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IT’S UNFORTUNATE THAT this has to happen in his sleep. Soonyoung has a vague, dreamy memory of feeling warm and content, blissfully unconscious - and then, suddenly, he’s gasping awake. He blinks, eyes darting around frantically when he realizes the room he’s in is entirely unfamiliar to him, and scrambles to his feet. It’s cold, the floor is marble and the walls so white they almost blend together, so Soonyoung feels like he’s not even in a room, but floating out in an empty space. He knows, after taking a second to catch his breath, he isn’t really awake. Lucid dreaming, but for angels. It’s real, but happening somewhere else, in a deep recess of his mind while he sleeps soundly on Earth.
And he knows. He knows what he’s here for.
Honestly, he’s never thought of actually going to see the Council. In his mind, it’s a group of five or six old men sitting at a long table somewhere in the clouds, hooded and bitter-looking, but he’s never seen them in the flesh. Most of his contact with them comes in the form of paper notices in his mailbox and Jeonghan’s reports.
Which, speaking of Jeonghan, there he is.
“Jesus Christ,” Soonyoung gasps again, hand clutching at his chest. “What the hell is going on?”
“Sorry, this was the best time to do it.”
“You could’ve warned me! I’m not ready for this.”
Jeonghan looks uncomfortable, avoiding Soonyoung’s stare in favor of the floor. He says, “I don’t really know how this is going to go. You know, nothing like this has ever happened before.”
“Great. I hope they write about me in the newspaper, let all the other angels know.”
“Soonyoung.” Jeonghan looks up at him, then, seriously. “I’m trying really hard to make this work for you, but you’re going to have to talk to them yourself. Don’t make a dumb joke and screw it up for yourself.”
“Why do I have to talk to them? Don’t they trust you? Jeonghan, you know these guys, you know how to handle them. I-I’ve never even seen them before.”
“Just be respectful and be sincere … I think that’s the best you can do.”
It hits Soonyoung like a bright, hot flash of light; this is it, this is him about to make his case. And it could go wrong.
It’s almost as if Jeonghan reads his mind. He says, “If this doesn’t work out, you’ll still have us.”
“I thought I was fired?” Jeonghan cracks a small smile.
“Well, that’s one thing … I mean, what the Council did was illegal, pretty much. Corrupt. They agreed to make it up to you by letting you keep your job. If nothing else. At least, that’s what they told me,” he adds.
He wants to say more, ask more questions, but the longer he stands there, the more fragmented he feels. He has to remind himself that he’s left reality, and entered a sort of purgatory - a half-real, half-imagined state of mind, where his actions will have consequences but it’s still hard to stand without losing balance.
So he clamps his mouth shut, clenches his jaw like there are bolts between his teeth, and he nods. Rip the bandage off, he thinks, now or never.
When he closes his eyes, it’s only for a brief second, but when he opens them, he’s in a different room.
This one is darker, but still bright, in a yellowish way. It looks like he’s standing in an office, actually, and now at least he can see the shadows on the wall and on the floor. Jeonghan is gone, he stands facing a blank wall, and he jumps when someone clears their throat behind him.
“Christ!” he exclaims, whipping around to see a middle-aged looking man quirking one eyebrow at him.
“Excuse me?”
“I - I mean, uh. Sorry. You startled me.”
The guy doesn’t bother introducing himself, which Soonyoung finds a little rude. He can guess who he is - and like, okay, he gets it. This guy is probably a powerful, all-knowing being who doesn’t owe Soonyoung anything, but geez.
There’s an awkward space of silence that grows between them; Soonyoung doesn’t know how to start this conversation, and the man doesn’t look like he plans to any time soon, so finally, Soonyoung says, “Um, how are we gonna do this?” You can imagine how graceful it sounds.
But that seems to set things into motion. In a whirl, the man is suddenly moving, moving around his desk to dig through the cabinets, papers crinkling and flitting through the air as he tosses them aside, until he seemingly finds what he’s looking for and stands with a silent aha . He holds up a decently thick, cream-colored file with Soonyoung’s name written on the tab.
“This,” he explains, somewhat unnecessarily, “is yours.”
“Oh. Looks like you’ve got a lot of stuff in there.”
“Yes, yes. There’s a lot about you to keep track of. Come here, sit down.”
Soonyoung hesitates before taking a seat before him – him, or, “Sorry, what’s your name?”
The man bristles, as if what Soonyoung just asked was disrespectful in some way, but answers nonetheless. “Han Seongsu.”
“You’re quite the special case, Kwon Soonyoung,” Seongsu starts. “You have a record of failing your missions that stretches back a long time. And now … you’ve fallen in love with one of your targets. Interesting.”
Soonyoung feels awkward, embarrassed. He wants to explain himself, but Jeonghan’s words ring in his head and he’s terrified of saying something dumb and screwing himself over.
Seongsu flips through his file some more, as if to taunt Soonyoung, before shutting it and clearing his throat once more. “Right,” he starts. “What will we do with you? You don’t seem to live up to the title of Cupid.”
“I - “ Soonyoung blurts, ready to defend himself, but stops. When Seongsu nods for him to continue, he starts again, slowly. “I … I never signed up for this job. I’m not good at it, true, but it’s not like I asked to be here.”
“A very good point, and we see where you’re coming from.”
“So you thought it’d be cool to sabotage me and get me fired? Doesn’t sound like you were really that understanding.”
Seongsu raises his eyebrows, and Soonyoung groans internally.
“You seem to be very opinionated on the matter.”
“Wouldn’t you be, if it were you?”
Seongsu has no response for that. For a moment, Soonyoung feels good, smug. Even if everything were to go to shit, he’d find solace in knowing he made his point.
“In hindsight … what happened to you was not fair.” Soonyoung almost scoffs, but he holds it in. “The Council recognizes that. We would appreciate it if you could, however, see our point of view; what the Council runs is a very tight operation, we can’t afford to have clipped wires ruining the system.”
“Are you calling me a defect?”
“No. I’m saying, we realized a long time ago that you were not cut out for being a cupid.”
“Then why did you keep sending me on missions?”
“Soonyoung, we may seem cruel, but it is never our goal to leave an angel in the dust. You were a terrible cupid - “ wow, thanks “ - but it is undeniable that you were good at something else, this was clear every time you stepped foot on Earth. You might have struggled to help your targets find love, but you never fell short of bringing them happiness.”
Soonyoung has to pause for a moment and register what he’s saying. He can feel his face twisting in confusion, but then he remembers something Minghao told him a while ago: I don’t think there’s a single person whose life you haven’t touched, even just a little … It’s like making people happy comes so naturally to you.
Seongsu continues, “We kept sending you out on missions to be sure.”
“To be sure of what?” Soonyoung asks.
“That you’d really be suitable for another position, one we’ve been contemplating for a while. You could be a guardian, Soonyoung.”
Okay, pause. Soonyoung’s brain flatlines for a second. A guardian?
Guardian angels, in Soonyoung’s mind, are the shit. They’re great and wise and respected, some of the highest ranking individuals in the entire angelic system. The thought of being one had never crossed his mind - it’s almost laughable. Seongsu seems to read this without him saying anything.
“There are rules, you have to know this. We didn’t interfere with your latest mission because we wanted to hurt you, but it’s impossible to simply hand a title as prestigious as that of a guardian to someone like you for no good reason, especially without proper preparation. We needed one last chance, one good reason to dismiss you as cupid, but also a good reason to make you a guardian.” Finally, for the first time since Soonyoung found himself in his office, Seongsu shows some humanity. He smiles a guilty smile and says, “A little convoluted, is it? Unfortunately, this is how the sense of order works here.”
Soonyoung gets it, he supposes, he gets their weird, twisted logic. Soonyoung was thrown into Jihoon’s life and instead of giving him the love he wanted, he found something else, another way. Maybe, he thinks, he gave Jihoon the happiness he deserved, in spite of things not working out with Seungcheol. The thought makes his chest grow warm.
Seongsu continues to smile at him expectedly, and Soonyoung isn’t sure what to say.
Or maybe, he does. In this situation, there should only be one answer. But it’s not what he wants.
“Seong - Um, Sir. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be a guardian unless it means I can be with Jihoon.”
To his surprise, Seongsu doesn’t waver. “I thought you’d say something like that,” he says. “It is uncommon, I will admit, for a guardian angel to be in such a close relationship with his subject, but it isn’t impossible. Think for a moment, what is a guardian meant to do?”
Soonyoung knows. They live on Earth, they form friendships and keep a close eye on their subject. They give advice, they guide, they guard … they make people happy.
“It would seem to me that Lee Jihoon likes you very much. If being in a relationship with him makes him happy, it would not be a breach in the system. You would still technically be doing your job.”
“What, are you serious?” Soonyoung asks this even though he’s sure Seongsu has never told a joke in his life.
“I’m not the type to pull pranks, Soonyoung. I am serious,” Seongsu confirms, and Soonyoung has to will every bone in his body to stay put. But it’s hard .
There’s an excitement that washes over him. He wants to jump up and exclaim, go find Jeonghan and tell him the good news, maybe even cry out of relief because God , he was so nervous - but he stays seated out of respect and, honestly, out of fear that this might be a dream - a real dream - and he’ll just be getting his hopes up for nothing.
“Bear in mind,” Seongsu goes on while Soonyoung struggles to contain himself, “this is highly unusual for the Council. We would appreciate it if you didn’t make a big deal out of this when you get home.”
“No, no, of course not, I’m - home? Am I staying on Earth? Is there, like, a training program? It would be kinda suspicious if I just disappeared for a couple days, and I - “
“This isn’t the FBI. You can continue living on Earth, I will have Jeonghan send you a file with everything you need to know. It’ll be the same as the file you received at the start of your cupid mission, with a few added guidelines.”
“Wow, okay. I - wow . Thank you so much. I don’t even know what to say.”
Seongsu smiles again, and Soonyoung is surprised to find that he actually looks quite kind - although he’s sure this guy has done a bunch of other shit, too.
“There isn’t much left to say - I’m only doing my job. You should probably get back to Earth, though. It’s just about time to wake up.”
So he does as told. He doesn’t get the chance to meet with Jeonghan, but he figures they’ll see each other again soon.
In a blink, he’s back in his apartment and staring up at the ceiling. He feels drowsy and confused, like he just woke up from a crazy, vivid dream - and then it all comes back to him. The memories flood his brain, drowning him almost, so he shoots up from his bed and starts gasping for air (one side effect of the whole inter-dimensional traveling thing - it makes you want to puke once it’s all over).
Managing to force down the bile rising in his throat, he starts thinking a million things at once. His apartment, he needs to decorate it so it looks like someone actually lives here. He should buy new clothes, too, and maybe learn how to cook so he won’t have to keep buying takeout. And Jihoon! Jihoon, the best thing, the highlight of this dream - Soonyoung wants to see him.
So he does. He doesn’t even bother dressing, simply racing down the hall and down the stairs of his - his , officially his! - building in his too-big t-shirt and pounding on Jihoon’s door once he reaches his apartment. It takes a couple tries, but in a few minutes Jihoon is answering, looking half-asleep and so unbelievably cute.
Soonyoung doesn’t take a minute to explain why he’s here, just grabs Jihoon’s face and kisses him full on the mouth.
There’s a second where Jihoon doesn’t respond, and Soonyoung starts to wonder what he’s doing, he’s about to pull away and apologize, but Jihoon suddenly wakes up and starts kissing him back.
It’s sloppy and rushed with the way Soonyoung is trying to let out all his feelings at once, hands coming up to cup Jihoon’s face and bury his fingers in the boy’s hair. He figures he’ll have more time to explore this later - the little dimples beside Jihoon’s mouth, how it moves, how it feels - but this, this is everything he needs right now.
When they come apart, they’re both breathing heavily; Jihoon’s lips are red and full, his cheek has little indents where Soonyoung was holding it, his eyes are sparkling, and Soonyoung wants to collapse.
Jihoon says, “Soonyoung, it’s eight in the morning. What are you doing?”
“I just - I woke up, and I realized that I’m crazy about you. I mean, I already knew it, but it really hit me just then, and I - I had to see you, I needed to tell you. I’m sorry.”
It’s hard to get the words out. His heart is beating so fast, lodging itself in his throat and tripping every syllable, but when he says it, Jihoon looks endeared to the fullest extent, puffing up his cheeks out of shyness and grinning. “You,” he says, “are ridiculous. Come inside, you idiot.”
Soonyoung lets Jihoon grab his hand and pull him inside, he lets the door slam behind him, and he lets Jihoon pull him against his body so Soonyoung can rest his chin on his head. A pair of arms snake around his waist and squeeze him tight.
“I’m crazy about you too, y’know.”
Soonyoung feels breathless. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I didn’t see it coming, but you got me.”
“Yeah, yeah, I do,” Soonyoung feels a smile starting to form, taking over his face. “I got you.”
And then, everything feels right in the world.