Chapter Text
"Hello, book lovers," Andrew said with a sigh. "Today we break from our usually scheduled author interview for a sequel to the first Q&A video. Unfortunately, I do believe I have been memed . I continue to struggle to find the ideal balance between providing content for my subscribers to enjoy and avoiding receiving any more. Let it be said again that if you are a first-time viewer, you should not permit yourself to become a seasoned veteran of this channel, for my sake if not yours."
Today's beverage was a pitcher of iced coffee, cream, and a healthy amount of chocolate syrup. Andrew picked it up (unfortunately, he had to use both hands to keep it from spilling on his sweater, because cashmere was a bitch to clean, and the velvet jacket wasn't helping matters either) and took a sip before carefully setting it down on the side table. "As you have probably realized at this point, this is in fact a live video, so I will be responding to questions in real time. I will now commence the waiting for questions."
Nicky was in charge of actually watching his laptop screen to see when questions were submitted, so for the time being, Andrew just stared directly into the camera and waited. Renee had shown him a compilation some enterprising soul had made of Andrew staring silently into the camera (sometimes while various Foxes tried to kill each other or cause property damage behind him) set to The Sound of Silence. If anyone asked if he'd seen it, he would deny it to his last breath, but he also fully intended to provide more material for whoever had made it.
Nicky, behind the camera, waved his arms around, which Andrew took to mean that he'd started to receive questions.
He took a look.
"Someone wants to know where I get my clothes." That was an odd one. He couldn't really tell the truth— that it was a combination of vintage stores and Neil having too much blood money and not enough ideas for who to spend it on. (Andrew had thought eighty percent was a lot for the Moriyamas to take, but Neil could easily live on ten percent of what he made and not even care.) "Find a rich person who owes you a life debt. Next question."
A few more questions popped up immediately once he finished that answer. Andrew skimmed them, saw that they mostly contained the phrase 'sugar daddy,' and decided to ignore them. "Someone else wants to know if I am the same Andrew Minyard who is a professional exy goalkeeper. I hate exy. Moving on. How do I choose what books I'm going to review?"
Andrew gave that some thought.
He sipped from his pitcher of coffee.
"Luck," he said finally. "Next question. Who are all the people in my videos?"
He could see Nicky silently losing his shit, so Andrew assumed that someone was standing behind him. Possibly multiple people.
"It varies. Some of them are the unfortunate products of my witchcraft phase. One of them heard me misquote a historical figure in a video once and has followed me around angrily ever since." He could hear Kevin spluttering behind him, which answered some questions. "In reality, there is a large network of people who insist on participating in these videos in the mistaken belief that it will make them internet famous. I hope to disabuse them of this notion over time, which is why I will not provide any other information about them."
There were questions coming in about the guy with the tattoo on his face, presumably from the few exy fans that had somehow managed to find Andrew's YouTube channel. Andrew gracefully ignored them all. "Several people would like to know what happened to the person who got hit when I was ridding myself of my least favorite books. Legally, I am not permitted to comment. Moving on. Ah, someone is commenting on my strong and evident disdain for, as they put it, 'the cishets.' That is not, unfortunately, a question, but I appreciate your attention to detail."
It was really incredible how several people could submit essentially the same question all at once. Andrew scrolled through a few of them, said "Could a heterosexual person do this?" and kept scrolling.
"Yes," Aaron said from the corner where he was sitting and watching whatever was going on. Andrew's filming had become quite a spectator sport— not because of him, because of the antics everyone else came up with while Andrew was talking. Renee was there too today, but she didn't feel the need to comment on the proceedings.
Andrew struggled not to roll his eyes at Aaron and settled for the next best thing. "This next question asks if the person in my videos who bears a shocking resemblance to me is a family member, specifically a twin. No. That is actually the unfortunate product of my witchcraft phase that I mentioned earlier."
Aaron, who was not on camera, was completely free to roll his eyes. Which he did.
"As for whether I will ever comment on film adaptations of books I have reviewed, the answer is no. I refuse to subject myself to that, and you all should too."
Nicky was looking at the laptop screen when Andrew went to find a new question to answer, which was why Andrew saw the precise moment that his laughing switched from dying down to riding a new wave.
Nicky silently pointed at a question, and Andrew read it. And then read it again.
How the fuck did he answer that?
He took a sip of his coffee to play for time, which turned into several sips of coffee as Andrew considered it. He generally tried to avoid answering any questions that ruined the illusion that Andrew was some sort of supernatural being solely put on Earth to read books and create weird YouTube videos about them, but then, he'd already gone and answered the sexuality one, so maybe it was just a lost cause.
"To the person who asked if I am single—" he ignored the sound of, presumably, Matt losing his mind behind him— "I fail to see a single reason why that answer would impact your life. Also, no."
In the corner, Renee covered her mouth with her hand in a way that indicated that she was probably holding back laughter, or shock, or both.
That was definitely enough personal questions for the day.
Unfortunately for him, that was the vast majority of the new questions that were arriving. He'd clearly made a crucial mistake. Also, there were people trying to guess which of the people in his videos he might be dating in the comments.
It was a lost cause.
Andrew sighed, set his pitcher of coffee back on the side table, removed his glasses, and said, "I think that's enough of that. As always, if you are hoping for more content like this, you'd be better off just putting this video on loop and ignoring the rest of the channel. Kindly do not subscribe, and if you really are inclined to perform some sort of clicking-based action based on this video, make it the dislike button."
He ended the livestream just in time for Nicky to genuinely start shaking with laughter.
"Did someone really ask if you were single?" Aaron said.
"No, I just like oversharing about my personal life to strangers on the internet," Andrew said dryly. "You should try it sometime."
"For the record, I don't participate in these because I think it'll make me internet famous," Matt said. Andrew turned in his chair and saw that he'd unearthed a sparkly feather boa somewhere that was currently tied around his head like a bandana.
"Good."
"I do it because Neil said it would be fun."
"Didn't ask."
"I'm telling you anyway." Matt grinned. "And he's gonna be pissed he missed that."