Chapter Text
It’s cold. And dark. I can hear the sound of waves swirling around me. Where am I…?
When I open my eyes, I look around and realise that I am in the ocean. A dark ocean with the surface moving rapidly above me with the distant sound of thunder muffled by the water surrounding me. I have never been on the sea during a storm myself, much less underneath the water, but all of this feels so real. The details are unquestionable, I can feel the biting cold against my skin so clearly and can feel how the sea is moving my body back and forth without mercy as it tries to pull me under. Despite all of this, it is like I see everything in third person. I have seen this kind of dream before, I sometimes find myself staring endlessly at the water like this in my dreams. But I do not know why.
For some reason I can look around in this dream compared to the other times I have had it. I try to look down at myself, to see what is happening to my body, but all I can see are orange cloth. And when I see that orange cloth my vision warps and shifts suddenly, my surroundings shifting from dark, stormy ocean to a calm one, then how the light up above shift rapidly from day to night over and over and over again. Continuously that it almost makes me nauseous. I am not sure how long it takes until I can focus my gaze on something other than the water surface up above, but ice starts to appear. Blocks of ice forming on the water surface.
When I once again turn my gaze to where I would be in this space, I am suddenly met with a glowing orb and in the middle is one individual, one who has an glowing arrow on their forehead pointing downward. Towards a face I cannot see. And when I see them, their eyes suddenly open and their white glowing gaze pierce right through me.
I wake up from the dream with a loud gasp, sitting up in my cot and breathing heavy with sweat dripping down my brow. I have been in the ocean dream before, but I have never been able to look around like that.
What does it mean…? Ocean? Glowing eyes?
I grab onto my head as I feel a familiar heat rising in my chest, taking deep breaths to try and calm down so I will not get emotional over this. It is just a dream, it does not mean anything… However, this is the first time I have had the ocean dream since I left my home close to the fire nation capital. That in itself makes me confused...
I thought I had that dream because I felt like I couldn’t control my life, always thrust around by the flow of the sea. But why do I have it now…? Am I still not in control?
I quickly shake my head to disperse those thoughts before I can start to question my decision of leaving and following my dream. I want to make a good, including world for everyone. The Fire nation is prosperous but this war is wrong. I want to stop it and unite the people, that is why I left in the first place.
Right…?
I quickly get out of bed and step out of my small hut to look up into the sky. The sun is just starting to rise in the horizon, painting the sky in a beautiful orange and red colour as the day has now begun. Despite being afraid of the fire within me, there is always something calming and rejuvenating about the sunrise each day. And this is enough to settle most of my worries concerning the dream I had previously, which brings a small smile onto my face.
I turn towards the larger house next to mine where I see Chey and and Chay walk outside. Just how I did, they also take a deep breath of the morning air.
I knew that Chey was a firebender, but perhaps Chay is one too. He is 9 years old and perhaps have yet to practise in using it, or even know that he has a fire within him. Without really thinking about it, I walk towards the two boys with the small smile still on my face.
“Chey, Chay. Good morning to you both. The sunrise always feels pleasant to see.”
Chay look towards me with his grey eyes, just how the older male is doing with his yellow ones. These two are very different from one another. Where Chey has yellow eyes and straight hair, along with a stern and determined personality, Chay has grey eyes and untameable curly black hair with a very laid back attitude. Chey can lose his temper more easily than Chay as well… I believe it will always be difficult to separate their names from one another, they have the same pronunciation so perhaps we should assign nicknames to them if it proves to be difficult to address them separately.
The younger of the two aim a cheerful grin in my direction, his chipped front tooth on full display. When I first saw him the sight of his teeth unnerved me, but now I have to admit there is a certain charm to it.
“Hey there Lin! Yeah it’s a great morning. Always feel more energetic you know, like I can cease the day.”
Chey nod in agreement to Chays words, which I do as well. Mornings really have a good feeling to it. My eyes stray over towards Cheys bandage wrapped shoulder, beneath it is the scar he received from our battle of Agni Kai. I did not mean to hurt him, but my emotions got out of control as I delivered a blow next to him to finish the match. As if he noticed my face, Chey places a hand lightly on his shoulder. And when I look at his face, Chey has a small smirk on his face.
“Don’t feel bad about it, you won fair and square. At least it didn’t hit my face, this is nothing.”
Despite his reassurance, I know that his shoulder is causing him a lot of pain. I have seen how his arm starts to shake if he uses the limb too much. A small blessing is that it is not on his dominant arm… He has had the wound for a day but I hope it will get better with time. Despite these thoughts, I nod and turn towards the colours of the sunrise, the trees surrounding our home blocking the full view but the colours themselves are beautiful.
The three of us stand there in silence for a while, watching as the sky steadily fills with more colours and soon turn blue. It is within this silence that I speak up, about a subject that I have long thought of addressing but afraid to bring up.
“Aiya.”
“Huh? What was that?”
“Lin is my friend’s name. My real name is Aiya.”
I answer Chay without looking away from the view of the sky. Chey let our a scoff, as if he was not surprised to hear this, and I can hear him shift his weight.
“Of course you’ve used a fake name. So? What else have you been hiding huh? All we’ve gotten to know is that you got this stupid idea to make a information network to make our living conditions better. Is the “oh so great” Li-Aiya scared of something other than fire?”
“Chey, that’s not nice.”
I look towards the two of them, Chey specifically, and I can see the clear challenge in his eyes. Despite everything, he is still stubborn about me being the leader. Perhaps that is for the better, it keeps me on my toes in a good way. I will not let my influence on these people drive them to a bad path, I will make them better people.
Or at least I hope so.
“Yes. I am scared of my past catching up to me. I-... I tell myself it is to protect you all that I have not told you of my past yet, but it is purely a selfish reason. It is time I told you all, I will do so after breakfast.”
I unconsciously grab onto my arm, to which both boys follow my motion with a now knowing and sad look in their eyes. Both of them saw it… to try and divert the subject, I look towards Chay with a small smile.
“Chay, I believe you might be a firebender. It would do you good to start doing breathing exercises to bring out your inner fire. ”
“Huh? Really? You think so?”
The young boy ask in surprise while pointing towards himself. Chey look down at me with a small frown from the other side of Chay and cross his arms stubbornly.
“Why do you think that? You can read fire benders or something?”
“Well… yes and no, Chey. I know of the telltale signs of a firebender who has not awoken their fire yet, it was something I was educated in. For any future generations that I might give birth to…”
My cheeks flush slightly as I admit this, remembering how my mother spoke to me about reproduction and the like. It was necessary but still embarrassing… the two boys beside me grows slightly more red in the face when I mention this and quickly look away. But in an effort to save the situation, I turn towards Chay once more with a smile.
“So, seeing as I can see signs of a firebender in your personality and behaviour, I believe some breathing exercises might be in order. There are few who develop their fire later than 6 years old but there have been a few of those cases. And perhaps your fire has manifested itself in a different way than what is most common, you have said that you have a higher body temperature than everyone else.”
Now since the conversation topic has changed to something they are more interested in, both Che(a)y look at me where the younger ones eyes are sparkling in excitement.
“That’s true! I’ve always been the heater during cold night! Chey! Chey, can you teach me then?”
“I… uh…”
Chey stutters, unsure of himself now when he has gotten the younger boys attention. He look between me and Chay, looking even more uncertain with his shoulder tensed despite his wound. This makes me smile just a little, so he does have a soft side after all.
“You are self taught I presume. Very well, I shall teach you the basics. But I cannot demonstrate it with fire. And I expect no fire to be shot from your hands while I am present or I will not be able to teach you properly.”
“Really?! Thank you Lin! You’re the best!”
My back grow stiff as the younger boy suddenly wrap his arms around me,
The smell surrounding him is horrendous and I have to fight against the urge to push him away. Instead, I turn away my face so I will not have to inhale as much of the bad smell.
“You… You are welcome.”
And once Chay had let go of me we focused on making breakfast for our large group. And just like I told Chay and Chey, I told the rest of our group that my name is Aiya. And why I chose to change my name like I did. They were all surprisingly understanding of it all, Chey is still stubborn as always but everyone else are really accepting of it. And since it is my day off from work, I have to do my part of our information work.
Saikhan and are Lao, the two oldest girls of our group, have managed to get work within the sewing and clothing market in this village. Through that, they can gather information from the customers as I do with the cafe. Since Uzbek was good at reading the blueprint for our house, he has joined in on carpeting for the same reason. Kazeya carries mail and with how quick he picked up on hiding skills he uses those to get information on the letters he is delivering. Chey is helping out at the blacksmith shop.
While the older people of our group gathers info through the markets, the younger roam the streets like they usually do to gather information that way. I usually direct them to different parts of the village to confirm an information we have received or a rumour concerning a certain area. Their survival instincts are good, much better than my own, so they know when to pull away and how long they can stay in one spot.
My own position within this small system we have is to gather contacts. To gather more sources of information and to deal with clients. While I have been teaching those working within the market how to handle one of noble or higher status, they are far from ready for that kind of task. I am hoping that once they are ready that a few of them can travel to another part of the fire nation, or even a fire nation colony, to expand our network further beyond this village. I have heard things about a town closer to the capital, how the governor there is secretly abusing their power, but that is nothing I can speak of or confirm at the moment. Otherwise I could use it as leverage or blackmail to get what I want.
I have managed to secure a few contacts. And I believe we will soon gain income with our information work, that way we will not have to rely on regular construction work to get food on our table. Confirming or dismissing rumour, finding out things about a specific person, our price is cheap and work efficient. It is the best way to raise our clientele, but we also need to be careful so we do not get too well known.
If we could get some kind of animal to send messages with for when the elder ones leave our home base it would make everything so much easier. The connection within the fire country will be fast to receive and send out, but we will eventually need something that could travel for long distances to reach the earth kingdom once we manage to settle a base of operations there. Possibly a breed of birds that could be easily tamed, if only it could be that easy. It could take months or even years to find such a message animal. It is a very uncertain part of my plan that involves gambling with fate more than anything, I do not know where to even start when it comes to taming an animal and much less an animal that will become our means of communicating.
No matter the case we shall expand slowly, we cannot rush this process no matter how much I would like to. Mother has always said how good deals never falls into your lap, you have to work for it and be patient as you take one step at a time. Sometimes it pays off to take a gamble, but I don’t believe taking a gamble will be the best thing to do concerning an organisation with an information based income.
I doubt there will be many more people who would want to help the world the way I want to within the Fire nation however, I chose this town for a reason since the poverty in this region outside the capital range tend to be much larger. The Fire nation is a great an equal country, few are treated unfairly unless you are from a colony or have a family that have become officially shamed. We are a thriving nation and I will not fool myself into believing that I will get many more allies within the fire nation. They do not believe there is any inequality or any need to use the nobles money for the poor, that we all rule equally under the Fire lord.
But despite our good system there are still those who have lost their parents in the war and have not received any jobs or had relatives to sustain themselves, which was the case with these that I have taken in. So I do believe that those people can still see the good in what I want to do. Hopefully… I am still not completely sure how I will achieve it, but I do want to unite the nations somehow, reunite it under an equal banner. Make the people in the world see how similar yet beautifully different we are and how we can work together. Where there doesn’t have to be any war or the need to force a child into a position they never chose themselves. We will achieve it… somehow.
At the moment I am dressing myself in my finest clothes, tying my hair into a bun rather than the classic top knot with two hair sticks holding it in place. We recently finished our work in tailing the governor's daughter and I am to report to him today of our findings. I am somewhat nervous but this is at least not the first time I have met this man. Using cloth to make my body look more developed and a black veil to cover my face, I am ready to pose as the leader of our information network. I take a deep breath and look myself over in the cracked mirror inside my hut one last time before I exit.
Outside I am met by Ikem and Saikhan, the boy staring at me with wide eyes while Saikhan aims a bright smile towards me.
“Those clothes look amazing on you, Aiya! I really outdid myself this time.”
This is when Liang steps in, the male standing next to Ikem as he too looks over my clothes. I shift on my weight and he nods with a pleased smile towards Saikhan.
“You really did. She looks all grown up, right Ikem?”
He lightly nudge at the youngest of the three and the brown eyed boy straighten up with a dust of red on his cheeks to quickly nod along with his statement.
“Y-Yeah you look really grown up!”
“Thank you, I am still a bit nervous about meeting the governor but I shall manage.”
The two older ones, both 16 years old, glance at one another and give a nod before they simultaneously bow towards me with their hands on their chest. Ikem look at both in confusion before he quickly follow suit.
“It is an honour, my lady.”
I blink in surprise as Saikhan and Liang say this together and I lift my veil to look at them more clearly.
“My lady? What do you mean?”
I have never heard about that. When did they come up with that title? Am I really worthy of that kind of name? It sounds more like something a servant would call their master, not the members calling their leader. As if reading my thoughts, Liang grins at me as the three of them rise from their bowing position.
“It’s something the rest of us talked about what we should call you in this, with the network we’re working on.”
“Yeah!” Saikhan says cheerfully, placing her hand on Liang’s shoulder to show her support. “We thought that with you being so young and all, other people might find it weird that you’re the leader if our group gets famous! So we thought ‘hey, why not give her a title, a title you’ll only hear when you talk about the leader within the shadows’. So you’ll basically be ‘the lady’, the leader of the organisation but the one person no one can see while someone else, like Uzbek since he’s the oldest, will be the figurehead but not the real leader. Do you see where it’s coming from? Oh! And then, if you as the lady show up to sell some type of information, the person will be absolutely honored that ‘the lady’ comes personally to sell the information and will agree with any price you put up!”
Liang lightly hits Saikhan in the head with a small, fond smile on his face to stop her imagination from running too wild again.
“Saik, don’t get too ahead of yourself. Our work hasn’t even started to spread, it’s only information and small runs in this town at the moment.”
“But it’s a good thought, isn’t it?” She says back, grinning at Liang brightly. I cannot help but smile fondly at the scene, they like each other more than friends? Hmm… Maybe I can let them work together later on then.
“It does have a nice ring to it… That title fits. We shall go with that, I will be ‘the lady’ within Wildfire. But when it is only us, I expect you to call me by my name.”
“That sounds really mysterious and cool, I’ll tell the rest of them about it then.” Ikem says with determination to which Saikhan and Ling look at him with a nod and smile.
“That’s great Ikem. Uzbek, Chey, Kazeya and Ze lao already know about it, we talked about this after our noble practice with Li- Aiya”
Ikem nods and look at me one last time, to which I smile at him at thanks. For some reason, Ikem quickly looks away and run off in the direction of their large home, leaving me with Saikhan and Ling. I turn towards the two of them and let the veil fall over my face once more.
“Well, I need to be on my way, I need to arrive at the governors place before noon. I wish you luck at work.”
The two of them give me bright grins and wave me off as I make my way towards the forest. The governor's house is about 15 minute walk from the village, but since I have to walk through the woods to avoid being seen, it takes me about 30 minutes to get there. Thanks to my agility it is not hard for me to traverse through the woods next to the village of Kudo. As I see the large house of the governor, I watch the guards outside. They are the two from the last time I was here and they are looking around as if they are looking for something, or someone.
I allow myself to take one last steadying breath before I place a small, pleased smile on my face as I walk out from the shadows of the trees. The guards does not notice me immediately since I takes care to quiet the sound of my footsteps but once they do see me they tense up and straighten their posture. First time I came here, I sneaked inside similar to a burglar to offer my services to him. These guards were present when I did so.
I change my voice to be a bit lower pitch, to seem older than I am, and speak to the two of them.
“Zai, Lee. A pleasure, where is your lord?”
Both of them tense up when I say this, for they have not told me their names. No, I had Ikem, Song and Lola follow them around to find out more about them. Zai is a family man who is dedicated to his family. Lee is married with no kids and often goes to a mistress when he said he was going out to drink. More than that, I do not need to know as that is enough to keep them quiet if I want them to be.
The two guards give me directions to where Lord Hau is at the moment, on the second floor, second door to the right of the stairs. A brief thought of climbing up the wall goes through my mind but that is quickly dismissed, I need to not be seen but that does not mean I should climb up the wall this time.
It is not hard to avoid being seen as I make my way through the house, there were only one small group of servants I had to hide from which was not hard to do when they were talking amongst themselves. Soon, I step inside Lord Haus office without knocking and see him standing by the window, looking out over his garden. I close the door behind me and carefully step forward, the Lord is dressed in his usually fine red robes but these ones are more formal than the sleep wear I caught him in last time.
“Lord Hau. I would prefer if our next meeting is not in the middle of the day."
He quickly turns around as if startled and continues to be tense as he looks me over. I bow to him slightly, a satisfied smile on my face as he look over my “tight fitting” black dress with white embroidery around the edges and a slit in the skirt reaching up to my hip for easier movement. Last time he saw me I was in a cloak with this hairdo and veil over my face.
“I do hope my attire is more fitting the presence of one such as you this time. Do forgive my appearance last time we met.”
“It is acceptable. So? What do you have to tell me about my daughter?”
He sits down by his desk and look at me expectantly, to which I hold out my hand towards him with my palm facing upwards. I can see an annoyed twitch on his brow at my silent demand for payment and he reaches into his robes to pull out a small bag, placing it in my hand with a disgruntled huff. I open it up and count through the money as I relay the information, nobles have no issue in trying to scam you from your work so I need to be careful.
“She frequently visits a female companion in the village that make her stay late. The two of them spend a lot of time together. The woman is a fisher and often run her family stall during the day, where your daughter frequently visit and speak with her for hours while she has no customers.”
“A dear friend then… good, I was worried she had a love affair. I cannot have that jeopardise her arranged marriage.”
Counting that all the gold is in order, I slip the bag into my dress, between my fake breasts for safe keeping. I will not mention how that woman is his daughters lover, that is not information I was paid to do. Only to find out who it was, what their occupation was, what they were doing together and their name. I know of the woman’s name but the lord has not asked for the name and until he asks I will not tell him for the safety of that woman. After this I will reach out to the daughter with information of her fiancé and how her father is looking over her life for the right price. As well as a price to not tell that little secret to her father.
“Then our business is settled. I will not visit you during the day, it is highly inconvenient to be seen. I shall return tomorrow at 1900 if you have further deals you would like to discuss. And I do have information about our operations to give after our first deal if you are interested in knowing.”
This grabs his attention as he leans forward in his chair, arms placed on his desk in a relaxed manner while his eyes are intense. I have not told him anything about me or what I do, nor what organisation I am part of. I simply told him I could find out any little secret he wants to know.
“Who are you?”
I laugh softly at his demanding tone, a hand over my mouth to not show my teeth.
“I am the leader of the shadows. Known as “The lady”. We of Wildfire cannot be anchored down by underlying threats. Or do you want information about yourself to spread out to your citizens?”
That is effective in shutting him up as he gives me a cold glare, I did tell some of the secrets I know about him when we first met to get his attention. Tax fraud, secret business. With this settled, I turn around to leave.
“Only those of high esteemed positions get to meet me personally, you should be honoured. I shall see you morrow.”
“You-...”
I can feel how an angry rant at the insult to his pride will start, so before it does I step out of the room and close the door behind me. Light on my footsteps, I run towards the open window to my left and leap out, hanging onto the ledge with my hand to make it seem like I disappeared. I can hear the door of his office open while I steady my footing against the wall and start to climb down. This is a lot of fun to do.
Wildfire. Our organisation will spread like a wildfire across the continent and later the world. At least, that is what I hope for it. We shall take a few steps at a time, slowly but steadily growing.
I hope we can include benders into our organisation. Not only fire benders but the two other benders as well. I want to know more about their culture, their bending techniques, it’d be useful to have such allies on our side.
I start to tremble when I hear about the news from someone in the cafe, just as I was about to carry out some tea for the customers when I heard it. I have to put the tray down so I will not drop anything and I stare blankly at the desk as I continue to listen in. Zuko is being banished? What brought that on!?
"Wait, why would fire lord Ozai banish his own son? He’s the heir to the throne."
"I don't know, I haven't heard the details. But apparently he did something so dishonourable that fire Lord Ozai banished him. I don’t think he will ever be able to get back home after he angered Lord Ozai that much."
I stumble away, having heard enough about the conversation, leaving my tray despite my co-worker calling after me. I never, ever imagined that Zuko could ever get banished . With how high priority he has with his honour and family, that banishment must feel like dying multiple times! That is-...! That is just so cruel!
I walk to the back of the café where I know Kyla is, my head spinning slightly. I cannot work with these thoughts in my mind, not when they are over my best friend! Not only that, but I do not want to have a breakdown like I fear I am close to having. The stress of everything is almost overwhelming.
"M-Miss Kyla...." I call out softly once I see her. I have to stay strong, no use in crying. Stay strong. You can be strong. "C-Could I-... Could I please go home for today? I-... I do not feel too well...."
Kyla looks at me with wide, worried eyes and looks at the clock hanging on the wall. When she sees the time, her eyes widen even further. I have never asked to quit two hours before my shift end, not even when I am sick. Kyla once had to force me to go back home and told me to not come back until my body was better. I am very stubborn when it comes to doing my job, but… I cannot risk having a breakdown from hearing about this event. I need time and space to calm down. So she walks over to me, crouches down and places her hands on my shoulders.
"Sweetie, what brought this on? You were completely fine this morning."
"I-I know miss Kyla, but...." I start off, looking down at the floor in shame as I think about how to answer. I cannot lie to her in this state, I would feel too guilty. But I cannot tell the truth that I have a deep friendship with a royal… "I-It was my birthday yesterday... And now I-... I heard something I am not happy to hear about. So now-.... I-I really do not feel like I would be effective working today after this. I am really sorry miss Kyla..."
I do not see what kind of expression Kyla makes as I say this but in the end I am enveloped by a loving hug. I tense up slightly at the close contact, but slowly force my hands to be placed on her back. She is similar to my Nanny… But I am still so unused by body contact from others, I do not feel comfortable with it and evening less so with those I have a hard time trusting. But I have to play my role. I am a child who was surrounded by love at the moment… I am Lin, not Aiya… I am Lin… I am Lin…. Loving Lin...
"Little Lin.... I'm sorry to hear that... Of course you can leave, I just finished the stock up... You should’ve told me it was your birthday. Do you want anything?"
I choke on a laugh when she says that, closing my eyes. I do not need anything to cheer up. Barely anyone paid me any attention during my birthday, except for nanny and my close friends, so this year was not that much different with these kids I have taken under my wing celebrating with me. I do not want a present, I just want to hug Zuko at the moment like Kyla is hugging me. I need to see him... To reassure him… But I do not know where to start looking for him.
"No thank you... I do not desire anything..."
I stiffly slip away from the hug, giving her a slightly awkward and sad smile before I move past her towards the lockers. Of course, I cannot hug anyone for too long… Now that I think about it, Nanny’s hugs are the only ones I have accepted so far, no one else have taken the initiative to hug me. Is was frowned upon I suppose, to show physical affection.
As I change out of my working clothes, I let my mind wander. I start thinking of different scenarios where Zuko, the kind hearted Zuko, could have gotten banished by his own father. I cannot make sense of it… What could Zuko have done that made Ozai so… mad at him for lack of better word? I put on my usual pants and kimono too before I exit through the back door, looking at the ground as I start to wander aimlessly. I did not even bring the sugar crystals with me this time... I cannot let my family see me like this. I need to clear my head of this first, walking home with a sad complexion would only worry them. I shall stay away from their workplaces and simply wander through town for a while. Zukos banishment is something I cannot wrap my head around… If only I could spread an information network sooner, I could hear of what happened and where Zuko is. We need to reach the capital for that, but to reach the capital we need valuable information on the other nations first.
After a bit of wandering, I hear something coming from an alley. Growling, most likely coming from a dog fight of some sort. I am just about to ignore the sounds and resume walking when I hear a pained cawing sound coming from that same direction. Without knowing why, I am drawn to this and enter the alley to follow the sounds of growling and angry caws.
The scene before me consists of a dog and a strangely majestic bird fighting, the dog having the upper hand in this conflict. The bird's wing looks strange, perhaps broken from a previous fall or fight, and it tries to scare off the dog from approaching further by raising its tail feathers like a large fan behind it with the comb on its head rising in a similar fashion. The bird is helpless and will become prey to the dog that’s slowly approaching despite its threatening display, the bird is backed up against a wall and has nowhere to flee without getting snapped by the dogs sharp teeth. I should ignore this, it is a simple display of the strong killing the weak, but something is making me drawn towards this bird… Like an invisible tug that is drawing me closer. The bird lock eyes with me, and I twitch as I can almost feel the pain and fear it is experiencing, the rest of the world does not matter for a few brief seconds as I focus on this bird’s intelligent gaze. What is this….?
I let out a soft cry in panic as I feel my body grow warm, a sudden surge of warmth that I did not expect and I grab hold of my chest while I try to push it back down. I quickly close my eyes as the heat only rises, trembling as I feel my fire trying to emerge without my initiative like it has done before. What is happening…? I can suddenly hear the dog yelp loudly in pain, whining as it pushes past my legs to run out from the alleyway. I hesitantly open my eyes as I am curious to know why the dog reacted that way, my fire still has not calmed down but I cannot help but be curious.
My breath is taken away by the sight in front of me, both by its beauty and from fright. It is a phoenix from the legends… An actual fire phoenix. The small strings of fire forming around its wings and head make it look like real feathers, the beak sharp and straight with its tail feathers long and proud. The only thing make this creature look like fire is the flow of its body, the glowing wispy eyes and crackling fire on the tips of its wings and tail. It looks… majestic yet frightening is how I would describe it. It is beautiful, terrifyingly so.
Captivated and frozen in fright, I can only stare wide eyed when the fire disperses to reveal the strange bird, since it had been the one to be cloaked with this fire. This fire that dispersed from the bird divides into smaller parts and dive towards me, or more specifically my hands. I try to move away from the flame with a scream caught in my throat, and as it enters my body, the heat inside of me flares up in warmth one last time before it subsides.
I lean against the wall to keep steady, looking at my hands as if they could burst into flames any second as my whole body is trembling. I slide down with the wall still pressing up against my back so I am sitting on the ground, clutching onto my chest as I make sure that the fire is still in its tightly wound up ball in the centre of my chest. Where did that Phoenix come from? The bird? How did that happen? It… It looked so real. So alive. What is with this warmth? What happened? Why did it happen? I do not understand.
I can hear a caw in the distance but I ignore it, too wrapped up in my own thoughts to focus on the bird. The scene with the phoenix replays over and over in my head, how its graceful feathers glowed in the dark alleyway and the fierce look it gave the bird with how the fire contoured its eyes. It was graceful, beautiful, but it was made out of fire. … My fire…? The fire came towards me, was absorbed by me. How could it-...? How could it steal my fire like that?
I flinch when I hear the sudden cry of a platypus bear and look around wide eyed to try and spot the creature. But it is nowhere to be seen, only the strange bird who has walked up closer to me with its feathers now folded from its previous upright position. It seems curious but is keeping its distance, the broken wing resting against the ground as it cannot lift it properly.
I blink in surprise and do my best to calm my breathing, hands still clenched to my chest as I am looking over this curious creature. The bird is black as night with a rainbow shine in colour and is probably about 80 centimetres long, not counting its tail feathers. The tail feathers that have a strange shape to it as it both has normal tail feathers and longer protruding ones that are round at the tip with an eye pattern in the circle, the rest of the long feathers looking similar to fur in how fluffy it seems with its singular strands covering the feather stem. It has a few head feathers as well that look similar to its tail feathers, now resting along its head. Its beak is straight and sharp and there is a great, beautiful intelligence to its eyes.
I have never seen such a creature before… Wherever did it come from?
Peacock. Crow.
What?
I do not have time to wonder why those thoughts suddenly appeared in my head, animals that I have never heard of either, when this strange bird takes a few cautious steps towards me with its intelligent eyes looking me up and down. I get a strange feeling, as if I know this bird. As if I have missed it dearly and feel so choked up and relieved to finally meet it again. But I do not understand, I have never seen this bird before in my entire life. Somehow I can understand just from looking into its eyes that it is weary of me, weary yet hopeful. Hopeful for what exactly? For me to fix its wing?
“You’re here…”
I quickly cover my mouth when I say this, panicking since I do not understand why I even said that in the first place. The bird gives out a whistle and takes a few more steps closer towards me, to which I scramble up to my feet and move away from it. I can feel tears gather in my eyes as it whistles again, bobbing its head up and down. What? Why? How? What is this thing?
So I do what I have done before, the stress of the day have been way too much for me with the knowledge of my friend’s banishment and now this strange bird that I am feeling a kinship with.
I run away.
I can hear the bird let out a caw as I dart out of the alleyway and run towards the streets, but i ignore it and focus on moving my legs as fast as I can. My fire is pulsing in my chest from the spot I have let it retract to, as if in protest with my actions. But I keep on running, I do not know where I am headed but I only want to get away from that creature. I slink past people on the street, jump over boxes and carts so I do not have to stop my momentum, running away from all of it.
It is not until I have shut myself into my home that I stop, breathing heavy from sprinting through the whole town. I have a tight leash on my fire so that it will not burst out as I sink down onto my knees, leaning against the door. My heart is beating loud and fast in my chest, my breath is coming out in short pants from exhaustion. And suddenly I can feel something drip down on my legs…
I am crying.
Hot tears are running down my cheeks as I stare down at my knees, a lump forming in my throat and making it even harder to breathe than before. My mind shows a picture of the bird once more, how its intelligent eyes looked into mine and how it whistled that small melody. A melody of four notes. Four simple notes that are hard to forget, it felt so familiar. Why was it so familiar to me? Why was the bird so familiar to me?
I’ve lost them again
I have not lost anyone, it was just a bird, why am I so upset over a bird? I do not understand, I have never seen the bird in my entire life! It means nothing to me, yet I sit here on the floor crying over it. Is it from relief? Grief? Happiness? I do not know, but that bird caused this. I do not want it anywhere in my life, it frightens me to the core. I pride myself in my knowledge, but that bird is something that I do not understand. It took my fire and used it. Can my fire really be turned against me in that way? The thought is terrifying.
It was not until a few hours later that I exited my hut, since I have cried my eyes raw in there. I am lucky that no one was home or I would have gotten many worried questions the moment I exited my hut. I can hear the younger children laughing together, which makes me smile fondly and walk towards the house to see what they are doing. But then I hear the strange sound of a strange clicking, almost like raindrops hitting a water surface, which is soon accompanied by another chorus of laughter. Perhaps they are playing with water then, that could be a fun distraction from my distressed thoughts. However, when I see the group they are sitting in a circle, excitedly talking with one another and not playing with water like I thought they would do. The sound of a hammer hitting wood comes from the same direction, curious and confused I move towards the group to see what they are getting so excited about.
But then I freeze up when I see what is lying in Ikem’s lap, that bird. That same bird as before.
The bird is the one making a large range of different sounds to amuse the children around it. And it even has its wing bandaged, meaning that the others have taken care of it. Why is it here? How did it find me?
The bird notices me first as it’s intelligent black eyes meet mine, and it lets out a cheerful chirp and unfolds its healthy wing in a strange form of greeting. This makes the others turn towards me and they all have bright, cheerful grins on their faces.
“Aiya! Look, it’s a peacrow! I thought they were violent but this one is really nice!”
Ikem says happily, giving the bird a gentle pet along its head. To which the bird let out a purr sound similar to a cat. And following Ikems example, Lola does the same with a wide content smile on her face. The bird is huge, Ikems lap is just barely enough for it to fit.
“Why are you here…?”
I ask softly, to which the children look at me in confusion. Song is still sitting on the ground next to Ikem, as she always does, when she ask what I mean. But I cannot year my eyes away from the creature sitting in Ikems lap. It’s calm. Too calm to be a simple bird who just had its wing broken. And on top of that, to trust complete strangers to let them bandage its wing and even pet it, it’s after something. It’s not normal. Unnatural.
I’ve missed them.
No. No, how could I have missed something I never knew existed in the first place. I have never heard of a peacrow before. I haven’t lost anything.
The bird step out of Ikems lap and start to approach me in calm, slow strides, to which I take a few uncertain steps away from it. It repeats those four notes, something that makes me feel… warm. Like I think back on those notes in a fond way, yet with a hint of melancholy. I shake my head and take another step back.
“No… no I do not know the purpose of that. Why are you following me?”
The bird let out another chirp and it has now reached my leg, staring up at me with its shining black eyes. It then closes its eyes and gently rub its head against my knee, making my breath hitch in my throat. I feel… warm. Welcome. Loved and appreciated. What is this…? Who is this? Why do I feel like-. Like I cannot be without this one?
I want to run. I have to get away from it. Get as far away as possible so it will not be able to find me. But something keeps me put as the bird continues to rub its head against my leg in a soothing motion. And for the second time that day, hot tears start to run down my cheeks as I kneel down to embrace the bird.
I do not know what is going on, why this bird is attached to me or what will happen from now on. But as my family join in hugging me, I realise that I needed this comfort… I needed this warmth, I needed this bird. Even if I have no idea why or how, those reasons become irrelevant as I get the comfort I needed from hearing about Zuko’s banishment.
This bird would later be named Zihao. A name befitting of a prideful peacrow, my pride. My companion.