Chapter Text
Lucy tried to enjoy getting ready for her date. Tried enjoying picking out an outfit, of putting on her make up, curling her hair.
Her heart just wasn’t in it.
She could have pretended the reason for her lackluster feelings was her mother in her living room, dragging her feet after babysitting Eileen during Lucy’s shift. Her mother, true to form, kept shouting over innocent suggestions, that came out as passive aggressive acquisitions.
(Yes, she actually was wearing this shirt, thanks for asking Mom).
She could have convinced herself that it was too hard being away from Eileen; it was hard, but that wasn’t really at the root of it, the pang of leaving Eileen would have been worth it if-
(Tim was taking her on a date, to some steak house that was too expensive, or even just to cheap taco’s around the corner; if he knocked on the door, looking nervous, and kissed her goodnight when he brought her home-)
Well, if things were different.
They weren’t, she tried to be firm with herself, to be realistic.
She was going on this date, she was going to smile and laugh and have a good time. She was going use this as an opportunity to move on, even if just a little.
Maybe she wasn’t ready to move on, but she was ready to try.
(She couldn’t make Tim love her, like she loved him, but she didn’t have to wallow).
At least that’s what she kept telling herself.
Her plan would have been easier if Tim wasn’t, well Tim.
Of course Tim had offered to babysit, when she mentioned that her Mom had to leave by seven, and she would have to cancel her date for tonight.
Because he was a good guy, her friend, and the bastard who was making it impossible to fall out of love with him.
(It would be so much easier if she could just hate him.)
There was a knock at the door, by the time Lucy had run into the living room, her mother had already opened the door.
“Now who is this?” Her mom exclaimed, “Well, now I understand why you just had to go on a date last minute-”
She couldn’t really blame her mom. He was standing there leaning against the doorway looking like some James Dean, day dream-
(Listening to Taylor Swift could get real dangerous, real fast).
“Mom, this is Tim,” Lucy winced, trying no to look at Tim who was, of course, smirking, “I’ve told you about him. My former T.O. now he’s my-”
Lucy’s mom looked hopefully to Tim, who smiled, disarmingly.
(Bastard).
“Friend,” Tim supplied quickly, “And sometimes babysitter.”
“Oh,” She looked markedly disappointed; Lucy would have laughed if she didn’t want to roll her eyes into the back of her skull.
Her mother threw her a dark look, and now that was really unfair.
She wanted to shout, ‘I’d like to be going on a date with him too, but he doesn’t want to, so-”
“He’s babysitting so I can go on a date,” Lucy reminded her mother, trying not to raise her voice, trying to keep it even,“Remember. I really meant that you could go as soon as I went home.”
“Hmm,” Lucy’s mom didn’t look convinced.
“Bye Mom,” Lucy hugged her quickly, and wheeled her towards the door, while her mother looked back and forth between her and Tim, as though she was trying to solve a puzzle, and she was dangerously close to finding the answer.
Lucy avoided looking at Tim, as she waived goodbye to her mom at the door.
“Goodnight Lucy,” Her mom said, giving her a meaningful look,“Goodnight Officer Bradford.”
Lucy winced as she closed the door; she was going to get an earful next time she saw her.
“Sorry about her,” Lucy said, smiling apologetically, as she walked over to the play pen in the living room where Eileen was mesmerized by a mobile.
“It’s fine,” Tim said, shrugging, as Lucy scooped up Eileen, “I know how Mom’s can be.”
“Yah,” Lucy forced a smile back on her face. Eileen, of course, was just as excited about Tim’s arrival as her grandma was. As she walked towards Tim, Eileen started waving her chubby fists, reaching out towards him.
“Someone’s excited,” Lucy grinned, and for the fist time since Tim arrived, it came easily, “I’ll try not to be jealous, but she really loves you.”
She regretted it, as soon as she said ‘love’, she felt like an awful spotlight was turned on her.
Of course Tim seemed oblivious, and just took Eileen from her arms, the baby girl looking absolutely delighted.
“Well I should be-” Lucy started, putting her hands in her pockets, not sure what to do with them all of a sudden.
“You look really nice,” Tim interrupted her, “You look beautiful.”
Lucy had to swallow back tears, none of this was fair. He couldn’t tell her that, while holding her child, and then not love her.
It was cruel, and if he kept this up, she would always be in love with him.
(Did she even want to fall out of love with him?)
“Thanks,” Lucy nodded, and turned away so Tim couldn’t see her face. She grabbed her purse, her keys, trying to keep her expression neutral, her hands busy.
“Is your date meeting you here,” Tim asked, as he bounced Eileen, who giggled, “Or-”
“We are meeting at the restaurant.” Lucy said, trying to touch up her lipgloss in the mirror by the door, but her hands were shaking, “Umm, thanks for doing this.”
A look flashed across Tim’s face so fast she couldn’t read it.
Maybe he thought she was irresponsible, making herself a single mother than trying to date? He had seemed genuine when he offered to babysit.
She didn’t owe him anything, but his opinion of her still mattered to her in a way it had never mattered with anyone. It didn’t matter how long ago it was when they rode in a shop together, didn’t matter how much time passed.
It mattered to her.
“Bye, Tim,” Lucy murmured, as she slid out the door.
She didn’t look back.
Lucy was in her head, all the way to the restaurant.
And for most of the dinner.
Mark was nice, genuinely, nice. He was interested in her job, and asked good questions. Had this been a year or two ago, she would be carving out time in her schedule to see him again, by the time appetizers came.
Her heart just wasn’t in it.
Mark was a good guy, probably a great guy but-
He wasn’t Tim.
“Thanks this was fun,” Lucy said, as they paused in front of the restaurant; she insisted he didn’t need to walk her to her car-
(Tim wouldn’t have taken no for an answer, but that wasn’t fair-)
“Was it?” Mark said, not unkindly.
Lucy opened her mouth, ready to insist that he was wrong, but she couldn’t lie to another person, especially when she had spent the last week lying to herself.
“Sorry, I’m,” Lucy took a deep breath, and let a shaky one out,“Getting over someone. I thought I could. I mean, I thought I was, anyway.”
“Lucy-”
“I’m not ready,” Lucy said quickly, and the truth crashed down on her.
It was going to take a lot more to get over Tim.
“It’s okay,” He smiled at her, and gave a small little wave “Let me know, if you get ready.”
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
Tim wandered around Lucy’s apartment, rocking Eileen as he went, after she left, for a while.
He was her friend, she wanted him to be her friend. He wasn’t going to force his feelings down her throat, make her feel guilty for going on dates, or having a life.
He wasn’t that guy, he refused to be that guy.
It didn’t stop his chest from seizing up when he thought of Lucy with another man being with her, starting a life with her.
He was always going to be in love with her, but that was his problem, not hers.
So he put Eileen to bed, (after reading her Harold and the Purple Crayon, four times), and tried not to pace her apartment as he waited for Lucy to come home.
Lucy slipped inside, while Tim was trying his best to not vibrate out of skin, around ten.
“Hey Tim,” Lucy smiled, but it didn’t quite meet her eyes. Tim tilted his head to the side, trying to read if she was just tired, or if the date went badly-
(Even if he didn’t want Lucy settling down with some other guy, if he had not been a gentlemen in anyway-)
“Have fun?” Tim said, in his best impression of nonchalance (he had a feeling it was not very convincing.
“Yah,” Lucy kicked off her shoes, while taking her earrings off, her voice sharp all of a sudden “It was fun.”
“Good,” Tim stood up, not knowing what to do with his hands all of a sudden, “Good.”
“Eileen go to sleep, okay?” Lucy wouldn’t look at him, and Tim didn’t know what to do.
“Yah, she went down easy.”
“That’s my girl,” Lucy smiled for the first time since she got home.
“Yah.”
Lucy still wouldn’t look at him.
“Well-” Tim started to say goodnight, ready to go home and sulk, when Lucy interrupted him.
“It was fun,” Lucy said, fixing Tim with a hard stare, “My date, but it’s not going anywhere.”
“Why?” Tim closed the distance between them.
If he had done something, and he could make it right-
Lucy opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it again.
“Goodnight, Tim.” Lucy turned away from him, and started to walk towards the door of her bedroom.
“Lucy,” Tim asked, thoroughly confused, “What-”
“I want,” Lucy started, tears welling up in her eyes, “God, I wanted to go on a date with you.”
Tim felt like the wind was knocked out him.
“I am crazy about you,” Lucy hissed, “can’t you see that. You spend half your time off with us, and your’re you. You are so good with Eileen, and you have always been so great to me, and I have been falling, and you are oblivious and you don’t lo-like me like I like you.
“Lucy,” Tim whispered, trying to find his voice, but feeling vaguely light headed.
“I can’t do this anymore,” Tears were now streaming down Lucy’s face, and he felt like the worlds biggest asshole, “Just leave.”
“I don’t want to leave,” Tim said, firmly, and Lucy came forward, looking like she was going to throw something at him (which he, honestly, wouldn’t put past her).
“Tim-”
“I want you,” Tim’s voice cracked, “God, I have always wanted you-”
No it was Lucy who looked like the wind was knocked out of her lungs.
“Then why didn’t you say anything,” Lucy whispered, “Why did you let me go on a date with someone else.”
“Because-” Tim started, but Lucy put a hand up to stop him.
“Do you really want this,” Lucy said slowly, her voice guarded, “Or are you just jealous, or like protective or some other Tim Bradford bullshit. If you are in, you have to be all in. This isn’t just about me, but the baby girl in there. If you are not in, 100 percent in, I have to move on-”
“I want you, Lucy,” Tim pointed at the nursery as he said, “But I also want Eileen. I think we could work together, the three of us.”
“Yah,” Lucy looked hopeful, and Tim’s heart broke open.
Wasn’t it worth it, this love that could rip him open if i fell apart?
Wouldn’t anything be worth it if it meant that he even got a shot at being a part of this family?
Tim bridged the distance between them, and took Lucy’s face in his hands, wiping her tears away as he did.
Lucy closed her eyes and leaned in a fraction of an inch.
“Yah,” Tim said, and it felt like the most true thing he had ever said, “I love you, I am in love with you. We could be a family-”
Lucy kissed him, slow and soft, and he could feel the tears on her face.
“I love you too,” Lucy said as they broke apart, slightly out of breath, “And it’s a good thing that I do, because you Tim Bradford, are the most infuriating man I have ever met.”
“Is that right,” Tim let out of a breathless laugh, his hands now on Lucy’s waist, pulling her closer.
Lucy nodded, a fire in her eyes, and she kissed him, this time there was nothing soft, or slow about it.
Tim knew that Lucy and Eileen were the hearts living and breathing outside his chest; that if something happened he would never be the same.
It was worth it, the potential pain of losing them, to get a shot at being with him.
He never regretted it, jumping off this cliff, with Lucy, holding her hand.
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
When Lucy knew something, she just knew it. She had always been that way.
“Decisive,” Tim always insisted, a fond smile on her face,“You’re decisive, not reckless.”
She knew with Eileen, that fostering was never going to be enough for her. The adoption went through a week before Eileen’s third birthday, after months and months of visitations and courtrooms.
She wasn’t adopting as a single mother though, to her surprise as much as anyone.
Her and Tim had only been dating for six months, and they were sitting on his front porch, Cujo lounging, sleepily besides them, as Tim played with a laughing, cooing Eileen.
She just knew.
“You want to marry me?” Lucy said, and she wasn’t even nervous.
(She should have been, they hadn’t been dating that long, and Tim had his own history with marriage, and if he had said no it would have crushed her).
Tim just smiled, shaking his head, looking vaguely bemused.
“I have a ring in the closet,” Tim said, “But of course you would beat me to the punch. I will marry you, Lucy Chen, any day you will have me.”
They got married a week later, just Lucy, Eileen and Tim at the courthouse. Lucy wore her favorite dress, and her shinny new ring, and she didn’t stop smiling once, the whole day.
After they got married, it was Tim’s turn for the surprise, finding them a new house in between both of their stations, and in a great school district.
As they walked through the doors, Lucy knew that was where she wanted to raise Eileen, the home she wanted to build with Tim.
(When Lucy knew, she knew).
That had all been years ago now, and the beautiful house was now her home, with a marriage and adoption certificate framed side by side.
Lucy sipped her coffee, wondering how the hell she could have gotten so damn lucky.
“What are you smiling about?” Tim asked, kissing her head, as he passed, settling besides her, coffee in hand.
“Nothing,” Lucy said, tilting her head to look at her husband.
God, she was lucky.
“Really?” Tim asked, his eyebrows raised.
“You calling me a liar?” Lucy rolled her eyes but her voice was teasing.
“Maybe,” Tim leaned forward and kissed her, and Lucy couldn’t stop smiling, even as his lips met hers.
“I can’t believe Eileen is not out here already,” Lucy murmured as they broke apart.
Eileen had been so excited the night before, trying on ever outfit in her dresser, checking the contents of her back pack twelve times.
“She tuckered herself out,” Tim said his voice rye, “We must have read ‘Oh the Places You’ll Go’ twelve times-”
“God, she’s excited,” Lucy bit her lip “I hope her first day goes alright. Kindergarten, it’s a big change-”
“It’s going to be great,” Tim reached across the table to squeeze her hand, “Don’t stress.”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” Lucy shot back, but squeezed his hand back.
“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Tim grinned, and just then Eileen came tumbling down the stairs, in a yellow sundress covered in sunflowers, and her hair a mess of curls, giant smile across her face.
“Eileen Chen-Bradford,” Tim said, his voice all seriousness, “You look like you could be a first grader.”
“Really?” Eileen’s smile got even bigger, and if possible.
“Really,” Lucy agreed, sipping her coffee, as Eileen twirled.
Lucy could live with her recklessness, now. If it was what got her here, with the two loves of her life, it was worth it.
It was all worth it.