stane a venomous glare. “Since you still haven’t paid me for that bugbear I took care of for you last year. Considering you owe me a hundred dollars, I’m not really inclined to help you with your little ‘werewolf’ problem.”
Stane didn’t let that slow him down, snarling, “You’re tasked with taking care of all monsters in this town!”
“I get paid to take care of all the monsters that show up around this town,” Eddie corrected coolly. “You owe me a hundred dollars. And if it’s werewolves, I’m charging you two hundred more. Payable up front,” he added when Stane opened his mouth, probably to go on some tirade. “Otherwise you can go ask Rumlow or Hammer.”
He enjoyed watching Stane squirm. Rumlow was good at his job, insofar as an end resulting in a dead monster, but he was also not against collateral damage; if he was hired, Stane could count on losing more cattle, or even some of his cowhands. Hammer was incompetent all the way around, and any monster deaths were more a miracle than skill, but he was flashy enough about it that people were still willing to hire him. They both charged double what Eddie did. Still, some people were willing to shell out for them, because Eddie tended to give normal people the creeps. Venom hid himself well, but humans could sense that he was there somehow.
“If you have nothing to say, quit wasting my time and get out,” Eddie said coldly.
Stane glared at him before storming out, slamming the door behind himself.
Venom poked out from over Eddie’s collar, scowling. “We should eat him.”
“Don’t tempt me,” Eddie mumbled, but he was smiling a little. He lifted his hand, gently rubbing it over Venom’s head. “He’ll be back. He’s too cheap to pay for Rumlow and Hammer.”
“Gonna eat some werewolves, Eddie!” Venom wiggled gleefully.
Eddie smiled and tipped his head over a little to nudge him with it, chuckling softly when he felt Venom press his face in for a facsimile of a kiss.
.-.-.-.
Like Eddie had expected, an envelope with three crisp hundred-dollar bills in it was slid under his door. He took it to the bank so no one could try and hold him up for it, because he wouldn’t put it past Stane to try and get the money back, the cheapskate. Then he rented a horse and rode out to where a cowhand had pointed when he’d mentioned werewolves, examining the ground carefully for prints.
Venom was wiggling with glee. Gonna eat some werewolves, Eddie.
“Maybe,” Eddie allowed, but he got the impression that that would not actually be the case.
The paw prints were… small. Really small. He could have written them off as pups, but if that was true, he’d also see at least one pair of larger prints, a parent watching after them carefully. Not only that, but the carcasses of the cattle were whole, for the most part. Some of them had been chewed on, and a few were almost picked clean, but that could be because of vultures, or coyotes, or other scavengers. He circled one of the more intact carcasses, frowning. Something wasn’t right about it, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on what.
Eddie, Venom said, and then his head appeared from his shoulder. “Eddie,” he repeated again, looking concerned.
Eddie frowned at him. “What? What is it?”
“There’s no blood in the cattle, Eddie,” Venom said.
Eddie blinked at him, uncomprehending, then turned his gaze back on the carcasses. Venom was right. There was no blood to be seen, except for a few dried smudges at the edges of torn flesh. Even the soil was free of blood, dirt dry enough to kick up under his feet as he circled them. He viewed the carcasses thoughtfully. Under closer inspection, the cattle with flesh still on their bones had puncture marks on their chests and throats.
“Looks more like chupacabras than werewolves,” he finally decided.
“Chupacabras?!” Venom howled, dismayed. He rolled off of Eddie’s shoulder and down his body to pound the ground with tiny tendrils, wailing, “Those taste bad, Eddie!”
Eddie watched him roll around, feeling like he should be embarrassed for him but mostly just feeling very, very amused. Venom was apparently hundreds of years old, and yet here he was, throwing a tantrum like a disappointed two-year-old. “You’ve only had a chupacabra once, and you swallowed it whole, so how would you know it tastes bad?”
Venom apparently tired himself out, lying in the dust miserably, gooey body heaving with breaths until he finally mumbled, “Smelled like rotten meat.”
Eddie reached down to scoop him up, placing him in his breast pocket and giving him a pat. Once Venom had curled up over the edge of his pocket so he could see where they were going, he began back toward his horse. “Well, a job is a job. Maybe it’ll keep you full long enough that the ranchers will let their guards down and we can go back to cattle. One,” he added sharply when Venom excitedly wiggled a couple tendrils. “One steer at a time.”
“I’ve learned my lesson, Eddie,” Venom agreed gravely.
Eddie snorted. “I doubt it, but alright.”
It might not have been chupacabras, Eddie decided after their second hour riding. He should have found a den by now, or at least another feeding area. Chupacabras covered wide swaths of territory, so they had many dens to rest in. It was uncommon that they’d hunt so far from a den. Or if it was chupacabras, they were more aggressive than what Eddie was used to dealing with.
He hoped Venom was hungry.
.-.-.-.
They found a man camping before they found the chupacabras.
“What the fuck are you doing out here,” Eddie barked before he could stop himself. It was dangerous for him out here alone, especially because he couldn’t see any rifle nearby.
The man blinked up at him wide eyes, stunned. “W-what?”
“Don’t you know it’s dangerous out on the range alone?!” Eddie asked, slipping from the back of his horse. “You don’t even have a gun on you! If it’s not a monster after you, criminals will be! And you’ve got a fire going—”
“I, uh,” the man began, still too startled to string a sentence together.
Eddie would have kept approaching him, except then he heard a bark, and he looked down to find what was, perhaps, the ugliest little dog he’d seen. It looked like a cross between a bulldog and a Chihuahua. As he watched, two more of the little beasts came sprinting from under the man’s tiny wagon, and they all began barking at him.
These are uglier than chupacabras, Eddie, Venom informed him imperiously.
Eddie had to agree.
“Hey, hey, cut that out,” the man snapped, standing up and waving them away. “What are you trying to do? Get kicked across the prairie?” The dogs mulishly allowed themselves to be waved away. “Yeah, that’s what I thought! Little rapscallions. Trying to get me in trouble with the law.” He rubbed the back of his head, looking up at Eddie from under his lashes. “Sorry about that. They’re protective. Can I, uh… offer you a cup of coffee or anything?”
Eddie nodded, because the only other option was to incredulously repeat ‘rapscallions?!’ and he wanted to be on this guy’s good side when he yelled at him to get the hell to town for his own safety. “It’s dangerous to be out here alone,” he said, instead of calling him an idiot. “Town’s a couple hours’ ride away. You should head there—”
ROTTING FLESH, ROTTING FLESH! Venom screamed in his head, and Eddie almost fell ass over teakettle as Venom forced him to whip his head around.
“WOLF,” Eddie yelped, pointing at the back of the man’s wagon.
DEAD THING, Venom added.
“AH,” Eddie yelped.
The man stared at him, mouth dropped open in shock.
“Rude,” the wolf said.
Eddie grabbed for his gun and pointed it at the wolf. The wolf looked entirely unconcerned.
“Don’t shoot him he’s already dead!” the man barked, reaching out toward his gun but stopping short of touching it, as if realizing it would be a bad idea to try and grab it from him.
Eddie gaped at him, bewildered. “What do you mean, he’s already dead!?”
“Sometimes wolves just… reanimate!” the man said, shrugging.
Eddie continued to gape at him, stunned, before he turned toward him completely and shouted, “No they fucking don’t!”
The man stumbled backward in surprise, then drew himself up straight. “You don’t know that!”
Eddie, for all that he knew he was being baited, could not stop himself from rising to the bait anyway. “Yes I fucking do! And if this wolf is a reanimated dead thing, it’s all the more reason to kill it!”
“Rude,” the wolf said again.
Eddie turned sharply to point at it. “You shut up, you abomination!”
The wolf tilted its head, then shrugged, conceding.
Eddie turned back to the man, pointing at him instead. “And you! Start talking!”
“I don’t have to do anything,” the man began.
Eddie sensed more than felt Venom looming up behind him, all angry eyes and sharp teeth and twisting tendrils of dark energy.
“Won’t you sit down and have some coffee while I explain,” the man squeaked, trying very hard to look like he wasn't intimidated and failing spectacularly.
.-.-.-.
Stane wasn’t actually the owner of the Carbonell Ranch. It had originally belonged to Maria Carbonell, who had been a lady of high regards. She’d never married her beau because she was unwilling to give up title to her land. That hadn’t stopped her from having a baby boy with dark curls and mischievous eyes. Her son, Anthony, had always been meant to inherit the ranch when she died.
Unfortunately, Stane, who had been her ranch foreman, had learned that Tony’s father had been a vampire, and had done some pretty impressive legal feats to bar Tony from being able to inherit, and had bought it for a paltry sum, probably because the judge (one Alexander Pierce) had wanted the Carbonell Ranch under his legal thumb, and Maria had never bowed to him.
“So now I just sorta, um… wreck Stane’s shit,” Tony finished lamely, poking at the smoldering remains of the fire. “I can’t go into town, because Pierce’s men might get me. But I can’t stay in one place out here too long, or Stane or his men might find me. And I can’t leave, because Mama accidentally bound my soul to the ranch. She was a powerful witch, you see, and wielded incredible power, but, uh… this sort of thing is the reason witches usually just tragically end their own lives.” He scratched his chin, wincing a little under Eddie’s appalled gaze. “Once she started getting that sickly, she started to lose control of her powers, and when she read over her will one last time, she bound me to the ranch.
“It’s not all bad, I guess,” he added thoughtfully. “She spelled the soil to be fertile, and she spelled the cattle to thrive. The river bordering the east side of her property will always flow. Technically you’re not supposed to do that, but like… what are they gonna do to her now? She’s dead. And now there’s just me,” he finished grimly. “The last of the Carbonells.” He snorted, but there wasn’t any humor in it. “Last of the Starks, too.”
“I mean,” Eddie began, knowing anything he said would just be lame. He looked at the ugly little dogs curled up in the shade of the wagon, and the wolf curled up on the back of it. “It can’t be all bad. You’ve got these… um…”
“DID YOU SAY STARK!?” Venom bellowed, and Eddie yelped and fell backward in surprise, because Venom had been mostly minding his own business and sticking his tentacles in Eddie’s coffee mug because he knew Eddie hated it.
Tony eyed the gooey black form warily. “Yeah?”
“As in, HOWARD STARK?” Venom bellowed again.
“Venom will you quiet down?! Do you want the whole goddamn prairie to hear you?” Eddie hissed, appalled.
Venom loomed at Tony, ignoring him. “Howard Stark is your father? You’re a Dhampir?!”
Tony leaned back so none of Venom’s tendrils could touch him. “Uh. Did he get on your bad side, too? You shouldn’t visit the sins of the father upon his children, you know—”
“I can’t believe the world’s most powerful vampire was fucking the most powerful witch and I didn’t know about it!” Venom howled. “No one gossips with me ever since that witch thing in Salem! Eddie, once this job is done, we’re setting out to find a proper snipe to gossip with!”
“Snipes aren’t real,” was all Eddie could come up with.
The wolf gave him an affronted glare. “Yes they are!”
“I am begging you not to talk to me,” Eddie told it.
“Don’t mind him, he’s relatively new to this whole ‘speaking with the supernatural’ thing,” Venom cut in.
Eddie turned his head to gape up at him, offended.
“So, uh,” Tony began.
Both Eddie and Venom swiveled to look back at him.
Tony looked like he was starting to sweat under their stares. “Uh, um. So. What’s the deal with… you. You guys. Uh, guys, right?” He looked at the ground, apparently willing it to open up underneath him.
“Venom’s technically not a he, but whenever I called him a ‘they’ he got upset because—” Eddie began to offer.
“We are not they!” Venom cut in, swelling up proudly. “We are we!”
“That makes sense,” Tony said, voice cracking in a way that made it clear it actually didn’t.
To be fair, Eddie often didn’t understand, but Venom had saved his life several times, so he was happy to just nod along when he got like this. “Anyway, we’re, ah—well I, that is, I’m a journalist. I write for the local newspaper.”
“Oh, the Timely Star?” Tony asked, perking up. He wrapped his arms around his knees and leaned toward him. “I don’t get into town much—understandably, I think—and I get a bit behind. What’s going on in town? Did Natasha finally put Barnes out of his misery and marry him? Is Rogers still the sheriff? Is Bruce still the doctor or did he finally get fed up and roll out?”
“Oh, well,” Eddie began, overwhelmed.
Venom wiggled in front of him, waving his tentacles to get Tony’s attention. “Tony, I am faint with hunger,” he said demurely. “May I please have something to eat.”
Eddie was appalled. “Don’t be so polite,” he snapped. “It’s weird. You’re never polite.”
“His mother was Maria Carbonell,” Venom gasped, offended. “She once gave me a piece of dried jerky.” He turned wide, begging eyes on Tony. “I don’t suppose you might have some-?”
“I couldn’t really grab much when I escaped Stane,” Tony admitted, frowning down at his feet. “I’ve mostly been living off of whatever I can scavenge, or—sometimes the Parker boy brings me a bag of grub if I send Jarvis over with some coins. The sheriff used to bring me supplies, but then Pierce started breathing down his neck, and we decided he couldn’t help me if Pierce was suspicious of him.”
Venom stared at him, weighing what he’d been told, before he haltingly offered, “I… I will eat Stane.”
“No,” Eddie choked out.
“But then Tony could take his ranch back!!!” Venom exclaimed.
Tony grimaced. “I’m pretty sure it would actually just go to his son, Ezekiel.”
“Ew, that guy procreated?!” Venom gasped, disgusted.
The laugh that burst from Tony was slightly hysterical, but it was still a laugh.
.-.-.-.
Eventually, Eddie decided to help Tony, if only because he hated Stane’s guts and would be happy to be rid of the asshole. “We’ll just need to figure out some legal loopholes. I’m good at legal loopholes,” he mused.
“Really?” Tony asked, not looking convinced.
Eddie didn’t blame him. He’d had his inheritance taken away because of legal loopholes, after all. He couldn’t trust that Eddie would be able to get it back for him when there was a crooked judge involved.
“Eddie is excellent at finding legal loopholes,” Venom told Tony proudly. “It’s how he’s lived so long!”
“Uh,” Tony said, looking concerned.
“Sometimes people don’t like journalists poking their noses where they don’t belong,” Eddie explained hastily, and then coughed. “And, uh. I don’t suppose you have a wolf pelt or something I could take to Stane so that I could say the job was done for now? Just lay low while I work this out.”
Tony frowned at him. “I don’t really… You could take Jarvis’s head, I guess?”
Eddie and Venom stared at him, confused and, in Eddie’s case, incredibly horrified.
“As long as you bring it back,” Jarvis added.
“Yeah, I can just put it back on him,” Tony explained cheerfully. “Good as new! As if it never happened.”
Eddie couldn’t even form words. “We’ll… figure something else out,” Venom finally said, trying not to let his voice sound weak and failing.
Tony and Jarvis both shrugged, unbothered. Tony followed him as Eddie moved to get his horse. “I scrounged up a little money. I don’t suppose I could impose upon you to ask the Parker boy to come by with a few coins’ worth of flour?”
Eddie looked down at the few copper coins in Tony’s extended hand before looking back up at him, eyes soft. “Yeah, we don’t mind.”
“Thanks,” Tony said, smiling up at him. He had a dimple on his right cheek.
Fuck, Venom said in Eddie’s head. You always were a sucker for dimples.
.-.-.-.
“Don’t throw me out,” Eddie said immediately after stepping through the door.
Sheriff Rogers pointed his gun at him, scowling. “I’m still not convinced that wasn’t your face on that handbill, Brock, so talk quick.”
Eddie held his hands up, placating him. It wasn't not like he needed his hands to defend himself or attack anyway. “I met Tony. Stark? Tony Stark. And—”
“Tony?” Sheriff Rogers asked, perking up a little. His gun dipped slightly. “I haven’t been able to get out an’ see him. How’s he doin’ out there?” He narrowed his eyes, lifting his gun back up. “What did you want him for?”
“He’s… been better,” Eddie admitted. “Stane hired me to take care of a werewolf problem but it was actually Tony’s ugly little dogs? I guess he uses magic to make them bigger or something so they can attack Stane’s cattle. Anyway I was hoping you might have like an old wolf pelt or something so I can make it seem like I took out the werewolves…”
“Tony offered you Jarvis’s head, didn’t he,” Sheriff Rogers deadpanned. “As long as you brought it back.”
Eddie dropped his hands, glaring at him. “How dare you say that. I had to hear the offer once and now you’re making me remember it. You should have just shot me. That would have been kinder.”
Sheriff Rogers snorted. He finally put his gun back in its holster. “I’m just glad I’m not the only one he’s offered that to. I got a coyote pelt, would that help?”
Eddie rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Yeah, I can probably work with that.” He saw Venom’s tendrils curling over the side of his breast pocket and smacked his hand over it quickly. Then he winced, because not only had he slapped his hand down harder than he’d meant to, but Venom was radiating offense at him and was now biting whatever skin he could reach. He was also trying to yell at him.
Sheriff Rogers stared at him. Eddie couldn’t really blame him. It wasn’t every day that a fella you didn’t like slapped himself in the chest and then his chest started yelling at him.
“Ouch!” Eddie exclaimed, pissed, when Venom finally bit into a cuticle, and whipped his hand back.
Venom stuck his tongue out at him before curling up out of his pocket and rolling down his body onto the floor. “Sheriff!” he said, throwing a few tentacles out as if to do a small ‘ta da!’
Sheriff Rogers stared at Venom before reaching for his gun again.
“Don’t shoot me I’ll just reform and then I’ll be pissed!” Venom shouted.
Sheriff Rogers looked like he was seriously considering still shooting him anyway. Eddie couldn’t blame him for that, either. Finally, though, Sheriff Rogers dropped his hand and lifted the other to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Okay. Okay. Some things about you are startin’ t’ make sense, Eddie.”
Venom appeared smug about this. Eddie did not know how to tell him it wasn’t necessarily a good thing, so he didn’t say anything. “Sheriff! I have a proposition!” he said, wiggling closer to him.
Sheriff Rogers frowned at him skeptically. “Is it safe for me to hear it?”
Venom stared up at him for a minute, bewildered, then seemed to realize that the man was asking if he’d curse him or something stupid like that if he heard Venom out. He had better things to do than curse a sheriff. “I’m going to ignore this slight about my character,” he finally said, narrowing his eyes at the sheriff. “Anyway. I have a proposition! And—”
“Is it illegal?” Sheriff Rogers asked flatly, crossing his arms.
Venom waved his tentacles at him threateningly. “How the fuck should I know! Human laws are stupid! You could stand less of them.”
“He’s kidding,” Eddie said hastily when the sheriff’s mouth dropped open in shock. He nudged Venom with his boot. “He is definitely kidding.”
Venom turned to glare at him, then turned his attention back to the sheriff. “I’m not. Anyhow! My proposition is this.” He moved his tentacles over to the left. “I take Judge Pierce.” He moved his tentacles over to the right. “I put his head in my mouth.” He spread his tentacles proudly. “And voila!”
“And voila,” Sheriff Rogers repeated in confusion, raising an eyebrow. “And—what? I don’t. Like a lion tamer at the circus would, or-?”
“He’s gonna eat Judge Pierce’s head, Sheriff,” Eddie deadpanned.
Sheriff Rogers’s mouth dropped open again. He looked offended. “That’s illegal.”
“Well how was I supposed to know that?!” Venom hollered.
Eddie leaned down to pick him up, scooping him up in his hands. “Great job, Venom,” he scolded, even as he delicately deposited him on his shoulder. “Now we’re going to be arrested for a crime we haven’t even committed yet.”
“I can’t arrest you based on what that… thing, was saying,” Sheriff Rogers said, rolling his eyes. Then he looked at Venom, eyes narrowing thoughtfully. “Can you even fit a man’s head in your mouth?”
“I can be big!” Venom gasped, glaring back at him. He basically radiated offense at the sheriff's doubt. “I just choose to be small like this because I don’t have to eat as much! And also I like riding in Eddie’s pocket!”
Sheriff Rogers was silent for a very long time—long enough that Eddie was considering just sorta… slowly backing out of the jailhouse and scampering home, hoping the sheriff would forget about what Venom had suggested and, if possible, forget about Venom entirely. Finally, though, Sheriff Rogers shifted his weight to one side, placing his other hand on his hip. “Go on.”
“Go on?” Eddie squeaked.
Venom had no such hesitations, waving his tentacles excitedly. “I’ll eat Judge Pierce’s head! And then the rest probably! And then you and Eddie can work on all this legal mumbo jumbo to get Tony his land back!”
“What about Pierce’s lackeys? Stane’s?” Sheriff Rogers asked.
“I’ll eat them too!” Venom replied cheerfully.
Eddie considered just throwing Venom on the ground and leaving town entirely. But then Venom would probably track him down after eating Sheriff Rogers, and he’d have an earful of ranting that Eddie would have to listen to. Sheriff Rogers was a good man, even if his hands were often tied by a crooked judge. And he really didn’t want to listen to Venom yelling at him.
“Promise to eat all the evidence and I promise to be out of town checking on the Barton farm while you do it,” Sheriff Rogers said. “And if you’re caught? I will deny ever having talked with you.”
“DEAL!” Venom exclaimed gleefully.
Eddie stared at Sheriff Rogers, absolutely agog. “You’re. You’re condoning this?”
“Listen,” Sheriff Rogers sighed. “Maria Carbonell always sent whatever extra food she could spare into town after harvest t’ be rationed out t’ the less fortunate. Tony did that too, in the years he controlled the ranch before it was snatched from under him. They never took more ‘n they needed, and they were always willin’ to help anyone who struggled. Ever since Stane took over, he’s made life miserable, intimidatin’ people so he could buy up their farms cheap, and shootin’ people he claimed were trespassin’. Stane and Pierce ‘ll turn Timely into a ghost town.” He took off his hat and rubbed a hand down his face, looking more tired than Eddie had ever seen him. “Timely needs Tony to control the Carbonell Ranch if it has any chances of survivin’. Me, especially,” he added grimly.
Eddie frowned, but it made sense. If Judge Pierce and Stane wanted to take over the town, Sheriff Rogers would be the first person in their way, so he’d be the first person they’d shoot down. “Just let us figure out the best time and we’ll let you know when you should go see the Bartons.”
Sheriff Rogers scratched his chin idly, squinting up at the ceiling. “Pierce is always in the saloon with his cronies until th’ early hours of the mornin’. Usually alone. It’s the gossip around town,” he added casually when Eddie and Venom gaped at him in surprise.
“Oh really?” Eddie squeaked.
Sheriff Rogers shrugged one shoulder, calculatedly blasé.
When he turned to go look over some paperwork, they saw the faintest hint of a smirk on his face.
Venom and Eddie wisely decided to take their leave of him.
.-.-.-.
Not surprisingly, exactly zero people mourned the fact that Judge Pierce and his cronies had disappeared.
“So you just… swallowed them whole?” Sheriff Rogers asked, scratching the back of his head.
“Don’t worry about it,” Venom said from where he was lounging in Eddie’s pocket, feeling very full and very, very smug about it.
Sheriff Rogers stared at Eddie’s pocket for a long time before meeting Eddie’s gaze. “Did you make any progress on those loopholes you were goin’ on about yesterday?”
“No, but the owner of the saloon overheard us and I’m pretty sure she’s plotting how to threaten Stane into signing the ranch back over to Tony,” Eddie admitted. “She frightens me, Sheriff.”
“Natasha frightens everyone except Tony,” Sheriff Rogers mumbled, looking vaguely annoyed by it. “Tony sees a cockroach and screams blue murder, but Natasha threatens him with a knife and he thinks she’s the cream of the crop. I don’t get it.”
Venom flailed his tentacles wildly until he could heave himself up to peer at Sheriff Rogers over the edge of Eddie’s pocket. “That’s because Tony has excellent taste!” he declared. “And! He gives great pets.”
“…You like to be pet?” Sheriff Rogers asked after an awkward pause.
“No,” Venom said immediately, glaring at him. “Unless it’s Eddie! Or Tony! Tony has nice hands. I like them.”
“Okay,” Sheriff Rogers said and then looked at Eddie. “I don’t like this conversation so I’m gonna leave.”
“Sounds fair,” Eddie admitted, lifting his hand to rub his thumb over Venom’s head. He looked down at him, smiling a little. “Was that your way of hinting that we should go visit Tony, maybe take him some supplies?”
“No,” Venom scoffed. “I don’t hint! I just tell you when I want something.”
Eddie snorted, turning back to the newspaper he’d scooped up from the hotel, something from back east that talked about something called an automobile. “Okay, Venom. Whatever you say.”
Venom stuck his tongue out at him and sank back into his pocket. Five minutes later, he curled his tentacles over and peered up at Eddie over the edge of it. “I want to go visit Tony, Eddie.”
“Okay,” Eddie said, amused.
Venom, encouraged, lifted himself higher. “And! He might need some supplies! Like bacon!”
“Tony does enjoy bacon,” Eddie agreed.
Venom patted the edge of his pocket happily. “And that gross candy he likes, the one that looks like me!”
“The licorice buttons?” Eddie asked.
Venom scowled at him. “I don’t fucking know! It’s gross.”
Eddie laughed, rubbing his thumb over Venom’s head again to take some of the sting out of it. “Okay. Well, if we want to get back before dark, I suppose we better go do that now.”
“Get him lots of buttons, Eddie,” Venom ordered as Eddie folded up the newspaper to take with them as they left the hotel. “He likes them.”
Eddie laughed again before he agreed, “Okay, Venom. Just because you asked.”
.-.-.-.
Tony was happy to see them. The ugly little dogs were… less so.
“Give them the steak Eddie,” Venom hissed, huddling close to Eddie’s neck.
“No!” Eddie exclaimed, offended. The steak was for Tony. Tony looked a little thin, after all.
Luckily Tony was quick to shoo the dogs back under his wagon. They glared at Eddie and Venom balefully from where they lay, though, so Eddie wasn’t quite sure if he could call it a win. Maybe he should have given them the steak.
“Oh! I didn’t send any money!” Tony exclaimed, but he still took the bag of supplies Eddie handed him cheerfully. “What do I owe you?”
“It’s a gift,” Eddie said, stepping down from his horse. He rolled his eyes when Venom poked at his cheek fiercely and added, “Venom thought you might like it.”
“Oh,” Tony said again, smiling shyly down at the sack. “That was sweet. Thank you.”
“It was nothing,” Venom replied demurely.
Eddie thought that was pretty easy for him to say, considering he hadn’t had to pay for any of it. “Glad you like it,” he added, instead of embarrassing Venom. “Also, I don’t know if anyone told you the bad news, but—”
“Bad news?!” Venom sputtered, appalled.
Eddie grabbed him and shoved him in his breast pocket, continuing, “But unfortunately Judge Pierce has disappeared. So has everyone he was known to associate with.” Venom flailed a tentacle out at him and he slapped his hand down over his pocket, giving it a little shake as a non-verbal ‘shut up.’ “I’m still working on getting your property back to you, though, so maybe it'll be easier with the judge gone.”
“Oh,” Tony said. He tried to appear like he was sorry about it.
“Stop doing that with your face and just admit you don’t care,” Jarvis snapped.
Tony let the frown drop from his face, instead happily whispering, “I hope he was murdered.”
Venom flailed again angrily. Eddie did not uncover his pocket.
“You got me so many licorice buttons,” Tony commented as he went through the bag. “Not that I don’t appreciate them, of course, but—”
Venom bit the tip of Eddie’s finger and flailed out of his pocket to shout, “Because they look like me!”
Tony watched him roll down Eddie’s leg to flatten himself on the ground and then pop back up, tentacles spread as if to show off how excellently he’d pulled it off. He raised an eyebrow, smiling in confusion. “Because they look like you?”
“Black! Shiny! Round!” Venom confirmed, and then rounded his form to prove it, grinning up at him.
“Also kinda gross,” Eddie added.
“And kinda gro—Hey!” Venom gasped, whipping around to glare at him in betrayal.
“Licorice is not gross,” Tony scoffed, and then squatted down to gently rub the top of Venom’s head. “And neither are you. Eddie just doesn’t know good candy when he sees it.” He reached into the bag to pull out one of the licorice buttons, handing it to him. “Here you go.”
“Oh… Thank you,” Venom said, taking the licorice button. He waited until Tony had turned his back to go put the groceries with his other supplies before wiggling over to the wagon. He frantically waved the licorice button at the ugly dogs until one of them took pity on him and licked it from his tentacles, swallowing the entire thing whole.
Eddie decided not to mention it, because licorice buttons were the worst and Jujubes were much better. “We’re still working on the legalities of it, but we’re pretty sure we’ll be able to get your ranch back. If not legally, I’m pretty sure the owner of the saloon is gonna forge some signatures after she casually murders Stane.”
“Oh!” Tony said, looking delighted. “I hope Natasha does! She always enjoys a good murder. Uh,” he added, paling, when both Eddie and Venom turned to stare at him blankly. “I mean. That is clearly a joke. She doesn’t actually kill people. Haha.”
“We also kill people,” Venom replied helpfully.
“Venom!” Eddie barked, spinning toward him.
“What!” Venom barked back.
Tony looked back and forth between them, then hopefully asked, “Wait, does that mean-? Was Judge Pierce actually murdered?”
Eddie blinked at him slowly before finally answering, bewildered, “Yeah.”
“And his cronies!” Venom added, waving his tentacles cheerfully. “They were delicious. Way better than chupacabras.”
“Oh,” Tony said, sounding relieved, then quickly did a double-take. “…W… what?”
Venom paused, remembering suddenly that humans did not typically eat each other. Then he turned and looked at Eddie, putting his tentacles over his mouth.
“You eat people?” Tony asked, turning to Eddie as well. He didn’t even try to pretend that his voice hadn’t cracked.
Eddie opened his mouth, closed it. He licked his lips as he tried to come up with a decent answer, then sighed and held his hands up. “I don’t eat people. Venom eats people. His kind, from what I understand, uh… Well, I don’t really understand at all,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his head. “Near as I can tell, their kind actually think they’re protecting us, because they try to only eat people who seek to harm others.”
“We eat the bad guys!” Venom agreed guilelessly, nodding. He slithered back over to Eddie and curled over him, and they spread their arms, showing Tony who—what, really—had eaten Judge Pierce and his followers.
Tony stared at them for several minutes, looking like he might bolt, but finally he just went, “Hng.”
“…Are you okay,” they asked, concerned, because now Tony kinda looked like he was just gonna fall over.
“Triangle,” Tony grunted, eyes darting up and down their body.
“…What,” Venom and Eddie asked. They looked down to try and see what he was seeing, but they couldn’t seem to figure out what it was, so they looked back up at him. “What are you—”
Tony let out a slightly hysterical laugh and turned his attention back to his supplies. “Who wants a licorice button?! I know I do!”
“What,” Venom and Eddie asked again, but Tony had already stuck a licorice button into his mouth and was determinedly sucking the salt off of it. Eventually Venom crawled off of Eddie’s body to curl up on his shoulder again, comforted in the fact that Eddie also didn’t understand what was going on. They considered just… leaving, because Tony was now obviously uncomfortable.
“Wait, does that mean you were coming to eat my fucking dogs?!” Tony exclaimed suddenly, whipping back toward them with a scowl.
“No,” Eddie answered immediately, at the same time Venom said, “Yes.”
Tony looked appalled. Somehow, so did all of his ugly little dogs.
.-.-.-.
“What the flamin’ hell happened t’ you,” Sheriff Rogers asked when they came limping back into town.
“Sheriff it was horrible!” Venom wailed from Eddie’s shoulder. “I told Tony I was going to eat his ugly little dogs and his dogs attacked us!”
Sheriff Rogers, who had been looking slightly concerned, immediately rolled his eyes. “Oh for Pete’s sake. You told Tony that you were gonna eat his only faithful companions for the last five years and you’re surprised he let them attack you?”
“I think one of them was poisonous,” Eddie said, looking down at a bite on his arm that was slowly turning green.
“That’s because they’re not fucking dogs,” Sheriff Rogers said, rolling his eyes again. “They were chupacabras and he used his magic t’ make them tiny and cute.”
Eddie stared at him for a long time before saying, “Sheriff.”
“What,” Sheriff Rogers asked, raising an eyebrow.
“If you ever call those ugly little monsters ‘cute’ again, I’m gonna punch you in the nose,” Eddie told him.
Sheriff Rogers looked offended for a fraction of a second before he was laughing. Eddie couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen the man relaxed enough to laugh. “Sounds fair,” he said once he’d calmed down, smiling, then nodded at his arm. “Have Bruce see t’ that before it goes black, ‘cause the chupacabras out here are venomous. And maybe figure out how you’re gonna apologize for insultin’ Tony’s ‘dogs.’”
“Will this actually kill me?!” Eddie asked, frowning at the wound again.
Sheriff Rogers raised his eyebrows at him, still smiling, and turned his horse to ride out of town.
“…Sheriff?” Eddie called after him, but the blond just waved.
.-.-.-.
Obadiah Stane and his son quietly left town after signing the Carbonell Ranch back over to Tony. At least, that’s what Tony said. And he seemed to believe it.
“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” Natasha had said calmly.
“She frightens me in ways I didn’t know I could be frightened Eddie,” Venom whispered once he was certain Natasha was gone.
Eddie couldn’t blame him. He was pretty sure Natasha could have killed any monster in the area in half the time for triple the amount he charged. And she didn’t even have a parasite to feed. “I think she’s supposed to,” he pointed out.
“I’m glad I bonded with you, Eddie, even though you don’t let me eat as much as I want,” Venom added.
Eddie rolled his eyes, but he didn’t rise to the bait, instead watching as Tony carefully navigated the other saloon patrons and dancing girls. As powerful as he knew Tony was, he looked incredibly small and nervous here. He wondered if it was because of how long he’d been out on the range, having to keep moving so that none of Stane’s men could find him, worried about who he could trust. He looked adorable.
He realized, quite suddenly, that he wanted to eat Tony alive.
Venom patted at Eddie’s cheek in concern. “Eddie. Eddie. I think I’m rubbing off on you if you want to eat Tony.”
“I don’t have time to explain it right now so just keep your mouth shut and I’ll tell you later,” Eddie said immediately.
“I wanted to thank you for all the supplies you brought me but the whiskey the bartender suggested was a bit spendy since I haven’t been able to access my mother’s money yet,” Tony said apologetically. “But he said you liked this beer. I hope that’s okay until I can afford a nice bottle.”
Eddie reached out and took the glass before he could look too embarrassed. “Beer’s fine. You don’t have to repay us. We wanted to do it.”
Tony’s eyebrows flew up as his gaze darted from Eddie’s face to Venom and back again. “Oh, should I have gotten Venom a glass-?”
“Here I go,” Venom cut in, and then shoved his face in the glass. He emptied half the glass quickly before rolling off of Eddie’s hand to puddle on the table, looking quite pleased with himself. “Thank you, Tony,” he said, and then burped.
Tony poured his beer in his lap, staring at him.
“Sorry that he doesn’t have any manners,” Eddie said, and then drained the rest of his glass.
.-.-.-.
With control of the Carbonell Ranch firmly back in Tony’s hands, he felt no need to keep his ‘dogs’ small and unthreatening.
“They are still ugly, Eddie,” Venom proclaimed, sneering down at the chupacabras.
“Yeah, well, TONY,” Eddie bellowed when one of them—he thought Tony had called it ‘Dummy’ or something?—jumped and snapped at his leg. They really were venomous. Bruce had not been pleased about having to heal the infected bite wound.
Tony came rushing out onto the porch. “Hey, you guys, knock it off! You know that Eddie and Venom are friends!” He swatted at the chupacabras with the hand towel he’d been holding. “Cut it out!”
The chupacabras hissed and spat at Tony, but he wouldn’t be deterred. Eventually they had to give up under his unwavering bossiness, and they trudged back onto the porch and laid down, clearly sulking.
Tony brushed his hair out of his eyes with the back of his hand, huffing, then turned to look up at Venom and Eddie with a smile. “You guys are early! I haven’t quite finished supper, but feel free to help yourself to a cigar, or some bourbon, or… I don’t really know what else is in the crystal decanters,” he added thoughtfully as Eddie climbed off his horse. He ushered them into the house. “I’m sure they were something properly expensive from a woman of my mother’s standing, but I’m also equally sure that Obadiah probably drank it all himself and filled it with cheap stuff. I should probably be offering you nicer stuff, after all you’ve done for me—”
“Shiny,” Venom said, pleased, and snagged one of the crystal decanters with a tentacle, holding it up to admire his face in each facet.
“I think he’d like it regardless of what was in it,” Eddie assured Tony, amused. “Sorry we were early. Forgot we didn’t have to search you out and could just come to the ranch. Glad to see you’re settled in, though. We were kind of worried about you.”
Tony flushed a little, scratching the back of his head. “Oh, well, uh, I won’t say the adjustment wasn’t hard? I mean, I did go from sleeping under the stars on the hard ground to sleeping in a luxurious bed with wood over my head. There’s some… some give and take. But!” he added cheerfully. “I got access to my money, and my ranch, and it’s all thanks to you!”
“Well, Ms. Romanov and Sheriff Rogers certainly—” Eddie began demurely.
Venom drew himself up smugly, talking over him. “Yup! It was allll us! We did everything!”
“Venom,” Eddie said, appalled.
Luckily, Tony laughed instead of getting offended or anything, bustling back into the kitchen. “I’ll check on the potatoes! I figured you guys were meat-and-potatoes people. Hope that’s okay!”
“I will eat the meat, Eddie, and you can have the potatoes,” Venom said, sounding incredibly magnanimous.
“I will throw you at the floor,” Eddie replied immediately, just as magnanimous.
Venom stared at him, as if considering whether he’d actually do it in front of Tony. Eventually, he decided that Eddie would, instead holding the decanter toward him. “Pour me some of this, Eddie.”
Eddie took it as the olive branch it was and poured Venom a healthy tumbler full. He set it on the table at one of the plates that had been set out. “So how are you enjoying being in your family home?” he called out, watching as Venom cheerfully rolled down his arm and onto the table. Then he yelped and reached out to grab Venom before he could shove his entire face into the glass. “You sip it,” he hissed when Venom snarled and slapped at his hands. “You’re not going to sit here and get drunk when Tony is making us a nice dinner.”
“It’s sorta bittersweet!” Tony called back from the kitchen while Venom sulked. “Last time I was here was right after Mama had… Anyway. To make a long, awkward story short… I like having a home again. So, thank you so much for helping me get it back.” He appeared in the doorway holding a platter with meat and potatoes on it, smiling bashfully. He walked over to put it on the table. “And thanks for not eating my dogs.”
“They woulda been gross anyway,” Venom declared, and then peered at the platter. He reached out to snag a piece of meat. Then he let out a wounded gasp when Eddie smacked it away, covering it with another tentacle as he stared up at him. “Eddie!”
“Don’t be rude,” Eddie ordered. He was unable to keep the corner of his mouth from quirking up in an amused smile.
Venom gasped again, then turned beseeching eyes on Tony. “You see how he abuses me, Tony?”
“Poor baby,” Tony cooed, reaching out to carefully cup Venom in his hands. “Let me see.” Venom blinked at him, bewildered, but gamely showed Tony the offended tentacle. “It looks fine to me, but I better make sure.”
“Huh?” Venom asked, but Tony was quickly leaning in, bussing a gentle kiss against the extended appendage. He stared at his tentacle for a long moment, stunned, then sorta… sighed, smiling, and dripped from between Tony’s fingers back onto the table.
“Oh no,” Tony said, concerned, and he reached out to try and gather him up, but Eddie reached out and grabbed his hands to stop him. He looked up at Eddie from under his lashes, teeth biting into his bottom lip, as if he was ashamed, as if he’d done something wrong. “I’m sorry,” he said softly, bashful.
Eddie stroked a thumb over his knuckles. “What are you sorry for?” he asked, amused.
Tony glanced down at Venom, who was steadily puddling further across the table. His gaze slowly swept back up to Eddie’s face, frowning. “I… I must have hurt Venom when I… I was just teasing! I didn’t know—maybe I lost control of my powers for a minute? I… I can try to…”
“You can’t fix him being the most dramatic pest in the world, Tony,” Eddie told him, running his thumbs over Tony’s knuckles. He raised his eyebrows, lips quirking up into another amused smile. “Now where’s mine?”
Tony blinked at him slowly, as if in a trance. “Yours?” he asked after a moment, confused.
Eddie chuckled quietly. “You kissed Venom, so it’s only fair you kiss me, right?”
Tony blinked again, stunned, then murmured, “But you’re not hurt.”
“Tony,” Eddie said, laughter in his voice. “Neither was Venom. Like I said—the most dramatic pest in the world.”
Tony stared up at him, brows furrowing together in confusion and chagrin. Finally, he managed to say a quiet, embarrassed, “Oh.”
Eddie’s smile fell. “I’m not making you uncomfortable, am I?”
“Well, I—” Tony’s cheeks went pink, and he ducked his gaze bashfully. “I never really got the chance to—I mean, I kissed a few girls in the schoolyard, of course, I wasn’t a shy child, but… When Mama died, I had to leave quickly, and then it was a—a very solitary lifestyle, you know, and—”
“Do you want to kiss me?” Eddie cut in. That was all that mattered, after all. If Tony didn’t want to kiss him, then he shouldn’t. And if he did, well…
Tony’s flush darkened under Eddie’s gaze, and he chewed on his lower lip for a moment before whispering, “I do, I just… It’s—it’s been a while, and… what if you don’t like it?”
“Tony, rest assured, if it’s you? I will like it,” Eddie assured him gently.
Tony peeked up at him, still unsure. His flush was quickly spreading down his neck to his chest. It was cute. “You’re sure?” he asked.
“Positive,” Eddie promised, lifting a hand to cup his cheek.
Tony seemed to melt into his hand, eyelids drifting low until his lashes were fanned over his cheeks, and his tongue darted out to wet his lips. Eddie swallowed thickly, then dipped his head, slowly, in case Tony changed his mind.
“Tony,” Jarvis said. “The food is going to get cold.”
Tony and Eddie jerked away from each other as if they’d had a bucket of water thrown on them. In all honesty, maybe it would have been better if it actually had, because when they turned to look at Jarvis, he stared back, unflinching.
Tony turned betrayed eyes onto the wolf sitting on the other side of the table. “Jarvis, why would you ruin our moment?”
“I didn’t sit in a kitchen telling you how to make the perfect roast just for it to go cold,” Jarvis scolded him, glaring. “Hurry and get the gravy before it burns. I’ll not be embarrassed by a cold roast and burnt gravy.”
“The gravy!” Tony gasped rushing back into the kitchen.
Eddie stared at Jarvis, appalled. “Are you the protector of his innocence or something!?”
“I am the protector of gravy,” Jarvis replied sternly. “Sit down and get ready to eat. Tony worked hard on this meal. He wanted to impress you.”
“He did?” Eddie asked, and then awkwardly sank into his seat when Jarvis kept giving it a pointed look.
Jarvis waited until he was settled to his satisfaction before he replied, “Of course he did. Don’t be an idiot. It’s an unbecoming look on you.” Then he stood up and trotted around the table to head outside, intending to lounge with the chupacabras, who were looking very undignified with their bellies up to the sun, tongues lolling out of their mouths.
“Hey!” Eddie called after him, offended.
Then Tony was coming back out of the kitchen, a gravy boat held carefully in his hands, and Eddie felt his heart flip in his chest when he saw the serious expression on Tony’s face, as if dinner would be ruined if he even spilled a drop of it. He must really care about what they thought of dinner.
It was too bad that Venom would probably shove his face in the gravy boat once he recovered from the bliss of having received a kiss from Tony, Eddie lamented.
.-.-.-.
There was a swing on the porch.
Tony shooed Jarvis and the chupacabras away so that they could sit on it and watch the sun set. Eddie laid his arm on the back of the bench behind Tony, then threw caution to the wind and wrapped his arm around Tony’s shoulders. Tony beamed up at him before turning his eyes on the horizon.
Venom was lounging in his breast pocket, smug and full from draining half the gravy boat at dinner, a steady and comforting weight. The chupacabras started pouncing on lightning bugs as the light faded while Jarvis kept a careful eye on them, apparently deciding that Eddie and Venom weren’t a threat to their favorite person.
It was a nice night. He wouldn’t mind if more of his nights ended like this.
“I just wanted to thank you guys again for helping me,” Tony said quietly, as if not wanting to disturb the evening. “I know the sheriff and Natasha helped—they get this look on their faces when they’re trying to pretend they didn’t have anything to do with something—but I feel like you really sped up the process of whatever they were trying to do.”
“Eating a crooked judge probably greased some wheels,” Eddie replied wryly.
“Well,” Tony began, then tilted his head, pausing to truly consider the information. Finally, he continued, “You’re probably right.”
Venom wiggled up out of his pocket just enough to be able to say, “It’s his worst feature, being right.”
“Venom, you’re ruining the mood,” Eddie said, as blandly as he possibly could, because getting angry would only be rewarding him. “Go back to being a smug asshole in my pocket.”
“I’m going back because I want to, not because you told me to,” Venom informed him, petulant, and sank back into his pocket. Perhaps he shouldn’t have had so much gravy. He felt very full and sleepy. He’d have to get back at Eddie for ordering him about later. “It was good gravy, Tony,” he added before he sank all the way down. “Thank you for sharing it with us.”
“Oh, thank you,” Tony replied, beaming at him. He soaked up the praise like a sponge, almost glowing with it in the fading light. “I’m glad you liked it! It was my first time making a real gravy.”
Eddie gave his shoulders a gentle squeeze. “It was delicious,” he assured him. “We’ve always loved a home-cooked meal, and yours was incredible.”
Tony’s smile went small and shy. “Maybe you guys would like to come over for another?”
“We’d love to,” Eddie answered, before Venom could pop up and utter something that offended him even though he was trying to agree. “After all, we wouldn’t want you go get lonely out here on your ranch. No offense,” he added hastily when the chupacabras turned to glare at him. “But sometimes human company is what’s needed.”
“Such as it is,” Jarvis deadpanned, which seemed to soothe the chupacabras enough to let out sounds a lot like cackling biddies.
Eddie scowled at them, offended. He was perfectly human. It was just that sometimes he bonded with Venom to eat… things. He was still a squishy human inside though. He never actually changed form.
“Sometimes it’s nice to have another human to talk to,” Tony agreed quietly, smiling down at his lap. “Even if there is a pushy little monster in his pocket.”
“I’m not pushy,” Venom complained, but didn’t move. He was still much too full, and much too comfortable in Eddie’s pocket, and Tony had sounded teasing, anyhow. Tony was very nice, even if he did have bad taste in candy. Licorice buttons were bad.
“You’re kinda pushy,” Eddie mused, lifting a hand to scratch his chin. “But it’s not bad. I never have to worry you’re gonna flip-flop on an important decision.”
Venom wiggled up out of his pocket to shoot him a smug smile. “Like kissing Tony!”
Tony and Eddie blinked at him, surprised, before Tony said, “Venom, I kissed you.”
“Nah,” Venom replied immediately, settling back in Eddie’s pocket. “Pretty sure I tempted you.”
Eddie’s mouth dropped open at the audacity of his lie. Venom had done nothing tempting. He’d been a fucking drama queen.
“…Yup,” Tony said after a moment, luckily looking amused. “You got me. You definitely tempted me.”
“That’s because I am very romantic, Tony,” Venom assured him.
Tony giggled and lifted a hand to cover his mouth to try and hide some of his amusement, finally managing to amusedly agree, “Of course.”
“And! Because I’m so romantic!” Venom added, poking out of Eddie’s pocket again. “I think you should kiss Eddie too! Because he’s got kissable lips! Like pillows!”
“Venom!” Eddie exclaimed, blushing, and glared at him.
Venom, for once realizing he might have overstepped in human norms, quietly sank back into his pocket, waving a tentacle at him nervously. Eddie wasn’t able to hurt him, but he sure yelled loud and long when he was upset with him, and he usually actually managed to make Venom feel remorse. Venom hadn’t been aware that he could feel remorse.
Luckily, Tony laughed again, apparently unoffended. Still, Eddie hurried to say, “I’m so sorry. I’m still trying to drill human manners into him. I swear you don’t have to kiss me just because he said to. It won’t hurt my feelings.”
Tony smiled up at him shyly. “But you wouldn’t mind? If I did kiss you, I mean.”
Eddie stared at him, stunned. He’d never expected Tony to be so bold. Then again, he had no idea why he’d thought that. Tony had been living on his own with only his magic to take care of himself for years. The desert didn’t take pity on the meek—what wasn’t killed by the heat was prey for the animals, and what the animals couldn’t take down, there was always an outlaw with a gun ready to do it for them.
Tony had done an admirable job keeping his spirits up, considering that Stane had regularly sent search parties out to hunt him down, so he couldn’t shelter at one of the rivers or any of the oases. The sheriff had told him about some of the corpses that he’d found after an altercation with Tony—Tony had wielded his magic ruthlessly, with the efficiency of a man who had become used to fighting for his life. Then he used the same magic to make the chupacabras that had been stalking him into ugly little dogs to keep him company.
And he’d never looked at Eddie and Venom with even an ounce of true fear. Only concern that he'd have to defend himself.
“No,” Eddie finally managed to answer, unable to tear away from Tony’s shy gaze. “I wouldn’t mind at all.”
Tony smiled, eyes bright. He lifted his hands up, delicately cupping Eddie’s cheeks between them. His hands were soft, softer than Eddie had thought a rancher’s might. He wondered if it was because of the magic thrumming through him, or the vampire blood from his father. He it didn’t matter as he felt Tony’s thumb trail across his bottom lip, eyes drifting shut at the gentle touch. He felt Tony’s thumb move away, but it was quickly replaced with the ghost of his warm breath.
The kiss was softer than he expected, for as boldly as Tony had asked to kiss him. He didn’t press in too hard, didn’t nip or lick. It was just the soft press of Tony’s lips against his. But with Tony’s hands curled around his face, and his lips so soft and sweet, Eddie didn’t mind. It was a perfect first kiss—hopefully the first of many.
“Oh,” Tony said softly after he leaned back.
Eddie forced his eyes open to take him in. Tony’s face was flushed, lips soft and red. His eyelids fluttered open for just a moment before drifting shut again. As Eddie watched, Tony lifted his hand to gently run his fingers over his lips. Eddie swallowed thickly, fighting the urge to grab him and drag him into another kiss.
“Oh,” Tony said again, eyes finally blinking open. “Wow.” His eyes took on a teasing sparkle. “They really do feel like pillows.”
“Right?!” Venom exclaimed gleefully.
“I’ll leave,” Eddie said.
Tony reached out to grab his arm, laughing. “Nooo, Eddie I was just teasing!”
“If you two are going to gang up on me, I’m going to go back to California,” Eddie added.
Venom started crawling up his shirt with his tentacles, wailing, “Noooo, Eddie, there are no steer there! I finally learned to eat just one at a time!”
“I guess we’ll have to stop teasing you then,” Tony said, in a tone that made it clear he would not stop doing it at all. He fluttered his eyelashes up at him. “Maybe we should just go back to watching the sunset instead of kissing again.”
Eddie sputtered. “Now, let’s not be hasty!”
“No, I’m sure we’ve put you out of the mood now,” Tony said, taking Eddie’s hands and turning back to the sun, which was quickly disappearing beyond the horizon. “I’ll try to remember not to tease you next time.”
“Look what you’ve done, Eddie,” Venom complained, sinking back into his pocket with a petulant scowl.
“You’re both brats,” Eddie stated. “I regret everything that has led me up to this moment.”
Venom slapped his chest with a tentacle, fondly declaring, “Liar. I’m a delight.”
“You’re something,” Eddie allowed. He looked at Tony and raised an eyebrow, smiling in amusement. “And you are too.”
Tony chuckled and tipped his head to give him a smug look out of the corner of his eye. “Yeah, but I get the feeling you don’t actually mind too much.”
Eddie tried to scowl at him, but it was true, so he wasn’t sure he kept it up very well.
“Tony,” Jarvis complained. “He’s making a very unattractive face. Tell him to stop that.”
“Just for that, I’m going to make sure you see my face more often than you’d ever want,” Eddie told him immediately. Then he looked back at Tony. “If that’s alright, I mean.”
Tony hummed and turned to smile at him. “It’s alright with me. Guess it’ll help the chupacabras get used to you too.”
Eddie personally thought that this was not the gift Tony thought it was, but he didn’t say so, instead gripping his hands back tightly. Maybe if he played his cards right, he’d get another kiss before they left.