Chapter Text
It didn't take for Lan Wangji long to find a secure place to rest. As the rain was getting heavier, he managed to follow a stream that led to a small waterfall, hiding a shallow cave. Moss was covering every rock, but the water barely entered the space. It was the perfect shelter from the upcoming storm. Still holding Wei Wuxian's hand, he guided them inside.
The rain had already drenched their robes and hair, so Wei Wuxian let go of Lan Wangji and began gathering pieces of wood. The branches he had found were wet, but with the help of a talisman, he managed to light a fire in a few minutes. Small but powerful flames rose, enough to hold on for a few hours. He removed his outer robe and laid it on a rock near the heat to help the drying process. His task completed, he sat down and his gaze finally returned to Lan Wangji. He was surprised to find him once again staring at the sky from the cave's entrance.
"Lan Zhan," he called.
The man turned around, that stubborn furrow still between his eyebrows. Wei Wuxian wanted to kiss it away. He didn't like this look on his perfect face.
He patted the spot next to him. "Come near the fire. You'll catch a cold if you stay wet."
Lan Wangji obliged, despite still throwing anxious glances behind him. Mirroring Wei Wuxian, he removed his outer robe and sat next to him, in a proper lotus position.
That didn't feel right.
"Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian said.
The only sign of Lan Wangji listening was the slight tilt of head towards him. Wei Wuxian frowned. When they were alone (even when they were not), they couldn't keep their hands out of each other. The distance Lan Wangji was putting between them was unusual. And worrisome.
But Wei Wuxian knew Lan Wangji couldn't refuse him anything.
"Lan Zhaaan," he repeated, dragging the last syllable. "Lan Zhan, I'm cold."
As to prove his point, he hugged himself, rubbing his arms.
To Wei Wuxian's surprise, Lan Wangji stayed immobile. But when he noticed his husband's hands clenching, he knew something was wrong. His face was as stoic as his usual self, but Wei Wuxian had learned to notice his different expressions. And he didn't like what he saw.
Why wasn't Lan Wangji holding him? Why could he see despair and sorrow on his traits? And most importantly, how could he make it go away?
"Won't you hold me, Lan Zhan?" Wei Wuxian pleaded. "Please?"
Distant thunder resonated in the cave and Lan Wangji shut his eyes.
"I—", he started before swallowing, as if his mouth was dry. "I'm still wet. I will only make Wei Ying colder."
The tone of his voice sounded like he barely had the strength to say those words.
"Don't speak nonsense."
Wei Wuxian slowly reached for his hand, but Lan Wangji withdrew his own before he could touch him.
Rejection stung, and Wei Wuxian knew it showed on his face. But as soon as he noticed Lan Wangji's own pained face, he tried to hide his expression.
"It's ok!" he quickly said. "It's fine, I understand. You want to meditate. I won't be in your way."
"No!"
It was one of the rare time when Wei Wuxian had heard his husband shout.
"No…," Lan Wangji continued, softer. "I want…" Thunder rolled once again and he closed his eyes.
"What do you want?" Wei Wuxian encouraged him gently.
Lan Wangji took a deep breath and looked at his husband with desperate eyes. "I want you."
Wei Wuxian smiled, relieved. "Then what's stopping you?"
He reached once again for his hand, but this time Lan Wangji didn't back away. Instead, he gripped Wei Wuxian's hand the hardest he ever did.
Wei Wuxian let out a gasp. "You're shaking!"
Lan Wangji nodded. "I didn't want Wei Ying to worry."
"Is that why you were avoiding me? Are you sick?"
"Not sick."
Outside the cave, a loud thunderbolt jolted both of them, and Wei Wuxian felt nails digging into his hand.
"Lan Zhan."
He had his eyes completely closed, and his breathing was irregular.
Wei Wuxian gently reached for his face with his free hand, and he felt Lan Wangji leaned in.
"Lan Zhan, what's happening?"
The rain was still pouring outside, and it didn't take long for another thunderbolt to strike, closer and louder this time.
Lan Wangji was still motionless, but heavy tears fell on Wei Wuxian's hand. He wiped them away as he stroked his face with his thumb.
"Lan Zhan?" he tried again, almost whispering.
The man was not answering.
"Lan Zhan, look at me."
As another thunder rolled outside, a pained sob escaped Lan Wangji's mouth. Wei Wuxian couldn't stand him struggling anymore. He pulled Lan Wangji towards him.
He didn't fight it. Instead, he grabbed Wei Wuxian's waist and leaned against his chest, pushing them both on the cold hard floor. The position was certainly uncomfortable, but Wei Wuxian wouldn't want to be anywhere else at the moment. He slid his fingers into Lan Wangji's wet, tangled hair.
"I'm here," he whispered into his ear. "Whatever this is… You don't have to go through this alone."
Lan Wangji tightened his hold, leaving Wei Wuxian almost breathless. He laid tender kisses on his temple while Lan Wangji seemed to want to disappear into him, hiding his face in the crook of his neck.
At every thunderclap, Lan Wangji flinched and was shaking even more. Seeing he couldn't seem to calm him down, Wei Wuxian felt useless. He gave the heavy rain outside a death stare. He was ready to conjure corpses to stop it if he needed to. Sighing at his worthless idea, he looked around trying to find inspiration.
Their surroundings reminded him of another cave from another lifetime.
Encircling Lan Wangji even tighter, Wei Wuxian started humming their song, as his husband did back then. The first notes seemed to work wonder on Lan Wangji, who instantly relaxed, but was still holding him close.
Wei Wuxian didn't know how long he sang. Minutes? Hours? The fire was still burning. His throat was dry but he could have kept going for longer. He needed to be certain his husband was fine, wasn't shaking anymore, was breathing normally.
Lan Wangji's raspy voice broke his humming:
"The day Wei Ying…" he started, but another sob escaped his mouth when a thunderbolt rolled outside.
Wei Wuxian kissed him tenderly on his closed eyelid, then the other. Lan Wangji lifted his head and finally looked at him, eyes full of turmoil and dread. Wei Wuxian encouraged him with a small smile.
"The day you…" Lan Wangji tried again, but the words got lost on his tongue. He swallowed. "There was a storm. Like today. With heavy rain and thunder. Since then, I can't…" He paused, taking a deep breath. "It keeps reminding me of that day. I don't want to remember that day."
Wei Wuxian knew how hard it was for him to express his emotions with words. He could feel his own heart squeeze. He gently pushed himself above Lan Wangji, placing his knees on each side of his hips, holding him firmly against the ground by the shoulders. Lan Wangji's hand automatically grabbed his waist.
"You don't have to remember that day," Wei Wuxian said, his gaze never leaving his eyes. "I wish you wouldn't remember that day. It's all in the past." He bent down to lay a light peck on Lan Wangji's lips. "If you can't erase the memories," he added in a lower voice, "maybe it's time to create new ones."
At his words, he put his lips against Lan Wangji's once again, harder this time, releasing all his passion and emotions into the kiss. He felt Lan Wangji melt under him, lifting his hands to grab his face, deepening the kiss.
They had kissed like this before, but the mix of desperation and love from Lan Wangji made Wei Wuxian's mind drunk. He clung to him, letting out a moan each time he had to take a breath, licking every part of Lan Wangji's mouth he could reach. It didn't take long for both of them to be out of breath.
Licking his now bruised lips, Wei Wuxian slid his hand underneath Lan Wangji's robe, placing his palm against his hot skin. He could feel his husband's frenetic heartbeat, but he knew that this time, it wasn't out of fear.
Never leaving his gaze, Lan Wangji caught his hand and kissed his fingers, one by one. Wei Wuxian smiled under the attention.
"I should be the one kissing you."
"Mh. Wei Ying deserves it."
"I disagree."
Wei Wuxian retrieved his hand and began kissing Lan Wangji's jawline, reaching for that tender spot near his ear. Lan Wangji jerked, a growl escaping from him.
"Wei Ying," he warned.
Wei Wuxian only hummed, continuing his ministrations, grazing his teeth again his warm skin.
"Wei Ying."
The tone this time was more serious, and it made Wei Wuxian stop. He lifted his head and saw Lan Wangji looking to the side, eyes wide open in awe.
Wei Wuxian followed his gaze and noticed that the rain had stopped outside the cave, letting light filtering through the trees.
"It's already over?" he grinned. "Now I'm disappointed." He turned his attention back at Lan Wangji. "It'd be a shame to stop now."
"Mh. It's still early. We could try to reach the village before nightfall."
"Lan Zhan, you're no fun."
"I didn't say we should."
The innuendo made Wei Wuxian smile with all his teeth. "Hanguang-Jun! You're so shameless!"
"Mh. Learning from the best."
Wei Wuxian's crystal clear laugh resonated in the cave. Lan Wangji's lip corners lifted as well, and he quickly kissed them before they could disappear.
"I want you to promise me one thing though," Wei Wuxian demanded when he rose.
Lan Wangji turned his full attention to his husband.
"Whenever it's happening again," he continued. "Wherever I am. I want you to come find me."
Lan Wangji's breath seemed to be caught in his throat.
"I don't want you to hide," he added. "I know you don't like to share your pain, your fear, your sadness. But I'm here now. And I'm not leaving you in like this. Or leaving you, period."
Lan Wangji reached for Wei Wuxian's face and stroked it tenderly, his expression impassive but his eyes bursting with emotions. He slightly rose to lay a tender kiss on his lips.
Wei Wuxian happily obliged.
"I promise." Lan Wangji whispered against his husband's lips. He circled his waist and put his head against his chest. "I'll come find Wei Ying. Always."
Reassured, Wei Wuxian nodded. He soothed Lan Wangji's wild hair, holding him close. He cradled him gently, humming their song once again. The moment was more peaceful than before. Lan Wangji let out a comfortable sigh, tightening his hold.
Wei Wuxian didn't know how long they had stayed like this, but the sun was starting to set through the trees, letting gold rays inside the cave.
It meant they would have to stay surrounded by humid, mossy, uncomfortable rocks throughout the night before they could go back on their journey towards the village.
As long as Lan Wangji was near him, safe and content in his arms, Wei Wuxian didn't mind.