Chapter Text
Carlos was having that dream again.
It was the one that had haunted him for the past few weeks - the one where when TK was pulled out of the rubble, he didn’t wake up. It was so familiar by now that even his subconscious knew that it was a dream. Even as it was happening, there was a part of his mind whispering that this wasn’t real.
Yet there was still a part - the larger, louder part - that didn’t listen. This part was so caught up in the horror of what he was seeing, in the absolute crushing grief of seeing TK lifeless; of knowing that he would never be able to see his smile or hear him laugh ever again, that all reason crumbled in the face of it.
It may have been a dream, but it felt real. Every night he felt the crippling terror; sobbed real tears as he clutched the lifeless body of his boyfriend. Every night it was the same: TK was pulled out by his team, Carlos hovered over his battered and bruised body praying, begging for a miracle until Michelle shook her head sadly, and Carlos’s world shattered. Each time it was the same; the grief never grew any duller with use. It was a self-sharpening sword always ready to be plunged into his heart with unerring precision.
Each time he would wake up, wild-eyed with panic. The best nights were those where TK was beside him and he immediately knew it had been a dream. The worst ones were the ones where there was no immediate solution, where he woke up to an empty pillow beside him and he had to do the work to remember. TK was okay; TK was alive. TK had not died in that explosion (though he had given it his best shot).
For whatever reason though, this time was different. The script remained the same, but the images had shifted. He was looking up at TK, whose green eyes were open, and filled with tears. He wanted to wipe them away but he couldn’t move. He heard other voices - Mya, Owen, Michelle. It was too weird; he wasn’t accustomed to this dream, he wanted out. He tried to force his eyes open; screamed at his body to wake up, and nothing happened.
The voices around him continued. They were panicked, frantic. They were a blend of the familiar and the strange. He felt as if he was floating; tethered only by a hot, burning pain. It was all a haze of noise and pain and confusion, and finally he couldn’t handle it anymore. He squeezed his eyes shut and welcomed the calm, silent darkness.
The next thing he knew, it was quiet. There were still noises, but they were manageable; comforting even. There were voices again - familiar though he could not place them. It was two voices, speaking softly to each other, before there was the sound of footsteps and only a single voice remained. He was drawn to the voice; this was someone he wanted to hear from. The words they were saying were still jumbled in his mind, but he heard his name said like a prayer, and the warm feel of a hand on his own.
TK . It could only be TK. Carlos could feel his heart beat faster as he forced his eyes open. He blinked before turning his head towards the voice, bringing the room back into focus. When he turned his head he could see again and found TK there in all his glory: tired and rumpled, but alive. He lightly squeezed the hand holding his before trying out his voice.
“Hey you,” he croaked quietly.
TK’s head shot up, eyes wide. “Carlos,” he breathed, voice heavy with emotion. “Oh my god, Carlos. You’re awake.”
Now Carlos frowned, “Why do you sound surprised?”
TK studied him, “What do you remember Carlos?”
Carlos frowned at him before searching his memory. He remembered kissing TK goodbye, going to work, driving with Mya to a factory to search...oh.
The realization must have shown on his face because TK smiled sadly at him, “yeah, it’s been a long night. But you’re okay, and that’s all that matters to me.”
“I remember leaving the factory with Jared and then something happening. What was that? What happened?”
“There was an explosion as you were leaving the factory, you got caught up in it.”
Carlos looked at him, eyes wide, “What? What explosion? Is everyone okay?”
TK placed a steadying hand on his shoulder as he leaned closer, “Hey Carlos, breathe. It’s okay, everyone’s okay. The only ones hurt were you and the bomber, but he’s going to be fine. You were the one we were worried about.”
Carlos took a deep breath. Everyone was fine, they were all safe. “How did the bomb go off?” he asked once his heart rate had returned to normal, “Jared disarmed it before we left, I watched him.”
TK shrugged, “I don’t have most of those details, but from what I’ve put together over the past several hours of hearing bits and pieces; I would say your new friend may have been very good at making bombs, but not so good at defusing them. But you can ask Mya that, she should be by later.”
There was quiet for a second before TK reached back over to grab his hand again, squeezing it gently, “You terrified me, Carlos,” he admitted softly, “My dad called and told me what happened and I rushed here but the surgery took so long and no one knew what was going to happen, and I was so scared I could lose you.”
Carlos swallowed. He was all too familiar with that fear; he had been faced with it just a few short weeks ago and he had been relieving it every night since then. He had never wanted to put TK in that position.
“I’m sorry,” he said sadly, “I didn’t mean…”
“Carlos Reyes,” TK cut him off sharply, “you are not apologizing for getting caught in a bomb.”
They locked gazes for a moment and TK’s tone softened, “especially not to me. It’s not your fault. I’m just glad that you’re safe.” He gave him another smile and leaned forward to press a soft, tender kiss on his lips before settling back into his seat.
Carlos swallowed. He couldn’t believe that any of this had happened, he couldn’t believe that their friends had gone through this trauma twice in such a short time. He couldn’t believe he had found the bomber. He couldn’t believe that he had been shot and caught in an explosion and had survived . He looked up at TK. There was so much he wanted to say to him, so much he wanted to tell him, but he didn’t know where to start.
He was saved the trouble of figuring it out by the sound of a new voice at the door: “Just so we’re all clear, in my role as a captain and a father I am establishing a new rule: neither of you is ever allowed to be anywhere near a bomb or have anything to do with a bomb ever again.”
TK rolled his eyes and Carlos looked up to find Owen standing in the doorway of his room, two coffee cups in hand.
“It’s good to see you awake Carlos,” he continued warmly, “you had us pretty worried there for a second.”
Carlos returned his smile, “it’s good to be awake.”
Owen nodded and crossed the room. He placed the coffees on the table next to the bed and leaned down to pull Carlos into a tight, but gentle hug. After a moment of initial surprise, Carlos leaned into the embrace and returned it to the best of his ability. “You scared me, kid,” Owen said quietly.
“I’m sorry,” Carlos muttered, “I really didn’t mean to.”
They pulled apart but Owen kept a hand on Carlos’s shoulder as he peered at him intently. “I know you didn’t, but that doesn’t make me any less grateful. Though,” here he paused to glance over at TK who had been watching the whole affair with a soft grin, “I have to say that whatever this is that you two have going on - this competition to see who can give me more gray hair - I’d really appreciate if you would just call it a draw. My heart and my hair just can’t handle the stress.”
TK shook his head at Owen as he accepted a coffee cup from him and Carlos chuckled, “would it make you feel any better if I told you we weren’t doing it on purpose?”
Owen considered, and then shook his head, “no, I don’t think it does. I appreciate the effort though. I don’t know if my hair can say the same.”
TK rolled his eyes, “You’re being ridiculous Dad.”
Owen raised an eyebrow, “Am I though? Because personally I think you both getting caught up in explosions by the same bomber is ridiculous.” His tone was light, but the quip fell flat as they all were reminded of how lucky they all were to be sitting here together. Owen sighed and sank into the chair on the other side of the bed, running a weary hand over his face. “Can you both just try not to scare me to death for at least a little while? An effort is all I’m looking for, really.”
TK shook his head fondly at his father while Carlos chuckled, but their gazes met and TK squeezed his hand again. They were so lucky to be here; they were lucky to still have each other. Carlos still couldn’t believe that despite everything the universe had thrown at them they had come through it; still here, still together, still in love.
Owen looked between them both with an expression that spoke volumes of understanding and wistfulness for a time and a person long past before speaking again, “Well, I have to be going soon so if you wouldn’t mind indulging an old man Carlos, I am really curious about what happened in there today.”
Carlos scoffed, “Old is the last thing that comes to mind when I think of you, Captain.”
TK groaned, “Stop, you’re making his head bigger,” he whined.
Owen just chuckled, “Thank you son, but I am, at least compared to you two. So what do you say, are you feeling up to talking about it? It’s fine if you’re not,” he added quickly, “you’ve been through a lot and all I care about is that you are safe.”
Carlos shrugged, frowning as he dug into the depths of his memory, “I don’t know how much there is to tell. I was searching the building, found the bomber, and tried to talk him down. I failed, got shot, and then somehow managed to get through to him. Now I’m wondering if it was all a lie because he told me he had disabled the bomb, but apparently that was not the case.”
Owen nodded thoughtfully, “That all seems to fit with what we already know or were able to deduce from outside. When we heard that gunshot though…” Owen trailed off and looked down for a moment before looking back at Carlos with a smile that wasn’t so sure as his usual, “I’m just glad you’re okay kid.”
Carlos smiled back at him until another squeeze of the hand joined with TK’s drew his gaze back to the other man. “Me too,” TK whispered, voice full of emotion.
Carlos nodded, voice to thick with emotion to form recognizable words. “I’m sorry,” he finally managed to get out, “I didn’t mean to scare you, either of you,” he stated, returning his gaze to Owen.
Owen nodded reassuringly in that way that he had, “We know son, it’s okay.”
There was silence for several moments as they all took some time to process, to rebuild their composure.
“So do you two want to know the new nickname that Judd has for you?”
TK raised an eyebrow, “As in for us, collectively?” When Owen nodded he rolled his eyes dramatically, “I am going to give him hell.”
Owen laughed, a real, genuine laugh that sounded foreign in the tense atmosphere. It allowed Carlos to relax a bit; this was normal. Things could be normal again. They were all here; they had that chance. As Owen proceeded to share the story of Judd and his new nickname and TK griped about nosey coworkers Carlos soaked in this slice of normal. He was so grateful he hadn’t had to leave this behind.
Eventually, the light chatter was interrupted by the sound of someone skidding to a halt in Carlos’s doorway. They all looked over to find Mya, disheveled in her uniform, wrinkled and dusty from the day’s events, her wild curls escaping the neat bun she forced them into each day. She and Carlos studied each other as a tense silence blanketed the room.
Owen stood up from his chair, gathering the empty coffee cups, “We should get going TK. We need to update the rest of the team and I’m sure I have paperwork to handle back at the station.”
TK looked like he wanted to object, like the last thing he wanted to do was leave Carlos’s side right now. But as he glanced between Mya and Carlos he nodded and followed suit, leaning over to place a kiss on Carlos’s forehead.
“I’ll be back later,” he promised before following his dad out of the room, patting Mya on the shoulder as he exited.
As the Strands leave, Carlos studies his partner. She was the picture of tenseness; arms crossed so tightly Carlos was surprised she hadn’t strained a shoulder. She was running her eyes over him with an unreadable expression.
“Mya,” he began, “I’m so…”
“You’re so what, Reyes?” she snapped, “So stupid? So reckless? Such a fucking martyr that you didn’t even think about how having to leave you behind would affect your partner?”
Carlos winced, “I was going to say sorry, but yeah, all of those are true as well.”
She scoffs, still firmly planted in the doorway, “Damn right they are. Of all the unbelievably stupid things Reyes, I swear to god. What the fuck were you thinking?”
“I was thinking that I had no choice, I was thinking that I wasn’t going to put anyone else in danger - especially you,” Carlos replied defensively.
“That wasn’t your choice to make Carlos! Do you have any idea how scared I was? Having to leave you there, knowing that you were in danger the whole time? Hearing that gunshot and not knowing?”
As she spoke her voice rose ever so slightly in pitch and her eyes began to glisten. Any ire that had been building in Carlos dissipated. He couldn’t be mad at his partner - not for this. He couldn’t even imagine being in that position, with her being the one in danger instead. He doubted that he would have handled it any better.
“Mya…” he started, but she barreled on.
“I was scared, Carlos. I was terrified that I was going to lose my partner. That’s not how we do things - we are not the fucking macho men on an ego trip, determine the play the hero. We are solid, we work together.”
“What was I supposed to do?” Carlos asked, an edge of frustration seeping into his tone, “Let you come in and get us both killed? From where I was sitting, it was the better option. If I was going to die, I didn’t need to bring you down with me.”
There was silence for a moment; it echoed through the room, coating the space between them as Mya stared at him, her expression shifting.
“You really didn’t think you were going to survive, did you?” she asked, voice so low that Carlos almost didn’t hear her.
Carlos gave half a shrug, “Honestly, I don’t know. I knew there was a decent chance. I knew that it was a real possibility. I didn’t want it to be, but there was no way around the fact.”
Mya shook her head at him in disbelief, her earlier anger returning to her tone when she spoke again.
“And I was just supposed to accept that? Bullshit. I don’t need to be protected; I just need to know I can count on my partner. I need to be there for my partner. We are supposed to be a team, Carlos!”
Even as she ranted at him they both knew the truth. They both knew that there was no other way for this to have played out. From the moment he stumbled upon Jared in that room, it was just going to be him in there. As much as Mya may have wanted to be there, may have wanted to have his back there was no way it would have been possible. Not only was it completely against protocol, but Mya was too smart for that. She was not one to let her emotions cloud her judgment; she knew what needed to be done. In this case, it was exactly what she had done: get out, call for backup, help to establish the plan, hope for the best. She had done exactly what she should have, but that didn’t mean she liked it anymore. The tears forming in her eyes even as her anger faded in the face of the grim, unspoken reality between them were testament to that.
“Mya…” he began softly, desperate to provide some comfort but unsure what to say to make any of this better. She shook her head and wiped furiously at her eyes.
“I’m okay,” she promised, “I’m fine. Its just...today fucking sucked Carlos.”
He chuckled lowly, “Yeah, it kind of did, didn’t it?”
She nodded as she crossed the room, falling into the chair next to his bed, “It really did. How are you feeling, really?”
“Honestly? Pretty good considering I’ve been shot and caught in an explosion. But that’s probably the pain meds talking.”
Mya hummed her agreement, “I don’t doubt it. I’m not exaggerating when I say that you scared me, Carlos. I thought…” she trailed off and looked down at her hands, clasped tightly in her lap. “It didn’t look good,” she allowed.
They were straying into unfamiliar territory here. Carlos’s heart ached at the sight of his brash and stoic partner so quiet, so upset. Mya was not the emotional one in this partnership; she was the rock. Seeing her so upset did not sit well with Carlos. It wasn’t right.
“Well, it’s good to know you have feelings after all.” he quipped in an attempt to lighten the mood.
She looked up from her lap to glare at him, “Fuck off Reyes,” she shot back, her tone much more like her usual than before.
Carlos held up his good hand in defense, “I’m just saying, there’s a pool going on at the precinct, it’ll be nice to have some concrete information.”
She responded with a roll of her eyes and a rude hand gesture, but there was a small smile playing at her lips.
“Are you done being mad at me now,” he asked, “because I would really love some details. I have no idea what happened after I left the building with Jared.”
“Oh you mean when you almost died in an explosion and almost gave me a heart attack?” she asked pointedly, “Actually, I don’t know who was more likely to have a cardiac event at that moment: me or your father-in-law.”
“He’s not my father-in-law.”
Mya shrugged, “he will be, give it time.”
Carlos restrained himself from rolling his eyes, but just barely. “Yes Mya,” he replied, ignoring that last comment and making a concentrated effort to keep his voice even, “after that point. Now are you going to give me answers or are you going to keep trying to guilt-trip me?”
“I am absolutely going to keep guilt-tripping you, but I can multitask.”
He looked at her expectantly, making a gesture with his hands for her to go on. She rolled her eyes, but obliged.
“Well, after you and your new friend made it out of the building, the bomb he had left in there went off. He swears up and down he meant to disarm it, but whether he did or not doesn’t change the facts much. But he’s cooperating and is already working with the DA on a deal. He is adamant that he has a case against this company he is against, swears that he was fired when he stumbled onto something shady in their finances and he is willing to turn that information in exchange for the demolition of the rest of their buildings and a reduced sentence.”
Carlos raised an eyebrow, “Do you think the DA is going to go for it?”
Mya shrugged, “It depends on what comes of the info he gave. If he really does have evidence of money laundering like he claims then there’s a good chance. Of course, a lot of it depends on you and TK and Marwani. If any of you decide to pursue heavier charges as victims of his bombs, then that will be taken into consideration.”
Carlos contemplated. Now that this Gall Corp was being investigated and the buildings demolished, he really didn’t think Jared was a threat to anyone. Carlos couldn’t find the resentment in himself that he had been holding onto before the start of the day, before everything. Now that there was a face and a story to this boogeyman that had haunted his dreams, he couldn’t hold him to the same standard. Jared was not a crazed lunatic; he was a sad, broken man who had been pushed to his limits and snapped. Carlos couldn’t bring himself to add to that; not without a good reason.
There was still TK and Marjan to consider, but he had a feeling they would agree.
From the look on Mya’s face, she knew exactly what he was thinking. She nodded and moved on, “but anyways, that about catches you up. All you’re missing now are the hours we were all waiting to make sure you weren’t going to die on us and all the paperwork I had to fill out. Is that a satisfactory enough wrap up for you?”
“It’ll do, I suppose.”
“Brat,” Mya snorted, “by the way, that paperwork? I did it all, you owe me.”
Carlos stared incredulously. “Are you telling me that I was held at gunpoint, got shot and blown up, and you are still going to give me shit about paperwork?”
“Yep,” Mya said breezily as she leaned back in her seat and put her feet up in the edge of the bed.
Carlos shook his head and shoved her feet off his bed, “I’m putting in a request for a new partner,” he said dryly.
“Good luck,” she retorted with a snort, “I’m irreplaceable.”
They chatted for a while, but soon Mya left in pursuit of sleep and a shower. Shortly after her departure, TK returned and Carlos is treated to a rotation of visitors. There’s Michelle and the other members of the 126, there are other cops from his precinct. TK is there the entire time, never straying any further than an arm’s length from Carlos.
Not that he would have it any other way.
In the quiet moments they are alone they speak softly to each other, hold each other. Eventually, sleep finds Carlos again. He tries to put it off, tries to hold back the yawn because he wants to be here , he doesn't want to waste this time. Not when they’ve been so rudely reminded that this time together is not guaranteed. But his battered body will not be denied its rest, so he drifts off to a soft kiss on his temple from TK and a whispered reassurance that he’s not going anywhere.
He sleeps peacefully, some miraculous combination of exhaustion and pain meds gracing him with a rare dreamless sleep. Which is why he is even more confused when he wakes up to the familiar sound of someone thrashing in their sleep. He pries his eyes open and peers around; startled to find TK sleeping in the chair next to the bed, his head and arms resting on the bed at Carlos' shoulder. His face was furrowed; scrunched up in a look Carlos could only describe as anguish. He was muttering under his breath, and Carlos's heart broke.
He knew that look, he knew those sounds. He reached over and put a gentle hand on TK’s shoulder, speaking softly, “TK? Wake up, it’s only a dream; it’s okay.”
TK bolted upright, wild eyes taking in the room, frantically searching for something. When his gaze landed on Carlos, his body stilled and his face fell into an expression of relief. “Carlos,” he started, voice thick, “I…”
“You had a dream, didn’t you?” Carlos asked.
TK nodded, running a shaky hand down his face, “yeah, I did. You...it was bad.”
Carlos’s heart ached for him. He knew what he was going through, he had been going through the same thing for weeks. He never wanted TK to have to go through that; not on his behalf. He had never wanted to be the source of the suffering of someone he loved. He reached out his hand to hold TK’s. He ran his thumb softly against the back of his hand. “It’s not real,” he said softly, evenly, “I’m okay.”
TK sighed heavily, “That’s not what it feels like.”
Carlos hummed sympathetically, “I know.”
TK looked up at him sharply. Carlos held his gaze and an unspoken understanding passed between them. TK let out a long breath and shook his head, eyes glistening. “You should have said something, Carlos.”
Carlos shrugged, “You were still recovering, you didn’t need anything else to worry about. Besides, when I woke up, I saw you. As long as you were there, I was fine. As long as you’re okay, I will always be fine. Something happening to you is the worst thing I can imagine - and I don’t even have to imagine it,” he finished softly.
TK shook his head, “We’re both here and we’re both alive - that’s what matters, nothing else. Dwelling on ‘what ifs’ is not going to do us any good.”
“I want to listen to you, I want to focus on that, but I just…” he trailed off, but TK seemed to know what he was going to say anyway because he leaned forward to press a kiss on his temple and muttered, “I know,” into his forehead. Carlos closed his eyes and allowed himself to lean into TK’s embrace. This was safe, this was home. This was everything he wanted. He would do anything to remain here in this moment with this man that he loved.
They remained in the silent embrace for a long time before Carlos broke the silence, “Come here,” he instructed, sliding over in his bed to make more room on the edge.
TK looked at him with raised brows, “You’ve been shot and blown up today Carlos, you do not need me squeezing into bed with you.”
Carlos waved off his concerns, “I was shot on the other side, and I’m only a little bruised. Besides, having you here will make me feel better, I promise.”
TK shook his head fondly, “You are a menace Carlos Reyes.” But he obliged and crawled into the space beside Carlos as carefully as he could. Carlos pulled him closer with his good arm before burying his face into his neck. TK took an arm and wrapped it gently around his shoulders, careful to avoid the wounded arm.
“We’re both here and we’re both safe,” he said quietly, “and I intend to do everything I can to make sure it stays that way. So get some sleep Carlos, I’m not going anywhere - I promise.”
Those words, that promise from the man he loved allowed Carlos to relax into the familiar embrace. He felt a soft kiss on his head as he drifted off into dreamless sleep; the first he had had in weeks. Logically he knew that there were no guarantees in life and that no one knew what tomorrow might bring. But in his heart he knew that no matter what, they would be okay - as long as they had each other. And Carlos never intended on letting go.