Chapter Text
And so it went like that for the next couple of months. More and more after practice, Bokuto was asking Atsumu if he wanted to grab dinner, or try out the new boba place, or come over to play video games. Whatever it was, Atsumu would always say yes.
The painful loneliness Atsumu had felt right after his breakup was slowly getting better. Somehow, Bokuto of all people had helped mend his broken heart. He still thought about Hinata, hard not to when they still played on the same team, but seeing him at practice was becoming easier and easier. He had Bokuto there, to be the buffer between them, to keep him grounded and focused and fun. Even Hinata seemed a bit more at ease, he would actually nod and give him a small smile when they got to practice.
Bokuto was everything Atsumu was too self conscious to be. He was unashamed about his feelings, even if other people thought he was immature. Bokuto didn’t care that he was loud, or overly charismatic, or that he liked to have fun. He wanted to be the center of attention, he was an entertainer. And besides being a pretty nice guy, he was also a damn good volleyball player. He was handsome, talented, a true star. And Atsumu wondered, how had it taken him so long to notice?
After another practice, Atsumu was not in the least bit surprised when Bokuto came up next to him and threw his arm around him. He was already smiling when he looked over to see Bokuto grinning down at him. His smile alone could have earned him the nickname ‘Beam Cannon.’
“Tsum-Tsum!” Bokuto greeted him excitedly. “Let’s celebrate the weekend with some drinks, yeah?”
“Lead the way,” Atsumu replied, wrapping his arm around Bokuto’s waist casually. Bokuto was always so carefree with his touch, so why shouldn’t he be, too?
Bokuto didn’t seem to mind, and continued to walk them toward their favorite bar. It was a small, divey sort of place near Atsumu’s apartment. They’d come across it on a whim, wanting to get drinks somewhere close by so they could just sleep off their intoxication as soon as possible. Atsumu never really explored his neighborhood before Bokuto came along, but now he frequented this bar every weekend. The workers even knew their names and orders.
It was tradition now to start the night off by playing Street Fighter on one of the arcade machines the bar had in the back. Whoever lost had to pay for drinks, which more often than not was Atsumu.
Bokuto put his character to random, the show off, while Atsumu went with his regular, Cammy. It was a simple best of three, and while Atsumu had every intention to win, he was a bit more distracted tonight. He could feel Bokuto’s warmth radiating off of him as he stood next to him. Bokuto was slightly taller, which Atsumu hadn’t really thought of as being attractive before, but now was understanding why so many people liked it. It also didn’t help that Bokuto had taken off his jacket and was wearing a tank top, exposing his muscular arms and an owl tattoo. Atsumu didn’t see his tattoo much, not in its entirety, but now it was on full display. It was beautifully intricate, bold and striking, like its owner. It was taking all his willpower to not openly gawk at it.
He would of course blame, to himself, that tattoo for the reason of his loss. Bokuto knocked him out in just two games, even though the character that was selected for him was one Atsumu had never seen him play before. Bokuto cheered gleefully as his character did a special move on Atsumu and K.O. appeared on the screen.
“Alright, hotshot, let’s drink already,” Atsumu chuckled. He realized he should have been a bit more annoyed about losing, but for some reason, he wasn’t.
Bokuto beamed at the new nickname. Things like that seemed to make him happier than most, so Atsumu kept doing it.
The bartender already had their beers ready when they took seats at the counter. Atsumu slipped them his credit card so they could keep the tab open, and the two clinked their glasses together before taking a drink.
“A valiant effort, Tsum-Tsum,” Bokuto teased. “But you’re no match against me!”
“I’ve won a couple times!” Atsumu whined. “Yer gonna make me go broke.”
Bokuto laughed and slapped him on the back, hard. His hand lingered on Atsumu’s shoulder for just a moment.
“I’ll get the next round,” Bokuto promised with a smile.
A few drinks in, Atsumu finally had the courage to ask Bokuto about his ink. His gaze had been drifting there all night and it was driving him crazy.
“So, what’s the meanin’ of yer tattoo?” Atsumu asked, nodding his head in Bokuto’s direction. He tried to sound as casual as possible, but he wasn’t convinced he was doing a good job since he was a little drunk.
“Oho, this?” Bokuto laughed, flexing his arm. Atsumu nodded dumbly, focused on the way Bokuto’s muscles moved. He was expecting a long winded, meaningful explanation, but he wasn’t planning on fully listening. Bokuto smiled at him. “I just thought it looked cool.”
Atsumu blinked once, twice, three times.
“Wha?”
“Yeah! I saw someone with their whole sleeve tattooed, and I thought it looked super cool, so the next day I went to a tattoo shop and picked this one out!” Bokuto explained. “Pretty awesome, right?”
Atsumu chuckled and shook his head, he really should have known better.
“Yer ridiculous, ya know that?” Atsumu said affectionately, pushing on his arm. When he did, he couldn’t help but notice how muscular Bokuto’s arms really were. “Whoa.”
“Like what you see?” Bokuto grinned, raising his eyebrows suggestively.
“Holy shit, Bokkun, yer arms are massive!” Atsumu gawked. Of course he’d noticed before, but he’d never actually felt them. If he were sober, he wouldn’t have had the courage to actually do this. So he might as well enjoy it now while he could, and besides, Bokuto seemed to enjoy the praise.
“Thanks, Tsum-Tsum!” he grinned. “But, hey! You’ve got some muscle too, you know?”
Atsumu laughed and looked at his own arms. He was strong, he worked damn hard to be so, but he wasn’t built as big as Bokuto.
“What are ya talkin’ about?”
“I’m talking about your thighs!” Bokuto said, grabbing Atsumu’s leg to further prove his point. It was like a shot went off inside of his body, from where Bokuto had touched him all the way up to his brain. Bokuto was talking as he rubbed Atsumu’s thighs, but Atsumu could not pay attention. His drunk brain was focused too much on the hand on his thigh to listen to words. When Bokuto withdrew his hand, it was a loss worse than in volleyball.
God, he missed this.
“Something on your mind?” Bokuto asked innocently. Atsumu was positive that even sober, Bokuto probably wouldn’t realize how he was affecting him.
“Just. Thinkin’,” Atsumu replied dumbly.
“About what?”
“Uh,” Atsumu wracked his brain for something, anything to say that wouldn’t give him away. “Shouyou.”
Bokuto’s eyes went sad for a moment, and Atsumu felt like an idiot for bringing his ex up at a time like this.
“How are you doing?” Bokuto asked softly.
“M’fine. Sorta lonely sometimes, I guess,” Atsumu answered honestly.
“You know,” Bokuto started, taking a sip of his beer. “You don’t need a relationship to be happy, Tsum-Tsum. But a guy like you is gonna find someone amazing.”
Bokuto said all this with a soft smile, and unwavering certainty. Atsumu felt his heart flutter in his chest, and his eyes widened at what was happening inside him.
“...Yeah,” he mumbled.
The shock of realizing that he was in love with Bokuto Koutarou nearly rendered him speechless. Atsumu’s second realization, almost as shocking, was that he didn’t mind. He pressed his lips back to his beer, so that he wouldn’t be tempted to do something else.
Over the next couple of drinks they talked about volleyball, and cats, and whatever else their drunken brains thought of. By the time they left they were holding onto each other laughing, teasing each other as they made the short trip back to Atsumu’s apartment. It was customary for Bokuto to spend the night whenever they got drunk together, so it really shouldn’t have felt so exhilarating. But for Atsumu, this didn’t feel like one of their usual nights out.
They flopped down onto the couch once they got inside Atsumu’s apartment. Hazelnut immediately ran out to greet Bokuto, disregarding Atsumu entirely. Atsumu felt jealous as he watched his teammate coo and pet her, but it wasn’t because his cat was ignoring him.
“Oi, I’m right here, ya know,” Atsumu mumbled, curling up to Bokuto’s side. Now that Bokuto had practically given him permission to touch his arms, he’d been doing so more and more all night.
“Aw, don’t worry, Tsum-Tsum, I’ve got enough love to spare for you, too,” Bokuto laughed.
Love, love, love, love, love, love.
That single word was ringing in Atsumu’s ears. His head felt like it was underwater, and that he was drifting out at sea, closer and closer to the sun in front of him. Bokuto’s laughing died down, but the way he was smiling at Atsumu made his heart do flips. Without thinking, Atsumu leaned forward, and pressed their lips together.
Almost immediately, Atsumu realized he made a huge mistake. Bokuto’s entire body went rigid, his eyes wide, and that beautiful smile was wiped off his face. Atsumu pulled back, panicking to think of something to say, but his intoxicated brain couldn’t form a cohesive sentence.
“I’m—“ Atsumu started, trying to explain or apologize or defend himself, anything to get Bokuto to stop looking at him like that.
“I think you should go to bed,” Bokuto said solemnly. “You’ve had a lot to drink.”
Atsumu stared down at his lap, too ashamed to look Bokuto in the eye. He felt like an idiot, how could he have read the situation so wrong? And now, he probably just screwed up the best thing in his life right now, other than volleyball.
“Ok,” Atsumu said, standing up to make his retreat. He stumbled and nearly tripped over, his body felt heavy and his vision wasn’t entirely focused. Bokuto stood up to help him, but Atsumu pushed him off. “M’fine, I got it.”
When Atsumu finally got to his bed, he threw himself down and groaned into his pillow. His brain felt like it was doing flips in his skull, and it took him a few minutes to get the room to stop spinning. When he blinked his eyes open, Hazelnut was standing by the door staring at him.
“I’m a real dumbass, huh?” he asked her pitifully. She just blinked at him before turning and heading back towards the living room, probably to spend the night curled up with Bokuto.
Atsumu wallowed in his self-pity alone, staring at the wall where he knew Bokuto was just on the other side of. He wanted so badly to fix what he’d just done. He loved Bokuto, truly loved him, and even if Bokuto didn’t love him back, that was okay. It would be okay. But he didn’t want to ruin what they had. Atsumu couldn’t handle the thought of ruining another important relationship.
When he woke up the next morning to a splitting headache, the memories from the night before weren’t too far away. He sighed and rolled on his side, and noticed there was a glass of water and some painkillers on his nightstand. Atsumu took them swiftly, before gathering himself the best he could to go and fix the mess he made last night.
“Hey,” Atsumu said softly as he walked into the living room.
Bokuto looked up from where he was petting Hazelnut from the couch. He smiled at him sadly, and it broke Atsumu’s heart.
“Hey, how do you feel?” Bokuto asked. Atsumu sighed as he sat down next to him, and put his head in his hands.
“About last night…” Atsumu trailed off.
“I’m sorry,” Bokuto blurted out. That caused Atsumu’s eyes to shoot up to look at him, despite how badly it made his head hurt.
“You—wha?” he asked, dumbfounded.
“You were drunk, and lonely, and I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you like that,” Bokuto rambled nervously.
Atsumu couldn’t believe it. How was Bokuto blaming himself for this?
“I’m the one who kissed you!” Atsumu cried.
“Yeah—but—“
“I’m the one who should be apologizin’,” Atsumu continued. “I was drunk, yeah, but so were you. I read the situation wrong, and let my feelings cloud my judgment. I’m sorry.”
Now it was Bokuto’s turn to be shocked.
“Your...feelings?” Bokuto asked quietly.
Atsumu sighed again and closed his eyes, he didn’t want to face rejection this early in the morning, especially not with a hangover, but he cared too much about Bokuto to lie to him.
“I really, really like you, Bokkun,” Atsumu admitted softly. “It’s ok if ya don’t feel the same, I hope we can still be friends.”
Bokuto went quiet, which wasn’t like him at all. Atsumu hated the silence and the awkwardness between them now, he wished he could just go back and take back that kiss, even though for that one second it was all his heart had ever wanted. But one kiss wasn’t worth losing Bokuto over.
“I’m really sorry,” Atsumu repeated. “I hope you can forgive me.”
“Tsum-Tsum…” Bokuto said gently. “You don’t, you don’t need to apologize. I’m not mad.”
Atsumu peaked up at him, his grimace slightly softening. “Yer not?”
Bokuto shook his head quickly and took Atsumu’s hands in his. “The only reason I didn’t kiss you back was because you were drunk! I didn’t want you to wake up and regret it, or think I took advantage of you, or—“
“Wait, wait,” Atsumu interrupted. “Yer sayin’ the only reason ya didn’t kiss me back was cuz I was drunk?”
The light blush that dusted Bokuto’s face was adorable. It was rare that Atsumu got to see him so bashful.
“Well, yeah, obviously. I like you, Tsum.”
Atsumu’s brain was racing to catch up to his heart.
“So, so, if I were to kiss ya now, completely sober…” Atsumu trailed off. He searched Bokuto’s eyes for any sort of confirmation, a green light to pass go.
Bokuto glanced down at his lips, then back to his eyes. He leaned in just the slightest bit, any less and Atsumu might not have noticed. He was still waiting for Atsumu to make the move, to prove that this is what he wanted, that he wanted him.
Atsumu reached out and cupped Bokuto’s face with his hands and gently pressed their lips together. This time, Bokuto tilted his head and kissed him back, moving his hands to Atsumu’s waist. Atsumu sighed in relief into his mouth, pulling closer to kiss him deeper, harder.
It’d been so long since he’d been touched like this, kissed like this, even longer since he’d wanted to. Kissing Bokuto felt more right than anything else had in the past few months.
Atsumu wasn’t sure how much time had passed since they started kissing, but now he was on his side next to Bokuto, their legs intertwined. Bokuto had kissed his way from Atsumu’s mouth, to his cheek, to his ear, then down further still, until he was nuzzling Atsumu’s neck. Atsumu could feel Bokuto chuckle and pulled him up to look at him.
“What?” he asked curiously.
“I’m just happy,” Bokuto smiled up at him brightly.
That smile was infectious, and Atsumu couldn’t fight the happiness from spreading on to his face. A few months ago, Atsumu never would’ve thought he’d be happy, especially not with Bokuto. But here he was, wrapped up in this man’s arms, smiling his heart out.
“Yeah,” Atsumu said, kissing him again. “Me too.”