Chapter Text
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The day after Dazai has unceremoniously brought them a weretiger:
“Since we now have a kid, we need to move somewhere with more room.”
“Eh, but this place is already fine,” Dazai whines from his usual spot on the couch, legs swinging off the arm. His fingers continue to mash buttons even though his face is turned Chuuya’s way. “He can just sleep inside the plastic bag!”
Covering the weretiger’s ears lest he hears more nonsense and his development be affected, Chuuya rolls his eyes and kicks Dazai’s dangling legs. “You are the absolute worst.”
Their gazes meet, before Dazai sighs, sounding very aggrieved. “He should have his own room and he can’t sleep with us again!”
“He should have his own room,” Chuuya agrees, before adding: “In the same way that you should have your own too, damn it!”
Dazai suddenly sits up straight, looking very attentive and serious. “Eh? Chuuya, are you stupid?”
“Stop asking me that so seriously, oi!”
A tilt of the head, drawing attention to the fact that his bangs are rather long. “People in a committed relationship sleep together in the same bed. Even a child knows that.”
“We can still sleep in the same bed, but only if you behave!” And then, he backtracks a bit, before he gets distracted. “You need to have your own room where you can store your bandages!”
“What for? They can fit in one closet.”
“My clothes have nowhere to go?!”
“Tiny chibis possess tiny clothes, I’m sure they’ll fit.” A tilt of the head to the other direction. “Also, it’s not like those clothes are anything special anyway…”
Chuuya harrumphs before hitting Dazai in the arm. “And just for that, you can sleep on the floor later tonight.”
All throughout this ‘family discussion’, Atsushi maintains his weretiger form and continues playing dead.
-
By lunchtime, Dazai has already bookmarked several places where they can move into.
Chuuya skims through them, ready to stab Dazai’s eyes using chopsticks if they’re one-bedroom apartments. Upon seeing that they’re mostly two- or three-bedroom places though, he doesn’t protest too much when Dazai steals his cup of cheese pudding for dessert.
-
Chuuya’s elbow-deep in the kitchen sink, washing the dishes when Dazai sits on the counter beside him, idly flicking at some of the bubbles. “If you’re not going to make yourself useful, you can get the hell away from me.”
After all, the last time Dazai tried to ‘assist’ him in dish-washing, it ended up in all of the plates being ground to dust. Chuuya actually likes the designs of these new plates, it’d be a shame to hurl them towards the shitty mackerel.
“It’d be more cost-effective if we buy our new place outright, rather than renting.”
He raises an eyebrow. As early as the first day of them running away after Port Mafia has been assigned to crush the budding cooperation between Sheep and GSS, the two of them have a good understanding of each other’s finances. He isn’t even registered on the government’s database, much less own a legal bank account. Dazai is from old money, but given that he’s still a minor and that he’s estranged (to put it lightly) from his family, that’s also a no-go.
“Can we even afford it? Have you been hacking shady accounts?” Chuuya’s not clueless about the many crimes that can be committed, but to him, as long as they limit their targets to assholes who deserve it, then it’s a non-issue.
Dazai waves a hand flippantly. “It shouldn’t be a problem.”
“…So you’re planning to blackmail the seller?”
“Mm, this and that.”
Chuuya rinses the suds off the dishes, considering the person beside him. Dazai is prone to making things difficult and irritating for him to deal with, but he wouldn’t do so by scamming an innocent person. They have a pretty good understanding of each other, so Dazai should know that he’ll be nothing but entrails should he push Chuuya too far.
It’s that understanding that causes him to hand a wet plate for Dazai to dry, accepting the arrangement.
“Nothing too eye-catching.” A pair of teenagers suddenly buying a ritzy penthouse suite is bound to attract the wrong kind of attention, especially since they’re supposed to be lying low while researching further into the Arahabaki Experiments and the involvement of a group calling themselves ‘Transcendentals’.
And then, Chuuya pauses, and addresses the weretiger that’s on the couch. “Stealing and blackmailing is bad,” he says with his most convincing voice. “Leave that kind of shit to your dad.”
“Leave it up to me,” Dazai agrees, “because your father doesn’t have enough braincells for delicate operations.”
He brandishes a fork threateningly. “Wanna see how delicate your brain is after I smash this to your face?”
“Scary, scary.” No fright whatsoever on his face. “If we end up buying an apartment, they’d need a lot of paperwork for it.”
He makes a face at the reminder about bureaucracy and red tape. According to Randou, the government has a heavy-handed involvement in the experiments, so Chuuya doesn’t feel particularly endeared with them.
“Atsushi-kun’s details are also not in the legal database,” Dazai adds, referring to the weretiger. “The orphanage I found him in purposely didn’t keep a lot of records on him too.”
“…Found, huh.” Last night, while they were side-by-side in front of the bathroom sink, brushing their teeth before bed, Dazai had told him all about the orphanage’s situation. ‘Found’ is definitely not the right word for what he’s done to pluck the weretiger away from that place.
“Since I’m the one in this household who has ironclad paperwork,” Dazai says as he idly rubs a cloth around the dishes that are being handed over to him, “Atsushi-kun’s adoption will be linked to my family register.”
It doesn’t really matter to Chuuya, so he shrugs his acceptance. “Your contacts can do it?” Implication is, Chuuya will happily beat them up should they fail to rise to the occasion.
“Oh, they could.” So, fate worse than death awaits them huh. Dazai’s voice is airy when he adds, “Since you also don’t have proper paperwork, it’s best if I just add you to my register.”
…Hmm.
Chuuya doesn’t pause in his task. “And you’ll be adding me as…?”
“Chuuya, do you even have to ask?” Dazai sets the plate that he’s drying to the space beside him, so he can use both of his hands to knead the skin on Chuuya’s neck, as though to map a phantom choker there. “Of course, it’s as my husband.”
…Of course, huh. He doesn’t bother pointing out that it’s illegal for people their age to marry, as well as the fact that homosexual marriages are not recognized… yet. In the grand scheme of things, those are just tiny illegal technicalities that don’t really matter. Also, more importantly, he doesn’t want to deal with Dazai’s ensuing tantrum if he says those words—he has a feeling it’s going to be a losing argument that will end up with him wearing a choker of Dazai’s choosing.
Instead, what he asks is, “When will it take effect?”
The two of them blink at each other, before Dazai leans towards him and bites his cheek.
“…You’re slobbering all over me like a dog.”
“Fufufu, what a cruel thing to say to your legal husband.”
Chuuya rolls his eyes. “You haven’t taken care of the paperwork yet, what legal husband are you talking about.”
Motivation fills Dazai’s expression. “…Mm, I’ll go out for a bit then.”
“I’ll text you some things to buy before you get back.”
A squeeze to his neck serves as Dazai’s reply, before pulling away completely, striding off with a purposeful gait.
A few moments pass, and Chuuya finishes up with his chores, before sitting back down on the couch, one hand reaching out to poke the weretiger’s nose.
“…Your dad may be a genius, but he’s so stupid.”
Atsushi doesn’t dare shrink away from the person that he can sense an overwhelming, terrifying amount of power from. Thankfully, it seems that Chuuya’s not expecting any sort of response from him, merely using him as a sounding board.
“If he has enough means to add us to the register, as well as make our marriage legal… then he could just as easily give me a legal identity without having to resort to a teenage marriage.”
Atsushi… doesn’t dare make a sound, even when Chuuya’s hand moves to pet his head. He has this desire to purr and nozzle into the other’s palm, but he also has a feeling that the apartment is bugged and Dazai would literally grill him if he ends up rubbing his fur and his scent all over Chuuya.
Thankfully (?) for him and his desire to roll around like a pet tiger cub, Chuuya’s next words sober him up right away, with how terrifying (?) they are.
“…It’s kind of adorable to watch him do this.”
Atsushi nearly hacks up a furball at this. He’s not that great with complex vocabulary, but adorable?! That Dazai?! Which part of that display?!
“He’s always so lazy so if he’s being motivated enough to volunteer taking care of this…” Chuuya sighs with fond exasperation. “Then it’s best if I encourage him to do this, right?”
At first, Atsushi’s been thinking that Chuuya’s here because he also got tricked by Dazai, but now… Atsushi thinks that he’s surrounded by a dangerous pair who shows their love in very strange ways.