Chapter Text
Evan had trouble keeping his eyes open in the morning, even with his alarm blaring. Between staying up late talking to Zoe and staying up later tossing and turning about what both of them had said, there hadn't been many hours left in the night for Evan to sleep.
Despite his lethargy, Evan forced himself out of bed to get ready for school.
How can I help Zoe? Thought Evan, mechanically brushing his teeth. Is it even my job to help? Can I help, because the Murphys are kind of… complicated, and getting involved would probably just backfire. Evan narrowed his eyes as he looked at himself in the mirror. Why do all my existential wonderings about the nature of the Murphy family come when I’m brushing my teeth?
Evan rushed out of the bathroom before whatever magic was in the mirror bewitched him into thinking about Connor, which Evan did not need when he already running late.
Today was the first day Jared would be driving their carpool to school in the morning, as well as driving home, and Evan was terrified of being late and holding everyone up. Evan poured himself a bowl of cereal and ate it standing up, poking his head into his mother’s room to wish her good morning. She was still fast asleep from a long shift last night but he said goodbye anyway. No sooner had Evan done this than he heard Jared’s car pulling up outside. He rushed downstairs and almost slammed his bowl into the sink. The bowl was still half full of cereal and Evan winced at the waste of food, and he winced at the force he had used, but he reasoned he was just overly jittery.
He nearly lept out the door and rushed down his driveway to where Jared was idling. Evan slid into his usual seat behind Jared with a breathless “Sorry I’m late.”
“No dude, you’re fine, I just pulled up,” Jared said. “Now if only the same could be said for you two,” he continued, nodding his head at the Murphy siblings without taking his eyes off the road.
“Hey, don't look at me, I’m a total morning person. I was waiting by the door ready before Zoe even got out of bed,” said Connor, sitting comfortably in the passenger seat.
“Hey, fuck you too,” grunted Zoe. She was still rubbing the sleep from her eyes and slouched down in her seat.
“Wow, fuck you, Zoe, you can't be mad if I’m right. You sleep like the dead,” said Connor.
“Whatever. We’re on time now, aren't we?” Zoe kicked Connor’s seat lightly but otherwise let the issue drop. She settled into the seat, head leaning against the seatbelt as if she planned to take a nap on the way to school. Either she was just that tired or she was trying to be nicer to Connor. Evan watched her begin to drift off despite Jared taking corners to fast and he wasn't sure which it was.
After a few minutes of driving, Connor pulled down the sun visor and opened up the mirror. He stared into it for a few seconds, tilting his head up and down, twisting it at various angles. He reached up, pulling his hair into a loose ponytail. He tried twisting it into a bun and kept examining it.
“Do you guys think I should put my hair up? I mean I know I’ve been rocking the ‘drummer for an emo band no one remembers the name of’ look for a while, but I don't know, I sort of feet like a change.”
“I like the man-bun. Very ‘mid-Portland hipster,’” said Jared.
“There’s no one in the middle of Portland that isn't a hipster,” said Connor, matter of factly. “Glad I pass your inspection, Kleinman. I take it it’s less ‘school shooter chic?’”
Jared blushed a little and he sputtered with indignation. “Hey, I already apologized for that! I was a different person. I’ve made my amends and stopped telling funny jokes. Now all my material is guaranteed is to be t houghtful, h armonious, o bsequious, and t houghtful,” said Jared.
“You used ‘thoughtful’ twice-” said Zoe.
“Don’tcha get it? I’m a thot!” Jared crowed, seemingly oblivious to Zoe’s heckling.
As Jared laughed uproariously at his own joke, Connor rolled his eyes and loosed a hair tie off his wrist. “Back to what’s important. Hair. Up or down?”
Evan realized Connor had a lot of hair ties and had been keeping them on his wrists for a while, even though before now he always kept his hair down.
“I think you looked fine with your hair down. Grunge rocker is a good look for you,” said Zoe. Connor kept his eyes fixed on the mirror and set his jaw.
“I wasn't really asking you, Zoe. You lost privileges to comment on my hair after you called it ‘constantly greasy.’”
“What I said was that it’s bad for your hair and you should shower more. I guess you just lost privileges to put words in my mouth.” Zoe shot a look of Can you believe him? Evan’s way and he just panicked and shrugged incredulously. He tried to he’s just being prickly with just an expression. He hoped Connor hadn't noticed him making faces, he probably wouldn't appreciate Evan talking to Zoe about him literally behind his back. But it’s fine, right? I mean anything that might help make peace between the two is in both of their best interests, right? Except if my mom can't call the pizza guy for me I end up not eating so maybe I’m the least qualified person to decide what is in the best interest of others.
Luckily, Evan was pulled from this debate when Connor turned around in his seat to look Evan in the eye. He pulled his hair back again and modeled it.
“Evan, since you’re the only one here with taste, I want to know what you think.”
Evan realized he was too hunched in, and tried to straighten to meet Connor’s gaze. The early morning sun filtered through the trees outside. As it filtered through the window it almost gave Connor a golden halo. Evan couldn't help but think he might’ve walked straight out of the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Evan realized Connor was waiting for an answer and he had been sitting dumb for who knew how long.
“Oh. Yeah! You look great!” Evan’s immediate instinct was to shoot Connor with finger guns to ease any awkwardness but he resisted that instinct with every fiber of his being, and his hands only moved an inch before he regained control. Evan knew from personal experience that finger guns rarely made a situation less awkward, and they very often made things worse.
“Oh, nice,” Connor said, smiling brightly. “Guess that settles it. Hipster bun it is.” Connor took his hair tie and held it up for the whole car to see. It was a bright, rich blue.
“I hereby declare that this hair tie, to commemorate my new hairstyle, be named Evan’s Tie.” With the impromptu ceremony over, Connor tied up his hair and admired himself in the small visor mirror. The bun wasn't done very well but Connor shrugged it off. He'd practice.
Jared interrupted with a small cough.
“Hey, so, not to disrupt the beauty pageant but do any of you guys plan on getting your licenses soon? ‘Cause if we’re doing carpool in the mornings too, it’d be nice if I wasn't driving every time.”
“I have my license, actually, but the parentals don't let me drive. Apparently I’m a ‘flight risk,’” said Connor, embellishing with air quotes.
“I’m too busy with band and homework and stuff, I don't have time to learn to drive,” murmured Zoe.
“I almost got my license, but after I failed my test a few times…” Evan trailed off. He had largely given up on driving because everyday life was, by and large, too stressful for Evan, and driving took his every single stressor and cranked it to eleven.
“Oh okay,” said Jared. “Plan B then. I guess I’ll just start up charging each of you for gas money.” They all chuckled, except Jared. He kept a perfect poker face.
They drove the rest of the way to school in relative silence, Jared kept changing radio stations until he got fed up and just turned it off. By the time they had gotten to school most of the good parking was taken, and after accounting for that, by the time they all got inside, classes were almost about to start. Each of the group rushed to their individual lockers and hurried to class. Evan wanted to maybe talk to Connor, but he didn’t want Zoe and Jared as spectators, and there were still a few students milling around, and now class was too soon, and Evan wasn't even sure he had anything to actually discuss, so he settled on just staring at Connor as long as he could before turning the corner to his locker. Then he felt awkward because who just stares at people? He was both disappointed Connor hadn't noticed and also thankful he hadn’t. Conundrums like these keep happening more and more around Connor and honestly? I’m kind of getting sick of it. Hey garbage brain, can you actually solve a problem instead of creating it for once? His brain, as it was truly garbage, gave no response.
Classes were uneventful but interesting enough to hold Evan’s attention. In recent weeks, Evan had found that what used to be mind-numbing now actually held his interest. Instead of drifting from class to class because that’s what he had to do to graduate, Evan actually cared about things for once. It seemed mental health had its perks. Evan, Connor, and Jared hung out during breaks, leaning against one of their lockers. Evan made a habit to look for Zoe, but she never showed up. That all changed at lunch.
Evan and Jared were getting out of history together and they found Connor as he lumbered out of his math class. He still had trouble with math, but at least he no longer planned to skip class until he flunked it out of spite. Perks of mental health. He perked up as he saw Evan and Jared at least, and he fell in step with them on their way to the cafeteria. They were early and managed to get in and out of the lunch line before the usual rush of students. They settled at one of their usual tables and started eating.
“So, how’s everyone’s cardboard and jelly sandwiches?” asked Jared.
“You know, complaining about the food doesn't actually make it better,” said Connor. “If you don't like it you could just keep your head down, stay quiet, and focus on eating quickly. Besides. Complaining about cafeteria food? It’s been done to death. What’s next, airplane food?”
“Ugh, everyone’s a critic. I’ve never sat quietly in my life and you know it. And I’ll have you know I have hours upon hours of fresh material, I’m just workshopping it. Besides, Netflix is very interested in me recording a stand-up special for them.”
“You know Jared, I almost believe you, if only because getting Netflix to give someone a special is like getting a wasp’s nest pissed off. You really just gotta flail around till you hit something solid.”
“All I’m saying is it’d be nice if we got lunches from home. Oh well, I guess this the fate of kids whose moms are way too busy to make lunches. Neglected high five!” Jared’s face lit up as he held up his hand expectantly. Evan and Connor stared Jared down before sharing a look with each other. Neither reciprocated the high five.
“Oh amen to that brother,” said Zoe, dropping her lunch tray next to Jared and swinging her leg onto the bench. The three boys looked at each other. Zoe had never sat with them before, and none of them indicated they had invited her. Evan and Jared shrugged and dropped the issue. Connor made no similar gesture.
“I don’t know Zoe. I was just about to point out that people have busy schedules, and it’s outdated to expect a woman to cook and clean. It certainly doesn't constitute neglect,” Connor said, deadpan.
“Oh, yeah, I mean I thought that was kind of implied,” said Zoe, suddenly halted. “It was all in good fun, you know. I’m just trying to make a joke.”
“Well then maybe it should have been funny.”
“Thanks for the note, Connor, I’ll think about that.”
The two siblings stared daggers at each other for a moment before Zoe huffed and returned to her food. The rest of the group followed suit. All four of them wordlessly poked at their food but the charged air had driven out most of Evan’s appetite. This continued for a number of minutes before Zoe took a breath and looked up from her lunch tray.
“I suppose I should apologize. I see how that joke was inappropriate and offensive.” Her tone was clipped and precise. It didn't sound very genuine, but then again, no one really thought the joke was the problem. Jared made a quiet murmur of his apology.
“Oh, I started it. You’re fine Zoe.” Zoe smiled at Jared but it was brittle and unnatural.
“But hey, nice to have you for lunch,” he continued.
“Yeah, it’s um, it’s cool to have you,” said Evan. “And I don't know, I was just thinking, that um,” and here he swallowed the lump rising in his throat, “you should hang out with us sometime.” There was silence at the lunch table, even the background noise of the cafeteria faded away. “Just because, we’ve spent so much time together just going to and from school, and it always feels weird dropping you off and then hanging out without you, and I don't know, I thought you might want to be included. You can totally say no if you want no pressure.” Evan’s words picked up speed as he talked until he was stopped by a need to breathe. He looked up across the table to Jared. Jared had fixed a very pointed glare at him, half indignation and half preparation for the oncoming storm that was sure to be Connor’s reaction.
Evan looked to the right of Jared and saw Zoe was looking at him with actual warmth, with a smile that wasn't going to crack down the middle. Part of the weight he felt around her dropped away. He turned back to Jared and refused to balk. He kicked Jared under the table. Well kicked is a strong word, but there was a significant amount of force behind the tap on Jared’s leg so he knew Evan meant business.
“No, yeah, of course, Zoe, we were gonna hang out at your place tonight,” said Jared, attempting to continue the conversation without missing the beat. “Nothing serious, just do homework together, home by ten, but we’d be happy to have you.”
“I don’t know about all that,” said Connor. The other shoe had dropped. “I mean Zoe’s a junior, I doubt we have any homework that needs cooperating on. She might just slow us down.”
Evan began to protest, but Zoe stood up from her seat and grabbed her lunch in a white knuckle grip. “I think Connor might be right, as always. ” Her voice dripped with venom, but Evan could guess it was a cover. “I don’t need your pity,” she swept an arm at Evan and Jared. “And I certainly don't need you ,” She turned to Connor, her eyes fiery but he refused to look up at her, and kept staring coldly at his food. Zoe huffed, turned on her heel, and walked away, lunch in hand.
As she disappeared into the crowd, Connor threw down his fork and stood up with his own lunch tray.
“Well this was fun, but I think I should get ready for class.” There was still a good fifteen minutes before class started, but Connor stormed off before Evan could try to talk to him.
Evan slouched in his seat and Jared worldlessly turned to look him in the eye.
“Jared I swear if you say ‘I told you so…’” Jared silently put up his hands in mock surrender and Evan tried to take a deep breath. They both bussed their table and prepared for the last classes of the day.
Despite everything, Evan managed to make it through calculus with minimal distraction. He even managed to raise his hand. Mr. Kennedy didn't call on him, but he could have, and Evan didn't feel the usual rush of relief in being passed over. Evan walked out of class feeling okay. Maybe even feeling pretty good. Maybe even with an almost-hopeful spring in his step. This hopeful attitude was given a serious test as he rounded a corner to see Zoe and Connor talking at Connor’s locker. Both Murphys looked tense, and Evan realized he might have to do damage control. Is this my life now? lamented Evan, trying to unobtrusively jog up to the siblings. Playing moderator to these two till they either explode or make peace?
As Evan neared the two, he wondered if he should clear his throat or otherwise make his presence known. Luckily, he was spared the choice when he realized the way they were talking nothing Evan could do was likely to break through.
“-tense between us lately,” said Zoe, “like this morning, I kind of woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and I think we both said things we regret, and maybe that continued into lunch so I just wanted to say I’m sorry for my part.” Zoe spoke succinctly and with purpose, like she had rehearsed the speech. “And also, I really want to do whatever I can to get rid of any bad blood between us, because I really care about you, and I just want to be brother and sister again, you know?”
Connor shifted between the balls of his feet and the heel. His response was abrupt, and definitely not rehearsed.
“Okay, well, cool.”
Zoe completely froze for a second. Evan can practically hear her brain making the AOL startup sound. It was a familiar feeling.
“Okay, is there anything you’d like to maybe say to me?”
“Not really no.” Connor paused for a second, hand on his chin in faux thought. “Oh wait, actually, I can think of one thing. Don't do a fake apology if you only want me to apologize to you. Kind of a dick move.”
Zoe shook her head, blinked a few times, taken aback.
“I actually was being genuine, Connor, and it kind of really hurts that you think I’d lie to you just for an apology. I’ll admit it would be nice but if getting you to apologize for your shitty behavior is gonna be like pulling teeth then maybe I should just leave you be.”
Connor slammed his locker shut and hoisted his messenger bag.
“Yeah, that would be kind of great, actually. Having you out of my hair for once would be quite the novel experience.”
He started walking away but Zoe kept pace. Evan trailed after but he was still unsure they had even noticed him. As if reading his mind, Zoe spun on her heel, keeping pace with Connor while walking backward.
“Evan, what do you think? Connor should apologize for how he’s been acting, right?”
“You know, um, I’m not really sure I should, like, get between you two, so-”
“Leave him out of this Zoe, don't just try to pressure him into agreeing with you.”
“He’ll be fine, Evan’s capable of taking a stand. So really, Evan, I want your honest opinion. Should Connor apologize?”
Evan’s palms had begun to sweat, but if he wanted to moderate, then it seemed he would actually have to moderate.
“Okay, well, keep in mind that this is kind of, like, a you guys issue, so, my opinion isn't weighted very much. But I guess thanks for asking for my opinion, glad to know you both care.” Evan tried to emphasize “care”, and he also tried to ignore both Connor and Zoe’s pointed looks. They had exited the school and Evan fixed his gaze on Jared’s car, with Jared leaning against the hood. Just fifty, seventy-five feet and he could try to get Jared to help untie this gordian knot. “And to be perfectly honest, and also objective because you’re both my friends-”
Connor may have muttered “since when” under his breath but Evan pretended not to hear.
“-I kind of think that maybe Zoe might be kind of right?”
Connor threw up his hands in disbelief, and Zoe just set her jaw in satisfaction.
“It’s just that, I don't know, she did apologize, and I think she really does want to patch things up between you two,” Evan continued, “but that does have to go both ways. I don't know, I mean, what do I know, you know?”
They had reached the car and Evan shot Jared a look as Connor and Zoe fumed. They all filed into the car in silence. Connor moved to sit in the back with Zoe and Evan got out of his way. The silence could only last so long, however, and as Jared pulled out into the street, the spell was broken.
“You know, you’re completely unbelievable,” Connor said.
“Oh, I’m unbelievable? How you figure?” snapped Zoe.
“You expect me to apologize to you, you play the victim like you always do, when you’re always the one who starts shit. It’s pretty unbelievable how you’ve deluded yourself into thinking I’m the villain of your story.”
“All this coming from the juvenile delinquent who smokes a bowl every morning before he even pours his cereal. I think it’s crazy how you think just ‘cause I started it, which I do not always do, by the way, you have full license to fly into a rage and say whatever you want, do whatever you want, and never apologize. How can you be almost eighteen years old and yet to realize ‘she started it’ isn't a valid excuse to be a dick?”
Evan looked at Jared, but he kept his eyes glued on the road, steering wheel in a death grip. He clearly didn't want to get between the siblings, and Evan realized after all of his failed attempts at moderation, maybe he had to just let them tire themselves out.
“The pot angle, real original,” said Connor. “I guess you are your father’s daughter.”
“Wow, Connor, just wow, have we already hit the ‘Connor lashes out at his parents’ stage? Time really does fly.”
“Oh that’s easy for you to say, you’re the favorite child. You don’t know what it feels like to be under constant scrutiny like I am. You’ve never had your every accomplishment undercut and every failing expected. I’m the poster child for ‘disappointed but not surprised’, so yeah, maybe I misplace my anger sometimes, and I’m just the worst person of all time because of it, but when no one expected any better, is it any wonder I turned out this way?”
“What do you mean favorite child? As far as mom and dad are concerned they only have one kid. You wanna know why I’m such a thorn in your side? Why I spend every moment trying to ruin your life, Connor? I couldn't care less about the years you’ve spent being a douchebag who tries to kick down my door every night, no, I’m pissed because my whole life you’ve been such a messy disaster I’ve never been able to escape your shadow. Maybe mom and dad get angry with you, but boohoo, have you ever thought maybe having a strained relationship with them is better than not having one at all? Every night you come home late smelling like pot and worse is another night dad spends yelling at you and mom spends trying to make you feel better. Where do I fit in? What about the nights when I need help with my homework but mom and dad need to deal with you? And now, you’re doing so much better. Mom keeps asking me ‘did Connor meet a girl or something?’ as if you tell me anything, and dad’s oh so proud he finally has a son who might play catch with him, and guess what? Nothing’s changed for me. Mom and dad just want to coo over your progress and now that you’ve redeemed yourself in their eyes, they’re never going to notice me again. The cherry on top? I can’t really see any change. I honestly don't know why everyone thinks you're suddenly such a better person. Whenever I’m around you’re the same bastard you’ve always been. God, when did you decide I was your biggest enemy? I remember we used to be close, and even when you pushed the rest of the family away I kept reaching out. Well now that you’re supposedly perfect and ready for easy relationships? I reach out again and you just swat me down. Why am I the person, out of everyone in your life, that you can't forgive? So yes, Connor, I do want an apology. I would never be so selfish as to ask for you to apologize for each time you’ve been a dick, so how about you just make one apology? How about you apologize for all the years you’ve spent pushing me away all in one. Can you just apologize for once?”
The car was silent. Evan looked in the rearview mirror and saw neither Zoe nor Connor looked angry. They just looked tired. They both looked at each other, and they still looked determined, but they had both said what they needed to say.
“I had never realized, Zoe. I’m sorry. That must have really sucked.” Connor didn't hang his head in shame, he didn't whimper and blubber for forgiveness, but he spoke truthfully. It was enough for Zoe, and she smiled.
“Thanks, Connor, that means a lot.”
They both smiled a whole lot wider, and did their best to hug, despite the seatbelts getting in the way.
“Oh thank God,” said Jared. “I was legitimately worried you were going to start swinging, and in anyone else’s car I’d start taking bets, but my moms will kill me if I get like, a single scratch on their car.”
Both Zoe and Connor rolled their eyes, almost in complete unison, and then they both snorted with laughter when they noticed.
“You know, Zoe, you can still hang out with us tonight, if you want, and if Connor’s cool with it.” Evan did his best not to let his voice turn up into a question, but regardless, every eye in the car turned on Connor. He held his hands up against the psychic onslaught.
“Yeah, yeah, emotional catharsis and its rewards. I’m not entirely irrational. Zoe can come, but I reserve the right to bail out at any time.”
“And I’m only coming along if Connor stays on his best behavior. I reserve the right to retreat to my room. Think you can manage it?”
“When am I not on my best behavior?”
Every person in the car could think of different examples, and Jared came dangerously close to outright asking if Connor even had a best behavior, but he kept his cool.
By the time they pulled up to the Murphy’s, much of the tension in the car had eased. The group pushed through the front door and took off their shoes. Cynthia was already cooking dinner, and she waved from the kitchen.
“I guess we should probably head down to the basement, my room might be a little cramped,” Connor said. The other three nodded and they tromped downstairs.
The basement was mostly taken up by storage, but in the remaining space was covered with a shag rug, with a couch and a few bean bag chairs to sit on. Mounted on the wall was a TV.
“I love this decor, Connor,” said Jared. “It’s very eighties bachelor. I can almost smell the stale beer and marijuana.”
“Yeah, I guess it reminds Larry of his youth,” responded Connor.
“Wait, dad was fun?” asked Zoe. “I lowkey thought he was born like that.”
“Born like what?” asked Evan.
“Well I didn't want to say stick up his butt but I must be blunt…” Zoe trailed off.
“Oh. Right.”
“No seriously,” said Connor. “Every time he chews me out, Larry always pulls out some anecdote about how he ‘sowed some wild oats’ in his day” Connor pulled off an impressive Larry impression, tightening a pretend tie. “And yeah, long story short apparently dear old dad did molly the night before his graduation.” Zoe’s jaw nearly hit the floor.
“Connor you have got to be kidding me. There’s no way dad was cool.”
“Yeah, he wasn't, still isn't. Doing drugs doesn't make you cool, kids. I only do them because they can momentarily turn my brain off long enough to make me forget I hate myself.” There was a momentary silence. “Too real? Right. Sorry. So. Evan, you said you wanted me to look over your paper one last time, right? We’re here for homework, not gossip.” The four busied themselves pulling binders and paper out of backpacks and they settled into a nice rhythm. Zoe had a portable speaker and she used it to play music. When she learned they had never thought to listen to music while working she almost had a stroke. She resolved to be the group DJ, “if only so you three learn what real music sounds like.” Her playlist had a distinct jazz lean, but Evan thought it was great.
He kept an eye on Zoe and Connor, and there was still an edge between them, but at least they had stopped bickering at every tiny slight. Then again, they got into a shouting match about whether or not a quesadilla was a sandwich, but I’m pretty sure it was good-natured?
Dinner passed without incident, and Connor invited Jared and Evan to stay afterward. The four returned to the basement and decided not to finish their homework. Zoe flopped on the couch and turned on the TV, aimlessly flipping through channels.
“Does anyone want to watch Dance Moms? I mean not to contribute to the death of culture, but sometimes it’s fun to watch grown women cry.”
Connor scoffed. “Find out what’s on Animal Planet. Nature is cool.”
“You just wanna watch an alligator do the death roll,” Zoe retorted.
Connor shrugged. “Yeah, Zoe, alligators are super cool. The only thing cooler than an alligator is an alligator using its death roll to rip apart prey because they can't chew.”
“What about two alligators?” asked Jared.
“Fuck dude, you’re totally right,”
“I vote Animal Planet,” said Evan.
Connor and Jared cheered as Zoe threw the remote down with mock disgust. Jared flopped down on the other end of the couch and scooped up the remote, typing in the Animal Planet channel number. Connor and Evam picked up their beanbags and plopped them in front of the couch.
“You know when I was little I thought Steve Erwin was my dad,” said Evan. He’d never told anyone that. He was met with silence and he turned in his beanbag chair to find everyone staring at him. “Oh yeah, I guess that must be pretty weird, sorry. Basically, after my dad left, my mom didn't keep a lot of pictures of him around, and I was seven so my memory was little fuzzy on what he looked like, and I don't know, I turned on Animal Planet one day and there was a Steve Erwin special on and I guess they look kind of similar.”
Evan started chewing on a nail as the silence continued. He thought Jared and Zoe might have shared a look, and he broke out all over in a cold sweat.
“Hey, you know you shouldn't chew your nails like that,” said Connor. “It can be bad for them. Oh, I know, how bout you let me paint your nails? I used to chew my nails down to the quick, but the paint makes a great deterrent.”
Evan blinked once or twice, unsure of how to respond. Connor took this as a yes and started rooting through his bag for a bottle of nail polish. He found one but threw it back in the bag a moment later.
“Oh shit, this bottle’s empty. Hang on, let me get another one from my room.” Connor practically jumped up from the beanbag beside Evan and ran upstairs. Evan sat back, enjoying the documentary about gazelles on TV until he heard two loud “ahem”s behind him. Evan found Zoe and Jared propped up on their elbows, eyebrows raised in expectation.
“Shut up!” said Evan, turning back around as fast as he could.
“Oh Evan, you just have to stop biting your nails,” started Zoe
“It’s not good for them. And I care so so so much about you,” continued Jared.
“You’re both seeing something that’s not there,” said Evan, already defensive.
“What I’m seeing ,” said Jared, “is Connor noticing your distress and almost jumping out of his skin to change the subject and make you feel better.”
“And wanting to paint your nails?” said Zoe, “that’s basically third base for dumb gay yearning. We both think you should seize this opportunity, Evan.”
Zoe and Jared lowered themselves down beside Evan, one head on each shoulder. Evan, for his part, kept trying to feign lofty disbelief.
“What does that even mean? ‘Seize this opportunity’?” Evan asked, exasperated.
“Well for starters, ask him to paint your toenails as well,” said Jared. “Connor’s a weird kid. Maybe he’s into that stuff.” Evan went pink and turned to Zoe. She just shrugged in response.
“I can neither confirm nor deny Connor having a thing for feet. Anything’s in play.”
Thankfully, Evan was spared continuing this conversation by the sound of Connor coming back downstairs. Jared and Zoe drew back, returning to their position and pretending nothing had happened.
“Remember what we said, Evan,” said Jared, doing a bad job trying to speak without moving his lips. “I don't know what flirting looks like for you, but I really want to see it.”
“Connor’s already made the first move, this’ll be easy,” said Zoe. “Remember the feet.” And before Evan could strangle either one of them, Connor jumped down half the basement steps and skidded to a halt in front of Evan.
“Someone’s excited,” said Zoe, sending a pointed look to Evan that he tried to ignore.
“Okay so I could only find black, is that okay? I know I have other colors somewhere but they’re buried deeper.”
“No, yeah, black is totally fine. We can be matching goths,” Evan said. Jared laughed a little.
“Okay well then stick out your hand,” said Connor. Evan obliged, giving Connor his left hand. Connor scooted closer to Evan, closer than may have been strictly necessary, and slid a piece of paper beneath Evan’s hand. “You know I always think I’m good enough not to spill paint, but every time I get a stain somewhere. Such is the hubris of man I suppose.” Evan looked up at Connor and smiled, Connor looked back and smiled, Jared and Zoe made gagging motions that Evan and Connor didn't notice.
Evan thought he’d fuck it up somehow, his right hand was shaking plenty and he was he’d worried spill paint on the rug, but miraculously, nothing went wrong. Connor kept a grip of his left hand and it barely shook at all. And Connor was good at painting nails. Evan said as much and Connor laughed.
“Yeah, I guess I’ve had a lot of practice. I’ve been a problem child for a while.”
They moved on to Evan’s right hand and he marveled at the nails on his left. It felt like Connor was finished with his right hand even faster than his left and Evan already missed the pretense to hold hands with Connor. Which was a lot to think about. Like, a lot.
Okay so maybe Jared and Zoe are kind of right and I do like Connor. That doesn't really mean anything because he doesn't like me the same way. I think. I mean Connor’s very outspoken, I’m sure he’d just tell me if he liked me. And I can't just walk up to him and be like “Oh hey you wanna hold hands?” Because since he probably doesn't like me, and he’s just been nice, and I could wreck everything and that would totally suck. Even if being unsure all the time already sucks. And Zoe seems to think Connor’s not just being nice, but then again she thinks a quesadilla doesn't count as a sandwich so her judgment is already in question.
“Well, that should be the basic crash course nail painting,” said Connor. “If it works to keep you from biting your nails I’d be happy to give you a bottle or two.”
“Oh, no, you don't need to do that! I can pick something up next time I’m at the drugstore or something. Besides, I’d rather just have you do it for me again. That is if you don't mind.”
Connor looked stunned for a second. “No, yeah, of course. That’d be fun. I’d love too.”
Zoe and Jared erupted with cheers and high fived each other. Connor turned to them, confused, and Evan looked at them with dawning horror. As if suddenly realizing they were in the room with Connor and Evan, Jared and Zoe froze.
“We’re, uh, cheering for the lion. He just caught the gazelle,” said Jared.
“Yeah, totally,” said Zoe. “We’re big fans of lions, me and Jared.”
Connor turned back to the TV to see the lion digging into its kill.
“Huh, so it has.”