Chapter Text
It had been five hours since Hailey had rounded the corner of that building and all the air in her lungs had been sucked out at the sight of Jay laying in the street.
And in that time, Hailey had gone from desperate tears to quiet sobbing to bloodshot eyes and no more energy left to even cry. After she’d initially arrived at the hospital, her heart pounding as she watched Jay being rolled into the OR with Ava hot on the gurney’s wheels, time had moved slower than she’d ever experienced before.
Every second felt like an hour and every hour like a day. She felt like she’d been sitting in that hard-wooden hospital chair, its small cushions doing little to make it more bearable, for weeks, worrying more than she’d ever had before. And when the worry got to be too much, she would pace and rub her hands on her jeans and smooth her bedraggled hair back—Anything to distract herself from the restlessness that was plaguing her.
Officers had come and gone, all that was left was Intelligence and even then, they were in and out of the waiting room. Sometimes they would bring her back something: A coffee, some food, her favorite candy bar, all of the items accumulating on the floor beside her, untouched, but she wasn’t stupid. She knew they were still working. She knew that when Kim, Adam and Voight had disappeared for a while, it was most likely because they were somewhere in the hospital, talking to Damian Flint.
The guy they had been looking for a month. The guy who was slinging potent, fatal dope to anyone he could ensnare—kids, teens, adults, old people. None were exempt from his sellers. He was responsible for hundreds of overdoses, his deals reaching all the way to Gold Coast.
And now he was responsible for shooting a Chicago Police Officer. A cop. A vet.
Her husband and her unborn child’s father.
Intelligence had been quietly busy, coming and going and Hailey knew that they were tying up the case, charging Flint with everything they could. Attempted murder. Or murder, depending.
It was good she didn’t know exactly where he was at and she knew her team had been quietly going about their business without her on purpose.
She honestly didn’t know what she would do if she saw Flint and besides, she was in no state to work.
Hailey also knew they weren’t leaving her alone. She knew they were taking shifts, watching her with worried, sympathetic eyes. There was someone constantly beside her, but she noticed they were careful to give her space.
Even upset, she wasn’t blind. She was still a detective even though her husband could be dying.
It had been five hours and she’d hardly said a word, absorbed in her anxious thoughts. It had been five hours and she still didn’t know anything. There hadn’t been any update whatsoever and Hailey couldn’t decide if that was a good or a bad thing. All she knew was that it was driving her insane and if someone didn’t come out to tell her something, anything, then she was going back there herself. Hospital rules be damned.
Will had periodically shown up, but there were never any words spoken. Just a slight shake of his red head and a comforting squeeze on her shoulder before he was gone again. He had work to do too.
There had been inquires at the nurse’s station. By her, Kim, Vanessa, Adam and Kevin. Even Voight and Platt. But the answer was always the same: There was nothing new.
It was five hours later, and they’d all fallen into a mind-numbing routine; each of them doing what they needed to do to cope.
But by this point, Hailey was just numb with it all. Too exhausted to ask for updates, mindlessly watching with blank eyes as her family took turns going to the desk and getting the same answer they’d gotten thirty minutes ago.
And then finally, a familiar face caught her eye and she was jumping to her feet. The others in the room doing the same.
“Hey guys. I just heard,” Connor’s sympathetic eyes found hers immediately as he approached the group dressed in surgical attire.
“Do you know anything?” She blurted. It was the first thing she’d said in hours and the words felt strange coming from her throat. Her voice was raw from crying so much earlier.
The surgeon shook his head ruefully, “No, I just came from my own operation and when I heard what happened I came straight here.”
Connor’s gaze flicked around the room. Taking in the bloodshot eyes and drawn looks before settling back on Hailey. She looked exhausted and worried and on edge.
“Have you not gotten an update?” Fear colored her face even more as she barely shook her head and his heart broke a little for them, knowing Hailey had to have been running every possible scenario over in her mind of why she hadn’t heard anything. But Connor knew Ava must have had a good reason for keeping them in the dark.
“I’ll go check in with Ava, okay,” It was the least he could do. And he wanted to know too; Jay was a good friend of his. All of the Halstead’s were.
He’d turned to head back into the ED and towards the hybrid room when Ava came walking out with Will right on her heels.
Hailey couldn’t move fast enough to get to Ava, desperate for answers. Frantically surveying her and her brother-in-law’s expressions, trying to glean any information she could. Trying to make out any tells that would clue her into what Ava was about to say. Trying to see if her world was about to burst into flames.
If her worst fears were about to become true.
“He’s alive, Hailey.”
That was all that was said but it was enough to make Hailey collapse with relief. Will and Ava’s hands catching her as she hunched over, pressing her hands to her stomach. He was still alive and that was all that mattered to her right now.
Because that meant he still had a chance to come back to her. A chance to come back to the baby.
“Is he going to make it, Ava?” It was Hank’s blunt question that brought her back to the ED waiting room instead of caught up in her thoughts of ‘thank God, he’s alive’.
Hailey stood up, grasping onto Will’s arm as she snuck a peek at his expression. He was pale and worried, and Ava clearly hadn’t told him anything yet, so he was in the dark as much as they were. The trepidation was written over everyone’s faces, obviously waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Ava sighed. Hailey looked at her and noticed how utterly exhausted the surgeon looked and stark fear pricked her heart again.
She nodded her head towards the waiting room chairs before slowly walking over to take a seat, fully aware of everyone’s eyes following her, “Why don’t we all just sit down, okay?”
When no one moved, Ava sighed again, meeting Connor’s comforting gaze briefly before she looked directly at Hailey. She was tightly hugging herself. Almost as if she was trying to physically hold herself together. She probably was.
Will was beside her and Ava could tell he was also trying to keep it together. She couldn’t imagine trying to work with all the worry of if his brother was going to make it. His red hair was sticking up slightly and she imagined he had probably run his hands through it quite often to curb his anxiety.
“Hailey,” Her voice was soft, and she could see Hailey trembling as she took a few faltering steps to sit beside her, Will following.
Ava knew she wasn’t doing them any favors to console them by prolonging the news of Jay’s status, but she needed a few minutes to gather her own thoughts before she talked to them. She’d come straight from the hybrid room not wanting to keep them wondering if he was still even alive.
She took her friends hands in hers, meeting everyone’s wide eyes before looking back at Hailey, “One of the bullets punctured a lung and was lodged beside a rib. I was able to repair the lung and remove the bullet without opening his chest.”
Ava squeezed Hailey’s trembling hands, “He’s endured a lot of trauma and we had to heavily sedate him, so it was touch and go there for a while.” Hailey’s breath caught; Ava kept talking, “But he pulled through this surgery with minimal intervention and without any lasting damage for now.”
The surgeon looked up to address the others crowded around her, letting Voight sit down on the other side of Hailey to put an arm around her. Ava’s hands fell into her lap as she looked into the gazes of the people that cared about Jay the most. Fear and worry clear on their faces; expressions she was quite familiar with.
It was always hard to deliver any news other than assurances that everything would be perfectly fine baring any complications. It was even harder to deliver that news to people who she personally knew; to people she considered to be family, people who had attended her wedding and had held her children.
Because she didn’t have any great news for them. She couldn’t tell them that Jay would be perfectly fine baring any complications. The only hope she could give them was that he hadn’t already died.
This wasn’t a routine surgery; An elective she’d prepped for. This was a gunshot wound and gunshot wounds to the chest were anything but routine; And they shouldn’t be routine even in Jay’s line of work.
She couldn’t predict anything because a surgery, an injury, like this was anything but predictable.
Ava took a breath before continuing, “Jay’s going to have to have another surgery to get the second bullet out. I didn’t want him on the table any longer than I had too because he’s lost a lot of blood and his body is really fragile right now. So, I took care of the immediate concern of his lungs filling up with blood and he’s been moved to the ICU. I’ve put him in a medically induced coma to try and help his body rest before we go back in, hopefully first thing in the morning if he doesn’t develop an infection.”
She paused to let everything sink in and tried not to focus on where she could see Hailey’s hand pressed tightly to her abdomen out of the corner of her eye.
“To get the second bullet I’m going to have to call in a neurosurgeon, Dr. Abrams probably and I’ll need Connor as my second,” His firm nod gave her the strength to continue, “The bullet missed his heart by literally millimeters and it’s now worked its way behind the heart so I’ll have to go through Jay’s back and bypass his spine to retrieve it.”
No one said anything, the chatter of the ED waiting room and far off ambulance sirens in the background. But to Hailey, every noise had become a loud buzzing in her ears, trying to block out the even louder thoughts running through her mind.
“What are his chances?” Her eyes darted up to Adam’s stony face, his voice thick.
Hailey watched Ava hesitate, shaking her head and she felt like she was still trapped in a horrible nightmare. That if she just woke up, everything would be okay.
“I don’t know.” It was an honest answer and Hailey wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear any more.
Will’s words of being positive and having hope came back to her.
How was she supposed to have hope when everything could change in an instant? How was she supposed to have hope when there wasn’t any to have?
“If Jay survives the night without any infection or without the bullet moving then I am hopeful that he’ll pull through the surgery and then hopefully he’ll be on his way to recovery.”
There it was. That word again. Hope.
“Hailey,” Ava’s voice was soft, and she forced herself to meet the surgeon’s compassionate gaze, “Would you like to see him?”
Hailey felt like throwing up when she saw him, and it didn’t have anything to do with morning sickness.
He was as white as the sheets he was tucked beneath, his skin an almost greyish hue and she could see the dark bags under his eyes from outside the room. There were all sorts of lines protruding from under the covers and hooked up to various machines but the one that hurt her heart the most was the tube down his throat.
He looked so vulnerable and small in that hospital bed. It was hard to reconcile the image with her husband of a few hours ago; his tanned, muscular arms holding her tightly as they joked around.
The life looked sucked out of him in that dimly lit ICU room.
“You can all go in just keep it short and keep quiet all right?” Hailey didn’t even hear Ava, already sliding open the door to go sit with him. She needed to touch him and reassure herself that he was still there even if he already looked dead.
“Oh, and Hailey,” She looked back. Ava was reaching into her pocket, taking a few steps forward to grab her hand.
As soon as the metal was pressed into her palm, Hailey knew what it was, and it took everything in her to not break down right then and there.
Ava closed her fingers around the object, and she clutched onto it desperately, “We took this off of Jay when we were getting him prepped for surgery.”
She barely saw the comforting smile Ava gave her as she nodded towards the room, letting go of her now closed fist and Hailey forced herself to move towards Jay’s bed before she had to sit down on the floor, overwhelmed with shock and fear and whole host of other emotions she couldn’t begin to describe.
When she reached his bedside, she couldn’t bring herself to touch him even though she desperately wanted too. He just looked so breakable and she didn’t know what to do to fix it.
What she wouldn’t give to be able to fix it, to reverse time and prevent Jay from even getting shot in the first place.
She sank down in the chair placed by his bed, her shaky hand reaching out to touch the edge of the bed, her eyes never leaving Jay’s face.
“She can stay the night,” Ava’s lilting accent broke the pained silence, everyone’s gazes flicking up to hers from where they’d been watching Hailey approach Jay’s side.
The surgeon looked around all the glassy eyes, “And you all may visit with him till midnight but no later. I shouldn’t even be letting Hailey stay but I know it would be a fight to try to get her to leave so I’ll allow it.”
Voight grunted his acknowledgment, Platt nodded gratefully, and Ava watched Intelligence slowly enter the room holding one of their own.
Will turned to her, reaching out to squeeze her hand, “Thank you Ava.” It was full of sincerity, gratitude and desperation and Ava knew what he was saying.
Thank you for keeping my brother alive one more day. Thank you for letting Hailey stay. Thank you for taking care of my family.
He let her hand fall, slipping into the ICU room to go take his place by Hailey with the rest of her team.
Ava regarded the scene of Platt standing at the end of Jay’s bed and Voight and Will standing beside Hailey’s chair. Adam, Kevin, Kim and Vanessa standing in a semi-circle behind the chair and Ava couldn’t help but think it was a sight she was quite used too.
Except it wasn’t. It was so different and so very, very wrong because those were her people in there. Her friends and her family. Not someone else’s, not her patient’s, it was hers.
She turned to look at Connor who had been standing beside her since the ED waiting room. He gave her a sad smile, grabbing her hand to pull her into his embrace. She rested her head on his strong chest.
“Oh Connor,” It was a whimper, tears flooding her eyes.
He smoothed her hair back, kissing the top of her head, “I know, Ava. I know.”
“I can’t believe Hailey’s pregnant,” Vanessa messed with a crumpled wrapper, “I had no idea.”
Trudy raised her eyebrows, sighing, “I think that was kind of the point.”
They fell into an uneasy silence, none of them sure of what to say. The image of Jay’s prone form seared into their brains and they weren’t sure what was more gut-wrenching, that or Hailey’s stoic face honed in on Jay as she mindlessly messed with the ring in her hand.
The whole time they had been in the room, she hadn’t said anything. She’d just stared at Jay, her expression blank and her skin pale and no one knew how to help her or what to do.
They’d tried to get her to say something. Kim had asked if she’d wanted something to eat but it was like she hadn’t even heard her. And Vanessa wanted to know if she was feeling alright, if they needed to get her something, anything, but there was no answer.
When they’d looked at Will, he just shrugged and shook his head.
After a few more attempts, Voight had nodded them out of the room, and they’d headed to the cafeteria for some much-needed food. None of them had eaten since that morning, not since they’d gotten Hailey’s call for backup.
“I just don’t know what to do,” Adam rubbed his face in frustration, “Like how to help or, I don’t know. I mean, we can’t help Jay but we gotta be able to do something for Hailey. I just—I just feel so helpless.”
“I think we all do,” Kim murmured, looking down at her hands, hearing the hums of agreement.
Kevin stared blankly at his coffee cup, “I’ve never heard anyone talk like that, let alone Jay. It was scary, it was like he knew he was going down and he didn’t think he was gonna get back up again,” He shook his head, “Hell, I don’t even know how he managed to stay conscious that long and Hailey—I’ve never seen her so distraught.”
Silence settled over them again; A sniffle here, a piece of paper crumpling, a coffee cup being sat down over and over again in restlessness, each of them contemplating over the day’s dramatic events.
“What if Jay dies?” Vanessa’s blunt question full of fear caused them all to look up at their boss, wanting some kind of answer. Some direction from the one who seem to give it best; the one who seemed to have the answers to everything.
“No,” Trudy interjected firmly, rare tears in her reddened eyes, “We can’t think like that. We can’t. It won’t do any of us any good. Especially Hailey and she’s going to need us, all of us.”
There was another pause of silence before Voight leaned forward to meet each of his officer’s eyes, “Trudy’s right. We have to believe he’s going to be alright and we have to stay strong for Hailey. For that baby. That’s what Jay would want us to do. And that’s what this family does.”
“But what if he really does die?” It was Kim this time who asked the question, her voice soft.
Voight sucked in a breath, “Then we stay strong for Hailey and we take care of her and the baby. No matter what. And we make sure that kid knows what a good cop, what a good person,” He looked around the table at each member of team, saw their pained faces, “What a good friend his dad was and we just be there for whatever. Whenever.”
“But in the meantime, we’ve got to focus on taking down Flint’s drug operation and charge him with everything we can throw at him,” Voight’s jaw hardened, “Make him pay for what he did to Jay and all those OD’s he’s responsible for.”
“I’ve got my two best patrolmen on Flint’s hospital door,” Platt added, “And I’m putting someone on Jay’s. We need to work out a schedule so someone will be with him at all times, mainly for Hailey’s sake because I doubt she’ll want to leave him. And when we do end up forcing her to go home, she’ll want someone with him. At least for now.”
Voight stood up, everyone following suite, “For right now, I suggest we all go get some sleep so we can be back here in the morning for Jay’s surgery to sit with Hailey. Then after that, we’re hitting Flint and we’re hitting him hard.”
“Hailey?” Will spoke up softly, checking the clock on the wall. 11:30 PM.
He was on-call in thirty minutes. At least he would still be in the hospital.
“Hailey?” He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. She hadn’t moved or said anything since they’d arrived at the ICU room a few hours ago and it was honestly starting to worry him.
Every time anyone had tried talking to her it was like no one had said anything at all. Like she just couldn’t hear and maybe she couldn’t. He imagined she was in a state of shock, trying to compartmentalize, to keep it together and he could only imagine what was running through her brain as she stared at Jay and absent-mindedly stroked her still flat stomach.
He tried slightly shaking her; raising his voice a little, “Hey Hailey.”
That seemed to break through whatever trance she’d been in as she turned her head slowly, blinking owlishly like she hadn’t even realized he was sitting beside her. Her eyebrows drew together, her eyes darting around the room and she looked way more alert than she had a few seconds ago.
She looked back at him, “Where’s the team?”
Will took in her pale face, his own eyebrows drawing together in concern, “They went down to the cafeteria a couple of hours ago. Adam just texted me though and said they were all headed home to get some rest, but they would be back first thing in the morning. I said I’d look after you.”
She nodded blankly, turning back to stare at Jay, “Good, I’m glad and I don’t need looking after.”
Will had to bite his tongue at that. He didn’t see the point in arguing with her, he probably wouldn’t be able to convince her otherwise right now anyway.
He sighed, “You need to eat Hailey.”
Just because he didn’t want to argue with her didn’t mean he wasn’t going to make sure she was taking care of herself. He wasn’t going to let Jay down by not making sure his pregnant wife was at least eating.
He wasn’t going to fail Jay by failing his family because they were Will’s family too and he would be damned if something happened to Hailey or the baby because the stress had gotten to her and she was neglecting her own health.
“I’m not hungry,” Her voice was flat, and it was clear that she wanted to be left alone.
Will looked at her, shaking his head slightly, “You haven’t eaten since you got here.”
She didn’t say anything, just kept staring tight-lipped at Jay and Will honestly wished she would burst into tears or something even if it would be way out of character for her because this not crying thing? The blank look, no emotion visible on her face? That was way more alarming to him than her crying. He didn’t like how silent she’d been.
So, he tried a different tactic, “You’re pregnant Hailey. The baby needs nutrition. You need to eat.”
That got more of a reaction to his relief. He had been afraid that she’d shut down and he wouldn’t be able to get through to her without someone who knew her way better than he did like Voight or Platt or Jay.
Her head turned again to look at him and she even gave him a smile to his surprise. It was small and forced and sad but a smile none the less.
Her hand landed on his forearm, “I’m sorry Will,” She paused, glancing back at Jay before looking at him again, “I know you’re just trying to look after me,” Tears sprung into her eyes as she blew out a breath “Especially with the baby but I’m—I’m just trying to cope.”
Will’s eyes softened as he grabbed her hand, squeezing it, “I get that Hailey. I really do but you’ve got to take care of yourself and not just for the baby but for you too, okay?”
She nodded, “I know and I’m not trying to neglect my health I’m just really not that hungry,” She gave him a rueful sort of half-smile, “I’m actually feeling kind of sick because of the baby and I’ve already figured out that if I try to eat it won’t end well.”
She squeezed his hand back before dropping it, bringing it back over her stomach, “And Rojas made me eat a nutri-grain bar earlier, so I have had something.”
Hailey gave him a look and Will nodded, taking it for what it was. He glanced at the clock again. 11:50. He stood up and Hailey’s eyes followed him, “I’m on call tonight so I need to go get some rest before people start paging me.”
She nodded silently turning her gaze back on Jay. Will walked towards the sliding glass door, stopping before going out to look back at Hailey, “I’ll come check on you in few hours and bring some food okay?”
He saw her nod again, her eyes never leaving Jay. He looked at his brother, hooked up to countless machines keeping him alive and Will’s heart broke for about the 100th time that day.
“Hailey, if you need anything. Anything at all, you text me or at least ask the nurses, okay?” He waited for the barely perceptible nod of acknowledgement and he knew she was slipping back into whatever trance she’d been in before and then he left without another word. Just a prayer in his heart and on his lips that everything would be okay.
When Hailey was aware that Will had finally left, she let go of everything she’d been holding onto, a sob escaping her.
And then she just cried for the second time that day.
She cried for Jay, worried about his surgery, his recovery. Starkly aware he could literally die at any minute if that bullet moved, that even if it didn’t, he could still die from a number of things. She cried for the baby, still a tiny thing resting safely inside her, blissfully unaware that he or she’s father could be dying, that her baby may never even get to know its father.
And Jay may never even get to know that there’s a baby.
She cried for Will and for the team and their friends. She knew Jay meant a lot to a lot of people. He maybe wasn’t the most talkative of sorts or the most laidback but everyone who knew him knew that he cared deeply for his friends even if he didn’t always show it and in return, they cared deeply for him.
And Will. She knew that Jay was incredibly important to him. That he would be just as devastated as her if something really happened to Jay. That he was devastated.
And then she cried for her. She cried at the unfairness of it all, that Jay was fighting for his life, but Damian Flint would be out of the hospital in no time. She cried because her heart was breaking at the sight of him so vulnerable, so unlike the strong, brave detective who chased down criminals she knew him to be. She cried in fear, knowing that if Jay died, she would never be the same ever again.
He had her heart and she knew it would die with him if it came to that.
She cried for the unknown. She cried so that she could be strong the next day and the next and how ever many days it would take until Jay was either better or dead.
Because she had to be strong, for her, for the baby and for Jay.
She wasn’t sure how long she sat there but her legs were starting to fall asleep for being in one place for so long. Shifting slightly, she wiped her tears and that’s when she noticed her hand clutching onto something. It has hard and digging into her skin she held it so tight.
And then she remembered Ava putting it in her hand.
Her hands were trembling, and she swallowed as she forced her fist to open slowly. Her eyes filled with tears again.
It was his wedding ring.
She unclasped the chain that held it and gently removed the ring, inspecting it almost reverently as she ran her finger around the smooth metal, catching the inscription inside: “I’d follow you anywhere.”
Memories of them sharing long, heavy looks flooded her mind. She remembered the first time he’d uttered those words, when their world was on the verge of being turned upside down and she’d been afraid for the future.
He had been there. He had always been there. He was a constant and she would be floundering if she lost her anchor.
His hands were too swollen from all the fluids they’d pumped him with, or she would have put his ring back on his finger where it belonged. He had always been diligent in switching his ring from his finger to the chain that hung around his neck and a lot of the time, he forewent wearing it around his neck if he could. She knew he preferred it on his hand.
Hailey removed her own set of wedding rings from around her neck. She’d started wearing her engagement ring on a chain around her neck when Jay proposed because she hadn’t wanted to risk losing it if they were out chasing down perps, but she always liked wearing it. When they got married, she added her wedding ring to the chain but again, she preferred wearing it like Jay.
She slipped her rings on and added Jay’s to her chain to put back around her neck as she pocketed the empty chain. She would keep it safe till Jay could wear it again.
Hailey drew her legs up into the chair with her so she could rest her head on her knees. Sniffing, she held her hand out to admire the rings Jay had given to her on two of the most important days of their lives, each of them a symbol full of promises.
She just wanted him to wake up.
She wanted them to fulfill those all of those promises. She wanted them to start their family as a whole. When she’d said her vows, she didn’t think till death do us part was supposed to be quite this soon.
It couldn’t be this soon. They had a baby on the way. They had so many plans.
He couldn’t leave her. Not this soon. Not now.
Hailey sunk down onto her knees beside the bed, clasping Jay’s cold hand as tight as she possibly could.
She sniffed, looking up at his face, “Jay, you can’t go yet. You’ve got to fight and stay strong. You gotta pull through tomorrow. Can you promise me you’ll get through tomorrow?”
There was no answer and she wasn’t expecting one. It was an empty question; its only purpose was to try and make herself feel better which it didn’t because she wasn’t fooling herself. She knew he couldn’t promise that. He couldn’t even hear her.
But she hoped that somewhere, some part of him knew she was there. That she would always be there and that she was never leaving.
“Oh Jay,” She whispered, bringing their clasped hands to her lips as she started to cry again, “I love you so much and I need you here. I need you here for me and for the baby. I can’t do it by myself.”
Shaking her head, she repeated, “I can’t do it by myself.” It was broken and the tears started to fall, and she thought about the tiny baby in her belly and all she could think of was how quickly life could change.
How quickly her life had changed. And in the blink of an eye it could all still change.