Chapter Text
— eight: three times —
Three times.
Three times is finally what it takes for Shouyou to believe Kenma.
Kenma and Shouyou have known each other for a little while now. Maybe four months. Shouyou still likes coming over, still likes eating dinner with him, going out on trips together, and watching Kenma play his video games, sometimes frowning while playing. He likes it.
He maybe started liking it a little too much. However, he isn’t going to be confessing it. Anything. That would be a little too much.
What would there even be to confess?
He doesn’t even know if that is all completely true. What if he will scare off Kenma? Yeah, that’s it. He isn’t going to confess it anytime soon. Knowing Kenma, it will just scare him off and go into full lockdown mode.
Shouyou giggles to himself every time he thinks about his soft friend getting nervous and who starts blushing every time he mentions something cute about Kenma.
He’s currently skipping, making sure not to rock his cute little basket full of food that he prepared for Kenma too much.
The road to Kenma’s house, however, is taking longer than he is used to. For some reason, there’s something dragging him but Shouyou can’t really put his finger on it.
Maybe later.
Kenma is home and not playing games for once when Shouyou rings his doorbell.
“Kenma!!”
“Hello, Shouyou. Come in,” Kenma opens the door a little wider but Shouyou shakes his head. “Not?”
“No! I prepared some food for us to eat out, picnic style!”
“Oh.”
“Oh? … You don’t want to go on a picnic?”
“No! No, shit, I mean—” Kenma sighs. “Let me rephrase. I do. I’d like to go on a picnic with you, yes. Let me get my coat and shoes on.”
Shouyou’s face is lighting up of Kenma’s comment. “Aaaah~ so great! I prepared lots of nice things that you will like, Kenma.”
Kenma peaks over his shoulder while grabbing his coat, straight into Shouyou’s eyes. Shouyou, getting a little uncomfortable with the deep stare, looks away from Kenma, but he knows exactly what that stare was for.
The rustling reassures Shouyou that Kenma continued putting on his shoes, which is a sign for him to breathe again. It’s not that Kenma’s stares are that deep… Shouyou still gets nervous every time Kenma stares at him with that deep stare of his.
It’s not really uncomfortable, but Kenma’s stare just does… things to Shouyou’s mind and stomach.
“Alright, I’m done. Let’s go.”
Kenma walks out ahead of Shouyou, looking really excited for some reason. Shouyou giggles. It makes him excited for their trip too. Shouyou hasn’t really planned out a lot, but at least part one is working: asking Kenma to go out on a picnic date with him.
A picnic… date…
Did he really just think that?
Shouyou nearly stops in his tracks, but Kenma would notice that, so he quickly regains his normal step.
It’s not a date, he thinks, over and over again. Just a friendly picnic between friends.
Because that’s what they’ve been. Friends.
“Kenma,” Shouyou starts, to distract not only himself, but to also make Kenma realize to calm his steps down. Someone is a little too excited for the food Shouyou prepared. He nearly giggles again before catching himself. He was going to ask a question.
“Did you have any good streams in the time that I haven’t seen you?”
“Hmm,” Kenma thinks for a couple seconds, before announcing a soft, “Ah.” Shouyou looks at him, examining his facial expressions. They’re a little brighter than usual: telling Shouyou that he’s, in fact, had a very good week full of streams.
Shouyou listens to Kenma’s cute talks about his favorite streams of the past week. Listening to Kenma makes their arrival to the picnic site come quicker.
Somehow, anxiety is coming to him when they’re nearing the park. It’s quite busy and he doesn’t really know how Kenma will react in this situation.
But looking at Kenma makes his fears disappear like snow disappears in the sun. Kenma is already at the start of the park, standing underneath the tall entrance board that makes him look so tiny. Shouyou has stopped in his tracks and doesn’t know where to look other than at Kenma, who is smiling from ear to ear; something Shouyou could only have dreamt of happening before.
He laughs as he finally nears closer, remembering his objective. “Are you having fun without me?” he asks Kenma.
“Pff, no,” Kenma replies. Shouyou looks at him, because the tone of Kenma’s voice made it sound like there was more of where that came from. “The fun doesn’t start unless you’re with me.”
Shouyou hides a smile behind his free hand. “Really?”
Shouyou can’t see Kenma’s face, because he just turned away from Shouyou to look somewhere else. “Yes. Really.”
That answer is all that Shouyou needs to hear before skipping until he’s standing next to Kenma again. “Cool,” he simply answers, because if he answers with something a little longer he’s afraid his voice my quiver too much. He coughs. “Let’s find a spot. It seems to be pretty busy. Are you going to be okay with that?”
“Yes.” Kenma still doesn’t look at Shouyou, but Shouyou does take a glance at Kenma, and he sees he’s clenching his jaw.
“You don’t have to do this for me, and you know this, right?” Shouyou tries to sound as reassuring as possible, but there’s not telling in how bad Kenma can walk out of this.
“No, I know! Don’t worry, Sho, I’ll be okay,” he starts walking ahead of Shouyou, who isn’t moving just yet.
He clenches his basket. Kenma just called him ‘Sho’. His online tag which had never rolled over Kenma’s tongue ever before outside of his or their streams. Is that why it felt so… special..? interesting..? moving..? to him? He can’t really place the feeling he felt in that very moment just now. But it was something, that’s for sure.
Before Kenma can get ahead of him too much, and before Kenma notices he stopped a little back, he catches up to Kenma’s pace again. “Did you find a nice spot already?”
“Not yet,” Kenma replies. “But I thought near the water would be nice. It’s probably a little cooler with the fountain being on.”
Kenma didn’t know Shouyou’s favorite spot in this park was next to the tiny waterfall that they installed last year, but his second most favorite spot was definitely next to the fountain. And he swears that he decided on that before Kenma and him went on this picnic date.
Argh! Again the picnic date thought. Shouyou has a sudden tendency to slap himself on his forehead. Not a date, he has to drum that into his mind. Definitely not a date.
Just friends meeting up for a picnic that Shouyou made himself.
They sit down and Kenma really seems to enjoy himself.
Shouyou smiles at his friend—who is more than happy to be served some good homemade apple pie.
“Your apple pies are truly the best thing I’ve ever had,” Kenma comments, stuffing his face with another piece.
Shouyou laughs. “Good to hear. I made them with a lot of love.”
“Thanks. Really appreciate it.” Kenma doesn’t look at him anymore, but looks away, his eyes casted over the water.
Shouyou brings his knees up to his chest and rests his head on it. He has to try his hardest not to stare at his pretty side profile. Anything but it being too noticeable.
They don’t really talk. They have their attention focused on eating Shouyou’s homemade apple pie and the sandwiches he made, too. It’s nice, sitting like this. Shouyou doesn’t mind and it doesn’t seem like Kenma is bothered by the silence either.
It makes Shouyou happy.
Sometimes conversations aren’t needed to having a good time. Just being with the person you like would be enough.
Platonically, Shouyou thinks. Just platonically.
“Shouyou,” Kenma starts all of a sudden.
A little startled, Shouyou nearly drops the sandwich he was holding. “Yes.”
“I like you,” Kenma blurts out, quickly stuffing his face with more apple pie.
Shouyou frowns a little. Like… platonically, right? He puts up a smile. “I like you, too, Kenma!” He tries looking at Kenma, but his friend doesn’t look back at him. He’s sure Kenma meant it platonically, but why is he putting up a face like that?
He brushes it off.
“Do you want the last slice of apple pie?” Kenma asks instead, pointing a the last slice, but still not looking Shouyou in his eyes.
“I’m fine with a sandwich. You can have it if you want to.” Before Shouyou was done talking, the slice had already disappeared from the case. Shouyou giggled. He knew Kenma wanted it badly.
Sitting for a few more minutes, Shouyou stretches his back. “My back and bum are becoming sore… Do you want to head back to your place?”
Kenma nods slowly. “Sure thing.”
While making their way back to Kenma’s, not much talking was done. Shouyou started getting anxious. Why didn’t they have anything to talk about? He fidgets his fingers around the hoop of the basket. If he won’t speak up about anything in a minute, he will start ruining his nails.
“Shouyou,” Kenma then speaks.
Shouyou looks up. “What’s up?” His heart rate was going up a little, but he couldn’t place the cause. Was it because Kenma was talking to him or just because he wanted him to speak to break the silence? He couldn’t place it.
“Are you staying over for dinner?”
Shouyou looks at Kenma, trying to see his facial expression, but it’s still hidden from Shouyou. He bites his lip. Why isn’t Kenma showing him his face?
“Uh, if that isn’t too much of a hassle for you, then sure thing! Do you still need to go to the grocery store or do you have everything you need?”
“I have everything I need,” was the quick answer.
“Alright then! Yeah, I’ll be glad to stay over.” Shouyou tries to make his voice sound happy and with joy, so Kenma can hear his enthusiasm to staying over for dinner and maybe get a little happier himself. Shouyou knows Kenma likes Shouyou’s smiley expressions…
But why isn’t it doing the trick right now?
Shouyou doesn’t know, but luckily Kenma’s apartment is in sight.
“I’m excited to taste your cooking again,” Shouyou mentions as they enter Kenma’s apartment.
In the end, Shouyou cooked and Kenma sat down, playing a short game on his Switch, watching Shouyou at the same time. After dinner Shouyou tried making small talk again, but Kenma was quick to pick up his Switch again.
Shouyou ponders whether or not he should go and sit down next to Kenma on the couch. But what much can he do in this time?
Maybe it’s better for me to leave, then, Shouyou thinks.
“Kenma,” he starts, and Kenma looks up. “It’s late already. I better go.” He doesn’t look Kenma in the eye, not looking at Kenma at all, but his eyes are focused on his small coffee table.
The shuffling of a body makes Shouyou look back at Kenma, who has put away his Switch and sat up straight, ready to stand up.
“Are… are you sure?”
“I think so?” He could mentally slap himself. Why did he say that with so much uncertainty? There was no reason for that. He just wants to go home.
“We can play the Switch together? Mario Kart or something else?”
Shouyou’s heart clenches. Kenma knows Mario Kart is his favorite game.
“Fine. One round of Mario Kart and then I’m going back.” He feigns a yawn. “I’m getting pretty tired.”
“That’s alright. Cool, sit down, I’ll prepare the TV and some drinks.”
Shouyou laughs shortly. ‘Preparing the TV and some drinks’ didn’t usually mean ‘just one round’. But for what it’s worth, maybe Shouyou will feel better after it.
One round of Mario Kart turned into two, two turned into three, and three… turned into ten. Shouyou just had to go and try to defeat Kenma.
Shouyou stretches his back. “Okay,” he says with a laugh. “Now it’s really time for me to go.”
“You can stay over again?” Kenma tries, but Shouyou shakes his head. He really shouldn’t.
“I’d love to, but I promised Kageyama to do some volleyball practice with him tomorrow.”
“Sad.”
“Sad? Not for me!”
“I mean for myself.”
“At least you can play the Switch all the time,” Shouyou mentions, his lip pulling up in a pout.
“You know I told you I can gift you a Switch whenever you would like,” Kenma comments.
Shouyou huffs. “I don’t want you to be my sugar daddy, Kenma.”
Kenma laughs and Shouyou is enjoying his wholehearted laugh.
As Shouyou is making his way to Kenma’s front door, Kenma is following him closely. For some reason, it is making him very nervous.
“Thanks for dinner,” Shouyou starts, trying to start another conversation. He doesn’t really want to leave, but Kenma shrugs and is already having his hand on the doorknob, in action to close the door.
Shouyou’s eyes are set on Kenma’s hand, while standing one step outside of the door. He wants to open his mouth, but Kenma is doing the exact same thing.
Shouyou laughs, not looking Kenma in his eyes. “You can go first,” he mentions.
“You sure?” Kenma says, looking Shouyou in his eyes. Shouyou is avoiding the piercing gaze.
“Mine isn’t urgent.”
Urgent? Not at all. Shouyou was just in a move to say goodbye, because the silence was becoming somehow unbearable for him to stay in.
Kenma is silent for a few more seconds, a minute maybe. Shouyou is still contemplating whether or not he should pipe in and tell Kenma he’s leaving.
Then he opens his mouth.
“I like you, Shouyou.”
Shouyou’s heart stopped. Again… Kenma must have meant it platonically again, right? “Kenma-ku~n, you know I like you, too!” he says, not looking Kenma in his eyes.
“No,” says Kenma, and Shouyou looks at him questioningly.
“No?” Shouyou repeats. “What do you mean?”
“I mean it like I mean it.”
That is not an answer Shouyou quite understands, so he crooks his head a little, pointing more question marks at Kenma. Kenma sighs loudly, but leaves it as it is.
“Alright, Shouyou, good night,” Kenma concludes it with, already slowly closing the door.
Shouyou breathes out, his warm breath leaving little puffs of visible air around him in the sudden cold night air.
“Goodnight, Kenma,” he answers, seeing the door fall close in his face. Before the door is completely closed, he also sees an expression painted on Kenma’s face that he hadn’t ever seen before.
Hurt.
Shouyou steps inside is house and stretches his back and arms. Ugh, he’s so tired. The walk back to his house was a long and slow one, not to mention quiet.
He throws his shoes to the side, slips into his house slippers, drops his coat on the floor because the coat hanger broke again and moves towards the bathroom.
Bath first, sleep later.
Trying his hardest not to fall asleep in bath, he thinks about Kenma’s words again and again.
The simple ‘I like you’ can’t stop floating around in his mind. He can’t let the thought go. It’s in stuck.
He dips under a little, making bubbles with his mouth. Does it help him think? Maybe. Maybe not.
Shouyou can’t help but shake the fact that Kenma’s eyes looked… different tonight. But he can’t put his finger on it. It shouldn’t be in correlation with the ‘I like you’… should it?
The warmth of the bath is starting to frustrate him so Shouyou decides on getting out of the bathtub. The smell of the eucalyptus is clearing his nostrils and he wishes it did the same for his mind.
He should settle for bed early. The day has been tiring and, he’s not going to lie, a little bit stressful as well. Apparently.
Shouyou doesn’t move for a while after getting dressed. He’s just… staring. He doesn’t know at what he’s staring. His field of vision is too hazy to grasp what he’s even starting at.
The only thing that is getting him out of his trance is the sudden ring of the bell. Shouyou wants to make a quick glance at the time, but his vision is still hazy. On his way to rub his eyes, his hands are touching his cheeks.
They’re wet.
Has he… been crying?
But why?
The doorbell rings again. It startles Shouyou. He hurries to his kitchen to dry his eyes with a paper towel, and rushes to the front door. In a quick passing, the time tells him it has been an hour since he has come home. Before he reaches it, the doorbell rings yet another time.
“Yeah, yeah! I’m coming,” he answers, right before opening the door.
Opening the door, being face to face with the person standing outside, Shouyou slams the door closed.
“Kenma!” he exclaims. “What are you doing here?!”
“I need to tell you something,” Kenma sounded muffled through the closed door, but his voice was determined.
Slowly, Shouyou opens the door again. Kenma’s all wrapped up in warm clothes. Shouyou nearly laughs at the difference of his clothes compared to this afternoon.
“What’s up? It’s cold, do you want to come in?”
Kenma shakes his head. “I’m fine. I just need to tell you something. And I want you to listen without interrupting!” Kenma clenches his jaw.
Shouyou nods and Kenma sees it as a sign to continue.
“Shouyou,” he starts, breathing out his name. “I’ve known you for maybe about four months now. We have done things I hadn’t done with anyone else aside from Tetsurou, and I really didn’t know what it was at first. I did talk to Tetsurou about it, multiple times, but I didn’t believe at first.”
He takes a deep breath.
“What made me realize, though, was the sparkle in your eyes when you laid them on my gaming gear, when you looked at the cookies you ate that time—I still don’t know where you got them from—and the way you talk about volleyball when it’s just the two of us. The way you get excited about the littlest of things and they way you get so excited talking about your younger sibling—Sho,” he interrupts himself. His eyes wander from Shouyou’s to the floor. “I love all of that.”
Shouyou’s heart skips a beat.
“I don’t just like it… I love it.” He shifts his eyes back up to meet Shouyou’s. He breathes in before saying, “I love you, Shouyou. I don’t just ‘like’ you—no. I love you. Please acknowledge that.”
Kenma stops talking and Shouyou is staring at him. Before he was staring at something he didn’t even recognize, but he can see Kenma clearly now.
“Say something,” Kenma whispers, his cheeks and ears turning a little pink the longer Shouyou keeps staring at him.
Kenma groans in agony, making Shouyou get out of his endless stare. He giggles. Kenma immediately stops blushing and his face turns serious.
The giggle might not have been the smartest thing Shouyou’s ever done.
As Shouyou is opening his mouth to speak up, a new born snowflake lands on Kenma’s nose, right from the sky.
The two of them look startled. Shouyou nearly laughs, but the situation isn’t reading a good laugh. Kenma wipes his nose and hugs himself in his warm clothes a little more.
“Kenma.” Shouyou then starts, doing something that needs to break the silence. “I… I don’t know what to say…”
Kenma, in response, groans loudly. “Sho! Seriously. What do you not understand about me going out of my comfort zone and confessing my undying love to you! I tried it earlier today but honestly, I didn’t know you were so fucking dense!”
Kenma slams his hand for his mouth, not only did he sound frustrated and nearly desperate, but he also cursed.
“Sorry,” he immediately says. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I don’t know what came up to me. I better leave. See you next time, Shouyou,” Kenma says. He buries his face in his warm-looking jacket and turns around to take his leave.
Shouyou can’t move. He wants to. But he can’t.
Shouyou wants to yell. He wants to. But he can’t.
Kenma is nearing the corner and he wants to run. Why aren’t his feet moving?
He’s seeing Kenma leave, becoming smaller and smaller in the distance.
Suddenly, his feet are moving, making their way over, running over the cold floor. Right—he’s not wearing shoes.
“Kenma!” he yells. “Wai- Wait!"
Kenma was further away than Shouyou thought he would be.
He reaches Kenma and bends forward, his hands resting on his knees. He’s shivering all over, even though his quick run made him warm up fast.
“Kenma,” he says, breathing loudly. “I’m sorry. Forgive me for the next few seconds.”
Kenma follows Shouyou with his eyes as he is standing up.
Shouyou takes one step closer to Kenma. He breathes in as his hands are moving up, grabbing each side of Kenma’s face.
“I’m sorry,” he breathes again, moving his face closer to Kenma’s. The last thing he sees are Kenma’s wide open eyes before closing his own and placing his lips tight on Kenma’s.
Five seconds. Five seconds before Shouyou catches himself and pushes himself away from Kenma.
“Um. Sorry for that.” He sheepishly grins while placing his hand behind his neck.
Kenma shakes his head wildly. “I’m okay,” he responds with a whisper, taking Shouyou’s hands in his. “Do you mean it?”
“Yeah,” Shouyou whispers. “I love you, too.” He swallows hard. He didn’t know it would be so hard for him to say it. To finally acknowledge it, too. He giggles. “I’m so dense.”
Kenma laughs. “You sure are.”
Shouyou looks him in his eyes. He just loves Kenma wholehearted laugh so much.
“Let’s get you inside,” Kenma says, pointing at Shouyou’s feet and clothes. “You’re shaking and freezing. Your lips are turning blue, too. I’m taking you back to your place and make sure not to leave before you warm yourself up.”
Shouyou blushes and nods. “That would be nice.”
He takes Kenma’s hand in his and the two of them make their way back to Shouyou’s apartment.