Chapter Text
In for four, hold for seven, out for eight.
Four… seven… eight.
Izuku takes some time to shake out some of his nerves and tries to get ahold of himself before people start filing past him. This is happening. He still can’t quite wrap his head around everything, and after yesterday, he’s more confused than ever. What he does today has an effect on not just him, but Kacchan too - not to mention the futures of both of their careers.
But no pressure.
On a side note, this breathing exercise really isn’t working for him. At least I know that much. Whoever told him that counting his breaths was supposed to help him calm down, obviously didn’t know what they were doing. In theory, it seems perfectly sensible, but four counts really aren’t enough to fill his lungs (he’s ninety-nine percent sure he’s just hyperventilating at this point) - maybe he should stop counting.
While he tries to get his breathing under control, Izuku leans against one of the stone pillars near the gate at the main entrance. He absentmindedly kicks his bag closer to the wall as students start to pass by. He hopes they know that they really aren’t being sneaky when they look at him and whisper to each other, but he shrugs it off. He can only imagine how he looks and what they’re thinking right now, assuming they recognize him. Of course, Ochako had to pick one of the most visible spots on campus, so the attention really can’t be helped, he supposes. That’s probably what she wants, anyway.
He hears high-pitched giggling and shushes somewhere to his right and he sighs internally. There’s a group of girls huddled under one of the trees lining the stone pathway, constantly shooting him glances and whispering to each other. Great, first-years. Don’t get him wrong, he has nothing against this year’s Class 1-A or any of the other underclassmen, but he could do without them hanging around him. It only tires him further to have to put up another front for them.
Aren’t they supposed to be in class…? Then again, those teachers standing around are probably theirs anyway.
Just as the whispers were beginning to grate on his nerves, they stop. He isn’t looking, but he can feel it when Ochako walks into the courtyard. The tension and excitement in the air are almost palpable, the silence only broken by the occasional shrill squeal and immediately followed by even louder hushes.
Then Ochako steps into his field of sight, and Izuku turns to give her his full attention. She looks good (when does she not?). With a quick glance over her head, he can see all of the people outside - students and staff, alike - stopping and staring. The taste of bile and copper lies heavily on his tongue when he is reminded (again) that he and Ochako are nothing but a spectacle to them. A show that they can tune into whenever they get bored and want to escape their own lives. What’s happening now isn’t a life-altering event for them - it’s fanservice. The thought makes him shudder.
The moment Ochako walks up to him, he takes her by the wrist and walks off. He knows that this probably isn’t the smart thing to do (it definitely isn’t). There’s no way he can play this off, but that doesn’t stop him from hightailing it out of the courtyard. He can’t do this in front of everyone. In four, hold seven. Calm down. Just need to get out of here.
“Izuku, what are you doing?” She hisses. They both know that she could break out of his hold without effort, but unlike him, she cares about pandering to their audience. They can’t be getting into fights in front of the entire school, after all. He pulls her around the corner of the building and lets go, setting a hand against the bricks to steady himself.
Everything seems too far away, like looking backwards through a lens. He can feel the bite of the brick wall as it scrapes against the tips of his fingers. The sensation grounds him. Faintly, he registers Ochako calling his name but he shakes his head. I’m fine, I just need a minute. Even though he knows that no one can see them here, he still feels the weight of their eyes on him.
Izuku exhales heavily and leans his forehead against the rough exterior of the building. It never really gets any easier, does it? But whether he likes it or not, he needs to get himself under control. He can’t afford another mistake. Get ahold of yourself.
A hand taps the wall next to him and Izuku tilts his head slightly to meet Ochako’s eyes. She’s at a comfortable distance away, leaning the side of her head against the bricks and peering up at him kindly. Strangely, despite the fact that this is the first time he’s faltered in front of her, he feels calm. He lets his eyes quickly flick over to examine her stance to get a better grasp of the situation at hand. Her posture is open and her expression is earnest.
He turns his head fully toward her but remains pressed against the brick to remain at eye level. She makes no move to get closer to him, which he appreciates. Ochako is the first to break the silence and Izuku finds himself subconsciously tilting his head to better catch the inflection of her voice.
“Are you okay?” She asks, barely a whisper. There isn’t an ounce of pity or condescension in her tone; genuine concern.
“I’m sorry - usually I can ignore the staring and stuff, or that I’ve gotten used to it at least, but this was a lot to handle,” Izuku admits softly.
“I know, and trust me, this really isn’t how I planned for this to go.” She blushes and Izuku inclines his head in curiosity. Ochako continues, eyes fixed on the ground between them. “I’m sure you know this by now - it seems like the whole school knows about it - but I want you to hear it from me anyway.”
A breeze picks up and rustles the trees near them, sending green and yellow jewel-like leaves to come spiraling down. She takes a breath and Izuku waits.
“I like you, Izuku.”
After the words are out in the open, something inside Izuku eases. The earth hasn’t flipped on its axis and nothing much has changed - not like he thought it would. If anything, he feels relieved.
“Will you go on a date with me?” Ochako asks.
Izuku straightens up and Ochako mirrors his position, standing closer than she had been a moment ago. Looking into her eyes, he finds himself wishing that he was more prepared. He’d been treating this moment like an obstacle of a game - something to get past quickly and move on from. I haven’t been fair to her.
When Izuku looks back at her, he sees that Ochako is nervously wringing her hands. He swallows past the acidic taste in his mouth. The habit reminds him of his mother, but unlike her, Ochako truly does seem to be nervous.
“Ochako, I can’t date you,” he says quietly, watching her carefully for her reaction. Ochako’s expression doesn’t change, save for the subtle tightening of her jaw.
“Why not?” She asks. The words are spoken calmly, but the way her fists are clenched tells him that she’s anything but.
“I can’t be that person for you,” Izuku says. What am I supposed to say? He tries again, “I don’t-”
“I know that you might not feel the same about me right now, but that could change.” She upturns her palms and looks up at him imploringly. “I’m not asking for commitment, I’m just asking for a chance.
“I care about you… and I think we have a shot at this,” Ochako says softly, tugging on a strand of her hair.
Izuku shakes his head slowly. “I-”
Ochako stops him, “Izuku.”
She steps closer to him, more than he’s comfortable with, but he doesn’t move away. “You know the public is going to love us. We’d make the perfect couple! Highschool sweethearts and Pro Heroes on the rise… the media will go insane once we debut.”
Her sudden change is making his head spin. She completely shifted topics. He knew that if they started dating, there would be a lot of benefits for both of them. And on some level, he knew that Ochako would be aware of those benefits as much as he is, but earlier…
She sounded so genuine. Does she actually like me or not? Why is she doing this in the first place? It shouldn’t matter to him whether or not she actually has feelings for him, but the fact that she was so easily able to influence his opinion, scares him. He runs through the memory again in his mind, again finding no clues that point to deception. She was telling the truth.
“This isn’t how relationships are supposed to work,” Izuku whispers, gears still turning in his head, trying to work the situation. Ochako only regards him with pity in her eyes.
“Then how are they supposed to work?”
He finds that he doesn’t have an answer for her.
“We need this-” she gestures between them, “-to happen.”
“But why , Ochako?” He pleads, needing to understand. He’s used to being able to figure things out on his own, but right now, nothing is connecting for him. This isn’t how this was supposed to go. “Why are we doing this?”
“Izuku… you do know that we’re an arranged couple, right?”
With that, everything clicks into place. His mom keeping in contact with the Urarakas… the way word about the two of them always seems to spread like wildfire… the reason why he didn’t fail his subliminal examination… everything makes sense.
She reaches up and cradles his face in her hands. “I really do care about you, Izuku. And I’m so glad it’s you. If it were anyone else, I’m not sure how I would feel… but this feels right.”
“We’re training to be Pro Heroes. Just that makes everything else in our lives more complicated than things already are. But now that we have each other, we have a chance at having a normal life off of the battlefield and off camera. We can have a normal family. We’re practically set up for success. Everything will fall into place after we make it official - I just need to know your answer.”
A normal family… a normal life.
Her hands fall from his face to carefully grasp his hands. “You don’t have to commit to anything big yet. Marriage will be out of the picture for a few years at least. We can take this slow. Just give me a chance?”
Izuku takes a breath.
If he had the choice, he wouldn’t be anywhere near here right now. He wouldn’t be here, pretending to consider this pale excuse for a relationship. He’d be wrapped up in his boyfriend’s arms, safe from the thinly-veiled lies and riddles. But he knows that he can’t have that. This is what I have to do if I want to stay with Katsuki. All he has to do to keep his boyfriend safe is agree. He swallows past the bile in his mouth and steels himself.
Calm down. Play the game.
He shakes out his shoulders and smiles easily.
“Okay.” I’m sorry, Kacchan. “Let’s do this.”
Ochako grins widely at him and tosses her arms around his neck with a squeal. Izuku stiffens at the contact, then eases and returns her embrace, settling his hands on her hips. When they break apart, Ochako is still smiling. “What are you waiting for? C’mon, class should be starting soon.”
She starts walking back into the courtyard, then holds her hand out in a silent question. Izuku slips his hand into hers and interlaces their fingers. He tosses his blazer over his shoulder and together, they make their way back toward the main gate.
Neither of them bother to acknowledge the excited shouts and murmurs of the students crowded outside the school building. When they get to the gate, Izuku picks up his bag and Ochako from where she dropped it earlier.
When Ochako tries to reach for it, Izuku holds it out of her reach with an easy smile and tosses it over his shoulder along with his own. His eyes flick over to assess the attention on them. After a moment of hesitation, he dips his head and presses a kiss to Ochako’s cheek. She flushes but makes no move to reach for her bag again.
Izuku offers his free arm to her, and she takes it readily. They slowly make their way through the throngs of students scattered throughout the courtyard. He purposefully ignores the subtle clicks of cameras pointed their way. Passing past one of the groups, he catches a glimpse of platinum blond hair. When he turns to get a better look, he meets a familiar pair of dark red eyes, clouded by grief.
His fingers twitch in Ochako’s hold. I’m sorry.
Katsuki shouldn’t have to witness this. This is cruel, to everyone involved. He shouldn’t have to stay silent and watch as Izuku parades in front of him, and the rest of the school, with another girl on his arm - real or not. How is this any different from cheating? He never wanted to hurt Kacchan more than he already is. He knows that I love him. Kacchan knows. He tries to let himself steal a moment of solace from this one truth. He knows that he’s the only one I trust.
He understands, Izuku tells himself. He tightens his grip on Ochako’s bag, trying not to focus on the people watching their every move.
He understands.